size xl

i am feeling horrible. i hate myself so much.

right now i’m having a lot of family issues, my mom relapsed in staying clean for about a decade to my knowledge and as everything for her falls apart all i can do is watch and hear the judgement from her own family. it’s crazy how a person can go from someone who loves you to someone who barely recognizes you anymore. and for myself i am at my highest weight, the past year i’ve just been binging and drinking a lot of wine and i’m finally getting back into restricting but i’m so scared of binging again and falling back out. i’ve been restricting/fasting and then binging and then restarting the cycle for so long in my life and i just need a new way out of this hell and the problems it’s causing my body physically and appearance wise. i just need to remember that if i don’t start now i never will.

i’ve been fasting more lately and binging less and i am starting to feel a little more in control of my eating but overall really worried i’m gonna binge again its been 4 days minus my wine binge yesterday.