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Day 36

I can think of so many beloved mutuals who had to leave this site for their mental health because they just couldn't take it anymore.

OP and the folks in the comments -- I have to say I am honored that people still remember and hold #BlackoutDay dear to their hearts a whole ten years later. It makes me happy that those days are remembered fondly. When a dear friend of mine told me this post was going around, I figured I should pop back on and say a bit of my piece.

You're right. This site deserves every bit of criticism it gets for how it centers and upholds whiteness.

For years, I tried to be strong and tried to be polite as I got bombarded from every side -- slurs and threats of doxxing from racists, misdirected anger from Black bloggers who felt hurt they never went viral, snide remarks from people on Black Twitter who felt ownership over #BlackoutDay because apparently Black Twitter was the only subculture with any impact online, doxxing from misogynistic YouTubers like Tommy Sotomayer, whining fandoms, staff and Tumblr as a brand featuring us and then leaving us to the wolves whenever we got harrassed, and tbh, a co-creator of mine who almost always needed reminding to treat the younger women around him (including me) with respect. Between all that and people calling me selfish for wanting to be cited and credited correctly, I gave up.

I was only 20 when #BlackoutDay started, and when it all became too much, I decided to put myself first and give up on organizing it all together. I left Tumblr and don't usually talk about #BlackoutDay anymore because for the incredible impact I made across the internet, I only earned suffering. To this day, the mention of it really breaks my heart because I saw so much potential for us that I literally changed my career to pursue that dream, and racism, fatphobia, and anti-Blackness shattered it to bits.

I'm doing okay these days, using the skills I crafted here as a young person to organize IRL, but have all but stopped mentioning my involvement in #BlackoutDay simply because remembering how that was the start of people treating me like garbage on Tumblr, a site I was giving my heart to and working on changing for free, still gives me chills in the worst way. The staff at the time knew how I was being hurt and did nothing, my mutuals were breaking their fingers trying to defend me, and it was too much.

I hope you all who still actively use Tumblr know that despite everything, you still have the power to change the culture of this site. Given all the things we are currently witnessing (Free Palestine, the Congo, Sudan, until we are all free), you can make little changes and stand for what is honest and true, and you don't need special days to do it.