i was grinning like i'm winning,

welcome to the biiigtime, bitch ! an independent, private, selective portrayal of " the man, " becky lynch ― written by saz. ― IS THERE ANYTHING SO UNDOING AS A DAUGHTER ?

@0blivion asked : do you believe me now?

alone . she was utterly alone . [ and it was all the blonde's fault ] - NO ! liv had brought to light everything that had been falling apart in the judgement day for months . everything that rhea had refused to see , to acknowledge . she'd been content to keep her head in the sand because there would be no way her boys would betray her . they needed her . she'd made them , built them from the ground up . they'd all been talented on their own but together ... oh together they were hellish and there wasn't a goddamn person in the entire locker room who could stand against them . she'd taught them to be strong , to stand on their own and they'd taken those lessons and torn her apart with a dagger twisted into her spine and behind her ribs , heart broken at the realization that it had all been a lie .

lips curl into a sneer for just a moment before her features settle into exhaustion . it's not worth the fight , not worth arguing . what's done is done and there's no use trying to change it , trying to play the blame game . she'd been the one who thought family and friendship was worth something . and maybe it was ... but not to the judgement day . she'd spent months believing that liv had been in this to hurt her ... it had never occurred to her that maybe liv was trying to protect her .

her plan to destroy the judgement day from the inside out is proving to be a SUCCESS, one manipulation after another until they were crumbling apart without their mami to wrangle them. small smirk on her lips the only hint that she's found joy in proving her point to rhea: that LIV was the only one who ever cared about her & she best REGRET the day she turned her back on the blonde. hand moves to take hold of rhea's, lacing their fingers together [ like she'd done so many times before, back when things were simpler between them ].

@0blivion said : ❝  something in me died back then. i just couldn’t handle it.  ❞

║▌│█║▌│█║▌│█│║▌   there's been little change in the man he's become . perhaps he's been able to better understand and contain the voices that still lurked in the back of his mind , better able to push himself to the surface instead of drowning in grief every moment of the day . he still hurts ... he can still hear his brother's voice loud and clear when he questions his purpose . and he still pulls a mask over his features when he fears that he isn't enough because he needs the strength to push through , to remind everyone that they should fear crossing him .

but there's more bo tangled with the story of uncle howdy .

there's more loneliness ... clearly written across a furrowed brow and lips that he can't bring himself to force into any semblance of a smile . but there's no anger . he could never be angry with liv ... not when he couldn't blame her for walking away . he had become someone else , someone she had never asked to be with and he can't blame her for not loving him the way she had for his world had crumbled .

" i killed it - "

THERE WAS A DIFFERENT KIND OF PAIN IN GRIEVING SOMEBODY WHO'S STILL ALIVE. everybody spoke of the seven stages of grief for those who have outlived their loved ones, but nobody spoke of the infinite stages of grief for those watching the most important person in the world to you kill themselves over & over & over until they were unrecognizable. liv had tried, GOD HAD SHE FUCKING TRIED TO BE EVERYTHING BO NEEDED HER TO BE. but it wasn't enough [ it was never enough ] & now she's left stranded, wading in open waters with no hope of rescue — it was only a matter of time until she drowned right alongside him.

there was a time she would've closed the gap between them, held his face in her hands & reassured him endlessly that she was right here & she wasn't goin' anywhere. now, the gap between them feels miles long, his gaze so hollow that liv is convinced that the man she'd loved so unconditionally had died right along with his brother. maybe she'd already accepted that fact, & this conversation was a mere formality for years that were going right down the damn drain.

she swallows around nothing, but icy gaze is unwavering as it never looks away: lips purse as teeth bite down on the flesh inside her cheek until she's able to take in a deep inhale [ she hadn't realized how she was holding her breath ] ❛ i never stopped loving you. ❜ stated so matter-of-factly that it seems out of place, like an entirely separate conversation. shoulders roll back, bracing herself for an impact that she knows won't come — he would never lay a hand on her, yet her body acts on its own to preemptively recoil. ❛ i'm tired, baby. i need a partner & this . . . ❜ this isn't how a relationship should be.

the only reason i tuned into the kickoff show ❤️‍🔥🤌🏽