certified tree ho '17

Me, calculating the age difference between me and a celebrity as if THAT is the biggest obstacle in our hypothetical relationship: yeah okay this could work

Me with Mandy Moore for the last 15 years

the year is 9 AJB (after jennifer’s body)

i am LOVING the Twilight Renaissance 

Everyone in the comments talking about how a woman is born with all her eggs and has them her whole life but a sperm cell is only made maybe a couple of days before conception and now all I can think of is that one really weird week, right before Edward and Bella get married, where Jacob is freaking out because he finds Edward smoking hot out of nowhere and that’s why he was being weird at the wedding.

dead

Can I befriend the gorilla?

yes that is a part of the appeasement option but if you are still naked when you try to befriend it the gorilla will be disgusted and punch your head clean off

if you hold an empty gatorade bottle up to your ear you can hear the sports