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Leaf Ride The Tall Tower āYoshiās Storyā Nintendo 64
One the one hand, I basically agree with a lot of the negative reviews that the Kickstarter campaign for Mina the Hollower was not as forthcoming as it could have been about exactly what kind of game they were making, and the end product does feel like a bit of a bait and switch.
On the other hand, as much as I was expecting a retro Zelda-like, the concept of a full-featured soulslike that adheres to the graphical and technical limitations of the Game Boy Color is objectively hilarious, so even if I'm not particular into soulslikes as a genre I feel like I have to give them a pass, because what the fuck.
... Wait, now I'm interested. I've never even heard of this game, but this incredulous post is a fantastic advertisement for it.
Ampharos sings break free
Animated in ToonSquid
Just imagining Luke introducing himself to Clone Wars veterans and they all immediately form a million unfounded opinions about him because Anakin was a galaxy-wide celebrity
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Rebel: hey! Did you hear that the guy that blew up the death star turned out to be a moisture farmer from Tatooine? Of all places?
Ahsoka: oh? Whatās his name?
Rebel: Skywalker
Ahsoka: *Vietnam flashbacks*
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Imperial officer: my Lord Emperor, we have identified the rebel who destroyed the battle station
Palpatine: very good, admiral.
Imperial officer: he uh. His name is Skywalker
Palpatine: *Vietnam flashbacks*
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C3PO: hello, new master!
Luke: my name is Luke Skywalker
R2: *Vietnam flashbacks*
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Rebel: thereās a new guy on the base. They say he blew up the Death Star!
Captain Rex: oh yeah??
Rebel: his name is Luke Skywalker!
Captain Rex: *Vietnam flashbacks*

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Gonna make a sci-fi entity that is an AI supercomputer which consumes a planet's worth of resources in order to run, like it is the entire planet, all just for one singular being and its calculations, and it's also stupid as fuck.
Like people regularly pilgrimage out to try and get it to calculate something for them despite the fact that it's widely known that this machine is dumb as bricks. People just refuse to believe that something this big and impression and that takes so much energy to run can actually just be stupid. There are whole entire cults on other worlds that are dedicated to puzzling out the secret actually "smart" interpretations of it's conclusions, widespread disagreements about what the culture of its creators was (if they existed) and how they might impact things like the translation of data submitted or received, there have been historical teams who have worked night and day to understand the planet brain's language and workings and solve this riddle of how it's secretly smart, but prevailing wisdom remains that it just actually, factually gets everything wrong like 99% of the time.
Some people are convinced there's some fundamental flaw to how the planet brain works, and that if this flaw could be fixed then it would become an invaluable resource. So yet more resources and genius have been poured into figuring out what it could be and trying to secure the necessary grants and access privileges to attempt repairs. The few times anyone has actually gotten in to try and change the brain, though, the effect on its output has been negligible, and the brain has gradually reversed those changes and reset itself over time.
It's estimated that multiple billions of resources have been poured into figuring out the planet brain over the years. Experts have dedicated their lives to trying to understand it. Impassioned devotees have ruined themselves and their communities attempting to follow its advice. Even people who agree that it's stupid tend to agree that it should still be preserved and studied, even though trying to recreate some of its systems or apply the super advanced technology involved in its creation to other tech has yielded negative results (it makes everything else dumber too).
Basically it's the sci-fi equivalent of a money pit. Even aside from the energy the planet brain consumes as a planet itself (it's eventually going to spiral into the sun and be destroyed btw), intergalactic civilizations just keep pouring more and more into it because of the conviction that no one would waste THAT much on a stupid machine that did nothing. With the plot twist being that this is exactly what happened. The original aliens who invented it poured a ton of their energy into it out of the belief that a machine intelligence could figure out how to solve all their problems. Over time the investments in the project mounted, the sunk cost fallacy kicked in, and the planet brain even became their last hope of saving themselves from extinction because they had invested too much into it to allow it to fail. Now it exists as an accidental trap, ensnaring those civilizations that discover it and share similar enough cultural flaws as its creators, that they take up the cause of chucking more resources into it.
āCave Johnson here. Iāve received complaints from anonymous employees that our support of the āhomosexual lifestyleā is ādegenerateā and āirresponsibleā. It really got me thinking and I think I found a solution. So good news! We now have 23 vacated positions reserved for members of the LGBT community. Additional good news, we began a new testing initiative on evolutionary degenration with 23 test subjects all ready to go.ā
āCave Johnson here. If youāre experiencing a time loop in which youāre repeating the month of June over and over, thatās totally intentional. We at Aperture Science felt that pride month was not long enough and so we created this loop to let employees experience as much pride as they feel like. To get out of this loop, simply use the pod labeled āTime Machineā in Shaft 6 and then either kill or save the baby on the other end depending on when in the loop youāre on. Donāt worry about the babyās identity, he grows up to be an asshole.ā
āCave Johnson here, happy to announce that our Rainbow Gel project was a massive success. We have developed distinct gels in every color of the rainbow pride flag. In fact, it was too much of a success, so weāll be updating our pride flag accordingly to include 75 new colors corresponding to all of our new gels. Word of advice, though, donāt stare at the flag for too long, most of these colors havenāt been tested on human eyes yet.ā
āCave Johnson here, Cave Johnson queer. Get used to it.ā
āCave Johnson here. Caroline just informed me that I am herĀ ābeardā. I checked, and I fail to see how I could possibly have grown out of her face. If anybody knows anything about human-to-facial hair transmogrification, please report to my office.ā
āCave Johnson here. Friendly reminder that Aperture employees living prior to the legalization of gay marriage are invited to use our Aperture Science Temporal Matrimony Pod in order to travel to the future with your same-sex partner and get married there. Employees from the future who wish to return to a time before gay people being able to marry are also welcome to use the pod and weāll make sure to send you to an era well before gay marriage. Iām thinking maybe Late Cretacesous.ā
āCave Johnson here. Iām proud to announce that our plan to hire only female test subjects to prevent them from flirting with our female scientists has been a resounding failure.ā
āCave Johnson here. Iām afraid weāll have to temporarily pause all experimentation with the Gender Affirmation Beam. The testing itself is going great, the beam is working. But weāre starting to run out of thigh high socks and khaki shorts.ā
āCave Johson here. Shafts 10 through 14 are currently under lockdown due to a meltdown in the Neopronoun Syntheizer. The transphobes up in DC might call that āa disaster in the makingā but I call it a win for diversity! That being said most of these pronouns are radioactive so do watch out.ā
Cave Johnson here. If you feel a sudden sense of elation and contentness when putting on your new Aperture Science unisex uniform, that is not Gender Euphoria! Thatās a hallucinogenic fungus taking over your brain. Take the uniform off immediately and throw it in the nearest incinerator.ā
āCave Johnson here. I wonāt tolerate any misgendering of the interdimensional invaders swarming the facility! Their pronouns are they/them and weāre ought to respect that. Weāre also ought to shoot them on sight since theyāre extremely hostile and bent on enslaving our planet.ā
āCave Johnson here. To all of my suitors and secret admirers: Thank you, honestly Iām flattered. Unfortunately for you, I donāt swing that way. Or any way. I only swing where the wrecking ball of science takes me. Usually into a brick wall.ā
āCave Johnson here. Iāve been thinking. We have gay pride, and we have gender envy. What other deadly sins can we incorporate? Maybe bisexual sloth? Lesbian wrath? Iāll talk to the lab boys about it.ā
āCave Johnson here. Update: The Lesbian Wrath project is postponed indefinitely. My condolences to the families of the deceased. Though letās be honest, they probably had it coming.ā
āCave Johnson here. For the last time! āIām reclaiming the slurā is not a valid excuse to shout out loud the killer androidsā activation codes! We picked that word for a reason.ā
āCave Johnson here. Iād like to apologize to Floor 194 Safety Supervisor Doug Blakely for firing him after allegations that he was forcing employees back in the closet. I was not aware that said closet was a literal storage closet for zombified Aperture employees. To make it up to Doug, heāll be allowed to feed Floor 194 HR Manager Lisa Briant to the closet zombies if he so chooses.ā
āCave Johnson here. A reminder that next year Transgender Day of Visibility falls on Extradimensional Day of Visibility. The lab boys are cautioning me to caution you to be prepared. Do not confuse transgender and transdimensional! Big mistake.ā
āCave Johnson here. To all cishet Aperture employees who volunteered for the āGet More Wokeā program, please report to your departmentās OR at the nearest convenience to get the alarm clocks surgically removed from your spinal cord. Aperture Science apologizes for the misunderstanding.ā
āCave Johnson here. Dr. Barnaby from Cyborg Engineering is an attack helicopter. Thatās not a transphobic joke, by the way, they literally transformed themselves into an amalgam of human and helicopter. Impressive. Unauthorized, of course, but still impressive. Anyway, we lost track of them, so everyone watch the sky for a mad scientist with blue rotors and machine guns.ā
āCave Johnson here. To the joker who added āmake the sun gayā to our quarterly agenda, I hope youāre pleased with yourself. The Astrophysics Department is tearing itself apart with half of them shouting that you canāt make the sun gay and the other half screaming that the sun is already gay. Either way, weāre not doing it.ā
āCave Johnson here. The congressional delegation of Senator Patrick Johnson (no relation) to inspect our facilities had to be cut short due to a mishap with the Gender Affirmation Beam. Iād like to apologize on behalf of Aperture Science to Senator Johnson and her staff.ā
āCave Johnson here. Just the other day, our sign guy asked me āCave, donāt you think LGBTQIA2S+ is a tad too long?ā and I told him āFirst of all, thatās Mr. Johnson to you! And secondly, I actually think itās not long enough!ā and thatās why Iām adding an ā&ā to the acronym. Donāt know what it stands for yet, but Iāll figure it out.ā
āCave Johnson here. You already know that here in Aperture Science weāre all about gender affirming care. Weāve been at the forefront of hormone replacement therapy since before we knew what these hormones do. You also know that here in Aperture Science weāre all about not getting sued. So everyone be quiet about our role in the Estrogen Cola disaster.ā
āCave Johnson here. So far, we received 832 submissions to our Homophobia Remover design competition. Unfortunately, 829 had to be disqualified for being a schematic of a gun. Objectively hilarious, but not what weāre looking for. Wait, the lab boys just got another submission: and⦠itās another gun. Keep at it, folks.ā
āCave Johnson here. Using a set of genetically identical triplets and a molecular combinizer, we just proved scientifically that being bisexual isnāt the same as being half-straight and half-gay. Now we just need to figure out how to separate Craigstopher back into his component brothers.ā
house of leaves / goncharov esque project consisting of the paratext of a nonexistent text where the described-but-unseen source material is an 800 page rulebook for the worst tabletop game you've ever heard of and the paratext is a series of arguments and blog posts generated by insane forum users
Knights of the Dinner Table.
So apparently the Mac and cheese you can manufacture in your settlements in fallout 4 has no radiation and heals just as much as purified water for a fifth of the carry weight so anyways Iāve set up a pasta farm so I can run through the wasteland crunching down on uncooked Mac and cheese so fast that nothing can kill me
Hereās the secret behind mass manufacturing Mac and cheese. You need razorgrain, carrots, purified water, and plastic.
Your settlers will eat all of their food in reverse alphabetical order. So if you donāt fill your settlements with tatos you will never have any razorgrain left over.
Youāve gotta set up a purified water farm and make sure that your settlers exclusively live off of tatos if you want to set up your Mac and cheese operation. Carrots will never be an issue and you can just buy plastic once you have enough purified water.
Why would you go through all of this though when you can just drink the purified water? I mean sure itās heavier but it takes less time to make it. Why bother?
For the sheer joy of mass manufacturing Mac and cheese during the apocalypse of course.

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The Odyssey but retold as a low-stakes modern adventure of one guy out with his girlfriend leaving the bar with his buddies to do just one (1) simple thing real quick, it'll take like 15 minutes tops, he'll be right back, but then some bullshit happens and the trip keeps getting more complicated as more bullshit keeps happening while he just tries to get back to the bar because he promised his girlfriend that he'd get back and he knows that she's still there because she told him she'd wait there.
And by the time he finally gets back it's almost 3 am and the bar is about to close while she's sitting there stone cold sober, surrounded by 5 drunk guys unsuccessfully trying to convince her to give up on waiting for him and go home with one of them instead. And the guy shows up to proceed to beat the shit out of them before explaining himself to her like hey sorry bullshit kept happening, my phone fell into a storm drain and my wallet got stolen when I was trying to find someone who'd borrow me a phone so I could call and
His girlfriend had been fending off the 5 drunk guys for most of the evening by explaining that even if she was going to ditch her boyfriend, she can't possibly leave without finishing her beer, which she is keeping perpetually full via careful sleight of hand where she's just pouring it back and forth into and out of the pitcher.
However the drunk guys are also drinking, and eventually she can't afford to buy another pitcher for the table so she can't keep up the ever-full beer glass trick. At this point she has to resort to setting up the pool trick shot that she's never seen anyone but her boyfriend pull off, and says she'll leave with whoever manages the shot first.
That buys her another hour or so and then, finally, her boyfriend makes it back. He looks like shit, hair down and just a mess, he's wearing an entirely different jacket that he got from an alley, and barely recognizableāespecially to 5 guys who've been drunk for hours now. He lurks for a minute, finds out what's going on, and proceeds to pull off the trick shot first try. Throws the jacket off, fixes his hair with a hair tie his girlfriend lends him, finally looks like himself again, and THEN beats the shit out of them with the pool cue.
yuh i was there, that's how it happened
She asks where Bret ended up and he has to explain that like half his friends got recruited on the spot by this shady HR lady Circe to be animal mascots handing out fliers in front of some grand opening event. They really needed the money.
Guy Fieri, getting shakily to his feet in the middle of an impact crater, using the back of his hand to wipe a single line of blood from the corner of his mouth: heās just too powerfulā¦
The Ghost of Dr Kellogg: you pathetic weakling; you cannot hope to defeat me!
Guy Fieri, pulling a remote control thatās just a grey square with a large unlabeled red button in the center out from behind his back: no, I canāt. Thatās why Iām sending you to Flavortown
[camera pans out to reveal The Ghost Of Dr Kellogg standing in the middle of a large ā. Cut to floor shot that reveals 50000 Chili Lime bacon Picante Macānācheese taterātots being dumped from the ceiling by a contraption]
The Ghost Of Dr Kellogg, covering his face: NOOOOOOO-
[is buried in avalanche of Tots, which bursts into flames, and then explodes]
Guy Fieri: guess his flakes⦠just got frosted
Mario Kart: Double Dash - GameCube - 2003
Pokemon Trading Card Game Gameboy Color 1998
Final Fantasy Tactics Advance Gameboy Advance 2003

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I would like to inform you as a previous railcar repairman, we also love the graffiti on the train cars! At least on my yard, when we had work orders to re-paint stencils, we made every effort to preserve as much of the graffiti as we could while keeping the important stenciled information legible. Seeing the carmen community online I believe this is widespread amongst most railroaders. There were even artists who we would excitedly inform each other whenever we found a new work they made on a car so everyone could come check it out (Mr. Sex Appeal, looking at you with those gorgeous chalk elvis portraits)
That's so cool :)
Had a wild dream where rather than tolkien knockoff fantasy-adventure the primary genre of ttrpgs was "cute storybook animals living in a small town", but the levels of discourse, factionalism, and toxicity in the playerbase was the EXACT same.
The most recent drama was over the fact that the mayoral election plotline in the latest big official release included a murder mystery 2/3rds of the way through the plot. A large swath of people were VERY UPSET that death and violence had entered their cottagecore animal game, which they had been playing conflict free for decades. There apparently had't been this much drama since an edition back when the "canals and crossroads" expansion included the idea of outsiders causing a stir and coming to town
There was also apparently an OSR equivalent traditionalist faction referred to as "The pie guys", because they wanted to refocus on the older edition of the game that was primarily about gathering berries and baking pies out of them to get them judged at the county fair.
After that the dream sort of dissolved as my brain tried to improvise the statistics of 80+ verities of berry and build a coherent mechanic around crossbreeding them.