conversations overheard through the batkid com lines pt 18 (masterpost here)
*casual silence, occasional footsteps and traffic noises*
Tim: oh- Red Hood and i are communicating across this rooftop with paper signs, Taylor-Swift-style.
Dick: what are you saying?
Jason: talking shit about Batman.
Dick: why through secret signs? we do it to his face all the time. he isn't even on this line tonight.
Tim: it's called being creative, jackass. we're bored.
Dick, instantly: -ok what'd he say now?
Jason: still B, you insecure little thing.
Tim: he's just listing all the objective reasons Batman sucks.
Dick: oh list them out i wanna hear this.
Tim: ok- wait Hood go back to the first one, hold them up in order. ok- one, poser.
Tim: two, peaked in his childhood therapist's office.
Tim: three. wont stop trying to live through his children. needs to get his own thing.
Dick: elaborate on that one.
Jason: he sucks compared to his kids and he knows it. won't stop copying us.
Dick: i do have to point out that he was Batman first-
Jason: ok but who decided to be a symbol of hope first, you or him? because last i remember his early days of batting weren't about providing Gotham with peace, they were just him trying to figure out how high up he needed to be for the police to let him get away with public assault.
Tim, snickering: do you think there's an actual radius...?
Dick: ...alright ok. so maybe the hope thing got thieved from little Robin 1. carry on.
Jason: he stole the meaning of his mission from you, then he gave up on it when i kicked it and Replacement over here had to tell him to grow a pair and get back in the saddle,
Jason: -now he's weirdly jealous of how much the people of Gotham trust Red Hood to get shit done. like he makes snippy comments all the time and glares at me whenever my people yell for my help. like- he's mad they trust me more than him. and lets not forget he tried to nick Nightwing from you and then got all pouty when he failed miserably.
Tim: wait hold on- i don't remember hearing about this. when did he try to steal Nightwing from Dick?!
Dick: so, remember that joint international mission we went on when we were both in Italy together? and i mentioned i was worried about Bludhaven not having Nightwing while i was away?
Dick: ...you see where I'm going with this?
Jason, snickers gradually becoming audible: no- no he's completely serious. i remember i stopped by the city to do a quick run through patrol as a favour to Dick and fucking- Bruce was in his apartment. just digging through his closet for a spare suit.
Tim: ...no fucking way. did you make him put it back?
Jason: are you shitting me? i brought out my camera and told him to go right ahead! i knew how that shit was gonna turn out!
Dick: yeah... i don't- i don't really know what he thought would happen...
Jason: he- *laughter, tone high pitched* ok so he puts on the suit, right? and like- you saw when i tried it on- so it fucking barely fits him,
Tim: he didn't even fucking adjust it?!
Jason: *wheeze* NO! and then he walks out, right? like, like he's about to pop-
Dick, fondly: how long did he last again?
Jason: from what i remember, he made it half way down the first street before a group of local children rushed out and started trying to kick his ankles in for 'pretending to be their Nightwing'.
Tim: *bursts out laughing*
Dick: god, i love my local kids...
Jason: it made it so much worse because- obviously they all know me since we work together so much, so they see me on a roof nearby and start asking Red Hood to 'beat up the imposter for them', and Bruce is just fucking staring at me like he wants to die,
Dick: man... maybe Batman does suck.
Tim: YOU ONLY JUST REALISED?!
Dick: WELL I KNEW IN MY HEART, THERE'S JUST A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN KNOWING AND ADMITTING IT AUDIBLY-
Bruce: who is on this line tonight that's available for a meeting at the docks? i may require backup.
Bruce: Nightwing? Red Hood? Red Robin? i can see you're online.
Jason: *softly* ...Batman?
Bruce: *confused* ...yes?
Jason: remember when you got beaten up by a bunch of kids for pretending to be Dick?
Tim: truly, a man who knows when he's beat.
Jason: a man who knows i still have that fuckin' video is what that is-
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