Troupe stuff

0 - Chrollo Lucilfer ** "Danchou/Boss" ** 1st Year

Entered high school early and actually attends classes. Does his part to look for permanent change for his town, but even he has to admit that it's frustrating.

Hands on brawler and has a vicious front kick. If pressed, also carries a switchblade. 13th strongest of the gang.

1 - Nobunaga Hazama ** "Jinsoku/Swift" ** 3rd year

Laid back dude with a passion for martial arts. Avid member of the local kendo club and even studied iaido as a fine art.

Usually the last from his squad to engage. Prefers one on one fights rather than brawls. Carries a real katana- that no one knows where he got it from- and does know how to use it. 14th strongest of the gang.

2 - Feitan Portor ** "Fukushuu/Revenge" ** 2nd year

Violinist. And that's about it. Gives most of his free time to music, but otherwise chooses to spend his days fighting.

Brutally sadistic fighter. Enjoys mocking his opponents or- if he's in a particularly good mood- breaking their bones one by one. Carries a heavy umbrella as a side piece, but usually goes into fights bare handed. 10th strongest in the gang.

3 - Machi Komachine ** "Tenshi/Angel" ** 2nd year

The only one who took a First Aid course and therefore the only one who knows how to properly respond to serious injury. Her legal guardian is also the local pharmacist (Renko), which makes her the default "doctor" if any of them get hurt- much to her chagrin.

Learned to fight from Nobunaga and has progressed much further in combat. Usually has to keep her idiots in check and has enough raw strength to back up her words. 7th strongest in the gang

4 - Sarasa ** "Reikoku/Ruthless" ** 1st year

Gymnast, theatre kid, ray of sunshine if that ray was put through a magnifying glass and is killing all the ants. Has a reputation of being stubbornly optimistic to the point of punching people that disagree with her and refuse to be happy.

Usually fights with a metal bat- that she's lovingly decorated with pink stickers. Vocal about picking fights and often gets into unwarranted trouble if her team isn't there to reel her in. 11th strongest in the gang.

5 - Phinks Macgub ** "Kyoujin/Strength" ** 2nd year

Raised with a boxing family and has taken a liking to the sport as a hobby. Incredibly selfless otherwise and has the scars to prove it.

Grappler type of fighter- despite the boxing background- and talks with his fists. Any excuse he has to throw hands, he will throw hands. Carries brass knuckles in case of emergency but rarely needs them. 2nd strongest in the gang

6 - Shalnark Ryusei ** "Keimyou/Witty" ** 2nd year

If "left to your own devices" was a person and also a threat to humanity. Used his insomnia to his advantage and became a proficient tinkerer and coder. Made a lot of the gang's electronics from cellphones to drones to modified cameras.

Prefers not to get his hands dirty. Where he lacks in technique he makes up for in brute-like strength. 15th strongest in the gang

7 - Franklin Bordeau ** "Seido/Accurate" ** 3rd year

First hand witness to violent crime and has the scars to prove it. Desensitized to gun violence specifically, but doesn't let it affect his stance as a really down-to-earth guy.

Sparring partner for Nobunaga and Uvogin and learned hand to hand from them. But his primary method of combat is just the simple handgun. Last resort fighter and will always fight to kill. 3rd strongest in the gang.

8 - Sheila ** "Shite/Protagonist" ** 1st year

Theatre kid taken traumatic. Has a near-toxic hero complex and is almost always the first boots on the ground when the team is facing adversity. Probably this close to having a mental breakdown.

Despite appearances, she is incredibly strong. Doesn't have a distinct style but a single punch is enough to shut anyone up. 5th strongest in the gang.

9 - Pakunoda ** "Mugen/Infinity" ** 2nd year

The eldest child of four adopted siblings (Chrollo, Sarasa and Sheila). Also actively attends classes with the eventual goal of becoming a teacher.

Doesn't usually engage in close combat. The gang's interrogator and skilled negotiator. Incredibly protective of the gang. Can and will use the pistol she carries if tested. 17th strongest in the gang.

10 - Bonolenov Ndongo ** "Meichou/Songbird" ** 2nd year

Rescued by the gang after being kicked out of the house and earning a street name for himself. Lost several teeth to brawls and now has his lips pierced as an "I fucking dare you to hit me in my face." Lives with Phinks now and has taken a liking to classical music.

Trained in pole arms and boxes with Phinks on the side. Called as a last resort fighter. As a member of the Death squad, he is usually called in when bodies need to hit the floor. Makes clean kills and of the 3 on the squad, is the only one capable of holding back. 8th strongest in the gang.

11 - Uvogin ** "Seiryoku/Force" ** 3rd year

A tank and proud of it. Fiercely territorial and his presence alone is enough to scare people away from him. Enjoys street food and is well beloved by the vendors on main street.

Has incredibly tough skin through- what we can only assume- is genetics. And he is incredibly strong. Anyone stupid enough to pick a fight with him has about 10 seconds to reconsider their life choices before their chin is going into the stratosphere. THE strongest in the gang.

12 - Kortopi Tonosumil ** "Jiseki/Vestige" ** 1st year *'jiseki' probably subject to change. i dont think i like it

Collects trinkets. Has the weirdest trophy collection that no one can understand other than himself. Born and raised in the town and knows the name of every street, shop and building in the area. Has photographic memory.

Doesn't usually fight. However, has learned self defense and if someone wants to fuck with him they better hope he's bare handed or he will use the environment to play as dirty as possible. 20th strongest in the gang (weakest).

13 - Illumi Zoldyck ** "Fukitsu/Ominous" ** 3rd year

In his "fuck the police" era. His dad is a cop. Originally joined to join the effort to make the town safer for his younger brothers, but then realized that he might actually be a terrible role model for them instead. Unsure if he regrets it or not

Engages in chemical warfare. Uses tranquilizer darts without the gun, or just pushpins coated in similar serum. 4th strongest in the gang.

14 - Shizuku Murasaki ** "Bitoku/Virtue" ** 1st year

Head of cleanup efforts. In or out of the gang, she also leads community cleanups for the local middle and elementary schools. Also enjoys sweets and can be easily bribed with chocolates or strawberry candies.

Usually carries around a hammer. But will also use an assortment of blunt weaponry to deadly efficiency. Puts googly eyes on the weapons she keeps and has them all named after video game characters. 18th strongest in the gang

15 - (OC) Peroyin ** "Kotetsu/Steel" ** 1st year

Born without a right arm. Was also born right handed. Has an insanely inflated ego and will sometimes blindfold herself to give her opponents a "handicap." Has been talked out of doing that several times.

Dirty fighter. With the obvious handicap already in play, she will use any method necessary to win. Which usually includes headbutts or bites. 6th strongest in the gang.

16 - Kalluto Zoldyck ** "Inzen/Secret" ** Middle School

The result of Illumi's terrible role model skills. The first new member to replace an old one. Hisoka was the original 16, but he graduated highschool and moved away. This is indicated by a red stitch on his right sleeve.

Doesn't actively fight and instead runs drone surveillance. But, he does carry about 15 knives on the inside of his coat that Illumi forces him to carry at all times. For his own safety of course. 16th strongest in the gang

17 - Omokage ** "Kouken/Guardian" ** 3rd year

Takes care of his disabled sister after school. Doesn't actively participate in gang activity but offers his support and proudly wears their colors. Works in the local tailor's shop.

Can defend himself, but doesn't actively look for, nor engage in, fights. Wears studded rings in case he does need to punch someone. 19th strongest in the gang

18 - (OC not mine) Kiki ** "Gihen/Deception" ** 1st year

Uvogin's nephew. No he cannot see (he can but he needs heavy prescription glasses)

Youngest member of Death, yet is the second most deadly. Prefers a hands on approach to combat and will usually discard his glasses in brawls to distance himself from his victims. And yes, they do become victims. Goes for throats, eyes or open wounds. 9th strongest in the gang.

19 - Canary ** "Keigo/Security" ** 1st year

Daughter of a family friend of the Zoldycks. Recruited through recommendation and is thriving. She and Sarasa also get along amazingly well.

Uses a cane as a weapon. Brutally efficient despite her short stature. Can reach vitals with insane accuracy and often leaves her enemies folded in half or puking their guts out. The lucky ones get away with broken jaws and black eyes.

07.

[Chrollo] Uvo-san, can you hear us? We dedicate this requiem to you.

[Dramatic sounds of crashing and banging]

[Chrollo] Uvo-san...Oh? Huh?! Uh-oh! I’m falling! U-Uvo-san!!!

[Uvogin] Boss...What are we going to do if you don't survive the requiem? ════════ End of track ════════

08.

[Auctioneer] Sold for 7 million! Let’s continue.

[Shizuku] Next is..This? Copy it please.

[Kortopi] Okay. Gallery fake.

[Shizuku] Okay. Paku, you hold it.

[Pakunoda Okay-okay

[Auctioneer] Starting price is 1 million.

[Hisoka] This is boring. Is there nothing entertaining to do?

[Auctioneer] Sold for 7 million. Congratulations!

[Machi] But, it’s true what they say about how money goes to where money is. Spending all those cash...

[Shizuku] Yep. They could even reach one billion. Just one after another.

[Hisoka] Money..? Money, huh? That’s it!

[Machi] What’s up with you? Shouting all of a sudden.

[Hisoka] I came up with a great idea.

[Machi] A great idea?

[Hisoka] I'm going to join the auction too.

[Machi] Huh? Do they have something you want?

[Hisoka] Nope. I’m going to put something up for sale instead.

[Shizuku & Machi] Huh?

[Auctioneer] Alright! The next item is from The Phantom Troupe’s member number 4. An extremely rare item in the entire world, written down by Hisoka. A collection of poems called “I want to gouge your eyes out.” The starting price is 50 million!

[Machi] Expensive!

[Bidders] 55 million! 57 million! 80 million! 90 million! 92 million! 96 million!

[Auctioneer] Sold for 96 million! Congratulations!

[Machi] For that garbage looking thing. What even-

[Shizuku] Those last bids went up pretty close.

[Hisoka] Urk. It didn’t reach 100 million.

[Machi] I still don’t think it was anything special even if you were able to sell it.

[Hisoka] I was going to publish it if it sold for over 100 million.

[Machi] You even thought that far.

[Phinks] Alright. In that case I’ll sell mine too.

[Auctioneer] Well then, let’s continue! Another item from the Phantom troupe! This time it’s something Phinks has worn up until September 1st...That thing!

[Phinks]   How much will It be...

[Auctioneer] Sold for 2.5 million!

[Phinks] Cheap!

[Feitan] Well, what you expect.

[Shizuku] Franklin, what are you going to auction?

[Franklin] Me? What I’m auctioning...? maybe my finger?

[Shalnark] You can auction off your finger, but the thing is, will it sell?

[Auctioneer] Well, everyone. Finally it has come to the almighty hidden gem for today’s event!

[Phinks] What is it?

[Auctioneer] The brigade Goddesses who wandered through York New! From bloody massacre to cleaning up messes and patching up injuries! But even these Goddesses also had their own dainty feminine days. Here is the evidence! This time the amazing items are Machi’s loose socks and Shizuku’s spare glasses!

[Other members] What?!

[Machi] As expected you have a spare.

[Shizuku] I figured I'd sell something with this much value.

[Auctioneer] Starting price is 100 million!

[Bidders 1.5 billion! 1.6 billion! 

[Shalnark] 1.8 billion!

[Machi] Shal?!

[Franklin] 2.0 billion.

[Feitan] 2.3 billion.

[Phinks] 2.7 billion!

[Hisoka] So this is where we compete...5 billion!

*Kapow*

[Machi] What the heck are you guys doing?!

[Phinks] What do you mean? We won’t let these commoners have those valuable items so we...

[Hisoka] Are buying it.

[Machi] Hey.

[Auctioneer] Well, we’ve reached 5 billion. Any other bids? How about it? If there isn't any then it will be sold for 5 billion to Hisoka-

[Kortopi] I’ll bid 10 billion.

[Other members] What in the?! 

[Auctioneer] So no other bid? Since there isn’t any. Sold for 10 billion! Congratulations!

[Kortopi] Alright!

[Other members] Don’t go “alright” on us!

[Machi] No way. Kortopi..?

[Shizuku] That was unexpected.

[Auctioneer] This has been a very exciting time for us. Now, the following item is the last one from the troupe.

[Feitan] Whose?

[Auctioneer] Pakunoda, who is the very definition of "the troupe’s intel woman." She refused to be outdone by the young girls and participated in the auction herself. The item is this leopard-printed bathrobe that she wore last night!

[Pakunoda] Ahahaha~If these guys were that enthusiastic before, they would have been more so for me this time around. ...Hm? Huh?

[Auctioneer] What’s wrong everyone? This is still a rare item you know.

[Pakunoda] What do you mean by “still”, huh?

[Franklin] Hmm. Can’t help her case.

[Auctioneer] Umm. Let's just get going! Since the person in question has high hopes for this, the starting price is 100 million, just like the previous item! … Uh...We’ll start with 50 Million! 

[Pakunoda] Hey! Who told you to lower the price?!

[Auctioneer] 25 million! 10 million! 7 million? 3 million?!

[Auctioneer] Ooh! Someone raised their hand! Sold for 3 million! Thank you very much! I’m truly in your debt! You are a real man!!! 

[Pakunoda] Enough with the gratitude! Don’t clap! Ugh! How come mine failed?!

[Hisoka] That’s…

[Other members] Because you’re old. 

[Pakunoda] *shrieks*

[Machi] Paku is broken.

[Shalnark] You guys are merciless!

…

[Phinks] So...compared to Paku mine is even cheaper, what does that make me?

[Franklin] How would I know? ════════ End of track ════════

TL Notes & Commentary:

Ok but I've always wondered did Chrollo, or the building he’s in get hit by a helicopter? 😭

[Chrollo] Let us eat.

[Everyone] Thank you for the meal!

[Uvogin] Oh yeah! Eat up!

[Nobunaga] Time to dig in! 

[Feitan] Thank you for food.

[Hisoka] Turns out food tastes better when eating in a big group.

[Machi] Shizuku, stop spinning the table like that.

[Shizuku] Can’t help it.This table really does a spin!

[Kortopi] Ah! My meatball is on the other side!

[Franklin] That’s enough, Shizuku. We can’t eat like this.

[Shizuku] But It’s fun…

[Nobunaga] Hey! That was my chili shrimp!

[Uvogin] Say that again?!

[Nobunaga] Don't be cocky, Uvo.

[Uvogin] You're the cocky one!

[Nobunaga] You bastard!

[Uvogin] What was that?!

[Shalnark] I’ve had enough! Eat more quietly! Ah! I’ll have that!

[Uvo and Nobu] GYAH! Shal, you!!!

[Shalnark] Eh?

[Uvogin] You ate it all!

[Shalnark] Aha! We could just order more.

[Nobunaga] Shal, the real issue is not having the food in front of you when you want to eat it.

*Uvo and Nobu barking at each other*

[Pakunoda] Geez. Boss, have a drink..

[Shizuku] Everyone is acting like a child.

[Machi] Shizuku. You say that, yet, who's the one stacking up sesame dumplings and peking duck on their plate?

[Nobunaga?] Gyah! I told you that’s my mapo tofu!

[Feitan] Says who? First come first serve!

[Phinks] Can’t y’all eat in silence?!

[Nobunaga?] Gyarghh.

[Shalnark] Why is this salt crusted chicken so tough?

[Kortopi] Since the salt is too hard to crack, we can't eat the roasted chicken inside.

[Uvogin] Alright! Just leave it to me! *Dramatic gasps*

[Uvogin] Here I go. Bing bang- 

[Shalnark] Argh! Cut it out, Uvo!

[Uvogin] What’s wrong? We need to crack this salt crust right?

[Kortopi] The chicken inside will also blow up to pieces, you know. Be gentle.

[Uvogin] Ugh. How annoying. I’ll use 5% of my strength then.

*Kapow*

[Shalnark] Wahaha. Hooray! Way to go, Uvo!

[Kortopi] It’s finally open! It looks delicious.

[Uvogin] Arghh. Was that really salt? Why was it so tough? Huff. By the way, what time is it now?

[Shalnark] Hm? Right now it’s… past 8 pm.

[Uvogin] I see.

[Kortopi] Are you going somewhere?

[Uvogin] It’s just- there’s this job coming up in the community to rob the items in the auction.

[Shalnark] That’s nothing to worry about. 

[Uvogin] I guess so.

[Shalnark] What’s wrong? Is something in your mind? You look as if this is going to be your last meal. 

[Uvogin] Heck you talking about? It’s nothing like that… Aurgh! Kortopi! You bastard!!! 

[Shalnark] Huh?! When did you eat all that chicken?!

[Kortopi] That was delicious.

[Uvogin] It was goood?!

[Shalnark] Sobs.

[Pakunoda] Boss, let me wipe your mouth.

[Shizuku] Wow. Everyone is a glutton.

[Machi] Shizuku, while you’re saying that, could you stop hogging the almond jellies and mango puddings?

…

[Uvogin] Hey, Shal!

[Shalnark] What?!

[Uvogin] Where’s my meat?!

[Shalnark] Isn’t this your meat?!

[Uvogin complaining about something]

[Shalnark] Don’t talk about the chicken!

[Nobunaga] Franklin! Franklin! Frankfurt!

[Everyone complaining at each other]

[Shalnark] Argh! shut the hell up! I’ll eat that!

*Dramatic screeching*

…

[Nobunaga] Hisoka! Each person gets 3 pieces each for that! How many did you eat?!

[Hisoka] Oh my. What are you saying? All the while, you should look to your side…

[Nobunaga] Gyah! Phinks! That pork stew I was looking forward to eat last… You bastard! I’ll cut you!

[Phinks] Oh? Try me.

*Kapow*

[Shizuku] No quarrel between members of the troupe.

[Phinks] Smacked by blinky from the back. Isn’t that harsh..?

[Hisoka] Well. Should I steal the crab from Nobunaga's plate…?

[Shalnark] Hisoka~ Don’t take anything from that plate.

[Hisoka] “We steal what we desire” is how we do things, right? Now, before anyone notices. Let me camouflage that roasted baby pig with dokkiri texture.

[Phinks] Feitan! Stop leaving out the green peppers from the fish cake and eat them! It's all green!

[Feitan] What I eat my business. Phinks one to talk. You only take quail eggs from the babaocai.

[Franklin] Listen, I don't care what you guys eat or don’t eat. Just don't stick your chopsticks straight into the platter!

[Franklin] Hey, Uvo. Use a spoon when you’re eating fried rice!

[Uvogin] Got it.

[Nobunaga] My head hurts… Okay, next is…

[Franklin] Nobunaga, don't rummage through the meal with your chopstick. It's bad manners.

[Kortopi] Ah ~ The thick grains of Kesennuma’s sticky rice absorbs the flavor of the Kinka Ham to the fullest, creating a symphony on your tongue~

[Shalnark] Hmm~ Even with all this chaos, Bonolenov is still not saying a word. 

[Phinks] He’s just eating in silence. How does he eat with all those bandages anyway?

[Shalnark] I wonder… 

[Pakunoda] Boss, say aah~

[Chrollo] Aah.

[Shizuku] With everyone like this, we're going to run out of food soon!

[Machi] Shizuku..! Don’t let Blinky suck the bird's nest soup!!! It will gobble it all up!

…

[Chrollo]  These guys… even now they probably still want to have it all.

════════ End of track ════════

TL Notes & Commentary:

Because of the loud background noises, I had to omit some of the things they said. During the adlib part I only wrote what I could hear clearly sorry :< But I tried to be as accurate as possible. If you figured out what I’m missing please talk to me about it! 

Chrollo’s last line here is a reference to his monologue in chapter 102 of the manga that says "In the beginning, we just wanted…" in the official translation. I have to say, though, that both the official and unofficial translations of that line are a bit misleading. The way those translations worded it makes it seem like he wanted "something" in particular, and "it" is the one that started his journey as a thief. But it’s actually more like a general desire to acquire, to own what they couldn’t get when they were all kids, that they “merely sought to possess.” Then everything escalated, they became top criminals and their friend had to die. The official one omits the “it” but honestly the sentence feels unfinished and the added dots are not helping either 😭 Well, translating nuance isn’t easy, but I have no idea why they added those “...” lmao.

Here’s a pic of the Japanese sentence:

[Illumi] “You can leave now ❤” He says it so casually. Killing them would make it easier, but I wouldn't get paid that way, huh? Now, how should I escape?

[Phinks] Dammit. All this waiting is stressing me out. Let's get some food for a change.

[Shalnark] That’s right. Might be better than waiting and doing nothing.

[Shizuku] Then, I’ll make something.

[Machi] I’ll help out.

[Feitan] Thanks but I no wanna die at the hands of you two yet.

[Machi] Heh. Do whatever you want.

…

[Illumi] Oh? Is this my chance? It’s too early to say.

[Illumi as Hisoka] Ah! Ow-ow-ouch! 

[Franklin] What’s wrong?

[Illumi as Hisoka] I'm feeling a little sick to my stomach. Could you tell them I’ll skip dinner?

[Franklin] What’s up with his weird voice?

[Illumi] *Sigh* Somehow I managed to get out of there, but I don't know if I'm going to be able to get out of this place without a hitch.  I won’t be getting any additional fees, it's not worth it. Well, let's just see how it goes.…  There's this new portable game I just downloaded so.

*pew pew*

Hmm~ This is a nicely done portable game.

*Footsteps*

Someone’s here.

*Knock knock*

[Illumi as Hisoka] What is it?

[Phinks] You’re not done yet?

[Illumi as Hisoka] Sorry.

[Phinks] Fine.

[Illumi] Looks like it’ll take a while. Let’s continue with this here…

*Knock knock*

[Illumi as Hisoka] I said I’m still using it! 

[Phinks] Hey. Can’t you hurry up?

[Illumi as Hisoka] That’s not helping, you know…

*Knock knock*

[Shalnark] H-Hissooka, please hurry up.

[Illumi] The two of them are waiting? What a hassle.  I thought I could escape soon. At this rate, I’m trapped. Well, let’s just wait and see…

[Illumi as Hisoka] Sorry. I’m not done yet. Ow-ouch!

*Knock knock*

[Franklin] Hey, Hisoka. Hurry up.

[Illumi as Hisoka] As much as I'd like to be done soon…

[Franklin] Here, be quick.

[Illumi as Hisoka] Don’t throw toilet paper here, there is already enough.

[Feitan] So hurry up and get out.

[Illumi] They keep on coming here… Even if I wait it out, I'm at a disadvantage here.

[Phinks] Hurry up.

[Franklin] Please hurry up.

*Knocking*

[Illumi] Finally I cleared it. The presence outside seems to be gone too.. Should I take my chances?!

[Illumi] Why is everyone passed out in front of the toilet? Only the guys too.  Everyone is holding their stomach. An enemy? Even if there was, no one has received any injuries.

[Phinks] Ugh. Finally, It opened.

[Feitan] I go first. I knew they been manipulated. Cook such poisoned food.

[Franklin] Rather than thinking about that, I’m going first.

[Shalnark] This is the one thing I won't give up on!

[Kortopi] I- Aurgh 

[Illumi] I don’t know what’s going on, but now it looks like no one will be able to stop me. I wonder if they ate anything weird…

*Meow*

[Machi] What?! Running away after I put an effort to make this food for you. That's not cute.

[Shizuku] That’s rude, you know. We spent time cooking it. Everyone also went away with a pale face.

[Nobunaga] Argh. Who was it that knocked me down?!

[Shizuku] Ah, Nobunaga-san. Good morning.

[Nobunaga] Ugh. Don’t “good morning” me. Geez.

[Machi] Ah, Nobunaga. I know you just woke up, but…

[Machi & Shizuku] Would you like to eat?

[Machi] This year’s summer heat seems harsh. 

[Shizuku] Yeah. It’s September but it’s over 30 degrees.

[Machi] You know, it’s already hot enough, and yet what is that…

[Pakunoda] It’d be fine if it’s only hot for himself. What’s worse is the sight of that thing makes others suffocate too.

[Shizuku] So please take that off.

[Phinks] Hm? Huh! You’re talking about me?  To be honest, I’m not sweating and besides it’s not that hot either.

[Machi] Phinks, you’re drenched in sweat. What are you talking about?

[Shizuku] Suffocating.

[Pakunoda] Yeah.

[Phinks] What’s the deal! Boss also wears his coat when the weather is hot!

[Pakunoda] Boss is acceptable because he looks good in it.

[Shizuku] He wears nothing under his coat so that makes it less hot.

[Phinks] You guys do realize that’s more ridicilous, right?!

[Machi] What is that you’re wearing in the first place?

[Hisoka] I've thought about it before, but you have absolutely no sense of fashion.

[Pakunoda] You startled me.

[Machi] Hisoka? Since when were you here?

[Hisoka] When I hear about fashion I can’t possibly not say anything. After all, the troupe’s fashion leader is moi.

[Shizuku] Fashion leader? Who are you talking about?

[Hisoka] Myself of course. Oh my. Acting dumb isn’t funny, Shizuku. 

[Shizuku]I That wasn’t on purpose, though…

[Machi] Leave that for another day. What we need to fix right now is that hat Phinks is wearing.

!!!

[Phinks] Hey, this is…my policy.

[Machi] Huh? “Policy”? Listen here. You’re greatly mistaken if you think we will let you do whatever you want by calling it your policy.

[Shizuku] Throw that policy away.

[Phinks] Don’t be so cold! Asking me to take this off is like asking Shizuku to change her glasses to contact lenses.

[Pakunoda] Don’t change the issue.

[Shizuku] I’ll be fine because the group has an agreement for a girl with glasses.

[Phinks] What is that agreement..? Unacceptable!

[Machi] You’re so noisy for a guy! Shizuku’s glasses are not unpleasant for anyone. Same thing goes for Boss and his coat. They look good so they get a pass.

[Phinks] …Is my policy an eyesore?

[Hisoka] Simply put, yes it is.

!!!

[Phinks] Hearing that from the girls is one thing, but from Hisoka…?

[Hisoka] What are you implying?

[Phinks] So what kind of outfit should I wear then?!

[Everyone] Hmmm.

[Phinks] You guys…

[Hisoka] That’s right!

[Machi] What is it, Hisoka?

[Hisoka] Let’s each dress up Phinks in our own preferred style!

[Phinks] Hey! I-

[Pakunoda] That sounds fun.

[Shizuku] Okay!

[Machi] You’re unusually helpful.

[Hisoka] It’s settled then. Preparation begins!

…

[Hisoka] In the name of the goddess of beauty! Here we have, Machi, Shizuku, Pakunoda, and I, Hisoka, will compete with our fashion sense in this Fashion Battle Stage. The model is Phinks, who has absolutely no sense of fashion. We will dress him up and will find out who is favored by the goddess of beauty. Without further ado, fashion battle! Ready, go!

[Phinks] Oh, a suit with a scarf? Haha. Not bad.

[Pakunoda] A suit brings out a man’s face. It’s timeless and shows the responsibility of a working man. That’s why I chose it.

[Hisoka] But since he has a scary face I can only see him as someone from a shady line of work.

[Machi] I can see that. That cashmere scarf is also unrefined on him.

[Shizuku] He looks like he gets reported to the police without even doing anything.

[Phinks] Are you for real?!

[Machi] Next is my turn.

...

[Phinks] Hey… M-machi! What’s with this block of steel?!

[Machi] The idea was that you might as well cover your whole body with that kind of hat..

[Pakunoda] A full armor, huh?

[Hisoka] That might be good for decoration, but it strays too far away from fashion. The appearance also feels like a mass-produced miniature.

[Phinks] The joint, the joint is…

[Shizuku] The suffocating feeling is still the same.

[Machi] To be honest, that was what concerned me along the way.

[Phinks] Then stop with all this! Take this off! Hey! Machi! Machi! What is going on? The back zipper is-

[Machi] With my nen thread I’ve made that outfit stick to your body perfectly. It won’t come off that easily.

[Phinks] Are you an idiot?!

[Shizuku] Now it’s my turn.

…

[Hisoka] O-Oh~?

[Phinks] ..I…is this really it?

[Shizuku] Yes! The problem was that it was hot so I’ve decided to use a simple design.

[Hisoka] It sure is refreshing wearing that…

[Machi] Gross.

[Pakunoda] Only wearing a piece of leaf is a bit…

!!!

[Phinks] How could you call someone’s body gross just like that?! This was Shizuku’s idea, not mine!

[Shizuku] Now that I think about it. This look can’t appear in a shounen manga.

[Phinks] S-sure it can! It’s not that strange.

[Shizuku] But.. no matter how you look at it, you look like a pervert.

[Phinks] You’re the one that dressed me up!

[Shizuku] Ah. it flew away.

[Machi] Ah! Shizuku, do something about it!

*Kapow*

[Phinks] Gyah!

[Machi] Alright.

[Pakunoda] A single blow to Phinks...with Blinky…

[Hisoka] That was on point.

[Shizuku] Yep!

[Phinks] I- what happened?

[Hisoka] Now, there were some unforeseen events, but this last one is my turn. I’ll show you what fashion is all about. In the end, I think we had it all wrong by trying to fix how Phinks is..

[Pakunoda] Hisoka, that means all of this is pointless.

[Shizuku] Yeah.

[Machi] What are you going to do then?

[Shizuku] Seeing is believing. Now, let’s have a look. Shalalalalala Hoi~!

[Shizuku] Huh? Hisoka..?

[Pakunoda] There are two Hisokas. What is happening?

[Phinks] What is it? Tell me what’s going on..What’s with the puzzled look?

[Shizuku] The other Hisoka has Phinks’s voice!

[Machi] Hm…

[Hisoka] No matter how much I am a fashion leader blessed by the goddess of beauty herself, Phinks himself is beyond saving. In that case, I transformed his face, figure, and fashion sense into mine. With that, all the problems are solved.

[Machi] I see. You used dokkiri texture to change Phinks into you.

[Hisoka] Perfection, isn’t it?

[Machi] Perfect..?

[Pakunoda] When there are two hisoka…

[Shizuku] It’s creepy.

[Hisoka] Ouch! Even though this is such a beautiful event, to be called creepy is…

[Shizuku] Oh! Phinks is back to normal.

[Phinks] You guys! 

*Phinks complaining in the background*

[Machi] If this is how it’s going to be, let’s just get him back inside that full armor of mine.

[Pakunoda] I think I’m most proud of my suit.

[Shizuku] Why don’t we just body paint him?

[Hisoka] What if we try to surgically modify his physical appearance?

[Phinks] Listen when someone’s talking!

[Pakunoda] You’re so noisy. Oh, right. Which one did you like the best?

[Shizuku] I see! Let’s have the model choose.

[Machi] That seems fine.

[Hisoka] I’m tired of all these already.

[Phinks] You’re tired but you keep asking about it. But, yeah, I’ll just wear this thing to move easier.

[Pakunoda] That is…the jersey you sometimes wear.

[Machi] I'd say it fits him.

[Shizuku] That should do it, right?

[Hisoka] In the end you picked that one. What a poor fashion sense.

════════ End of track ════════

TL Notes & Commentary:

Hisoka actually says そっちの筋の人 literally means “brawny man of that side” is a roundabout way to refer to the Yakuza and their illegal business. Basically, they’re saying Phinks has the face of a criminal.

Machi dressed Phinks like some kind of gundam.

I genuinely have no idea what happened with Phinks's leaf "outift" I think Blinky was used to grab and put back the leaf (with a hard smack).

[Illumi] “You can leave now ❤” He says it so casually. Killing them would make it easier, but I wouldn't get paid that way, huh? Now, how should I escape?

[Phinks] Dammit. All this waiting is stressing me out. Let's get some food for a change.

[Shalnark] That’s right. Might be better than waiting and doing nothing.

[Shizuku] Then, I’ll make something.

[Machi] I’ll help out.

[Feitan] Thanks but I no wanna die at the hands of you two yet.

[Machi] Heh. Do whatever you want.

…

[Illumi] Oh? Is this my chance? It’s too early to say.

[Illumi as Hisoka] Ah! Ow-ow-ouch! 

[Franklin] What’s wrong?

[Illumi as Hisoka]I'm feeling a little sick to my stomach. Could you tell them I’ll skip dinner?

[Franklin] What’s up with his weird voice?

[Illumi] *Sigh* Somehow I managed to get out of there, but I don't know if I'm going to be able to get out of this place without a hitch.  I won’t be getting any additional fees, it's not worth it. Well, let's just see how it goes.…  There's this new portable game I just downloaded so.

*pew pew*

Hmm~ This is a nicely done portable game.

*Footsteps*

Someone’s here.

*Knock knock*

[Illumi as Hisoka] What is it?

[Phinks] You’re not done yet?

[Illumi as Hisoka] Sorry.

[Phinks] Fine.

[Illumi] Looks like it’ll take a while. Let’s continue with this here…

*Knock knock*

[Illumi as Hisoka] I said I’m still using it! 

[Phinks] Hey. Can’t you hurry up?

[Illumi as Hisoka] That’s not helping, you know…

*Knock knock*

[Shalnark] H-Hissooka, please hurry up.

[Illumi] The two of them are waiting? What a hassle.  I thought I could escape soon. At this rate, I’m trapped. Well, let’s just wait and see…

[Illumi as Hisoka] Sorry. I’m not done yet. Ow-ouch!

*Knock knock*

[Franklin] Hey, Hisoka. Hurry up.

[Illumi as Hisoka] As much as I'd like to be done soon…

[Franklin] Here, be quick.

[Illumi as Hisoka] Don’t throw toilet paper here, there is already enough.

[Feitan] So hurry up and get out.

[Illumi] They keep on coming here… Even if I wait it out, I'm at a disadvantage here.

[Phinks] Hurry up.

[Franklin] Please hurry up.

*Knocking*

[Illumi] Finally I cleared it. The presence outside seems to be gone too.. Should I take my chances?!

[Illumi] Why is everyone passed out in front of the toilet? Only the guys too.  Everyone is holding their stomach. An enemy? Even if there was, no one has received any injuries.

[Phinks] Ugh. Finally, It opened.

[Feitan] I go first. I knew they been manipulated. Cook such poisoned food.

[Franklin] Rather than thinking about that, I’m going first.

[Shalnark] This is the one thing I won't give up on!

[Kortopi] I- Aurgh 

[Illumi] I don’t know what’s going on, but now it looks like no one will be able to stop me. I wonder if they ate anything weird…

*Meow*

[Machi] What?! Running away after I put an effort to make this food for you. That's not cute.

[Shizuku] That’s rude, you know. We spent time cooking it. Everyone also went away with a pale face.

[Nobunaga] Argh. Who was it that knocked me down?!

[Shizuku] Ah, Nobunaga-san. Good morning.

[Nobunaga] Ugh. Don’t “good morning” me. Geez.

[Machi] Ah, Nobunaga. I know you just woke up, but…