Machina et Mortus

I haven’t posted anything new in several years - Life comes at you fast and boy things change so quick.

I saw this site change into a different way of meeting folks with interests varied and wide - to a shell of its former self.

It got too damn much for me recently. So much so i thought about ending the account. 

But i realized that the site wasn't the problem. It was the people running the site and its lack of fixing and quality control (which is related to what Yahoo pretty much has become as Oath) has done to the site.

But this site has had way more successes for me in meeting people than failures. I met somebody i really, really and i do mean REALLY like from here.

But what I really want to talk about is the honest truth. And honesty is the best way to explain why I do what i must do.

The first idea, even the first concept of what Transgenderism was via Porn. I know i Know, stupid right? Looking back at it - it was different. It made me look into the whole concept of it (being such a history nerd, this was easy) to the history of the whole thing. I was fascinated by this. No, i wasn't going to transition, but at the time (between HS and College) being rejected every where i went with cis females - i felt hey, maybe there would be a understanding. The relationship I wanted from cis females if I stay respectful, a man of words that matches his actions and acta non verba, I could be with a responsible transgendered female for a long term relationship.

I dont want to go to too much details, but i am still single to this day.

What i thought transgendered women were going to be - knowing all of their issues and the plight was a sea change on how Cis females treated Men, because it was starting to get bad from the time i was a Senior in HS - and if they saw how a transgendered women treats and respects men, It would get them to shape up and get with it that time is short and they shouldn't blame every single problem on all men, or a patriarchy or other such things. That there were going to be a freedom in sexuality and an honesty in who we wanted sexually and the responsibility that goes with it as adults.

OWS failed, because it was hacked by Wall Street. (That and there were some bullshit that took place there lets be fair)

Then came 2014 and the bullshit (really started in 2012, really really started in 2007 if you look at how this shit really started) with dirtbag left and altright

Then 2016 (The election and its aftermath)

Then MeToo.

And now here we are.

All of this came to ahead several days ago. The details are not important. The fact is you cannot negotiate genuine desire when it comes to men and i dont think many cis or transgender women understand, truly understand this fact. A women cis or transgender will DO ANYTHING, in their power, whether that man is poor, rich or middle class - to be with that man if he has any sort of Alpha tendency even if the male isnt real.  That means the dude works out, has six to eight packs, has the whole thing that they love about masculinity down pat and all the rest of it. The women would leave their homes, their livelyhoods, everything just to grasp him and hold him even as a side man if they are married.

And its just is accepted as ok by this society.

In any other decade the blame would have been on the dude and the woman. Now its on the male victim of the cheating act (if he is married and hasn't done anything wrong to the woman) of being a cuck. There even some on the internet who have lost there dignity as men in allowing other men to fuck their girlfriends and wives.

What i saw just made me realize that I am truly alone in this world. Not of my own choosing granted, but things became what they became.

I am moving to the next stage of my life - some men call it a family state but I call it seeing the world for what it is and not what I thought it was going to be when i was 18 still dreaming of a honest life the way it was meant to be.

And somethings i realized rang too true - men sadly in this country and other places are treated as “defective” women. That our society doesn't do right by women with equal pay and equal protection under the law, but emotionally stunts men from childhood onwards into this beta state where they have the same emotional mannerisms as women when it comes to dating and relationships and a lot of other things. Women are deeply offended by it - but because of this i get treated this way - and the way I was raise to respect women doesnt help my situation at all.

Men and women have different emotional needs and the sad truth is our societal structure in order to do the right thing for women tend to unwillingly make men look out to be the bad guy because they dont have the same brain structure and emotional brain wiring to communicate effectively with the opposite sex.

Now some transgender women understand this, Those cis men that are with them are lucky. But for a lot of transgender women, they have accepted the same defective men model mindset and with a lot of women have gone into findom, thirsttrapping, cashapp, selling amateur porn and other stuff for these men that just cant seem to get the idea that they need to just use that time to get in shape and find a new project and a new life.

OnlyFans, Pateron and all the rest of this is the continuation in my honest opinion of the Wall Street bullshit that many in some feminist and LBGTQ communities now accept since ONS got mostly disbanded until the ICE immigration issue came about. As soon as ONS died the first time around, Wall Street, the bankers and the Venture Capitalists became close with the lobbing side of these groups and they both helped in the funding of many of these applications and websites dealing which these issues.

The reason I say these things is that yea, sure - there is nothing I can do about what happened in these areas. But now aspects of what happened effected my life in ways I could have never predicted nor seen.

That’s why today I had to say these things - because what i experienced should break a man. And I had a health scare. A bad one. Not anything sexually but physical. No man should ever see death stare at him in the face not for a just cause. No man should ever see what he sees and gets blamed for it because he is a man from someone that lives 600 miles away or more. He should just live his life the way he knows how.

I come to say this to any TERF, CIS Hating transgender women or queer or so on, Please dont come to my page. I am sick and tired of the metrics. You live your life and ill live mine. I will defend myself, my body from any of your attacks because I will not stand by and have you slander me because i was born of a sex in the back of yall minds you wish to destroy.

I also say to these men that defend this shit. Dont test me. At All. I see you at the bar trying to white knight its over. I dont talk to women like that at all and just go to the bar to have a drink. I dont need more headaches.

I have to move on. I will still come here - but i doubt I will write on the blog ever. I have said enough. I have projects i need to start later on that will take most of my time. I cant waste my time on those that dont get it as this point. Its Genuine Desire and Want, something visceral that two people must share in order for any sort of relationship to happen.

And yes, sex is a part of it and to deny it outside of major extenuating circumstances is to say that person really isnt worth the time. Money for sex isnt genuine desire, enthusiastic consent isn't genuine desire, you cannot negotiate it, its there or its not. Many friends who i loved I no longer speak to because i was not here to mess around with strangers i didnt know - but when we know each other and nothing much comes out of it - even after all we all went through you got to save your sanity and move on.