La Squadra constipation comfort. my ibs is making it hard to shite :///
I know this was satire but istg just seeing this gave me fun ideas for hcs, so here they are!
La squadra with a s/o who is constipated
♤-----------------------------------------------------------♤
Risotto really has no problem shitting so he doesn't understand your struggles.
He somehow makes it really awkward if you call him to help(idk how) like he comes over assuming you ran out of toilet paper but hes met with a "ris..i cant shit" from you.
If you're a shy pooper then hes probably just concerned on why you're taking so long. He'd go to the door and knock..oh boy what a mistake. Now you have to start the whole process of trying to shit comfortably again. You say some "Go away im shitting!" And he complies.
He tries to bring you a prune yogurt drink *as* you shit. Its not gonna help now tf
This man istg. If you complain to him whilst *in* the bathroom and shitting he will nag to you and lecture you about your diet.
"This is why you eat your vegibles,cara! Next time you dont want those green beans dont come crying to me that you cant shit!"
If you're lactose intolerant its gonna be worse.
"Why would you eat from the cheese platter anyway?! Tesora,you need to stop doing this to yourself! It just hurts you!"
Hed go on and on and you're not paying attention to a damn word he spewed out. You're just trying to push the fucking log of a shit out your ass.
Tbh this man isnt much of a help. But he tries!
He wouldnt know what to do he'd offer random things that make you happy but none of them can help you push out a fucking child sized dump.
If you start moaning and complaining while hes outside the door it'll just worry him more.
"Uuh- uhm oh! Do you want some music,amore? I know that makes you happ- AHH ARE YOU OKAY!?!" And you reply with a choked out "no.."
He'd sit with you till youre completely done. Or he wont if it makes it harder for you. He just wants you to shit comfortably. (10/10 bf fr)
Melone kinda got excited when he heard you calling him to the bathroom (if u do) he thought you'd want to take a bath with him and maybe bang who knows
Only to be met with you struggling to shit. He'd be disappointed but still try and come in to the toxic waste room. He just want to see you with your pants off.
He'd wanna come in more if you're a naked shitter. He uses excuses like "babe...you dont want me to come in? I can hold your hand"
Even if ur a shy pooper hed forget and stick around till you're done. Really he just sits around the door talks to you about random stuff and you'll never hear the end of "are you done yet?"
Whenever he says something his face will always be pressed against the door. So..good luck?
Ghia would be confused on why tf you yell for him but he goes to check either way. Like ris he expects that you ran out of toilet paper.....You cant shit.
"....what the fuck do you expect me to do about that?..DO YOU WANT ME TO FUCKING PULL THE SHIT OUT OF YA!?"
Hed stomp down the hall way mumbling out complaints, leaving you alone to shit.
No he wont hold your hand or take a shit in the double toilet with you :(( its "gross" to him..what a looser
He doesnt wanna experience the togetherness of smelling each others farts while shidding here with you...
So you call him over.....now what? He comes to you but he has no idea what to do.
Hes like..."okay you cant shit...wtf do you want me to do about that? I cant just use magic,babe." He'll be very blunt and make it obvious that he doesnt wanna talk to you while you're popping a squat.
He leaves you with no words Alone,constipated and sad.
It doesn't make him exactly uncomfortable but he finds anything regarding hygiene and..like toilet stuff gross. Like "no i will not help you eject the fecal matter in your rectum out of your anal canal...nasty."
Formaggio also has ibs..like he feels your pain so he knows. Hed also be very willing to shit in the together toilets while holding hands in agony with you.
Lets say if you did end up with double toilets and both of you having to shit really bad. He'd try and crack jokes to make you laugh and distract both of you from the pain. Énfasis on *try*
"Hey babe- why did the chicken cross the road?"
"...." "uh....to get away from kfc...?"
This man is having a harder time than you. Hes sweating bullets while practically crushing your hand and screaming.
