𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫 ⋆ 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥

Wednesday.

The last few days had been…bearable. Even when you had to “work” on your week off or listen to your dad tell the same college stories over and over again, it was fine. And a small part of you knew exactly why but you weren’t going to say it; didn’t want to jinx it. 

The events of Tuesday played in your mind like a loop, every chance it got when you stopped moving or doing any task; Jayce’s hands against yours, the easy conversation, the soft glances, the hidden confession. Any time your mind wandered back to the day before, a sickly sweet feeling would burn beneath your skin. Butterflies fluttered and danced in your lower stomach, not helping you in the slightest— all they did was make you jumpy. Excited and giddy at the thought of bumping into Jayce…and more importantly, getting the chance to continue the events of yesterday. 

But it wasn’t the best time to be thinking about everything that had happened between you and Jayce, not when you were out running errands with your mother. 

“So,” your mom interrupts into your latest play-by-play of yesterday. “Your dad wants something red. Look out for any red party stuff.” She adds, shuffling through a stack of celebratory cards. 

You nod in response, searching for a table cloth on a nearby shelf with stacked fabrics stuffed into it. You're a few minutes into searching for some red cloth when your mom steps beside you and speaks up again. 

“You and Jayce seem to be getting along well.” Your mom comments. 

You jerk your hand away from the fabrics you had previously been looking through, as if they’ve suddenly burned you, knocking a few of them free of their home on the shelf. The fabric tumbles to the floor below and you rush to hurriedly clean them up. 

“What, uh, do you mean?” You blurt, bending down to gather up the spilled fabric. You nervously pull the fabrics into your arms before stuffing them haphazardly back into the layers sitting on the shelves; silently apologizing to whoever would have to fix your mess later. 

You wonder if she’s seen something you tried hard to cover up. Or did Jayce say something to her, before ever saying anything to you? Was it just that obvious? 

“You know your dad and I were worried about you sharing a room,” your mom sighs, helping you fix the pile you messed up. “But it seems like you and Jayce get along fine.” She declares, proudly speaking of you…as if she had expected from the beginning that you wouldn’t get along with him. 

You sigh a breath of relief. Your shoulders relax as you realize it wasn’t something else, just her worries about your shared room. 

“Yeah, everything is fine,” you reply, trying your hardest to mask your anxiety that had skyrocketed and has now crash landed. “No need to worry.” 

She takes your word for it, nodding with a smile before turning to continue on down the aisle, leaving you with sweaty palms and a racing heart.  

After finding the last minute things your dad had wanted, you and your mom don’t delay in returning home. It was nerve wracking, for you at least, but it wasn’t entirely a hassle to join your mom to the craft store. You’re only slightly annoyed now that you didn’t get to stop for coffee but it had been fine otherwise. Still, you looked forward to being back home…more so because that meant you would have the chance to be around Jayce some more. You were excited, up until you actually stepped foot into the house. Where you realize that Jayce is gone. You can’t help but hope that Jayce is just out on his own errand run and not avoiding you after his supposed confession from last night.

You slump just a little, setting down a few bags that were your moms and not your own, before going back and getting any bags left in your mom’s vehicle. 

After squishing the disappointment of Jayce not being there, you just decide to busy yourself with more party work. Carrying all of the new supplies up to your old room. Somewhat proud of yourself as you’ve actually put the craft room to good use the last few days. 

You work until your fingers begin to ache. Writing out the several index cards your mom planned to put up around the house to sort of be a guide for the guests going to attend. And just when you’re about to call it quits and put everything up, a knock on the doorframe startles you. You expect your mom to be at the door but when you look over your shoulder, you're greeted instead by Jayce. 

You jump a little at the sight of him, excited chills running down your spine. You turn to face him, unable to stop the smile from spreading across your lips. You try to play it cool— as if you could around him— with a little wave. “Hey.” 

Jayce smiles back, taking a step into the room and closer to you. And as he does, you notice that he holds two plastic cups in his hands. 

“Hey,” Jayce greets, a timid smile on his lips and the start of a blush staining his cheeks. “I wasn’t sure if you liked coffee or tea, or if you’d want either, and since I didn’t know…I got what the lady at the counter recommended. I hope you like it.” Jayce rambles, extending a coffee cup towards you. 

You take the cup from him, letting your fingers linger against his as you accept the gift, briefly glancing at the order written across the cup. 

“Thanks,” you mumble, before taking a sip. Whether it was too sweet or not sweet enough, it didn’t matter; the caffeine was exactly what you needed. And it tasted even better coming from Jayce himself. Knowing he was thinking of you, even in the smallest of ways, it made your heart skip a beat. “This is perfect. I didn’t get to stop earlier for anything so…thank you.” You hum, appreciating the small gesture. 

Jayce smiles big, pleased you didn’t hate what he had brought you, and nods in response. He glances quickly across your face before looking at the several bags of craft stuff laid out onto the desk. 

“Need some more help?” Jayce asks sweetly. He doesn’t wait for your answer though as he drags the chair he had sat in yesterday beside you once again. He settles into the chair, setting his own coffee cup off to the side. 

You try your hardest to keep from smiling too much. The giddy feeling beneath your skin because of his presence returns, making your entire body buzz with renewed energy. “Wouldn’t mind that at all.” You respond, reaching to dig inside the desk drawer for an extra pair of scissors, handing him the tool once you retrieve them. 

“Do I owe you for the coffee?” You ask, making light conversation as you work. 

“No, of course not. Your company is enough anyway.” Jayce replies—flirting— glancing in your direction. 

You blush under his gaze but roll your eyes. “Maybe I should start charging you for my company if you enjoy it so much.” You sarcastically say, tossing a cut out party favor onto the desk, the beginning of the pile. 

“Ha, ha.” Jayce fake laughs, stacking his own craft on top of yours. “You’d like that.” He teases right back.

You don’t answer him, fearing you’d say something that will make you look like an idiot, so you just smile in return. 

And together again, you work on the party favors you and your mom had picked out. Jayce cuts out whatever you ask of him, while you two playfully chat. Messing around here and there, flirting, and ‘accidentally’ brushing hands when you both reach for the same craft. 

You told yourself the entire time that he was just being nice. Or that deep down, he just really, really liked the attention. You weren’t going to let yourself believe that maybe he wanted more than playful banter. Not until he made the first move…if there ever was a first move to be made. 

⋆⁺⏾ ⋆˚࿔

After spending another afternoon with Jayce, time seemed to fly by. Before you know it; your coffee cup is empty, the party favors are entirely finished, and you have spent several hours just…talking with Jayce. Who spoke only when you didn’t and looked at you like you were the only thing in the entire room. And when he did speak, he mostly told stories about his own college days or things about his profession. 

Sooner than you realize, it’s time for dinner. And while you and Jayce had worked in the craft room upstairs, your mom had fixed dinner, preparing a meal big enough for at least eight people. The strangest thing though, it didn’t feel like it was going to be a chore to eat around your parents. Not with Jayce sitting at the same table.

You take the time to help set the table for dinner before you find your usual spot. Suppressing your giddiness when Jayce sits next to you, since now you were no longer sitting alone with him in the craft room. With your parents present, the last thing you needed was to say something stupid in front of them. 

You‘re quick to zone out on the conversation between your parents, it was mostly about the finishing touches to the party anyway, trying your best instead not to stare too long at the man beside you; it didn’t help when he was so damn handsome. It was almost unfair how handsome he was. Even at his age, even with the graying, he looked better than most guys your age ever could. And it drove you crazy. 

You can’t help but think about all the events that have happened in the last few days once again. The flirting, the brushing of hands, the soft words Jayce spoke, did all of it mean something? Or was it again, just him enjoying the attention? You wanted to know but you weren’t sure if you could muster the courage to flat out ask him; not yet, anyway. 

You worry your lip between your teeth, getting a terrible idea that could ruin whatever was between you two…or worse, get the two of you caught and possibly in trouble. But you wanted to push your luck— wanted to see his reaction. 

Under the simple guise of shifting in your chair, you sneakily brush the side of your leg against Jayce’s. You lay enough weight against him, so he knows you’re doing it on purpose, while keeping your outward appearance uninterested. Even with you pretending that everything is normal, and that you’re not doing something that isn’t as innocent as it seems, your pulse pounds in your throat. 

You linger against him for just a split second longer before moving your leg away and back underneath you. 

You wait for just another second before you sneak a glance in his direction and it takes everything in your power not to smile or laugh at the sight of him. You can see the tension lining his shoulders that hadn’t been there before. He hides his mouth behind the palm of his hand, doing his best to also act as casually as he can while he listens to your dad ask him some kind of question you had no interest in. 

You had been a mess, thanks to him, the last few days…this time, you wanted to see him fall apart for once. 

You allow yourself to smile, just a little, pushing around the leftover salad on your plate, feigning to be listening to the conversation to keep up the act of your own casualness. You give it a few more heartbeats, before you push your luck again. You bump your knee against his, sliding your leg the length of his own before returning yourself back into your own personal space. 

You don’t have to look at him to know he’s tense and straining against the table. But you steal a glance in his direction anyway, surprised to catch him already looking at you. 

The second your eyes meet, Jayce gives you a small look that could only be read as a warning. And you so badly hope it’s a simple warning in the way that means; “we’re going to get caught” and not in the way of “you’re taking things too far”. 

You look away at the same time he does. Your heart still races but no longer with anxiety but instead with the thrill of seeing him unravel. You turn your attention to the glass of water in front of you, taking it in your grasp as you settle back into your seat, returning to your uninterested state. 

And you sit still, giving him the illusion that you were done playing footsie. Taking the time to converse with your mom as she asks you about any party stuff you might remember them needing. And after several minutes, when you think Jayce is comfortable again, you slide your foot across the back of his calf. Putting more weight behind your actions than the first time, wanting him to know you mean it. You press firmly against his leg, sliding down along the length of his calf until your foot catches the bottom cuff of his pants. You’re just slipping your foot beneath the pant leg of his sweatpants, brushing against his shin, when you get to enjoy the very visible shiver that passes through his shoulders. And for a moment, you think Jayce might melt beneath your touch with how red the tips of his ears shine. 

Good. You wanted to see it happen; wanted to see him want you just as badly as you do, while being unable to do anything about it. But when you trail your eyes along his handsome face, expecting to get a solid, stern look thrown in your direction at any second, but no. This time, Jayce doesn’t glare at you.

He acts. 

He leans back in his chair, hands slipping under the table and out of sight. Where he moves to lay a hot, heavy hand against the thick of your thigh. He squeezes it, as gently as he can—with what little restraint you assume he has—as his warning instead. Then as quickly as it comes, he removes his hand and takes it back into his lap. 

The motion stops you entirely. You bite down on the inside of your cheek, rougher than you meant too. You retrieve your foot and sit stiff as a board inside your seat while continuing to play pretend that everything is fine. 

If there ever was a time you thought maybe you’d pass out, it would be right then and there. It was fun to tease him, until he put you in place. 

The memory of his touch lingers on your skin while the not-so-innocent thoughts you had yesterday return in a flash of heat.

A single touch. That’s all it took to turn you into a goddamn mess. 

The flirting, spoken under his breath was one thing; passive compliments spoken quickly enough to leave you wondering if there was any truth behind them. But touching? And touching somewhere so intimately? Yeah, that was an entirely different story. 

The bare skin where he had grabbed burns in yearning for more. You swallow hard, digging your nails into the palms of your hands, trying to keep your breathing from becoming wild and chaotic as need begins to soothe beneath your skin. 

You’re only relieved when dinner time is over. You’re the first to get up from the table. Shooting out of your chair so fast it leaves you a little dizzy—that’s because of Jayce— as you offer to help clean up. Assuming that if you busy your mind with cleaning up, it would distract you from thinking too hard about Jayce’s touch.

It doesn’t help. 

Even after finishing cleaning up, you still can’t think straight. You needed to take a breather and calm down. It was bad enough to be doing something so risqué in front of others you shouldn’t have but for him to touch you so intimately too…you just needed to step away for a moment. 

Leaving Jayce behind in the company of your parents, you go back to the spare room to change. Having packed your swimsuit for this exact reason; to relax in the pool or hot-tub when you found the time. And now was definitely the time. You sneak by the kitchen area, making your way outside to the backyard. Where you decide to take your mind off of…everything with a little late-night reading inside the hot-tub(instead of your usual spot in bed). 

You lay your towel on top of the wooden table hanging off the side, putting your phone down right beside it before you climb into the hot-tub. 

A deep sigh escapes your lips the second the warm water greets you. You stretch your arms and legs out, working out all your muscles to help yourself relax, before you slump back against the edge. Grabbing your phone from behind you and settling down to do some reading for the next few minutes.

And, thankfully, reading does help you take your mind off of things. You get lost into your book within the first chapter, and by the second and third, you’re totally enamored and forgetting the world around you. But by the fourth chapter, the sound of the back door sliding open catches your attention. 

You look in the direction of the noise, expecting to see either your mom or your dad, but for the second time that day; you’re instead greeted by the sight of Jayce. He walks on the path leading to the hot-tub but freezes when he quickly realizes that he’s not alone. 

Even in the night and from your spot in the hot-tub, you can see the faint red blush across his cheeks as he stares for a heartbeat too long, before looking away. 

Your face probably matches his. Beat red and hot at seeing him after what happened at dinner. And now getting to see him in a bathing suit…you fear god might be testing you.   

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were out here.” Jayce says, nervously chuckling as he rubs the back of his neck. He keeps his gaze away from where you sit; finding an interesting rock to stare at instead, being as respectful as he could. “Your dad mentioned the hot-tub just a little bit ago, and I thought it would be nice to relax in, after—“ Jayce cuts himself off, another nervous laugh. “But I see it’s occupied and I’ll leave.” Jayce rambles, turning on his heel to walk back inside.

“No, wait!” You call after him, before you can really consider what you’re asking for, and he stops at the sound of your voice. “You can stay. I don’t mind the company.” You add, unable to stop your voice from cracking in desperation. 

Jayce stands still. Both of you knew it probably wasn’t a good idea, especially after what happened under the table earlier, but like a siren's call; you always seem to be drawn to each other, no matter what. 

“I’m just reading anyway.” You speak up again, hoping to convince him that you weren’t planning to tease him like you had at dinner. Really just trying to come up with anything that would get him to stay. 

After everything, you still wanted to spend some alone time with him.  

You watch him slowly turn back around. Watching the gears in his head turn as he contemplates the idea of staying. And after a few, painful seconds tick by, he finally decides on joining you, taking a step towards the hot tub. You can’t help but smile, scooting over just a little to the side he doesn’t stand by. 

Jayce, somewhat shyly, mirrors your smile. His thumb brushes across his wrist, fidgeting, before he drops his towel next to the edge of the hot-tub. He grabs the hem of his shirt and every bit of blood rushes to your head before you jerk your head to look away. A blush settles on your face and you’ll be damned to say it’s anything but the heat from the water. 

You force your eyes to stay glued to the screen of your phone as he enters into the other side of the hot-tub, listening to the water part to allow his body in. And you don’t look up, or over at him. You didn’t need to see his bare chest right then, it’d just make the throbbing worse. 

You hear him sigh a sigh of relief as the water soothes his aching muscles. But the groan that follows sends a shock down your spine. You think of anything— math homework, your grandparents homemade pie, the coffee shop you want to go back to— anything but the sound he makes. Keeping your mind, and body, in check as he relaxes on the opposite side of the hot-tub. You’re just lucky there’s more space than you remember because god forbid if your knees touched again right now— 

“Sore?” You blurt out, trying to break free from your racing thoughts, interrupting the brief silence between the two of you. You assumed he wouldn’t bring up what happened at dinner anyway, so you had to fill the space with something before you wanted more than just “company”.

Jayce chuckles, cupping up and rubbing warm water into his shoulder with one hand. “I have to remind myself I’m not young anymore. I can barely keep up with you.” He sarcastically sighs. You can hear the smirk in his tone. 

You let the comment soak into your skin as much as the hot water does, something you would unscramble later when you were alone in bed. You half-ass chuckle, rolling your eyes at his statement. “You’re not that old.” You state in a matter of fact tone. 

“Tell that to my shoulder,” Jayce laughs. You hear the rustle of him breaking through the water, finally glancing up from your phone to look over at him. You watch his strong hands smooth down his left knee, kneading into a large scar across his shin. “And my leg.” He hisses, rubbing out the tension that’s built up beneath the skin.

You can only imagine the lingering pain from such a massive injury, even as old as it looked. “What happened?” You ask before you can remind yourself how rude that sounded. Eternally, you are smacking yourself in the forehead with the palm of your hand. “Sorry, I’ve suddenly lost my manners.” You mumble, avoiding his gaze to try and hide from the embarrassment of being an ass. 

“No, it’s okay,” Jayce replies, laughing softly as he lowers his leg back into the water. 

The thought of him hiding it from you crosses your mind before you realize it's a ridiculous thought…you hope. 

“It happened right after I turned thirty…it’s an old thing.” Jayce retells, eyes drifting off as he relives the moment of when and how he got the injury. He doesn’t say anything else about it but you watch with an attentive gaze as his fingers absentmindedly run over the scar across his knee once more.

Now you really feel like an ass for bringing it up. 

You nod a little before falling quiet, turning your attention back to your book, now that you’ve finally calmed down but officially humiliated yourself. Where you swear you reread the same page at least three or four times before Jayce speaks up.

“What are you reading?” Jayce asks, curiously.

Well, at least you were right to assume he didn’t want to talk about what happened at dinner.

You clear your throat, straightening your shoulders out as he asks about your book. “Oh, it’s a novel.” You reply. You glance over in his direction while lowering your phone, debating whether or not to tell him what your book was about. Or if he’d even be interested in it. Your parents thought it was…childish but it was something you’ve enjoyed since you were a kid. 

Seeing how well you and Jayce had been getting along these last few days, there was no harm in telling him. “It’s…a fantasy novel. Like, dragons and magic and stuff. It’s kind of lame, I know.” You admit with a small, nervous laugh. 

Yet you would’ve thought you had just told Jayce he won the lottery with the way his eyes widen and light up at the mention of fantasy. 

It makes your heart skip a beat. 

He leans forward, lips tilting up with an infectious, cheerful smile. “I love fantasy! What’s the book? What’s it about?” He asks excitedly. 

Your heart skips a beat. You pause for a second, thinking maybe he’s making fun of you but the glint to his eye says otherwise. You slowly smile, setting your phone down onto the wooden table beside the hot-tub before testing the water between the two of you as you scoot closer to him. 

And when he doesn’t move away, you smile just a little wider. Oh, you would absolutely love to tell him anything and everything about your book. 

So you do. 

You and Jayce talk about the fantasy series you’ve currently been reading for what feels like hours. Surprisingly, Jayce has already finished the book the two of you talk about. But he’s still kind enough to leave out any and all spoilers as he speaks about the series. And god do his hazel eyes shine as he speaks about magic, wizards, and everything in between that he’s loved since he was a child too. 

And somewhere in the middle of ranting about your favorite parts of the book, the things that you dislike, and what you want to happen in the next book; you and Jayce had moved closer together. Now, the two of you sit right next to each other. Shoulder to shoulder. Laughing together, joking around as Jayce badly imitates a character you both have a strong dislike for. 

By the time you’ve finished laughing, your sides hurt. You really hadn’t expected to have such a good time while at your parents house. You had expected to be just a little bit miserable and annoyed with your parents by the end of the week so that when next Sunday came, you’d be relieved to go home. Now the feeling of dread lingers in the back of your mind…because a small part of you didn’t want Sunday to ever come. You wanted to sit right next to Jayce and laugh, flirt, talk, and accidentally bump knees together for just a little while longer— or forever. 

But it was evident you also wanted a little more than just the friendly conversation. And with his own soft confessions and the mutual flirting; the thoughts and feelings you had tried hard to ignore were now slowly beginning to scream from within you. 

More than ever now, all you wanted was to kiss him. To taste his lips on yours while you touched his chest and he held his hand against your back. You wanted to feel his hands brush against yours again. To feel the pads of his fingers grip your thigh once more like he had at dinner. You wanted him to touch you and kiss you back so badly you could almost taste it. 

The sound of his dying laughter brings you back down to earth and away from your inner thoughts. You focus onto his handsome face again, having no idea how long you had been staring off into space. 

You flush but play it off, smiling in his direction. “This is…really nice.” You hum sweetly. 

“It is,” Jayce agrees with that charming smile of his. He lifts his arm out of the water to examine his now prune-like fingers. “The wrinkles, not so much.” 

You laugh, just a little, nodding your head in agreement. Your fingers were also getting a little too pruney for comfort but that really wasn’t what was on your mind. 

You were hyperaware of his skin touching yours now. His arm pressed heavy into your own while his knee and thigh brushed against yours every so often. Wondering if this is how he felt back at dinner when you enjoyed your little game of footsie.  

You were a fool. Reading too much into things and believing that it was more than what it actually was— an accident. Just because you wanted more, that didn’t mean he did; and you had to remind yourself of that. 

“Yeah,” you chuckle nervously, trying your best to keep calm the more your bodies touch. “We should probably get out.” You add, not even trying to disguise the sadness in your tone.

“I…don’t want to.” Jayce mumbles under his breath, shifting just ever so slightly to turn and fully look at you. No longer stealing sideways glances. He wanted to be heard, and seen. 

His words surprise you. Yet they make your entire body feel hotter than the water has all night. You swallow hard. Briefly picking at something invisible that lays across your nails as you try to step lightly into what you think might happen.

“Me either…” you tentatively respond, dragging your gaze from the water and over to him. And when your eyes meet his once more, you swear he steals any and all air from your lungs. He’s even prettier if that were possible. The moon hangs behind him, creating a halo around his head. The soft ambient light from the hot-tub casts a sharp shadow across his handsome features.

The quiet that follows is almost suffocating. Both of you are sitting on edge, waiting for the other to move or speak first. Your desire to kiss him comes rushing back harsher than it had before. And although he doesn’t speak, his eyes confirm that you two share the exact same thought. One of you just needed to make the first move. 

And this time, you weren’t going to let him slip away. 

“Jayce…” You utter his name, softer than soft, and it’s enough to put everything into motion. 

The world melts away. Nothing else mattered but the two of you in that moment. Like magnets, the universe pulls you two closer together. Both falling perfectly in sync. 

In the back of your mind, you can’t help but wonder if you’re moving too slow or too fast. Fearing you might run into him with how eager you are to have him as your own. But when you’re inches away from his handsome face, you quickly lose the thought. 

Your eyes match his, darting across his face to take in every detail now that the two of you were so close. You glance at his lips, up at his hazel eyes, back to his lips in rapid succession. Silently yearning for more and more until you feel his hand finally slide along the side of your neck, shifting to caress your jaw, thumb brushing across your cheek as he finally leans in closer to finally kiss you. 

You close your eyes, brushing your fingers in turn against his forearm, gently grabbing onto his wrist. Guiding him closer and closer and closer—

But before the fireworks, before your lips fully connect—getting just the faintest brush— Jayce suddenly untangles. His hand jerks away. You open your eyes to watch as he scrambles to put space between the two of you. He shoots out of the water like he’s been bitten by something. A large, scarlet blush taints his cheeks as he looks anywhere else but at you. 

“I! Uh,” Jayce stutters, breaking the energy built up around the two of you. Quickly coming to realization as to what just happened…or what was about to happen. “I think that’s enough relaxation for me tonight. I’m, uh, going to head to the room.” He chuckles awkwardly, hurrying to get out of the hot-tub. 

You sit dazed. Staring at his broad back as he climbs over the ledge and bends down to grab his towel. You watch him half ass dry himself off before wrapping the towel around his waist. 

You didn’t want to see him go; didn’t want to let him go. Not again. 

“I’ll join you!” You blurt, standing up before you can even think about what you’re doing again— what you’re chasing after. You exit the hot-tub before he can protest. Gathering your things up in a rush to stand by his side. 

Jayce doesn’t say a word but he waits for you anyway. A gentleman, despite the embarrassment growing between the two of you. 

You didn’t know what to expect on the walk back into the house but it certainly wasn’t the unnerving stillness between the two of you. Especially after what happened. It’s quiet. Beyond quiet. The silence that hangs between the two of you is suffocating— but in the worst way possible now. It feels ice cold compared to the heat you had just experienced moments ago. And Jayce feels distant even when casually walking beside you or briefly holding the door open for you. Even the house was dead quiet. Your parents must’ve already gone to bed…which plays into your, and his, favor after the events that followed outside. 

When the two of you get back to the spare room, Jayce doesn’t say anything as he heads for his large bag. 

You do your best to pretend like everything is normal, fishing out a new change of clothes from your suitcase. You wanted out of this swimsuit— you wanted him to take it off— and a shower. 

Jayce continues to stay quiet on his side of the room. The only sound that comes from either of you is the clothes you pull out of your respective bags. 

You don’t know what else you were expecting to happen. You shouldn’t have been expecting anything at all, to be honest. And yet, a small part of you expected so much more. 

You once again imagine kissing him. Lying in bed together, tender and soft, full of laughs while his hands lay secure across your body.

God, you just needed to forget it. Needed to put some space between the two of you, for the second time that night, so you could figure out what the hell was going on in your head. And heart. 

The only problem is, when you turn to leave, so does Jayce. You both reach for the door handle at the same time. His hand lays heavy on top of yours. The contact makes both of you jump, jerking your hand away from each other. 

“Sorry um,” Jayce fumbles, trying his best to clear the lump out of his throat. “I didn’t mean to just uh, wanted to shower…but after you. You go first.” He says with a gesture towards the door. 

“You can use the shower up here. I’ll go to the one downstairs.” You say, trying to lighten the tension in his shoulders just a little bit. It doesn’t work. He nods to your words but he still seems…distant. 

Your heart continues to sit in your throat but you do as he asks. You open the door first and head down the hall and make your right. You two part ways when he stops at the upstairs bathroom. The door shutting and locking behind you sends a nervous chill down your spine. 

You make your way to the downstairs bathroom, squishing down the thought of ruining whatever you and Jayce had built up the last few days, all in a single moment. In fact, what was going on between you two? Sunday night you were causally forced to share a room together, now you were planning to make out in your parents hot-tub? Hoping for more like you were some horny teenager? 

You shake off the thought, pushing into the downstairs bathroom. You strip and take your shower quickly but the shower doesn’t really help. Your mind races the entire time. You flip back and forth between ruining a relationship you didn’t know you needed and the image of Jayce above you. 

By the time you’ve finished your shower, you think you’re worse off than before. Getting dressed in your pjs before heading back to the room. The shower still runs upstairs when you pass by it, so you just head to the room quietly.

Closing the door behind you, turning the lights off, you curl up into bed. You’d be concerned about sleeping with wet hair tomorrow, for now you’re more concerned about falling asleep before Jayce gets back to the room. 

Several minutes of steady breathing and attempting to count sheep tick by until you finally feel the pull of sleep. 

And just when you’re about to succumb to sleep, the sound of the door handle clicking jolts you awake. You know it’s Jayce but in a panic, you don’t know why, you pretend to be asleep. Staying tucked into the thick of your blankets, eyes closed, listening closely as Jayce enters the room. You give him the illusion that you were already asleep. It works. He doesn’t say anything— you’re not even sure if he would— while he just moves somewhere off into the room. 

Seconds tick by and your heart beats hard in your throat. And just when you think he’s gone to bed, the warmth of fingers touch your face. He brushes some of your wet hair back and you have to bite your tongue to keep from flinching, or leaning into his touch, or doing something that’ll make everything a little worse. But just as quick as it comes, it’s gone. Jayce gently pulls his hand away, leaving you alone once more. “Dammit…what am I doing…” Jayce whispers under his breath, somewhere behind you. 

You strain to listen to him as he moves away from your bed. Listening to him rustle the bed sheets around before getting into the pulled out futon and finally laying down to sleep. 

Every single bit of your blood rushes hard and fast beneath your skin. Your mind begins to work overtime, trying so hard to figure out what he was doing and what he meant. Did he like you? Why would he freak out about kissing but then turn around and touch you so gently? Should you roll over and confront him? God, you wanted to kiss him, wanted him to hold you, wanted him to make you his. Did he feel the same? 

You weren’t getting any sleep tonight.

@ 𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐒 𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐕𝐄𝐃 𝐓𝐎 𝐙𝐄𝐕𝐑𝐑𝐀 | 𝐃𝐎 𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐑𝐄𝐏𝐎𝐒𝐓 𝐄𝐋𝐒𝐄𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄 𝐖/𝐎 𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐎𝐍

Tuesday. 

There had been the smallest hope that maybe, just maybe you would get to relax for the week. Nothing of interest really happened Monday. Your dad had taken the day off work to spend some time with Jayce. And while the two had disappeared early in the morning, doing whatever it is that guys their age did, your mom mainly sat on the phone— gossiping with her friends— and left you alone for the most part. So, without being bothered, you spent the time catching up on whatever you needed.

Then Tuesday morning came. 

Your dad had gone back to work. While your mom woke you up at a crisp, 9 am and told you the list of things she needed done before the party. Everything from food for the party to decorations to tablecloths to thank you notes, etc., all needed to be done within the next three days. 

You might just lose your mind by the end of the week. 

After ripping yourself from your bed, the first thing your mom had tasked you with was writing thank you notes— since invitations weren’t needed. Your dad had already walked the entire neighborhood to invite every neighbor to the party, four days ago. And while at work today, you’re sure he’s inviting everyone from work to the party as well.

After your mom handed you the book with all the names that she had written down for thank you notes, you got to work. Moving yourself in the craft room for some peace and quiet while your mom worked on getting a cake and several restaurants to cater for the party, so you and her wouldn’t have to cook, thankfully. 

Two hours later of writing thank-you cards for the entire neighborhood, folding the pretty envelopes up, and stacking them, you felt like your hands were going to fall off. An ache had set in but you were finally finished. Packing up all the notes and putting them into a nearby empty box before carrying them downstairs to your mother. 

“Where do you want these?” You ask, swinging the corner into the kitchen where your mom and Jayce sit at the dining table. 

“Just on the island there.” your mom replies, pointing to the edge of the island countertop she mentioned. “Thank you for doing those by the way!” Your mom adds. 

You nod, smiling just a little as you set the box down before glancing back at your mom and Jayce. Who still looks as handsome as he did two days ago. 

You assumed the two had just finished lunch with the empty plates sitting in front of them. 

You head around the island and to the fridge. You find the pre-made sandwiches your mom made for lunch, and pull one out to eat. Your fingers were still aching anyway, you needed to give them a break as much as you needed some lunch too. 

You’ve just sat down at one of the stools when your mom speaks up again. 

“After you’re done with that I need you to work on folding some party things your dad picked out.” Your mom states. 

You bite back a groan, instead turning your attention back to the sandwich. 

No time to rest. 

You eat your lunch while scrolling through your phone, tuning out the idle chatter that goes on between your mom and Jayce— since it was mostly about your dad anyway. But after you finish your lunch, you set your plate into the sink while mentally preparing yourself for the next task at hand. 

Once you had stood up, so did your mom. Busing herself with cleaning up the dining table and the kitchen. “Don’t forget the stuff you’ll need.” She says, beginning to wash the leftover dishes in the sink. With her head, she nods towards the bags of party supplies sitting beside the chair she had been in. But before you can walk over and pick it up, Jayce reaches for the bags instead. He stands up, holding the bags with ease in just one big hand. 

“Can I help you?” Jayce asks softly, looking directly at you as he stands beside the table. 

“Oh, we couldn’t ask that of you! You’re our guest, you should relax!” Your mom argues, waving off his request; while ignoring the fact that you too…were a guest. 

Jayce smiles, shaking his head at your mom's proposal to relax. “It’s okay. I’d rather help than just sit around here, kind of twiddling my thumbs.” He politely speaks, bringing his gaze back to you. 

Thankfully you had just finished your sandwich, because if you were still eating you would’ve most likely choked on it when his eyes meet yours.

“It’s not fair for me to just sit while you work so hard.” Jayce chuckles, moving to stand beside you. He stares down at you— he stares down at everyone— waiting for you to answer him. He wasn’t asking your mom’s permission to help with the party planning, he was asking you. 

“Uh yeah, I…wouldn’t mind the extra help.” You respond, slightly dazed. A strange feeling swells inside your chest. Strange enough, you can’t quite put your finger on what it is— or maybe, it was just too many to name them all. 

“Alright, after you.” He hums with a wide smile. As if he had been wanting you to say yes the entire time. 

You stand for a heartbeat longer than you probably should’ve before turning and leaving the kitchen behind. You take a few steps into the hallway before letting Jayce pass you instead, since he was kind enough to carry the supplies needed for the decorations and you didn’t want to get in his way. And it would give you the chance to look at him without him seeing. 

You stare at his broad back. The simple, cotton green shirt he wears hugs his body in all the right places— his shoulders, biceps, and his waist. You get the urge to touch him. To press your hands flat into his back, bunch his shirt up, and scratch the length down. It was…a very inappropriate thought to have about a man twice your age. 

But you notice something else besides how attractive and fit Jayce is. Still just a step behind, you notice the slight limp he walks with. You can’t help but wonder how he must’ve gotten it. Was it from sleeping badly on the futon? He hadn’t openly complained about his body being sore or being in any pain so you assumed it wasn’t but you could be wrong. You don’t ask about it. It wasn’t a topic for you to discuss or ask about anyway; not unless he wanted to talk about it. 

“I think it’s sweet that you’re helping your parents out.” Jayce says, snapping you out of your thoughts. 

You jerk just a little at his words but quickly recover when heading up the stairs. “I don’t really have much of a choice.” You respond.

Leaving the landing of the stairs, the two of you pass the bathroom, heading straight ahead for the craft room. 

“Growing up, I was always willing to help my mom but…I didn’t have a choice in it either.” Jayce comments, sympathizing with you, stepping out of the way to allow you to slide past him to open the craft room door. 

After opening the door for him, Jayce steps inside the craft room. He moves over to the closest desk, setting the bags down on top of the wooden table. 

You move around him, sitting down in the chair you had previously used when writing out the several thank-you notes. You open the bag Jayce had sat down, digging around briefly before pulling out handfuls of party favors your dad had picked out. Of course they were cute and all but everything had to be cut out and folded by hand. Your dad, always going above and beyond. 

“Why is that?” You ask casually, referring to his earlier statement about not having a choice either, beginning to stack the party crafts into piles. You watch out of the corner of your eye as he grabs the other chair in the craft room and sits down right next to you. 

“Well,” Jayce starts, helping you tidy up the stacks of decorations. “My dad passed away when I was really young. So it’s always just been my mom and I.” 

Your heart sinks. You freeze in your sorting, glancing over at him with a concerned look to your eye. 

Jayce softly smiles as your eyes meet, clearly understanding the sorrow you express for him. “It’s okay. It was a long time ago.” He reassures, turning back to the pile of crafts. 

Leaving it at that, you pick up the top card and flip it over to read the instructions. Jayce leans in closer to you, hanging just over your shoulder to skim the directions along with you. But his closeness makes your entire body begin to burn. Heat crawls under your skin as he sits right behind you. If you moved backwards, even just a little, you’re sure you’d press right into his chest. 

You turn your head ever so slightly to look at Jayce, holding your breath. 

You don’t know why his presence unravels you so much. You’ve known him for a few days and yet it feels like years. He gets under your skin— in a really good way— far more than anyone else has ever done. You wanted to know more about him, to know his likes and dislikes. You wanted him to touch you; to crave you. 

And it was a terrible thing to desire, knowing the circumstances. You were younger. You were his friend’s daughter. He was here to reconnect with said friend and here you are wanting to kiss him so bad you can almost taste it. Guilt sends a sour shiver down your spine. 

Jayce must feel you staring at him, or maybe you’re just too quiet for his liking, because he turns just as slightly to look at you. His gaze is soft; tenderness lies in the shine of his hazel eyes. A charming smile settles on his lips, followed by the soft hue of a red blush spanning across his tan face. 

Jayce opens his mouth to speak but you’re not sure if you can hear what he has to say and think about anything other than crawling into his lap, touching his chest, feeling his hands— 

“If I cut these out, will you fold them?” You blurt, disrupting the air that had built up between the two of you. Using your last little bit of semblance and clarity to keep yourself from doing something rash. You rip your eyes from him, turning to focus on the craft in your hands instead. 

Jayce, seemingly still dazed from the energy you two had just shared, nods out of the corner of your eye. He leans back into his chair as he awaits to help. 

You throw open a couple of desk drawers, a little harder than you meant to, in search of a pair of scissors. When you finally manage to find some, your fingers tremble and you curse yourself. Shakily cutting on the dotted line, working in the silence you created, before handing Jayce the cut out product. 

After several minutes of calming your nerves, focusing on just cutting out projects and handing them to Jayce to fold, the quiet quickly becomes more unnerving than him inside your personal space had. 

 “So just you and your mom, huh?” You ask softly, trying to fill the void of silence with anything. 

Jayce hums in response, still working on the crafts you hand him. He folds every piece expertly along the lines. Almost a little too good at it. 

“No spouse waiting at home for you?” 

Anything but that. 

You could’ve said anything but that; too late now. 

Jayce awkwardly clears his throat before following up with an embarrassed chuckle. “No I uh, no,” Jayce responds. He keeps his eyes glued onto the project in his hands. “I’ve always been too focused on my studies and profession.” He admits with another half-assed laugh. 

You cut along your lines, nodding your head, keeping your attention heavy like iron on the project in your hands as well. You don’t know what it is about Jayce, but being around him suddenly turns you into an idiot as much as he turns you into a needy mess. 

“What is it that you do?” You ask, changing the topic you shouldn’t have brought up in the first place. 

“I’m a professor. I teach technical physics at Piltover University.” Jayce replies, finally turning his attention just a smidge in your direction. 

“You teach where you went to college? That’s a little ironic, don’t you think?” You laugh and he follows suit. The air between you two is, fortunately, refreshing once again. 

“It is,” Jayce agrees, a wide smile on his lips as his laughing settles down. “The professor who had taught me, retired after I graduated. And I just took over.” 

“You’ve been teaching since you graduated? You must really enjoy it.” You chat, more relaxed as you tend to the party favors. 

“I do. I enjoy seeing all the bright faces ready to learn each year. I also like to teach things I’m passionate about.” Jayce beams, folding the craft in his own hands. “It’s humbling, so to speak.” He adds, lifting the craft towards the light, examining his handiwork. 

You turn your attention to look at him, glancing at his handiwork as well. It was perfect. You suppose after years of teaching and folding countless papers, you’d be good at origami too. 

“Well…” you trail, flipping the latest cut out craft in your hands back and forth. “Do you think you could teach me how to fold these as well as you do?” 

Jayce leaves the admiring of his completed craft to look over at you. He studies your face briefly. Eyes scanning over the softness of your face but then he smiles wide, nodding his head. “Of course I will,” Jayce says, chuckling a little before he scoots his chair over closer to you. “Can’t say no to you. Not when you ask so sweetly.” Jayce teases, holding his hand out towards the craft you hold. 

You suck in a sharp, shallow breath. If there ever was a time you wanted to throw out the rule book, it would be now. The way his voice dips when he speaks, specifically when he mumbles about how he can’t say no to you. You’re tempted to push that boundary, to see how far you really could go before he said no. Would it be kissing? Touching his thigh? Undoing his belt— 

Your palms sweat at the thought and you resist the urge to wipe them on your pants. Electricity tickles your spine but you ignore it, doing your best to instead tune into his teachings as you hand off the craft to the older man. 

And it was harder than it looked. 

You had watched Jayce first fold every inch of the craft up together, until it formed the shape it needed to, before attempting it on your own. The first few folds were okay, a little uneven but well enough you didn’t have to start over. But as you progressed, it fell apart faster and faster with each fold. Its intended purpose is to stand up by itself, without needing any support of some kind, but you clearly didn’t get that memo. Watching as your ‘finished’ project falls apart the second you take your hands off of it.  

Jayce sits watching, amused the entire time. He doesn’t laugh or say anything to tease you at your attempt. Yet he still smiles, entertained— but pleased— by you trying your best. And instead of taunting you, he just picks up the craft and unfurls it, smoothing out the edges and handing it back to you; silently telling you to ‘try again’.

It’s after your third attempt and your second mangled up craft that you’re damn near about to rip your hair out. Your patience wears down to a thin line as you can’t just quite grasp how to do what he’s telling you. You’re about to toss the craft back to him and just continue on cutting them out instead, but Jayce settles a hand on your wrist that stills you. 

His hand is warm, like the sun, despite the AC blasting in every inch of the room. Not to mention, his hand being almost larger than your entire wrist. The sight leaves you a little dizzy. 

“Here, let me see if I just can’t…” Jayce muses, lifting his other hand and attempting to guide your hands in the correct way. It’s slightly awkward with him sitting kind of in front of you, kind of beside you. Leaning over your hands, attempting to guide your fingers along the correct folded lines to complete the craft. But it’s just as messy as if you were doing it yourself; a little uneven here and there, folding the wrong line first, unfolding everything to start again. 

“I’ll admit it’s…a little more complicated to do backwards.” Jayce sighs, laughing at his own mess up. 

But you can’t focus on anything but his warm touch. And the way with every shift, his hands gently brush against your own. How easy he folds and turns and intertwines your fingers like it’s all casual to him. And it probably was casual to just him— and anything but casual to you. 

“Do you mind?” Jayce asks a little timidly, gesturing in the space between the two of you briefly. He gets up from his chair, loosening his grip ever so slightly, until he moves to stand behind you instead. He hangs into your personal space once again; and once again you feel like your entire body is radiating fire. 

He uses your fingers to unfold the half destroyed craft. His hands now lay over the entirety of yours, swallowing you in his grasp. 

“You start with this line here.” Jayce guides, smoothing the first fold into place. 

His words caress the shell of your ear, almost as if he’s speaking directly into it. He continues to guide your fingers to properly finish the party favor but you can’t focus on anything. Fuck all if you’d even be able to remember his teaching’s for the next craft anyway. 

Your eyes stare at his hands. The craft seemingly invisible, even in your own grasp. His fingers are tan, just like the rest of him, and thick. Twice the size of your own and it makes your insides flutter. Even the callouses built up on his hands from years of working brought  goosebumps flaring across your skin. 

After several folds later, you’ve imagined…far too many sinful things involving his hands to be considered appropriate, before Jayce interrupts your impure thoughts. 

“And this is the last fold.” Jayce hums playfully, clearly enjoying this. It was either because he enjoyed helping and teaching you to understand the craft, or it was because he knew he was making you squirm. 

You weren’t complaining. His hands were still tangled with your own. The entire interaction has you practically panting and out of breath, as if you’ve run a marathon. And that was either thanks to him touching you or your own inappropriate thoughts about him touching you…elsewhere. 

“See? Not so hard. You did great.” Jayce praises. You can’t see it but you can basically hear the smile he wears. Unconsciously, he rubs his thumb gently against the back of your hand. His other hand smooths down against your wrist. 

And the touch sends a river rushing through you. You press your thighs together, hopefully unnoticed, and chuckle a little nervously. “Yeah, thanks for the, uh, lesson.” You reply, just barely covering up your voice with another low laugh, just to hide the trembling behind your words. “I think I’m better at the, uh, other thing so…I’ll leave the folding to you.” 

Jayce laughs that charming laugh of his, hopefully oblivious to your woes; or maybe he was just faking it. Wanting to see you unravel beneath him. 

Without thinking, his thumb brushes against your skin once more as he shamefully lingers just for a moment longer, before he removes his hands from your own. And once he untangles from your body, cold sweeps in over you at the lack of his warmth. 

The sudden chill of the air conditioning rushes over you like a winter storm. Watching as he, the sun, moves to sit back in the chair he had gotten up from. And who knows how long ago that was. How long had his hands lasted on your own before he finally pulled away? It felt like seconds but also like an eternity— leaving you desperately wanting more. 

But this was not the time nor the place to act on whims. 

Shaky hands continue to work on just cutting out the crafts and handing them off to Jayce to fold. The feeling of his hands against your own replays in your mind like a distant memory. Hazy and foggy, leaving you dazed and questioning everything you’ve ever known. 

Meanwhile Jayce speaks enough for the both of you now. His words fill the space between the two of you while you manage to nod along, with the occasional ‘mhm’. 

It’s on the very last craft you cut out that you come back to your senses. Like you’ve just been woken up out of the sweetest dream.

“Is that everything?” Jayce asks, a smile on his face as he looks at you. 

“For now, at least.” You respond, a nervous laugh leaving your lips. You feel bad for tuning him out for the last…what you can only assume is an hour or better. “Thank you again, for everything. I really appreciate it.” 

“Don’t worry about it. I enjoyed it…and your company.” Jayce states in a tone you can’t quite recognize at the moment; but he moves on, standing up with a stretch towards the ceiling. 

You curse yourself for staring at the little bit of skin on his lower abdomen that reveals itself with his stretch. Ripping your gaze away and quickly pushing yourself up and out of your own chair, you keep yourself busy by collecting the several party favors you two had worked on. Gently putting them into a large box that happened to be lying in the craft room, unused, making sure they don’t come undone and ruin a lot of Jayce’s hard work. 

“Want me to carry it?” Jayce asks, handing you a couple of the crafts, gesturing to the box. 

You debate it for a second. He had already helped you with plenty and you’re not sure you could continue to ask more from him. Even if there was something…intimate you wanted to ask for help with, you wouldn’t. But it wouldn’t stop you from teasing him at least. 

You shake your head, smiling a little as you lift the box into your arms. “Not unless you want to carry me with it.” You flirt, glancing in his direction. 

Jayce pauses for a moment. His hazel eyes search your face. As if he’s trying to figure out if you’re serious or not; as if he’s mulling the idea over in his head. And after another heartbeat, a smirk splits his lips, flashing a sharp canine that makes your heart throb catching sight of it. 

“Tempting.” Jayce teases in a hushed voice. Speaking so softly you think for a moment you’ve imagined him saying it. 

You can feel your face burning the second the words leave his lips. You don’t get to respond though before Jayce is making his way to the door. He leaves you behind, breathless and speechless in every possible way; watching his back as he disappears into the hallway. 

⋆ 𖤓 ⋆˚࿔

After the tense afternoon, it felt like time moved slower. You had sat on edge anytime Jayce was near, as if waiting for him to tease you even more…or force you to change your underwear again. And yet you wanted to be near him. Craving and wanting his attention more and more with each passing moment. He was in every sense of the word, intoxicating. 

By the time dinner came around, your entire body was exhausted from wanting him so badly. 

You sit quietly at the table, enjoying the meal your dad had made after coming home from work. And while Jayce sits next to you— casually, as if you’re the only one going crazy for him— you pretend that everything is perfectly normal.  

“So what did you do today?” Your dad sarcastically asks, biting into the dinner he proudly made. 

“We cut out and made all those damn party favors you wanted.” You sigh, rolling your eyes as your dad laughs loudly. 

“Jayce was kind enough to help out too!” Your mom praises. 

Jayce embarrassingly waves off your mom’s words before rubbing a hand across the back of his neck. “It really wasn’t a big deal. I didn’t mind helping out and it was fun. I had a nice time.” Jayce comments, momentarily glancing in your direction, before returning his attention back to the meal. 

Your dad laughs again, nodding his head in approval. He had seen the finished product of the crafts for himself before dinner, so now he knew why they looked so well done. “That makes sense! Jayce has always been good with his hands.”

This time, you fucking choke. 

Air catches in your throat, throwing you into an abrupt coughing fit. You cover your mouth with your hand, turning your face away from every single pair of eyes that look at you at the sudden noise. You cough into your hand, reaching for the glass of water closest to you. Swallowing large mouthfuls in hopes to ease your coughing; it only helps a little. 

You’re in the final stretch of your coughing fit when a large, warm hand settles on your back. Jayce gently pats your back, attempting to help soothe your coughing, before his hand smooths down the curve of your spine. Then he repeats the same notion again, feigning innocence of just helping you out. You want it to mean so much more. 

You manage to clear your throat, finally calming down, yet Jayce lingers. He continues to rub your back, from your shoulder blades to the small of your lower back, until goosebumps begin to rise on your skin. He does it so effortlessly. Slipping into your bubble, touching your body, teasing you. 

“Are you alright?” Your mom asks, worry laced in her tone, as she hands you a napkin. 

At the sound of her voice, Jayce abruptly removes his hand. Once again, a chill creeps over your body at the lack of his warmth but you ignore it. Taking the napkin from your mother and wiping your mouth clean. 

“Yeah,” you finally respond, taking another breath to settle down— and not from the coughing this time. “Just swallowed wrong.” You lie. 

You didn’t really enjoy lying to your parents but it wasn’t like you could tell them the truth. Not after spending the entire day, day-dreaming about Jayce’s hands and fingers. How thick they were, how far they would reach, how wide they would stretch you—

After a few more seconds of silence, your dad continues on with his story as if nothing happened. Telling a story about how Jayce used to work on anything and everything mechanical or electrical; taking it all apart just to put it back together. Something innocent yet you could only imagine the worst of things.

For the rest of dinner, you don’t say a word. You manage to nod and hum occasionally in response but that’s it. When you finally speak, it’s only to tell your parents that you’re going to head to bed. You desperately needed to lie down, after everything that has happened. 

You leave behind the noise and cleanup and head back to the spare room, exhaustion setting into your bones with every step. Your body aches the second you throw yourself onto your bed. You immediately grab a pillow and curl up with it, taking a deep breath as you press your face into the pillow. 

It’s only moments after you’ve laid down and began to scroll on your phone, that Jayce enters the room. 

“Hey,” Jayce says softly, closing the door behind him, walking further into the room. “Just wanted to make sure you were okay.” He hums as he takes a spot up on the very edge of your bed, sitting down beside you. Far enough to leave some distance but close enough either of you could easily close the distance, if needed. A warning, yet an invite. 

You smile, setting your phone down onto the pillow beside your head. “Yeah, I’m okay.” You respond, sitting up and leaning back onto the palms of your hands. 

“You looked a little…tired before leaving the table.” Jayce states, mirroring you by leaning onto the palm of his own hand. 

Of course he had noticed. He seemed to notice anything and everything about you, even when you tried so hard to hide it; he saw right through you. 

It makes you feel like you were the only thing in the entire room that he wanted to look at. Truly like a professor trying to solve a problem by memorizing every detail of the equation. 

You bite at your bottom lip, unable to meet his gaze. And you know he’s staring at you, even now. His gaze feels as hot as if it were his hands caressing your face. 

“I…” you attempt, trying and failing to come up with some kind of lie to tell him. Why were you tired anyway? Because your body had craved something it couldn’t have? Because you had craved him the entire day? Yeah, telling the truth was definitely out of the question. 

“Is it about what your dad said?” 

You suck in a sharp breath at his soft words. A heated blush crawls over your entire face. You swear you could feel the warmth of your blush spread to the tips of your ears and down the back of your neck.  

Jayce laughs at your reaction. He knew it was the truth, even without you saying a single word. “Don’t think too much of it.” Jayce chuckles, the hand he doesn’t lean on picks at some invisible piece of lint on the cover of your bed. 

With your curiosity piqued, you swallow a lump in your throat. Glancing between his handsome face to the spot he seemingly found so interesting at the moment. “Yeah? Why not?” You ask cautiously, finding your voice. 

Jayce stills in his digging at the blanket. Clearly you can see the gears in his head turning, debating on how he should answer. A second of eternity passes as you await his answer. 

“He’s right…but I’m out of practice.” Jayce finally says, clearly alluding to something else that didn’t involve cars or technology. 

Your heart throbs inside its confinement. It presses right against the curve of your ribs, hard enough you think maybe he can hear it drum. 

You barely see the blush highlighting his cheeks before he turns away and stands from your bedside. You watch his thumb rub circles into the inside of his wrist. He stands there, contemplating that whatever he’s about to say is the right— or the very wrong— thing to say. 

“Maybe…I could use a lesson. Or two.” Jayce finally mutters but he doesn’t wait for you to answer before he heads back to the bedroom door. His hand hovers over the doorknob, as if he wants to say more but instead he just dips his head and exits the room. 

He leaves you staring at his back once again. Always running away, right as everything was getting so good. 

You fall back into the fluff of your pillows, staring up at the ceiling with your heart now in your throat. For the rest of the night, until you finally succumbed to sleep, you would debate whether he was serious about the matter, or if he was just teasing you. To test you. 

And despite every god forsaken morale dilemma going on inside you at the moment…you hoped he was serious.

“Yes mom, I will be there. I plan to be back home tomorrow.” You sigh, phone pressed between your shoulder and your ear. You flip over a t-shirt, folding it up all nice and neat before stuffing it into your laid out suitcase. 

“Well, I’m just making sure. It’s your father’s 45th and you know he’ll want to throw a party,” Your mother’s voice answers from the other end of the call. “And he will want to see his daughter there.” She adds in a sing-songy voice. 

“I know, I know.” You acknowledge, fishing out another shirt from your laundry basket to add to your suitcase. “I’m packing right now, ma. I’ll be there.” 

“Good now—” your mother begins to say before she’s interrupted by a loud call of her name. 

You move your phone to your other ear, sitting down on the edge of your bed as you listen to your mother yell at someone in the distance. Most likely your dad. Rolling your eyes as their bickering carries on back and forth for some time before your moms voice cuts back in over the phone. 

“Okay dear, I’ll leave you to it then. Text me when you leave, okay?” She sighs. 

“Okay mom,” you answer, picking off some lint from your pants. “I will see you tomorrow. Bye, love you.” 

You wait until your mother says goodbye before disconnecting the phone call. You toss your phone onto your bed before laying back onto the fluff of your blankets. 

If there was one thing you didn’t really want to go back home to, it was to a giant ass party. You could already see it now, your dad inviting the entire neighborhood and then some. You’d have to help host and cook and clean and…you’d rather stay in bed. But if you didn’t show up, there’d be sure hell to pay. 

You sit up with a groan, smoothing a hand across the back of your neck as you look towards your half-empty suitcase. You needed to finish packing and get to bed. 

The next morning comes and you’re forced to leave the little apartment you call yours. Traveling across state lines until finally getting back to your childhood home. When you arrive, you’re greeted by every bit of your family. Your mother is the first to rush to your side, hugging you briefly, before fawning over you. Cradling your head in her hands. 

“You haven’t been eating!” She exclaims, tossing your head from side to side— enough to almost give you whiplash. 

“Stop, stop,” you laugh, pulling her hands away from your face. “I’m just fine.” 

Your dad is there just a heartbeat behind your mom, taking your suitcase out of your other hand. “There she is!” He happily states, patting your shoulder before also giving you a hug. “You’ve been gone too long.” He says, scolding you. 

“A couple of months is not that long,” you argue back, handing off your bags to your father without protest. 

“It’s enough time to make some changes.” Your mom says, in a very suspicious tone. 

If there was something that had changed, about anything, your mom would’ve told you about it. She would’ve called you the second something did change…so whatever has happened, you weren’t going to like. 

“What did you do…?” You ask, glancing between your mom and dad. They stand with awkward little smiles before gesturing you inside your childhood home. 

“You’ve turned my room into storage? For your crafts?” You shout, staring at the mounds of boxes and unfinished projects littered about the room with wide eyes. 

No wonder why your mom didn’t tell you about this change just before you planned to come home and stay for a week. She knew you most likely would’ve pushed even harder to stay in a hotel instead, but now you couldn’t. You weren’t going to find a room for tonight anyway…and it’d be incredibly rude to find and leave for one tomorrow; so they’ve effectively trapped you. 

You groan, continuing to examine the room. Now it all could be salvaged as long as you had your bed—

You stare at two large workbenches shoved up against the wall where your bed used to be. And you’ve quickly regretted coming home. 

“Where’s my bed? Where am I supposed to sleep?” You gripe, turning to face your parents. 

“Oh, don’t be like that.” Your mom sighs, grabbing a stack of old magazines by the door and fixing up the messy pile.  

“Yeah, we’ve finally got the spare room set up for you!” Your dad adds as he enters the room behind you and your mom. And he no longer carries your luggage, presumably already dropping it off into the spare room down the hall. 

But the look on both their faces tells you there’s more bad news than just your entire room being deconstructed and you staying in the spare room. 

“And?” You ask, knowing the worst has yet to come. 

“That you’ll be sharing.” Your mom finally breaks. 

“Sharing?” You ask in disbelief. Your head falls into your hands and you rub harshly into your temples. 

“Well…your mom here surprised me by inviting an old college buddy over for my birthday.” Your dad joyfully says, giving your mom a sweet look as he tells the story of the first thing she’s gifted him for his birthday. “But he lives further away so he’ll be staying here with us for the next week or so.”

You try your best not to roll your eyes. Anger and frustration spreads beneath your skin like fire. So not only did you not have your own room to stay in for the week you’ll be home, you had to share the spare bedroom with someone you didn’t know. You genuinely think it cannot get worse but you won’t speak that thought into existence; knowing fate will just prove you wrong. 

There was no use in trying to fight it. You’d just spend more time outside reading by the pool or sitting in the hot tub than staying in the room. You had planned to get a little work done while you were staying here but that’s been scratched off the list. Unless you were entirely left alone, then you could maybe make it work…but that definitely wasn’t going to happen now. 

But then again, nothing left to argue about now— everything was already planned and done. 

“Come see the spare bedroom, it’s been updated!” Your mom cheerily says, trying to lighten the mood, as she turns to leave the room. 

You don’t say anything as you follow your parents out of the craft turned storage room. Turning right, just a step behind them, and walking all the way down the hall to the spare. The room is a dead shot down the hall. The last room left upstairs besides your old room, the bathroom, and your parents room on the other opposite side of the second floor. 

Your mom opens the door, stepping inside the spare room and moving to the closest window, opening the curtains. She lets some natural sunlight in while your dad flicks the big light on above, giving you a real good look at what you're working with for the next week. 

Surprisingly, your old bed is in fact in the spare room. The head of the bedframe is shoved up against the wall between both windows on the far side. On the opposite wall, by the closet, sits a couch; that somehow looks like it's straight out of a 90s magazine and brand new all in one glance. A tv is mounted on the wall that stares directly at your old bed, so at least there was that. Outside of the new furniture, the room has had a new paint job done to it too. A dark blue that reminds you of seeing the ocean at night. At least it was something you could enjoy looking at…and not something like neon orange. 

But you’re still puzzled by the one bed situation. 

“So we’re sharing a bed too?” You snark, grabbing your suitcase that your dad had dropped off by the door and moving to set it on top of your old bed. 

Your dad laughs, standing in the dead center of the room with his hands on his hips— clearly eyeing the handiwork he’s done. “No, we’re not that mean.” He teases, heading for the couch. He pulls up one of the couch cushions in your view, revealing the metal bars beneath the thick padding. “It’s a futon!” He proudly states before pressing the cushion back into place. 

“Wow,” you sarcastically say. “Went all out did you?”

Your dad shoots you a glare. 

“I think it’s nice.” Your mom chimes in, standing beside your dad with her arms crossed over her chest. She also proudly glances about the room. 

On one hand, making what you assume to be a late thirty year old sleep on a futon was…a little harsh. And you try really hard not to think about it because on the other hand…that meant you’d have to sleep on the futon. Your back twitches at the thought. Guess it was better than sleeping on the couch. 

“So,” you muse, rubbing the back of your neck. “When’s the party? Friday?” You ask, seeing as your dad’s birthday was this Friday and it was Sunday now. 

“Saturday, actually! We have lots of planning we’ll need your help with.” Your mom responds, glancing at your dad. 

Your dad opens his mouth to say something but all three of you are cut off by the sound of the front door bell ringing. 

“That’ll be him!” Your dad shouts in excitement, not waiting for you or your mom as he bounds off towards the stairs and off to the front door. Your mom leaves next, leisurely making her way back down the hall and to the right, heading back downstairs. 

You can hear the happy chirp in your dads voice as he greets the man you’ll be sharing a room with for the next week— unless he decides to leave for a hotel once knowing the sleeping arrangements. 

Might as well go and meet him, just in case he decides to stay. 

You leave the spare bedroom, following the long path to get to the stairs. You descend back down onto the first floor, curling around the stairs and making your way to the front door. 

Where you catch sight of your mother and father speaking to an incredibly handsome man who was insanely tall and fit for his age. 

As soon as you appear downstairs, your dad calls you over to introduce you to the handsome man.  

“Kid,” your dad says happily, pulling you by the shoulder to stand next to him and in front of the stranger. “This is my good friend, Jayce Talis.” He introduces, gesturing towards the man he speaks about. 

Jayce sticks his hand out for you to shake and you take it gently. Electricity shocks the very tips of your fingers when your hand touches his but the feeling is gone as soon as you both take your hands back. 

Up close, you’re officially allowed a good look at Jayce. His sun kissed skin, the sharpness of his jaw. His shaggy, dark-brown hair that curls at the back of his neck. The long beard to match but with the first signs of gray starting to show. The bright, pretty glint to his hazel eyes. Or the small scars on his face you suddenly get the urge to trace. 

Your heart flips back and forth. How dare he be your exact type while being twice your age and your dads friend.

“Hi, it’s nice to meet you.” Jayce pleasantly says, an easy smile on his face, shifting his bag from one hand to the other. “Your dad has talked about you a couple of times.” 

Dammit, even his voice was nice. 

He keeps his attention leveled with you, almost making you feel like your parents weren’t even in the same room— and it makes your heart pound. 

“That's…embarrassing.” You comment. You can already feel the spread of heat blooming across your cheeks. You didn’t really want to know exactly what your dad had told him so you just skip over the entire thing. Saving your own sanity by just staying ignorant. “Nice to meet you too.” You add, smiling back at him. 

“Well come in, come in!” Your mom says as she ushers Jayce inside. Guiding him towards the kitchen. 

“We can talk more over lunch.” Your dad says, mentioning that he had planned to cook some big meal filled with all of his favorites. 

You roll your eyes, being left behind as the other three disappear into the kitchen. You close the front door, locking it, before following in the footsteps that lead to the kitchen. 

⋆˚꩜｡⋆₊⊹

At lunch, you listened to your dad and Jayce, mostly your dad, retell far too many stories of their own college days for far too long. Hours worth of stories passed by until it was dinner time; where your mom opened a bottle of wine to share for dinner instead of making another meal. And then you listen to another hour's worth of them catching up before you decide to go shower. 

After your shower, you get dressed in the bathroom, leaving your robe in your bag— seeing as you won’t need it while sharing a room. Once changed into a simple tank top and a pair of shorts, you head for the spare bedroom, thankfully alone for the moment. 

You close the door behind you after your entrance, drying your hair with your towel as you make your way to the bed. You fold your leg underneath you as you sit down on the edge of the bed. Exhaustion settles into your bones as you replay the day in your mind. From the trip, to your childhood home and your parents, to finding out you were sharing a room. And at the thought of that, you can’t help but think of your sleeping arrangement “partner”. 

He was so handsome. His dark features; his soft and easy tone. Everything about him was exactly what you wanted in a man.

In the back of your mind, you wonder if he was married. He obviously hadn’t brought anyone with him. And probably wouldn’t have agreed to sleeping in a shared room with his buddy’s daughter if he was married too. You didn’t see a ring on his finger, either. 

You don’t know why you’re more than a little…excited at the thought of him having no partner. Not like you really had a chance with him. 

You sigh, annoyed, throwing yourself back onto your bed. You scoot up into the comfort of your pillows, fishing for your phone. You needed a distraction. You pull up the fantasy novel you’ve been reading, the fourth book in the series, and settle down to pick up where you left off. 

You’re thirty minutes into your book before a knock and the click of the doorknob catches your attention. You quickly look up from your phone, watching as Jayce timidly steps into the spare room. 

“Sorry to intrude.” He apologizes with an awkward smile, walking over to the bag he had left by the futon earlier. 

You stay quiet, turning back to the reading you had picked out for the night. You relax back into the fluff of pillows, attempting to mind your business.

“I,” Jayce clears his throat, interrupting your reading once again, while he stops in his own search inside his bag to look over at you. “I just…are you comfortable with this?” He asks softly. 

The question makes you blink. Was he just being nice or trying to make you feel bad? Either way, it was working on you.  

“I can sleep downstairs on the couch, if you’re uncomfortable.” Jayce adds. His tone is genuine and his gaze is soft. He was serious about leaving, if you were uncomfortable. 

Something in the back of your mind tells you to just go with it. Making a big deal out of nothing would lead to trouble so you’ll just leave it as is…and maybe something good can come out of it. Maybe you didn’t want him to leave. 

“It’s fine,” You finally respond. Not that you had a huge say in what goes on in this house anyway. But..it was kind of him to ask you nonetheless. “Plus, I think I’d feel like shit if you slept on the couch for a week.“ You add. 

Jayce laughs and you swear it sounds exactly what summer feels like. The warm sun but the cool breeze that follows with the wind. The flowers that bloom and the sound of the windchimes in the distance. It makes you feel light and fuzzy— or maybe just dizzy. 

“My back appreciates your kindness.” Jayce hums, turning to continue his search inside his bag. 

But you’re hesitant to return to your book. Watching him out of the corner of your eye. Butterflies swirl inside your stomach as you scan over his handsome features again. 

“We’ll get along fine…as long as you don’t snore.” You tease, a wide smile splitting your lips. 

Jayce glances in your direction, unable to keep his own smile from forming. “Well there goes my good luck,” Jayce chuckles, finally retrieving an extra set of clothes from his bag. “Guess I’ll be sleeping outside by the pool at this rate.” 

“Hmm, you’re on thin ice but I’ll allow you to stay.” You retort. Enjoying the charming smirk across his face. “Don’t push it though.” You add, watching as he crosses the room in three big strides. 

“I’ll try my best.” He plays along before he takes his leave, exiting the room and heading for what you assume is a shower. 

You stare at the door even after he’s gone. Your heart hums inside your chest. Struggling to wipe the smile off your face. At least, for now, the two of you would get along well and you could relax some of your worries. 

But now…something other than irritation and worry begins to tense your shoulders. 

You flop onto your side, going back to your phone and your book. Doing your best to ignore the giddy feeling of how…easy it was to talk to a man you just met.

“Hey kid!” a familiar voice calls to you, interrupting your daily “I hate the cold” monologue. 

You turn to look at your father, the only other remaining family you had left in this fucked up world, as he walks back from the stables. He had just gotten off patrol while you were heading off to your own job at the school; where you were a substitute for a couple of the children’s classes. 

The only other thing that you would never get used to while staying in Jackson, besides Winter, would be seeing the Millers. 

Joel walks with ease right behind your father. The two had been scheduled for a morning patrol but that was normal. It was often that you, or anyone around Jackson really, saw them together. If Joel wasn’t with Tommy, he was certainly around your father and vice versa; if Joel was nowhere to be found, your father and Tommy were most likely tucked away in the Tipsy Bison. All three of them had become best friends since you and your father had arrived at the settlement and it was very obvious to anyone and everyone who lived inside of Jackson that they got along. 

“Hey,” you answer back, waving just a little as your father and Joel come to stand before you. “How was the patrol?” 

Your father laughs, playfully patting Joel on the shoulder at your question. “This old man fell asleep an hour into it.” 

Joel cracks a smirk, knocking off your father’s hand. “Easy. You ain’t so far from this age too, ya know.” Joel responds to your father before glancing in your direction. He clears his throat, as if he’s suddenly remembered you were there and that he has a “tough guy” act to keep up. He drops back to his usual nonchalant manner, tipping his head in your direction. “Miss.” He greets you— calm, cool, and collected. 

You were anything but. 

“You headin’ to the school?” Joel asks, adjusting and shifting the guitar strap he wears further up his shoulder. Something else you’ve never seen him without. 

You nod your head back towards Joel, picking at the seam of your coat arm. 

You didn’t exactly have the most innocent thoughts about Joel. Guys your age were cute, sure, but Joel was just something else. He was fucking beyond handsome. From his good looks— the dark eyes, the gray hair, the strength he carries himself with— to his personality. He was charming. In his own quiet way, of course. But he was also a gentleman who had helped you and your father from day one. And thanks to that, you certainly had more than a few dreams involving Joel; dreams that would make the average person blush.

“Look at my daughter, all grown up! Being a good person, teachin’ the kids and shit.” Your dad fake sobs. Large crocodile tears threaten to fall as he lays a heavy hand on your shoulder. 

You give him a sideways glance, shrugging off his hand. “I’m not 12, dad.” You sigh yet let him fix your coat up, since he’s the one who messed it up. “But yes, I’m heading to the school now. Their teacher is out sick this morning.” 

Your dad, still pretending to cry about the growth spurt you’ve had for more than a decade, begins to fake wipe his “tears” away from his face. If your dad was good at one thing, it was certainly playing the part. “And just know, when you’re all done at the school, we’ll be at the—“ your dad starts but you interrupt him. 

“The Bison, yes I know. You go every night.” You finish your father’s sentence before he gets the chance to. Of course you would find him and his buddies at the only location in town that served alcohol. Not like there was really anywhere else to be in Jackson…or the world, so to speak. 

“Actually, we’ll be at town hall, thank you. There's a dance tonight so wear something nice. I’d like to see my only daughter be in some kind of relationship before I die.” Your dad says with that of a thirteen year old’s attitude; effectively and directly throwing you under the bus. 

Your skin crawls with uncomfort. You were in the middle of an apocalypse…not really the setting to find “true love” like your father hoped for. Plus, he wouldn’t like exactly who you had in mind for said “true love” either.

Joel clears his throat, saving you from the embarrassment your father has thrown you in. He places a large hand against the back of your father’s neck, giving it a good squeeze but your dad laughs anyway. 

“We best leave her alone. I don’t want you dyin’ tonight, we got a 4 am patrol to be on tomorrow.” Joel teases, throwing you— what you can only assume is— an apologetic glance. 

“Alright alright, dammit!” Your father laughs, attempting to shake off Joel’s hand but Joel doesn’t give him a chance; leading the both of them out of your path. 

You watch, briefly, as Joel and your father walk away— entirely watching Joel. The thought of scratching down his broad back crosses your mind and you curse yourself before rushing off towards the school; leaving the thought behind in the snow. 

𓈒⟡₊⋆∘

After you had finished up at the school, you rushed home in a hurry to bathe. In the shower, you specifically use your good shampoo and that really good smelling body soap you traded some serious shit for as well.  

And despite your dad’s comment on “dressing up” for the dance— you still attempt it. Not because of what he wanted…well not entirely. You did want to look really good but only for a handful of people. Names you didn’t want to name, just yet; didn’t want to jinx it. 

After your everything shower, you now stand in your room. Where every decent shirt and pair of jeans that you had managed to own, lay out across your bed. You stare at every simple color of t-shirt and the nicer flannels you own. And every time you glanced between them all, you come back to the same conclusion— nothing looked that good and it was driving you nuts. 

You glance at the clock beside your bed, reading the sharp hands that point towards the 7 and the 25. The dance had certainly started by now and you were still here, more than an hour later, still deciding on an outfit. 

Short on time and refusing to look at the same six shirts anymore, you give up on finding anything better than a simple, black, long sleeved shirt. Throwing the shirt on and a light pair of blue jeans to match, you hurry off to the bathroom to somewhat salvage your hair. 

Fifteen minutes later you finally leave home. Bracing yourself against the Jackson cold as you hurry through inches of snow and chill towards town hall. 

Once you arrive, you’re greeted by the entire town being there. Not that you had expected any less. Several bodies hang outside the massive building, chatting amongst each other but they’re kind enough to wave in greeting as you come closer. A man standing by the door, whose name you probably know but can’t remember at the moment, stops you briefly to tell you that your father is already inside. Most likely next to the bar or somewhere messing around with Joel and Tommy. 

You didn’t expect anything less, again. 

You say your thanks before heading into the crowded hall. You knock the snow off your shoes as you enter and before you can move any further inside, a nice lady offers to take and hang up your coat. You smile and hand off the battered coat, facing to turn the large crowd in search of any familiar faces. 

You smooth your palms down the front of your thighs in an attempt to wipe away any anxiety that lingers but it doesn’t really help. 

“Oh, heya there,” a familiar voice calls to you. 

You turn to match the voice to a face and find Tommy Miller. A glass of bourbon sits easily in one of his hands, along with a couple of beers in the other. He’s dressed super nice, looking damn good in a maroon button up shirt and leather jacket with a dark pair of jeans and boots to match. 

You smile towards Tommy, relaxing just a little at seeing someone you finally knew. “Hi Tommy.” You hum sweetly, moving just an inch closer towards him and out of the way of the doorway. 

Tommy smiles back at you, glancing over your appearance quick enough that you barely register him looking at all. “Yer’lookin’ pretty tonight.” He compliments before he gestures towards someplace behind you. “Go get yourself a drink darlin’. You’ll find your dad in the back.” 

And without waiting, Tommy turns to make his way to the back of the hall; where you’ll most likely find him, your dad, and Joel. 

But you don’t move an inch. Your face burning hot. You weren’t often complimented but somehow…one coming from Tommy kind of made your entire heart skip a beat. 

Joel certainly hadn’t been the only man you were having impure thoughts about. 

You try your best to squish any and all of those feelings down before heading over to the area Tommy had gestured at. Something in your gut told you that you were going to need at least six drinks to survive the night, so might as well start with one now. 

After getting your choice of drink, you make yourself comfortable against a wall next to a tall table towards the side of the room. No where near your dad and co. Where you stand for most of the night, only leaving your cozy little spot every so often to get another drink before making your way back.

You interact with a few other familiar faces you’ve seen around Jackson. Like Jesse, who was the first to stop by and see you. You two talked pleasantly. Most of the conversation being about a few recent patrols Jesse had been on…and his mention of wanting you to begin training for patrols. You remind him gently, again, that you weren’t sure if you were ready for it just yet and he respects it, leaving to mingle amongst the crowd.

Next Dina and Ellie say their hellos. You and Ellie stand by each other, silently, while Dina goes to get another round of drinks. Both of you looking about as uncomfortable as someone could when inside a large crowd; until Dina comes back. And they stay for a moment until deciding to go dancing. 

Then it was just you. 

Leaning against the wall, alcohol in hand, staring out at the sea of bodies, doing your best to enjoy the music. And you think you’re going to stand there the entire night, alone, until a man appears quickly out of the corner of your eye. You turn to look at whoever was approaching you, only to find one of the men you were trying to simultaneously ignore and impress that night; Joel. 

“Tommy said you were here,” Joel’s voice carries like a sweet melody over the sound of the music. He comes to stand beside you, a charming smile on his face. “Thought you’d run off home already.” 

You could tell he’s had a couple of drinks, for the tension in his shoulders is entirely gone and the smile on his face comes to him easily.

You shake your head, taking a sip off the potent liquid inside your glass. “Yeah, I’ve just been kinda over here.” You respond, glancing towards the older man again. 

“Didn’t want to be seen with your dad and his friends?” Joel teases, sipping on his own glass of alcohol. 

You laugh, shrugging a little at his words. No, you didn’t really want to be seen with him…just because everyone in Jackson already knew you as “so and so’s daughter” and nothing else. But you also just weren’t sure if you’d be able to survive sitting around Tommy AND Joel teasing you the entire night. 

“Maybe,” you answer with as much honesty as you can. So technically you weren’t lying to him but not telling the full truth either. “It would just kinda be lame as hell to hang around my dad the entire night, don’t ya think?” 

Joel chuckles, nice and easy like the whiskey he drinks. 

The noise rattles your brain. Itches a part of you that you didn’t know needed to be itched. Something about the low rumble of his easy laugh sends shivers down your entire spine.  

“Mmm, yeah, it would be kinda lame.” Joel reiterates, shamelessly teasing you as he sips on his drink. 

You roll your eyes at him— another chuckle, another shiver— stifling your own laugh as you return to your drink. 

“Think I’m too lame to hang around?” Joel hums as he leans back against the wall you’ve been holding up all night. 

You hide your worried frown behind your glass as you take a sip of the vodka. On one hand, anything you say is going to give away too much. On the other hand…maybe you wanted him to know. Maybe it was time to just lay all the pieces out onto the board.  

“I don’t think you're lame.” You finally respond. 

Silence gaps between the two of you with only the live music filling any space left open. You glance in his direction again, watching as he knocks back the rest of his whiskey before taping the glass on the table that stands between the two of you. 

“Well, I guess if a pretty girl like yourself doesn’t think I’m lame, then I guess I’m doin’ alright.” Joel finally breaks the brief silence. 

“You think I’m pretty?” You blurt out before you can bite the words back. 

Joel jumps at your words; as if he’s suddenly realized what he’s said and that you definitely heard him say it. 

Your face burns hot with a crawling blush. And while you stare at him, he stares right back at you. He opens his mouth to say something but he can’t quite find the right words so he just stays quiet, fiddling with his empty glass. 

“What…else do you think of me?” You ask quietly, wondering if he can even hear you over the sound of the music and the people inside the hall. 

But the way his eyebrows knit together tells you all you need to know. He definitely heard you. 

Joel clears his throat, straightening his shoulders and trying his best— and failing— to avoid your gaze. “I uh, think…” he finally speaks, glancing in the direction of the front door to the hall. “I think we should get some air.” Joel finishes his thought, pushing up and off the wall. He doesn’t move right away to leave though, stopping to wait for you. And when you realize he’s serious, you practically scramble to follow after him. 

He grabs the glasses left behind, carrying them back over to the makeshift bar and dropping them off on the way out before he’s holding the door open for you. 

Maybe sooner, rather than later, you’d get used to the cold. 

𓈒⟡₊⋆∘

When you are once again greeted by the snow and chill of winter, the only thing you can concern yourself with is hoping your father didn’t see you leave just now. You didn’t know which would be worse; your dad obviously seeing you leave with Joel for “no reason” or following Joel and getting your hopes up that something might happen. 

And you really try to remind yourself that this was just…getting some air, like Joel had suggested. Nothing more, nothing less. Just a moment to cool down. You weren’t going to think this was some sneaky way for your midnight dreams to come true. 

This wasn’t what you wanted…air was just something Joel needed. 

You tuck yourself a little tighter into your coat as you walk a step behind Joel. Following him as he circles around to a quieter, more secluded area of town hall that wasn’t occupied by the patrons of Jackson. 

You have to pinch yourself to remind your damn head, and heart, that this was just an easier spot to talk to each other— away from the noise and the crowd. 

Joel takes in a deep breath, filling his lungs with the cold air as he leans against the building. “Gotten used to the cold yet?” Joel asks, shuffling inside his jacket for a pair of gloves. 

You dryly laugh, shaking your head as you stand in front of him. You kick at the snow underneath your boot, showcasing how much you have “gotten used” to the harsh winter. “Oh yeah, I love it, can’t you tell?” You respond, tone full of sarcasm, rolling your eyes. 

Joel chuckles, nodding his head a little. “I don’t enjoy it much either.” He drawls, slipping on the gloves he’s taken out of his pocket. 

“What…do you enjoy?” You ask without skipping a beat. His comment from earlier still echoes in your ears. And you needed to know exactly what he meant by it. It was far more than just a compliment. His reaction spoke louder than any words he’s said all night. 

The soft look, the easy laugh, the tenderness of it all. 

Every action had a purpose. 

“Listen sweetheart,” Joel sighs, crossing his arms over his chest. “I…dammit, you know that whatever I say, or whatever you say, it’s not goin’ to end well.” Joel grumbles. 

“Why not?” You ask, as if you didn’t know why or exactly what he meant. You mirror his stance, crossing your arms in front of your chest. “We’re both adults.” 

Joel chuckles, a darker laugh than you had heard inside at the party. A dangerous laugh. “Darlin’,” Joel warns, straightening his shoulders back. “You’re a pretty girl. You’re smart. Don’t waste that on…this.” 

“On what? What is this?” You question, gesturing towards the small amount of open space left between the two of you. 

“This? Shouldn’t be anything.” Joel counters, avoiding the question while also answering the question. 

“Why? Scared?” You snark. Enjoying the way Joel huffs and rolls his eyes. 

“Don’t,” Joel warns, for the second time. He shakes his head at your accusation. And if there was one thing about Joel you knew for sure— it was that he was never scared to act. You just wanted to see him unravel. “You know what I mean. This can’t go any further than it already has.” 

“What is this, Joel?” You exclaim, taking a step closer towards him, gesturing once again at the air between the two of you. 

“This is me holdin’ back.” Joel snaps. His tone is anything but aggressive or harsh, more so firm and matter of fact. 

And yet, his words still make you stumble. Just ever so slightly. Because what the hell would he hold back from? 

A string of voices catches your attention. You freeze like a deer in headlights when you glance in the direction of the voices, heart pounding at the feeling of being found. Not that you and Joel were doing anything…at all, other than arguing, but word would spread like wildfire around Jackson if you two were seen together; especially tucked away in some dark little corner. Word would get back to your father and he would be more insufferable than he already is. 

But Joel is quick to act. He reaches out for you, grabbing your arm in a firm, yet gentle, grasp and giving you a tug. He pulls you into him, bringing you into his chest and flipping you around until your back is pressed up against the building he had previously been leaning on. He shields you from view while also keeping his face hidden away from the string of voices coming a little too close for comfort. He knew the risks as well. 

You’re closer to Joel now than you’ve ever been. Close enough you can smell the whiskey he had been drinking earlier. Your heart feels like it’s about to burst from its cage and drop dead in his hands with how hard it beats inside your chest. You stare up at him. Watching his face as he watches over his shoulder for any signs of unwanted guests getting too close. 

And after a few painstaking seconds tick by, the further and further the voices seem to drift— leaving the two of you alone, once more. 

Joel breathes a sigh of relief. 

But you continue to hold your breath. 

“Think they’re gone.” Joel mumbles, the tension in his shoulders eases just a little. 

But you can’t relax as he still towers over you.

At your silence, Joel drags his gaze from over his shoulder and back down to you. And when your eyes meet once more, air finally returns to your lungs. 

You suck in a small breath as his face comes within a few inches of your own. 

“Joel…?” You whisper his name, softer than soft. Blinking up at him as he stares down at you. 

Both of you are unmoving. Every puff of breath he exhales, tangles with your own. Your chest rises and falls with rapid breaths as the tension builds. 

Your mind falls blank. No longer worried about being caught. Any anxiety you had felt earlier leaves you entirely, it was nothing but a memory to you now. 

The world fades away. You can no longer hear the distant sound of music or the laughs or cheers of the crowd. 

All of your focus was on just him. And you knew it had to be the same for him. 

For when his hazel eyes slowly dip to move across your bottom lip; everything snaps.

Joel lurches forward but you meet him half way. His lips smash against yours but you kiss him back just as hard. You taste the whiskey he’d been drinking all night on his lips, already wanting more. 

A strong hand smooths down your thigh before giving you a yank, tucking your body in close to his, flushing your hips together. 

You gasp his name but it’s swallowed up by Joel. Tongue and teeth alike collide as you kiss. You snake your arms around his neck, fingers pushing into the curls that lay on the top of his head. You give his hair a tug, enjoying the grunt that slips from his mouth into yours. 

You roll your hips forward, grinding into him and Joel stutters. Your name leaves his lips like a curse and he returns the favor by pressing his tongue briefly into yours. Just enough to keep you wanting more. Even brief, a shiver runs down your spine; and it isn’t from the cold.

His other hand wades past your coat before his fingers push beneath the shirt you wear. The leather of his gloves is cold as he skims across your hip and along your lower back. You’d prefer skin on skin than the feel of his gloves but you don’t complain. Scared that if you do, Joel will suddenly snap from his entranced state. 

Instead, you untangle your hand from his hair, moving to brush your chilled fingers against his skin. You press into the back of his neck, skimming past the collar of his shirt, scratching just a little across his back before you drag your fingernails down the front of his chest. You ball his shirt up into your fist, yanking the fabric free from its tucked place beneath his jeans and belt. 

Oh god, how you wish you were home. Wish you were in some kind of light— that didn’t involve the moon— so you could see him better. Wishing you could see the way his brows knit in satisfaction as you touch him or the way his muscles flex as he touches you. 

Joel grunts, hips jerking up against you. He grabs ahold of your hip, giving it a possessive squeeze, before his fingers expertly unbutton the front of your jeans. He wastes no time, slipping his hand beneath your jeans and over the front of your underwear. He presses his fingers heavy into the curve of your cunt. 

You break the kiss at the feeling of him sliding against your core. “Joel!” You gasp, sucking in a harsh breath. 

“Quiet sweetheart,” Joel orders, skimming his lips across your throat. “Don’t want anyone else to hear.” He hums, fingers flexing with his words. His teeth scrape against your skin, sending a tingle down your spine. 

You clamp your mouth shut, biting at your bottom lip to keep any loud noises from slipping out. Your fingers scramble to undo his belt; you weren’t going to be the only one exposed, vulnerable, and feeling good. 

Managing to undo his belt, you slip your hand against the front of his underwear. You stroke against the obvious bulge in his pants, biting back a whimper at the feel. 

Another reason you liked him more than guys your age. 

Joel groans at your touch. His hand picks up the pace, rubbing harsh circles into your cunt. 

You briefly adjust yourself into somewhat of a more comfortable position as you can with one leg up and pinned against a wall. You mirror his actions, palming the front of his underwear. You can feel his girth fill out beneath your hand the more he stiffens up. Can feel how big he is, even still hidden by his underwear. 

You really wish you were in a home right now. You wanted to see him. Wanted to see every inch and vein and how big he is compared to your fingers. You just desperately wanted more than this; more than a mutual handjob. 

Joel grunts when your fingers bump close to what you assume is his tip. His voice pulls you back into the moment. You wanted more than this— and maybe one day— but for now you’d just enjoy it. You don’t know if you’ll ever get another chance like this again, so you were going to enjoy every second. 

You lift your hips, grinding into his hand with a whine. You pull at the lip of his underwear, yanking the fabric down as far as you can, savouring the groan that Joel releases. 

Your fingers wrap around the base of his cock, slowly stroking up along the curve of his shaft until you press into his tip. 

“This is…such a bad fuckin’ idea.” Joel hisses against your throat, groaning when your fingers finally wrap around him. 

“Shut up and kiss me again.” You demand and Joel listens. He leaves your neck— sure to be beautifully marked for tomorrow morning— moving his lips back up to yours, kissing you once again. 

His fingers slip and follow against your seam, pressing into your clit. Your hand mirrors his pace; stroking him faster, brushing your thumb against the slit of his tip. 

With each slip of Joel’s hand your entire lower half begins to burn against the cold. Your hips surge forward in search for more. You want more, want him, but you’re not going to push your luck anymore than you already have tonight.

If he were to lead, you’d follow him then. 

“Fuck it.” Joel curses against your lips, breaking the kiss. He slips his hand out from beneath your jeans and brings his fingers to his mouth. He bites down on the leather of his glove and yanks his hand free from it. All in one swift motion, he pushes his hand back into your pants— but this time, it’s beneath your underwear. 

His warm fingers slip between the folds of your soaking wet pussy. He easily presses two fingers inside of your aching cunt. Jerking his hand back and forth, thrusting his fingers quickly and deeply inside your seam. 

You try your best to keep up with his new found pace. Skimming your hand faster along his twitching shaft. 

His fingers curl deep inside of you, hitting sensitive spots you didn’t know you had, forcing stars across your vision. 

Your mouth falls open but you somehow manage to keep yourself from moaning his name too loud. You clamp a hand against his shoulder, gripping onto him for any kind of support. Your nails dig into the thick of his shoulder but his pace doesn’t falter or slow down. He continues to thrust his fingers inside, winding the coil inside of your lower half tighter and tighter. 

“Joel,” you gasp, thighs trembling with every damn flex of his fingers. “I won’t last.” You practically sob, trying your best to continue to move your own hand along his throbbing cock. 

Joel chuckles between rugged breaths. His palm rubs heavy against your clit while his fingers spear inside your core. He rolls his hips, fucking into your hand and you tighten your grip instinctively. You press your thumb into his tip, feeling Joel shiver beneath your touch. He may not be as vocal about it but you can tell he’s also reaching a limit. His cock throbs under your touch, his hips thrust forward faster, his breath is quicker, his fingers inside you curl a little tighter— he wasn’t lasting much longer either.  

Meanwhile, a fire burns hot in your lower half. His skilled fingers push you closer and closer to your orgasm. If he wasn’t supporting you, you’re sure at this point your legs would’ve given out on you. Pleasure pumps hot— like lava— through your veins and you know your climax is going to come rushing up any second. And you know you’re going to be far too loud. 

You release your grip on his shoulder, snatching the glove out of Joel’s mouth before returning your hand back to his shoulder; glove in hand. 

“Fucking kiss me, I’m!” You hiss through clenched teeth. 

Joel presses his lips hard into yours just in time. He silences you as your orgasm rocks through you. You cum, hard, around his fingers. Hips jerking erratically to ride through the fire burning beneath your skin. You sob into Joel’s mouth and he keeps it contained, so no one else can hear it but him. 

He swallows all of your moans. Tasting his own name off of your tongue as you cum, crying out to him. But Joel doesn’t stop moving his fingers until he knows you’ve finished. His hand continues to move until it becomes too much; when his palm drags across your overly sensitive clit, you quickly tap on his shoulder to get him to finally stop. 

He removes his fingers at your request, quickly wrapping them instead around your hand that grips his shaft. His slicked hand caresses your own as he swiftly moves both of your hands now. 

He breaks the kiss with a grunt. Hips stuttering at the contact of both hands on his lower half now. He tangles his fingers up with your own, guiding your hand along his thick, and very stiff, cock. 

“Yeah sweetheart, just like that.” Joel grunts, helping you in jerking himself off. He moves both of your hands over his shaft, hard and fast, his hips jerking with every stroke. He groans your name, low and quiet, making sure to keep his own voice in check. It's a deep rumble from within his chest that sends a wave of warm pleasure to the very tips of your fingers, encouraging you to keep up with his pace. 

His breath picks up and you can feel him tighten beneath your fingers, closer to his own end. He turns his eyes to stare down at your connected hands and you follow his gaze. 

“Dammit.” Joel curses under his breath. He grunts as his orgasm rushes over him. He presses the head of his cock into your lower abdomen; pressed right into exposed skin and against the waistband of your underwear. 

You watch as he cums. Feeling every twitch and throb beneath your fingers as he ropes out every last drop. The warmth of his orgasm smears across your body. You bite down on your bottom lip to keep from groaning too loud as you watch it all unfold with an exhausted gaze. 

After a few more strokes, Joel finishes entirely with a groan. You’re both left sweaty— despite the cold— panting hard in an attempt to catch your breath, and now you’re left with the evidence of the night sticking to your skin. Silence stretches between you two. Both of you are just staring at the mess he’s made against your body and clothes. 

Your mind is blank until the noise of the world slowly comes back into your senses. You suddenly remember where the two of you are. The distant voices, the laughs, and music of the party snaps you back into reality. 

“Joel—“ you begin to say but he stops you from speaking, as he comes back down to Earth too. 

“Go home and get cleaned up.” Joel interrupts, shaking his head a little. His post clarity sobers him up real quick and he’s suddenly realized everything that has happened. The confessions, the touching, the kissing— all with his best friend’s daughter. 

“We’ll…talk…tomorrow.” Joel whispers, the sour of guilt and regret heavy in his tone. He drops the leg he had been holding up for your brief encounter before quickly, and embarrassingly, he adjusts himself back into his pants. All while avoiding your gaze. 

You nod your head, again not wanting to test your luck more than you already have, fixing your own pants up. You wipe the sticky mess away with your shirt before zipping your jeans back up. 

“I’ll walk you home.” Joel mumbles, his hands move to gently fix up your messed up coat. 

Always the gentleman, despite everything. 

You stay silent, handing Joel back his glove before tucking your hands into the pockets of your coat. You cross your arms, hiding the front of your jeans and your shirt with your coat, as you turn to make your way home. 

It doesn’t take long for the two of you to make it back to your house. Luckily, you managed to make it back without anyone stopping you or seeing the two of you together. Plus, no lights on in the house next door; which meant your dad wasn’t home yet or he was dead asleep in bed already. 

You think for a second that never in your life would you get as lucky as you have tonight, ever again. 

Joel keeps his promise though. Walking you all the way home and up onto your front porch. He waits until you unlock the door to relax his shoulders. 

“I, uh,” Joel clears his throat, stopping at just the threshold of your front door. He flexes his fingers, smoothing his thumb into the center of his palm while he searches for something, anything, to say to you. After everything, he isn’t sure what either of you could say to make it all somehow magically return to normal. 

It would never be normal again. 

You didn’t want it to be normal again. 

A few seconds tick by before he finally gives up in his search. “Goodnight, darlin’.” Joel says softly, slightly leaning against the doorframe of your front door. 

Your heart skips a beat. Tears prick at the corner of your eyes. Because no matter what, Joel would always be tender. He’d always look out for you. 

You take a deep breath in, calming your nerves, before you take a step closer towards Joel. You lean in close, placing a kiss on his cheek before stepping away from him once more. 

“Goodnight, Joel.” You reply. 

“Alright…” Joel hums, clearing his throat again as his fingers fiddle with the strap of his watch. He takes a step back from your home, dipping his head in his last goodbye for the night. 

It almost gave you the feeling that he didn’t want to leave…but he had too.

He turns on his heel, making his way back down onto the road from where you two had just come from. And you watch him walk off into the cold night, waiting until he disappears from view before closing your front door.

You groan at the cold you suddenly feel, shivering as you rush off to your bathroom. You strip quickly, shoving your stained clothes down to the very bottom of the laundry basket. Something you’d deal with on a later day. 

You clean up in the shower while the night replays in your mind like a movie. And it doesn’t stop playing until you crawl into bed, curling up with every single one of your blankets to somewhat recreate the warmth you had with Joel, and finally falling asleep. 

𓈒⟡₊⋆∘

Waking up the next morning makes everything from the night before feel like a fever dream. You can’t tell if it was just a really good fucking wet dream or if it was in fact something that happened. And the only way you’d confirm everything, was to speak with Joel. And the only way you can get some uninterrupted, alone time with him is by doing something you’ve been putting off since arriving in Jackson. 

You wash and get dressed before going next door to your father’s home. It was already late enough that he should be back home from his patrol and you find him in the kitchen, doing whatever it is that he does. When he looks at you, he’s a little confused but happy nonetheless to see you. 

“Hey kid, what’s up?” He asks, wiping his hands on a nearby towel. 

You take a deep breath, picking at the seam of your shirt sleeve, standing awkwardly in the doorway. “I want to start patrol training.” You respond, finally making your mind up. 

Your father, thankfully, doesn’t ask why you’ve suddenly changed your mind about patrols. Or your disappearance from last night. And while he’s a little confused about it, the smile that splits his face tells you he’s more excited than anything. 

If only he knew. 

“I’ll speak with Tommy then.” Your dad confirms, offering you a cup of coffee. 

He never said anything once getting into bed. As soon as you were also ready for bed, he’d pull you directly into him. He’d lay his head and the full of his weight down on top of you. His arms would snake tight around your waist while his ear would press into your chest and then he’d just drift off to sleep, just like that. If you’d try to sleep on his chest or want to spoon, he wouldn’t sleep. He’d stay awake until you eventually would roll over and allow him to lay on top of you.

And it wasn’t a bad thing or unusual that he wanted to cuddle. You two would cuddle like any other normal couple— with his arm draped over your shoulders and your head laying on his chest during a movie. Or the rare occasion where he’d want to lay his head in your lap and let you play with his hair when you both had the day off.

And you really weren’t sure how you could bring it up to him without sounding weird about it. What lover complains about their partner and his sleeping habit? All because he wanted to sleep with his head on your chest? You were going to complain about that? Not that it was really a complaint, you just wanted to know why. Why every night, before he fell asleep, did he demand to sleep in the same position— with his head on your chest.

Had something happen to upset him recently? Had a patrol gone bad and he didn’t say anything about it? Was he just struggling to sleep? It’s not like he stayed in the same position all night long either, you both woke up in different positions by morning light.

You just…wanted the truth is all. And you finally had gathered the nerve to ask him about it one night.

The two of you had just finished a movie. You had cuddled the entire time; his hand on your thigh with your legs sprawled out across his own. His thumb had brushed the easiest circles into your skin, as if he silently reassured you to ask him of his newfound routine.

When the movie finished, Joel had yawned and patted your knee before heading to take a quick shower. And with nothing left for you to do as well, you just head to bed. Turning on a light to read a book as you wait for your lover to join you. Butterflies dance inside your stomach at the thought of having to ask Joel about his recent sleeping habit. You hated to pry and again, it wasn’t a horrible habit just…strange. It just felt like he was keeping something from you and you really didn’t enjoy that feeling.

So when Joel finally enters your shared room, hair still damp, dressed in his usual pj’s, he kisses you briefly before flipping the covers open. His hands gently tug at your waist to pull you down closer to him, before he settles in like he does every other night. Head on your chest and arms snug around your waist.

You sigh, shifting a little to get more comfortable yourself. You toss your book onto the nightstand beside you before turning off the bedside light. You smooth your hands down his back and take a deep breath; wondering if maybe Joel could hear how hard your heart was beating as you gather the nerve to speak.

“Joel?” You quietly ask, drawing circles across the wide of his back. A teeny, tiny, small part of you silently hopes he has already fallen asleep.

“Mhm?” Joel sighs softly, giving you a nice squeeze. His fingers mirror the circles you make against his back gently into your lower back.

You swallow hard, chewing on your bottom lip. “This is gonna sound strange, and please don’t take it like it’s a bad thing but,” You start, pretending to flick at imaginary fuzz on the back of his dark shirt. “Why…have you been wanting to sleep like this?”

Joel doesn’t say anything right away. And his silence unnerves you just a little. You think, for a split second, you’ve upset him. And you try to backtrack, to pretend like you never said anything about it at all but Joel squeezes you just a little tighter— keeping you from speaking.

“I just…like to hear your heartbeat.” Joel mutters under his breath, keeping his head settled on your chest. Keeping his gaze tipped down so you can’t fully see his vulnerable gaze.

“That all?” You ask, just as quiet. Continuing to run your fingers along his spine.

Another beat of silence stretches out between you two.

In the darkness, and with the way he’s lying, you can’t read his face. And you can’t really tell if maybe he’s just fallen asleep or if he’s just dodging the conversation.

“Joel?” You ask after several rough heartbeats.

Joel shifts ever so slightly at his name being called. So he was dodging the question.

“Joel.” You say, firmer this time.

“I’ve been having…nightmares again.” Joel finally admits. He presses his face tighter into your chest, ear planted firm over your heartbeat. “Your heartbeat helps.”

Of course. You should’ve known. When you had first met Joel, even before you became a couple, he had been plagued with nightmares. From his life before the cordyceps outbreak, to things he had done to survive the outbreak, to even things that happened before moving to Jackson. All things that he didn’t really want to speak about. And you never pushed him to do so. No matter how many sleepless night he had or the screaming you’d wake up to— you never forced him to do anything he didn’t want to.

But after a year or so of your relationship, his nightmares had slowly began to vanish. He slept easier, next to you, as time went by so of course you should’ve known it was the nightmares haunting him once more.

“Want to talk about it hun?” You ask, smoothing your fingers into the thick of his back— a reassuring gesture. You never pried or pushed him to talk about anything he didn’t want to, but at least the offer would be on the table for him to take.

Silence briefly greets you again. And you wait patiently for him to either say yes, no, or to have his snores answer for him instead.

“Just…nightmares about you. About losin’ ya.” Joel mumbles, taking a deep breath as he gives you another squeeze. “I keep seein’ ya, and we’re out on patrol. And at some point we get separated and then I just can’t catch up to ya...” Joel admits in a sour tone. Like he’s tasting blood and cooper on his tongue with every word.

You stay entirely silent as he speaks. Letting him work through the nightmare he has been experiencing for more than a month. Your fingers continue to brush along his broad back.

“And then I’m forced to watch as some damned Infected just…” Joel spits, trailing off— skipping the more…gruesome details about the dream. Doesn’t stop him from biting down on his bottom lip as he retells the plot of his nightmare. “If I fall asleep to your heartbeat, it means you're safe and here with me. And the nightmares don’t come.”

You nod your head, listening close to the words he speaks, while brushing your fingers against the back of his neck. Now, you couldn’t blame him for the routine. And felt even worse asking him about it. And while you had your fair share of bad dreams, they were never as aggressive as his were. And it broke your heart. But a small part of you was almost…glad that he found comfort in the sound of your heart to the point that it helped him sleep.

“Christ, I sound ridiculous don’t I?” Joel breaks the silence once again. He laughs just a little but you know better; it was just a front to hide his emotions.

“Hey,” you mumble, brushing your fingers through the curls on top of his head, pushing wet hair out of his eyes. “It’s not ridiculous. Thank you for telling me.” You add, smiling down at him.

Joel sighs at your words, leaning into the hand that caresses him. He tilts his head up just a little, glancing across your face. He stares for a few heartbeats, as if he’s trying really hard to remember every inch of your face; from the curve of your jaw to the dip of your lips, to the softness in your eyes when you look at him.

“I don’t know what I’d do…” Joel mumbles, so soft you can just barely hear him. “If I lost you.”

Your lips tilt into a somber smile as your hand brushes hair behind his ear. Your thumb trails down the edge of his jaw. You move delicately along his skin, reassuring him in every way possible that you knew how to. “Good thing you’ll never lose me. Sorry to say old man, you’re stuck with me.”

Joel laughs— a deep rumble from within his chest— this time very real and easy like. His entire body relaxes at your words and he returns to his previous position, eyes falling close as he hugs around you. “Wouldn’t want nobody else.” Joel yawns, taking a deep breath as sleep edges at his senses.

“Well I sure as hell hope you don’t.” You tease, laughing quietly along with him. You move to relax your arms across the broad of his back once more, hugging him back just as tightly. “I’d be kinda pissed if you did.”

“Wouldn’t want that now would we,” Joel playfully mutters. The sound of your heartbeat a soothing melody inside his head, quickly luring him into the depths of sleep. “You’re scary when yer’mad.”

If you weren’t about to fall asleep yourself, you might’ve given him a little love tap at his comment but you decide against it. Instead, you let the silence stretch between the two of you, taking it as time to finally relax. Where sleep quickly embraces you now that your anxiety about the situation has been resolved.

And from now on, you were more than happy to sleep like this.

@ 𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐒 𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐕𝐄𝐃 𝐓𝐎 𝐙𝐄𝐕𝐑𝐑𝐀 | 𝐃𝐎 𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐑𝐄𝐏𝐎𝐒𝐓 𝐄𝐋𝐒𝐄𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄 𝐖/𝐎 𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐎𝐍

You could hear him as soon as he opened the front door. No matter how late it was, it was like a sixth sense you had; knowing exactly when he came home. A tingle beneath your skin that stirred you from your sleep.

You blink away the sleep that you had been enjoying for a few hours before sitting up to stretch out beneath the warmth of blankets. Your tired eyes glance at the alarm clock on his side of the bed, reading the crisp ‘2:06 am’ that idly stared back at you. You yawn at the sight.

The sound of footsteps catches your attention then. You listen to him tread up the stairs to your shared bedroom. Could practically hear the exhaustion in every single step he took. Even so, you could also hear him trying to move as quietly as he possibly could throughout the home— always thinking of you. It makes your heart swell and you smile at the tenderness he always goes about showing you.

When he finally enters the bedroom, he trips up just a little at seeing you awake. But that charming smile of his settles in at the sight of you instantly. “Ya startled me.” He whispers softly, crossing the room still just as quietly to hang up his jacket.

He must have stopped in at the bathroom downstairs to change, for he’s no longer in the clothes you saw him leave in that morning; instead he’s wearing his usual sleeping fit. Dressed in a simple gray shirt and a pair of boxers— perfectly fitting for the old man.

He crosses the room to the bed in three big steps. “Didn’t mean to wake ya.” He mumbles once he stands at the opposite side of the bed from you.

You move sleepily to fold back the blankets on his side of the bed, allowing him into the warmth you’ve kept tucked away for most of the night.

Joel hums softly at your invitation, kneeling against the mattress briefly to lean in closer to you. He places a quick kiss onto your lips, a big hand tenderly brushing along your jaw, before he settles into his side of the bed. And before he lets you get a word in, he yanks you into his chest. Strong arms wrap around you, securing you directly onto his body.

You melt into him. Ear pressed into his chest, listening to the sweet melody of his heartbeat. You breathe in his scent— his sweat and the forest— as deep as your lungs would allow. While he lays a gentle hand against your back, his fingers rubbing soothing circles into your skin.

“Mm, it’s fine. Always love seein’ you anyway.” You yawn, smiling at the low chuckle that rumbles through his chest. You place a hand beside your hand, mirroring the small circles he runs into your back against his chest. “How was the patrol?” You ask, tucking yourself a little tighter against him.

“Mmm.” Joel sighs, breathing in deep, before his exhaustion takes him under. His breathing settles into a nice, soft rhythm as he falls asleep.

You laugh just a little at how fast he falls asleep but the lull of breathing and his old man snoring quickly draws you back into the depths of your own sleep.

When you wake again, soft rays of morning light dance about the room. You’re still tangled up against Joel, lovingly trapped beneath the secure hold of his arms. He still snores steadily beneath you and it makes you smile a little.

He had been so worn out from the extra patrols. Your usual routine suddenly changed from sharing coffee together, doing your own work inside Jackson while he goes out on patrols with Tommy, coming together for dinner and watching a movie until you both were ready for bed, and then sharing an intimate night together every once in a while into; Joel going out for a morning patrol, returning for a very brief lunch with you, stocking up, before going right back out for patrols until late into the night. There had been no time for really anything between you two. And yet, you couldn’t— or wouldn’t— complain. Not when he came home and into your arms from those deadly patrols every single night.

You squeeze him gently before pulling yourself out of his grasp. Detangling from your lover to sit up and slide out of bed, heading for the bathroom. If you didn’t have to go, you wouldn’t. Would never willingly leave Joel or his warmth if your body didn’t force you to.

Without said warmth, the chill of morning seeps swiftly into the depths of your muscles and bones. Doesn’t help that you went to bed in one of Joel’s old t-shirts and just your underwear. You couldn’t help it, not when Joel was your own personal heater at night.

You cross your arms over your chest in an attempt to battle the cold as you hurry off to the bathroom.

The second you’re done, you’re rushing back to bed. Neither you nor Joel had a patrol that morning, finally, and you certainly planned to lay in bed and listen to him sleep for the rest of the day. Joel has rolled over onto his side, arm stretched out where you had been sleeping beforehand; most likely looking for you but fell asleep before he could get up to further investigate.

You softly hum at the sight, running the tips of your fingers along his arm before grabbing hold of his wrist and moving his arm up so you could take your spot in bed again. You sit down on your side, preparing to lay down again but you don’t make it that far.

Joel pulls you back into him. Your back is tucked against the front of his chest and he breathes in deep against the nape of your neck, his arms snaking around your waist, his lips gently pressing into your skin. “Mmm, missed you.” He mumbles quietly, pulling you tighter into his chest.

You smile at his sleepy words, snuggling back into him, tilting your head to the side as his lips move to explore more of your neck.

“Didn’t mean to wake you.” You mirror his words from earlier that night. Sighing at the feeling of his lips pressing into the tender spots along your skin.

“Been missin’ you.” Joel grumbles, low and deep beneath the shell of your ear. The deep rumble of his voice sends an electric shock through your body and suddenly it’s apparent he’s a little more than just ‘excited’ to see you back in bed.

One hand rubs down the front of your thigh. His skilled, calloused fingers brush and tease between the thick of your thigh before dancing around to the front of your underwear. His lips tilt down against your neck again, where he breathes hot and heavy against your skin, his hips slowly grinding into you— and you can feel every inch of his erection press right into your ass.

“I was only gone for a few minutes.” You chuckle, pressing back against him; enjoying the quiet groan that slips between his lips.

“Been too long,” Joel groans, his other hand slipping beneath the t-shirt you wear to palm at your breast. “Dreamin’ bout you…” He adds with a sigh.

The thought of Joel having a wet dream about you, just because the two of you hadn’t gotten the chance to be intimate in the last few days, puts a hot blush across your entire face. Your heart beats hard, wondering at what he could’ve been dreaming about; and you’re almost tempted to ask him but he stops you with a rough squeeze against your breast. You gasp at the feeling of his fingers pinching at one of your nipples while his other hand runs a firm trail up between your thighs.

He kisses hard against the curve of your neck, teeth scraping along your skin as fingers knead into your flesh. He rubs rough against your core, groaning at the feeling of you.

You mirror his deep groan with your own, turning to face him over your shoulder with a soft whine. “Joel.” You sigh, pressing back into him again.

Joel looks sleepily at you, smirking, before his lips kiss into the corner of your mouth. The angle is a little odd but he makes it work— he always makes it work. He kisses you full of passion while his fingers continue pressing rough into the curve of your cunt.

You gasp into his mouth, hips lifting up in search of more of his fingers. And he eagerly gives it to you. Strong fingers tangle into the thread of your underwear, ripping them to the side. You instinctively part your legs, adjusting yourself to give him far more space to work with and he immediately takes the chance. Fingers swiftly thread through the wetness of your core before they press deep into your slit, circling back up onto your clit.

Even his own hips lift with every press of his fingers. He grinds his full mass against the back of your body— clearly just as eager and touched-starved as you are.

You whimper at his touch. It definitely had been far too long with the way your lower half is already flooding at just the touch of his fingers. Your entire body shakes, trembling beneath his handiwork. Your fingers claw at his arms when they finally flex and slip inside of you. The taste of his name leaving your lips, slipping into his own.

Joel wastes no time; quickly he spears you with two of his fingers. His other hand comes back to life to massage your tit, pinching and pulling on your sensitive nipple while his other hand explores inside the depths of your core. His fingers slip in and out of you so easily; setting a pace that is steady but brutal inside your sensitive core.

“Fuckin’, god damn,” He groans. Another deep rumble from within his chest. His lips break from yours, gaze turning to stare at the hand that slips inside of you. He watches his fingers for a brief moment thrust inside of you, biting his bottom lip at the slick that connects between. His chest strains against your back with every rapid breath he takes. Unable to keep his hips still at all anymore. “Can’t wait.” He adds in a growl. His fingers thrust faster inside of you, turning you into a mess while a slew of erotic noises echo throughout the morning air.

“Fuck!” You gasp, body tightening up at his new found pace. You grab at his wrist as your eyes scan his face— silently begging him for more.

He doesn’t even need to look at you to know what you want. He wants it just as bad and he knows how much you can take.

His fingers press in deep and spread apart inside of you, stretching you open for what’s to come. His fingers jerk back and forth quickly. Moving so fast and deep it forces your entire body to jolt and tremble to every flex inside your aching cunt. His skilled work sets a blaze off in the lower half of your abdomen that screams for more.

Except suddenly, he stops his onslaught of his fingers. Slowly he retrieves his fingers from deep within you and you whimper at the loss of his touch.

Joel hums softly, pressing a kiss against your sweaty temple. “Mhm darlin’.” Joel grumbles, smoothing his slicked hand down the inside of your thigh. He adjusts himself first, before he helps you adjust. With no desire to wait, he yanks his boxers down to his thighs, grabbing hold of his aching self and lining himself perfectly up against you.

You moan at the feeling of his tip pressing into your slit, hips jerking hard to drag more of yourself across his tip. You didn’t want to admit how badly you’ve been craving him this last week as well; didn’t want to tire him out even more than he already was, so you had kept your mouth shut. But now, nothing was stopping you from letting him know just how much you’ve missed him too.

“Shit, Joel,” You whine, kissing at any of his skin that you could reach. “Missed you so much. I fucking need you, please.” You add while positioning your leg a little higher.

He hooks his hand under your knee, holding your leg into place as he slowly begins to vanish deep within your soaking wet cunt. “That’s it baby. Just like that.” He groans as he slowly buries himself deep inside your core.

Your entire body is on fire. With every inch he slowly slips in deeper, the more you feel like you’re burning up. Even the morning chill can’t scare away the fire setting beneath your skin. Your thighs tighten up but his grip is even tighter as he fully buries himself inside your drooling pussy.

You feel every inch. Joel fills you entirely full— and then some. And you swear after the lack of intimacy this past week, he feels even bigger than you remember.

“Always so warm,” Joel sighs as he slowly begins to roll his hips. “Christ baby…always take me so well.” He adds with a grunt as he slowly drags himself out; just to thrust right back into your more than willing cunt.

Your fingers tighten around anything they can reach. You turn to bury your nose into the sheets below as Joel begins to thoroughly ruin you. Your moans soak into the mattress with every thrust of the older man’s hips.

His other arm snakes tight around your midriff while he buries his nose into your exposed neck. Breathing you in while he continues to move at a steady pace.

“Feels s’good.” Joel slurs with pleasure. His lips and beard tickle across your skin, sending a thrill down your spine. He picks up the pace, digging deeper with each thrust he flawlessly places. Using his secure grip to pull your body to him while his hips surge forward to find yours.

Some days you wonder if Joel knows your body better than you do. Especially with the way he pleases you. It leaves you breathless; drowning in a pleasure you didn’t know existed before him. Chest tight, fingers gripping anything that might keep you tethered to this world while your entire body yearns for more— for him.

“Joel!” You praise, tasting the sweetness of his name.

Joel grins at the sigh of his name leaving your lips, pressing a reassuring kiss into your skin. He grunts as he thrusts into your core.

“‘M not gonna last sweetheart.” Joel admits weakly, a deep groan quickly following his words. He was pent up and overly sensitive thanks to being overworked and not being able to touch himself, or you. And with how good you feel, he’s sure as hell not going to last like he normally does.

It was…hot as fuck, in all honesty. Him being so desperate for you that he can’t last more than a few minutes, not when you made him feel so damn good. And you really couldn’t say you weren’t any better— overly sensitive and craving him far more than usual. You weren’t going to last long either.

“Always make me feel so good! Want you to cum inside, please!” You half sob as you clench around the man who fucks into your wet cunt. And you can feel him tighten up beneath you at your words; pushing closer and closer to the finish both of you seek.

“Christ,” Joel groans, hips surging forward harshly. He knew how to please you, but you sure as hell knew what to say to spur him on. “Gonna fuck you full, dammit. Til you can’t take no more.” Joel growls before his teeth scrape across your neck. He certainly planned to mark you up as his— if not now, later.

You moan in response, nodding your head a little. You unclasp your hand from around his wrist, snaking it between your legs. Your fingers brush rough against your clit. You don’t focus on the rhythm like your lover does; instead your hand moves chaotic and wild, rubbing hard into the sensitive bundle of nerves to force yourself closer to your orgasm.

“Shit.” Joel groans at the sight of you touching yourself. His hips stutter just ever so slightly before they snap back into his intense rhythm. His pace deepens, faster and harder and you swear you haven’t been this loud during sex in a very, very long time. Every thrust pushes a slew of high pitched, pathetic whines from your lips that you’re unable to keep contained. And the noise only continues to spur Joel on.

The gentleman in him doesn’t let you please yourself for long though— that was his job.

“Darlin’,” Joel softly warns, slipping the hand not holding your leg up underneath your own to stop your fingers from moving. Before you can protest, Joel’s fingers begin to move rapidly. Calloused fingers brush harsh against your seam. His fingers press heavy into your clit and each swipe is perfectly timed with his thrusts; sending a shocking wave of pleasure through your body.

Your mouth falls open with a sharp cry. You shake your head a little at the overwhelming pleasure— particularly sobbing as your orgasm rushes up. Your lower half burns like a wildfire as you climax, unable to stop yourself from moaning Joel’s name as you clench harshly around him. Your body jerks with every flicker of your orgasm as it flares up beneath your skin.

Joel grunts at the tightness wrapping around him. Cursing under his breath with every inhale he takes. He only manages a few more thrusts inside your clenched core before his own orgasm tips him over. He groans your name once, deep and raspy, as he fumbles over the edge. Thrusting himself as deep as he can as he orgasms— making sure every drop is spilt inside of you.

You roll your hips along with his finishing, cervix bruising thrusts. Grinding into him to finish riding out the rest of your own high. You can’t help but whimper at the finishing stretch of your orgasm; where longing pleasure quickly turns into scorching overstimulation.

Your hand flies to grab at Joel’s wrist once it becomes too much— stopping him from moving against your slit. Joel takes the obvious hint, of course, slipping his hand away to smooth it up along your tummy and onto your hip. He rests his hand there, secure enough to keep you close to him but relaxed as he recovers from his own orgasm.

His other hand loosens inside the crook of your knee, gently laying your leg down on top of the other one. He breathes rough against your skin, groaning at the energy he’s used up. Sleep edges at the old man once more as he tucks you tight back into his chest, returning to dig his nose into your neck.

You can still feel him sitting deep inside. Can feel every inch and you already know he’s filled you to the brim. You mimic his groan, falling limp back onto your lover as things begin to settle down.

You move your hand to lay over his, entwining your fingers with his own. “I love you.” You mumble, adjusting a little to pull his hand up to your lips. You press a kiss against the back of his knuckles.

“Love ya too,” Joel chuckles sleepily, smiling as he squeezes you in a tight hug. “We’ll clean up later…” He adds in a soft hum.

You can’t see it but you can definitely tell he’s falling back asleep— his breath begins to even out and he takes that deep, old man inhale he usually does right before passing out in his recliner.

No escaping now so you might as well get as comfortable as you can. Waking up later is going to be messy but you don’t mind. Getting to fall asleep with him in such an intimate manner made it all worth it.

@ 𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐒 𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐕𝐄𝐃 𝐓𝐎 𝐙𝐄𝐕𝐑𝐑𝐀 | 𝐃𝐎 𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐑𝐄𝐏𝐎𝐒𝐓 𝐄𝐋𝐒𝐄𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄 𝐖/𝐎 𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐎𝐍

“Are you sure you want to invite…everyone you know?” You ask, folding a beach towel as you speak. 

“Why not? It’s my little girl’s last few days before she leaves! I want the party to be one to be remembered!” Your dad hums, shoving his own bag full of goodies for the lake. 

You manage a smile but shake your head nonetheless. “You’re acting like I’m going to leave forever.” 

Your dad laughs, struggling to zip his over packed bag up. “To me, it sure does feel like forever!” He says with another laugh. “Either way, it’ll be fun! Swimming, good food, and camping one last night before you leave. It’s like you’re still thirteen!” 

“But I’m not thirteen anymore dad. Plus, Mrs. Felton is bringing her famous tuna and pecan salad.” You say exaggeratedly, rolling your eyes. “Which you and I both know…the entire block hates. So that good food you promised…?” You tease, zipping your own bag closed.

You watch as your dad visibly shudders at the mention of the tuna salad, making a fake gagging noise. “Well it’s a good thing your dad knows how to cook or else you’d be stuck with that delicious tuna salad too.” He fires back, hauling his successfully closed bag, and your own finished bag, over his shoulder, heading for the front door. 

You playfully sigh, shaking your head as you follow after him. You grab the massive cooler by the door on your way out, hauling it into the bed of his truck. 

“Plus,” Your dad starts, helping you with one hand to lift the cooler into the bed of his truck. “Joel and Tommy are gonna be there. And I know damn good and well Joel can cook too.” 

You freeze a little at the mention of his name but you manage to quickly gather yourself before your dad notices. One hand planted on the bottom of the cooler and you give it a shove to push it further into the bed. You laugh a little, trying your best not to sound awkward, as you turn around and grab hold of a couple of lawn chairs to add to the back of the truck. 

After that brief moment of summer’s heat getting to the two of you, or so Joel called it, he had left you to shower and clean up; working on your car for a couple of hours. Leaving you to sit in his house like a lost soul; only entertained by your phone and the sound of silence. 

You two did not speak about “it” after he finished working on your car. He simply came into his home, handed you the keys— making sure to avoid touching you at pretty much all costs— before saying goodbye and driving home. 

You two didn’t speak to each other after that day. You had waited, hopeful, for something; anything. Waited for a call or a text, but after the third day of sitting idly with your phone tightly gripped in your fingers, you figured he had planned to never talk to you again. Even though it stung a little, you couldn’t really blame him. It was an impulse, driven by desire and lust to quench a thirst brought on by the heat. 

And you definitely never mentioned that day to your dad either. Would feign that you just ‘simply forgot to tell him’ if it was brought up. 

Although, the mention of his name still makes your heart pound; forcing you to swallow the memories of the two of you…tangled up. There was a time and a place for everything…and standing near your father was not one of those times to get all flustered. 

You shake off the memories clouding your mind. Taking a step back and watching your dad throw in the giant tent he bought two years ago…and never used. 

“I’m surprised they’re coming.” You mumble after your dad closes the tailgate to his truck. 

“Why wouldn’t they?” Your dad asks, leaning against his truck briefly. 

You freeze again. Having meant to wonder inside your head instead of speaking out loud. 

“Hmm,” You sigh, putting your hands on your hips. “Just didn’t think senior citizens liked to swim, that's all.” You finally say, sarcasm dripping in your tone just to cover your ass from the real reason.

Your dad takes the bait. 

He laughs, hearty and full, reaching out to pinch the tip of your nose. “Now you better be nice to your dad or I’m leavin’ ya at the lake with only the tuna salad for lunch and dinner.” 

You yelp at the pinch on your nose, rubbing the sore spot before playfully smacking your dad across the arm. “Better be nice to your daughter or you’ll end up in a nursing home next year.” You tease, shooting him a glare. 

Your dad laughs again, waving you off as he walks back over to the front door to lock up the house. 

You take the time to get up into the passenger side of his truck. Buckling up before you check to make sure you have your essentials. Phone, tucked into the pocket of your linen shorts. You remember putting your wallet and keys into your tote bag so you can ignore the anxiety of forgetting them for now. Everything else you could think of was  packed inside your bag, so now all you had to do was sit back and enjoy the ride; and somehow enjoy being around a man you wanted more than you’ve ever wanted anything else in life. 

But maybe with the amount of people going to be there, thanks to your dad inviting the entire neighborhood and then some, you wouldn’t notice him at all. 

⋆✴︎˚｡⋆

That was just wishful thinking. 

The second you and your dad showed up to the lakeside, your nerves set in. Every vehicle that pulled up as you helped your dad set up for the day, sent a strike of lightning along your spine. Your heart pounds hard against your ribs and your fingers tremble as you expect to see his truck every time you stopped what you were doing and looked up. 

Every car that pulled up forced you to freeze. Every single time. But then you realize it’s not him, and that you’re not looking at his truck, so you try your hardest to return to normal. 

You do your best to keep yourself busy. As much as you possibly could anyway. Helping your dad prepare for the cookout, setting things up inside the large shelter sitting above the lake’s shore. 

Even with the sticky feeling of jumpiness clinging to you, you managed to say your hellos to those that you knew— and even to the ones you didn’t know. Telling everyone who showed up where they could find refreshments of every kind; water, sweet tea, soda, and beer. Doing your best to be a good host.

You had just settled into your skin once again when he finally showed up. You saw his truck a mile away. Right out of the corner of your eye. Watching as it rumbles down the road, turning your insides as hot as the pavement he steps out onto. 

You swallow hard, choking on the humidity of it all, as you try to ignore him. Turning your attention quickly to whoever was standing closest to you, initiating friendly conversation. 

You didn’t want to see him or how good he looked. And you certainly didn’t want to remember that moment; his lips on yours, or his calloused hands brushing everywhere along your body. You tried your hardest to forget the feeling of him slotted against your core, the taste of his name on your tongue…

But it was no use. 

The thought of it leaves you breathless and fuzzy. Remembering the feeling of him all too well and you blame the summer’s sun for making you damn near hallucinate. 

You hear your dad laughing behind you and you pray inside your mind that he just forgets about you. Just continues to rattle off his stories and not call you over— 

“Hey kid! Come over here for a minute!” Your dad yells over the soft roar of people and the music he had put on. 

Dammit. 

You excuse yourself to whoever you briefly stopped to speak to. Shoving that queasy, anxious feeling in your throat down into your stomach. You turn on your heel to make your way to where your dad stands, right next to the grill— right next to Tommy and Joel. 

The sound of your heart pounding in your chest was almost as loud as the sound of your flip flops echoing with every step you took, drawing closer and closer to the trio. 

“You remember my daughter, huh boys?” Your dad says, loud and proud. His hand pats on your shoulder as he reintroduces you to the Millers. 

“Hiya,” Tommy is the first to speak up, his hand lifting in the air for you to shake. You take his hand welcomingly, shaking it in greeting with a small smile on your face. “Nice to see ya again.” Tommy adds before he takes his hand back. 

You had tried your hardest not to look at him. 

Now it was unavoidable. 

You turn to Joel, who stands about as rigid as you feel. 

And fuck if Joel doesn’t look so damn good, just like you knew he would. He’s wearing a simple gray t-shirt, breathable and light for the summer’s sun, and god was he wearing swim trunks? Did he plan to swim? You can’t help but imagine him standing in the shallow end, water rolling down his bare chest, dark green swim trunks clinging to his thighs, making everything you desire just a little more pronounced and proud. The image of water clinging to his thighs makes you suck in a deep breath and you have to force yourself to remain indifferent as you stand next to your father.

Thank god you had a good poker face.

Tommy finally elbows Joel, knocking him— and yourself— out of the wind that had wrapped around the two of you. 

“Howdy,” Joel says, low and easy. He shifts around the simply wrapped box— a present for you?— and the six pack of beer in his hands, before he manages to stick his hand out for you to shake. 

You can already feel your fingers trembling as you lift your hand to meet his. Your fingers smooth down into his palm and your entire body hums with heat beneath your skin. You do your best not to shudder— or to remember the feel of his calloused hands on your body days ago. 

Thankfully though, before your mind can begin to replay every second of that day, Tommy laughs, patting his brother a little harder than he probably should have. 

“Forgive my older brother. He’s losin’ it.” Tommy hums, emphasizing the word “older” as he speaks about Joel. 

You jump at his voice and snatch your hand back quickly, laughing the interaction off with him. Trying your hardest to keep your heart inside your chest. 

Joel in response rolls his eyes and shakes off his little brother’s hand, taking his hand back down to his side. “You’re one to talk.” Joel gruffly says, elbowing Tommy back.

“C’mon boys, you’re both pretty!” Your dad jokes, laughing loudly as he joins in to the bickering of the brothers. 

Their playful arguing falls onto deaf ears as your mind shifts back to that day. Back to him. You’re close enough that you can smell his cologne again. He’s only an arms length away, maybe less. If it were just the two of you…you’re almost sure you’d reach out to him again. Pull him in as he lifts you up, kissing him like it was meant to be. 

You realize you’ve been staring at him for far too long, when he glances at you. 

Big eyes roam down the length of your body, taking in every revealing bit of skin that shows with the tank-top and pair of shorts you had slipped on over your bathing suit. 

You watch his jaw clench and his lips form a thin line as he stares into your eyes; as if he wants to say something but the laugh of Tommy and your dad echoing in the background, stops him. You two were not alone, and it would be best to remember that. Doesn’t stop the build up of heat bubbling under your skin, threatening to burst with his gaze settling all over your body though.  

Thankfully, out of the corner of your eye, a familiar face is saving you from the desire— or maybe it's embarrassment— threatening to swallow you up. 

“Ahaha,” You laugh awkwardly, a little too loudly, pointing over your shoulder in the direction of said familiar face. “Look! There’s Jesse, I’m gonna go say hi!” 

Your dad waves you off, letting you go without so much as a thought as he continues his chit-chat with his friends.

You flee under Joel’s gaze, rushing to Jesse’s side before you can think about it. 

“Jesse!” You shout, grabbing his arm and dragging him out from beneath the large shaded patio and around the corner of the building, out of sight. 

⋆✴︎˚｡⋆

Fuck, she looked good. 

Joel had tried his hardest to worm out of not going to the party. He wanted to enjoy time with his friend and his brother at a nice lake party but god knows he wasn’t gonna be able to focus on fuckin’ nothin’ with her around. It was bad enough he hadn’t talked to her since that day, he really tried to…just didn’t know how. Was scared he’d fuck something up…but by now, he surely has anyway. Lord knows he didn’t need anymore help fucking things up. 

But in the end, Tommy had convinced him to show up. Told him it would be all kinds of fun and a good day to take a break from their usual hardworking days; so Joel went, under the guise of just taking it ‘easy’. 

It was anything but easy. 

The second he stepped out of his truck, his skin turned hot to the touch, and not because of the sun. And just when he thinks the shade of the patio will cool him off, he sees you. 

Called over by your father, trotting up with tension only Joel probably notices. 

Fuck, she looked so damn good. 

His eyes travel along your body, that he didn’t want to admit he hadn’t stopped thinking about since that day, staring at any exposed skin that dared to show. You wore shorts and a light tank-top, but all he could think about was getting to see more of your thighs; or the way your tank-top dipped low enough to reveal some cleavage— peeking just over your swimsuit hiding beneath—that he hadn’t gotten a chance to see last time. 

It made his mouth water. 

Licking his lips a little as his eyes flutter while he looks over you. And he really wants to say something; anything. To tell you how pretty you look or to try to and make sense of what happened between the two of you but Tommy’s elbow is digging into his ribs and he’s quickly remembering where the two of you are at. 

He mumbles the softest of greetings, clearing his throat as Tommy teases him about his age. Joel rolls his eyes, remarking how Tommy is in the same damn boat he is, before her dad steps in. 

Joel tunes out most of the banter though, and returns his attention back to that pretty girl standing beside him. He just can’t seem to take his eyes off of you. 

Joel stares again. God, what he wouldn’t give to be alone with you right now. The way you slightly look up at him, your eyes skimming over his lips, he’d devour you right then and there if it was just the two of you. To lift you up into his arms, holding you as close as he could, whispering your name and his apologies like there was no tomorrow; if it meant he got to hear you call his name again. 

He can feel that scorching hum under his skin again, building up more and more, just like it had back in his kitchen a week ago— threatening to snap. 

Joel is pulled out of his…not so innocent thoughts at the sound of Tommy’s voice calling for him. His lips form a thin line as he realizes he’s been staring for too long. 

He licks his chapped lips, slowly blinking, finally gathering the nerve to strike up a friendly conversation with you, to ease into maybe getting you away and alone, but you’re turning away from him. Yelling after a tall, dark haired boy and running off. And before he knows it, you’re gone. Slipping right out of his grasp, leaving him behind. Forcing him to watch you drag…that boy…away, dragging him along awfully close right behind you. 

Jealousy pits in his stomach. Turning that sweet burn you set alight in him into a sour, puff of smoke. 

And he didn’t like that at fucking all.

⋆✴︎˚｡⋆

Jesse laughs as you yank him around the pillar of the patio; hiding out of sight, out of mind. “Oh hey dude, what’s up?” Jesse playfully hums, stumbling behind you as you jerk him around. 

“Ugh,” You groan, pressing your back against the stone of the patio wall. “So awkward…” You mutter under your breath, rubbing a hand over your face. 

Jesse lifts a dark eyebrow, peeking around the corner from where you had just dragged him from. “Your dad?” He asks. 

“Yeah…” You lie, yanking him back away from the opening of the door. “I just…can’t believe he invited this many people.” 

“This is nothing,” Jesse hums with another light hearted laugh, his arms crossing over his chest. “You were at my graduation. Now that was a party.” 

You roll your eyes, pinching his arm playfully, chuckling alongside your childhood friend. 

You had met Jesse when he and his family moved in two houses down from yours, when you were just five years old; and ever since, the two of you have been really close friends. Lived on the same street your entire childhood, went to the same school, everything— up until you left for further schooling and later your job. 

“C’mon…this is still a little too much. He’s acting like I’m gonna leave forever.” You sigh, glancing in the direction you had just fled from. 

You didn’t tell Jesse about your little…moment with Joel last week. Normally, you would’ve called him and spilled all of the details of what happened. Would’ve talked for hours, since Jesse was into that kind of gossip too, but this wasn’t just gossip. It was something that you needed to dissect alone. 

“I see you met Joel and Tommy too.” Jesse says as he moves to lean against the building beside you. “I’ve worked with Tommy a couple of times, he’s pretty cool.” 

You nod your head a little, picking at the hem of your beach shorts. “And…Joel?” You ask cautiously. Praying you don’t sound too intrigued, didn’t need Jesse’s keen ears picking up on what you were really asking. 

“Met him a few times too. Heard more stories from Tommy ‘bout him than anything. Seems like a good man though.” Jesse answers truthfully; unsuspecting.

You nod again, picking at your shorts a little harder. You didn’t need to hear it from Jesse to know Joel was in fact a good man; you had witnessed it first hand after all. 

Although, you had hoped to hear…juicer  details about Joel instead. Like what was his type? How did he like his coffee? Did he even like coffee? Was he seeing anyone else? You remember him telling you he’s divorced, and that it’s just been him and Sarah ever since but…after what the two of you did, did he not call you because he decided to find someone else? 

Your stomach drops at the thought but it’s quickly swept away— he most likely would’ve shown up with a partner today, if he had a new one, to solidify that he was no longer…thinking about you. 

You still had a chance. 

“You wanna get in the water?“ Jesse offers, cutting through your thoughts. He can clearly tell you’re distracted by something; thank god he can’t tell exactly what you’re distracted by though. 

“Please,” You sigh, nodding your head to his question, pushing yourself up and off the stone wall. “Anything to keep me away from my dad for a little bit.” 

You stumble back into the mouth of the lake shelter, ignoring your dad and…company, as best you can. Quickly, you dig through your bag you had brought and fish out a towel, turning swiftly back to Jesse and joining him in the short walk to the edge of the beach. You shed out of your shorts and tank-top, leaving you in your pretty, black and white bathing suit. 

You wade through the ripples of lakewater, pushing yourself forward until water sits just above your belly button. You groan softly at the coolness of the water, rubbing a hand across the back of your neck. God, this was much needed. After your brief run in with Joel, who easily set every inch of your body on fire, and standing in the Texas sun; the chill of the water was more than welcoming. Helping out your previously flushed body to return to normal, simmering the very bones beneath your skin. 

You and Jesse both take it easy once in the water. He asks you about your school and job, you ask him the same, before you two begin to retell stories from your childhood. That god awful teacher you both shared in seventh grade who almost failed the two of you because you purposely failed your math homework by writing the teacher’s name in every box. Not that you couldn’t pass it, just wanted to piss him off. You remember being grounded for a month. Or the time you and Jesse got into a fight with another group of kids in eighth grade; your dad was proud of you for that one. 

So many stories bounced back and forth before a voice cut through your laughter and happy memories. 

“Y’all wanna share with the class what’s so funny?” Tommy asks from his spot on the beach. His arms are crossed over his chest, his shirt discarded, and he dawns a smirk the size of Texas itself. 

“Nothin’ you’d find funny, old timer.” Jesse replies with a softer laugh, standing up and moving slightly closer to the edge of the shallow end, holding out his hand for Tommy to shake. 

Tommy takes his hand and shakes it, a grin still settled on his face as he lets go, and walks into the water beside Jesse. 

“Well shit, I wasn’t born yesterday kid,” Tommy teases as he stands beside you and Jesse. “Doubt you’ve done anything as bad as I have when I was your age.” He says, far too proudly than he probably should be. 

You chuckle at his words, shrugging slightly as you and Jesse share a glance; before Jesse goes into detail about the time he pranked his senior teacher by leaving dead fish in his yard. 

You don’t mean too, but you’ve tuned out the boy talk again. Just nodding your head as they speak, swapping their own stories, but every word bounces off your thick, inattentive skull. 

Couldn’t help it, not when you knew if Tommy was near…Joel was somewhere close by too. 

“She’s not even listening…” 

You hear the words ever so faintly, echoing in the back of your mind, but before you can fake your way into making it out like you were actually listening, a wave of water splashes against your upper half. Jerking back a little at the water droplets hitting your face, you blink rapidly at the culprit who just splashed you– Jesse.

“Oh it is on, Jesse.” You hiss, knowing his intentions of wanting to start a war. Your hand just dips under the surface to break the water and send a wave crashing at him, but he holds up a hand to stop you in your tracks. 

“We settle this like men. Chicken.” Jesse dares, his eyes narrowed. 

You roll your eyes at his challenge, hand still at the ready to splash him. “We’re not twelve, dude. Who’s gonna lift us up?” 

Tommy claps Jesse’s shoulder, claiming his stake in this game of war. “Might hurt my back a little, but I’ll do it.” Tommy laughs, joking about his back as if he were a grandpa of several years.

You stare at the two men, clearly outnumbered and a little irritated about Tommy, who so easily jumped at the chance to join up with Jesse. “What about me then?” You ask with a sarcastic tone. 

Tommy doesn’t skip a beat. He hooks a thumb over his shoulder, grinning as wide as he can, as he gestures towards the other participant awaiting lakeside. 

Joel. 

Joel stands in the sand at just the edge of where the lake water meets the sandy beach, watching you with a gaze you can’t quite read from your spot in the water. His shirt is still on but now he holds a beer in his hand. Two fingers casually wrap around the bottle's cool neck, but Tommy’s words and your eyes on him has him freezing in his spot…as if he had settled with just watching you mess around. Keeping his distance, but close enough he could continue to yearn for you from afar. 

Joel coughs, trying his best to avoid your eye, embarrassed how Tommy basically just ratted him out. “I dunno Tommy…I’m too old for this shit anymore.”

Tommy and Jesse share a laugh but you barely manage to breathe, staring at Joel as he stays still. 

“You got one thing right,” Tommy hums, his tone dripping with sarcasm. “You’re old!” 

Joel rolls his eyes and you feel your stomach drop at his irritation. 

“C’mon now, grandpa! You promised to have some fun! Now come here and have some damn fun!” Tommy says, motioning for Joel to join them.

Joel remains quiet. His fingers anxiously shift along the beer bottle. You can tell in his mind he’s weighing his options; he could refuse, but then he’d seem like the biggest asshole ever after what happened between you two…or he could join, and fight to keep his thoughts “innocent” while your body was on his once more. 

“If it’s alright with her.” Joel finally says, nodding his head in your direction. 

If you hadn’t been holding your breath before, you were now. 

The thought of him touching your body after everything that has happened in the short time since you both arrived— it made your skin boil in anticipation. You had wanted it so badly, to feel him touch you again, but this time it would be nothing but friendly with the sea of eyes on the two of you. 

But it would be enough. 

You slowly nod back and that’s all it takes. 

Joel sticks his beer upright into the sand, keeping it nestled just enough to stop it from spilling while it’s unattended, then he grabs the hem of his shirt. He tosses the gray cloth into the sand next to his beer before greeting you in the water. 

It was hard taking your eyes off of him. Jesse, while your childhood friend, was still very easy on the eye. Can’t even deny Tommy being just as handsome as well but Joel? Fuck, he was different, in every way. Your heart beat faster around him, body hummed with electricity like you had never felt before. And he certainly was the most attractive man you had ever laid your eyes on. 

He stands tall over you, eyes narrowed down the curve of his pretty nose. The tease of gray in his dark beard shimmers under the Texas sun, along with the curls at the nape of his neck. He looked just as good as the day you met him on the side of the road. Looked even better when those big brown eyes of his were full blown, lusting after you. 

And again, if the two of you had been alone— you would’ve kissed him right then and there, drawing out that lust that you had encountered a week ago.

“You ready?” Joel asks softly. 

You wet your lips before giving him another sure nod. 

Joel smiles reassuringly, sinking just below the water’s surface, holding his hand out for you to use to stabilize yourself as you get up on his shoulders. 

You take it hesitantly, pressing your fingers gently into the curve of his palm before you seat yourself quickly along his shoulders, retrieving your hand. Once seated and okay, Joel lifts you and himself out of the water, returning to stand up and prepare to play the game.  

You run your fingers through his wet hair, under the guise of keeping the soaked tips out of his eyesight. Briefly imagining what it would be like if he just turned his head a little to the side; his lips brushing your inner thighs as they sit snug atop his shoulders. 

A rush of pleasure strikes your core at the thought of him eating you out. Pushing your bathing suit to the side, his tongue dancing against your clit. Would he finger you too? Could he please you with just his tongue? You don’t have time to think of an answer when Jesse is calling your name, ripping you out of your endless thoughts once again. 

“3, 2, 1…go!” Jesse shouts, he and Tommy both lunging forward to take on you and Joel. 

Focusing on the game now, your hands raise to grab ahold of Jesse’s hands as he seeks to throw you off first. You lean back but hold tight to him, and thanks to Joel’s hands settling on your shins, he keeps you from falling. 

You push back against Jesse’s weight, which almost does nothing to move him. Joel helps though, hefting you forward and causing Tommy to stumble back this time. A smile cracks your face as you take the upperhand. 

It doesn’t last long though once Tommy regains his footing. Jesse and you struggle back and forth for several minutes; taking every chance you could get to try and win. You’re putting up a damn good fight, and if Joel wasn’t the one keeping you upright, you’re sure you would’ve lost a long time ago. 

You two made a really good fucking team. 

You pull your elbows in tight, tensing every inch of your muscles and giving Jesse one final pushback. And with that last shove, Tommy’s footing slips beneath him and Jesse goes crashing into the waves below. You laugh, raising your arms up in victory just as Jesse comes up for air. 

“Hell yeah!” You cheer, laughing as Jesse wipes his face and gasps for air after his tumble into the waves. “I’ll always be the Queen when it comes to a game of chicken!” 

Tommy and Joel both chuckle at your victory, even Jesse cracks a small smirk as he admits his defeat. 

You’re too wrapped up in cheering for your win to notice Joel getting just that much closer to the water. And with just a little toss, Joel sends you to meet the ripples of water beneath. 

You’re swallowed up by the lake water, tumbling under the surface briefly as you try to regain your footing— before breaking above the water’s surface. You flail around for a split second, still caught entirely off guard from your betrayal, trying to take in your surroundings. 

When you finally gather your bearings, Tommy and Jesse both laugh from their spots on the sideline. 

“You ass!” You yell in Joel’s direction, wiping your hair out of your eyes. 

“Mmm, hey now,” Joel drawls, lighthearted and warm like the sun. “You kinda deserved it.” He adds, a smile splintering on his own lips. 

Ah, it was a little normal again. 

Joel takes a moment to retrieve his beer, taking a hearty sip from the bottle before wading back out towards you. 

He holds his hand out to you, the simple gesture sending your heart abuzz once again, but instead of accepting it right away, you splash him. Sending water up against his chest and face. He stumbles at the surprise and you take the opportunity to give him a little taste of his own medicine– yanking on his hand and sending him down below the water’s surface while you rise to your feet. 

When Joel returns from his own dip, he stares up at you, spitting out water he likely inhaled in his fall. 

You laugh but the smile forming on his face, canines peeking over the curl of his lip, surely meant trouble for you. 

His hand scoops forward and he sends a wave crashing in your direction but you dodge it, seeing it coming. He’s quick onto his feet for a man his age, chasing after you to get his sought out revenge, another splashing war beginning. 

You flee, wading through the water that comes up to your stomach, stepping off to the side, around Jesse and Tommy in an attempt to stop Joel in his tracks. 

“C’mere sweetheart!” Joel calls, damn near right behind you. 

You glance over your shoulder to see Jesse and Tommy parting, letting Joel sweep between them to get his pay back. He’s close enough now to send another splash against your back, sending chills across your shoulders and down your spine. 

“You guys suck!” You yell at the two bystanders, breaking out in a giggling fit once Joel’s hand grabs hold of your arm and he easily tugs you back towards him. 

He tosses you over his shoulder, hand tightly wrapped around your thigh to keep you from squirming out of his grip. Your hands slide down his damp back, half assed pushing against his skin to try and escape. 

Won’t admit the butterflies dancing around your stomach as he hauls you around like it’s fucking easy to him. 

Joel carries the two of you out a little deeper into the water, attempting to toss you back into the water but you drag him down with you at the last second. 

Both of you sink below the surface, hands grasping at each other to try and keep the other under water even longer. You manage to slip away somehow, rising out of the water and back onto your feet but Joel just continues to chase you. You laugh, soft and sweet, as the two of you playfully mess around. Taking turns in splashing each other or chasing each other around the water. 

It was as if the two of you had never been separated in the first place. As if things were normal, enjoyable, between you both. Truly, as if you were just…better off together. 

You don’t know when it happens, sometime in your struggle to get to the shore probably, but Joel sits against the sand in a more shallow spot; while you sit snugly in his lap. 

He laughs with you, easy and hearty— a true, genuine laugh. A large hand settles on your hip, thumb rubbing into your skin. His gaze is heavy and hot, hotter than the sun, as his warm eyes flick from yours to the plump of your bottom lip. Joel stares at your lips, making it obvious as to what he wants, his own lips still curled up in a smirk. His thumb presses heavy into your skin and you’re suddenly made aware of every touch the two of you share. 

His hand grasping your waist. Your own hands pressed against his chest that once kept you from falling, but now just tenderly brush against him. Could feel his erratic heartbeat beneath your fingers; a little happy that it matched your own wild beating heart. You feel his strong thighs against the back of yours as you sit in his lap. But the most prominent feeling was the tent, slowly growing between your slightly parted thighs, rubbing up into you. 

You shiver at the feeling. This time, the water does nothing to cool you off.

And just as suddenly, the both of you realize what’s going on…what shouldn’t be going on in front of others. The world around the two of you comes crashing down like a giant tsunami. 

You scramble from your seated position, quickly backing up into the depths of the water and back up onto your feet. Joel does the same but in the opposite direction. His eyes are wide and his grip tightens around the beer bottle, most likely full of lake water by now, as he tries his hardest not to look at you. 

After a few, intense heartbeats, he clears his throat. He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, turning away from the entire group staring at him. “I’m gonna go get another beer.” Joel mutters, sharp and curt like a knife cutting an object. He doesn’t wait for anyone else to speak before he leaves the water, stepping up the hill without another word. 

And he’s gone before your eyes, disappearing into the patio. 

After a few more agonizingly, hard and  thrashing heartbeats, Tommy clears his throat. You avoid his gaze as he walks past you and out of the water, grabbing Joel’s discarded shirt, and following after his brother. 

“So…older men, huh?” Jesse’s voice cuts through the blood pounding in your ears. 

You jump at his voice. Shaking your head, putting up your hands in an attempt to divert Jesse and his questions. “Jesse, please don’t.”

“Oh please, Shorty,” Jesse says, rolling your childhood nickname off his tongue. “We’re not gonna talk about what just happened?” 

“I’d rather not.” You shakily breathe, running a hand over your damp hair as you make your way to land. You park yourself against the sand, back facing the patio where the brothers had walked off to, feet barely still in the water when Jesse is already at your side the second you sit down. 

He sits briefly in silence next to you, digging his fingers lightly into the sand beside him. He stays quiet, letting it stretch between the two of you; the sound of laughter and the soft crash of lake water filling the gaps. 

“Well,” Jesse finally says after what feels like maybe two minutes of silence; it was all he could give you— he couldn’t wait any longer to know the details. “Figured you’d be into guys…your age.” He teases, his shoulder knocking against yours. 

“Ugh, Jesse,” You whine, hands pressing against your face. You can feel your face flushing a dark red, hot beneath your fingertips. “You’re so nosey.” You grumble. Embarrassed beyond embarrassed under his gaze and questions. 

“After that!? Yeah, I’m gonna be fuckin’ nosey dude!” Jesse laughs in disbelief. As if he can’t really believe that someone he had known for so long and called his best friend, just basically dry humped a man twice her age. 

“So, give me the details.” He adds, knocking his knuckles gently against your knee. 

You groan, lowering your hands into your lap after a second. You anxiously pick at your nails, glancing over at Jesse. “It’s nothing really. Literally it was just a one time thing—“ You start to retell but Jesse interrupts you. 

“One time!?” Jesse barks and you shush him wildly, hitting his bicep to try and keep him from screaming your secrets to the rest of the world.

“Shhh! Shut up!” You shush him again, embarrassment turning the tips of your ears a dark red now. “Oh my god, Jesse! This isn’t public knowledge for the entire fuckin’ neighborhood to know about!” You hiss under your breath so no one around can hear you, just like you hoped they hadn’t heard Jesse. 

Jesse laughs again, his eyes wide as he glances over you and then over his shoulder, surveying the area before returning to the conversation. “Fuck, seriously, what haven’t you been telling me!” Jesse muses with a smirk. “Move to a big city and suddenly you can’t tell your best friend about the man waiting back home for ya and that you’ve been sleeping with him? Shit dude!” Jesse laughs again, shaking his head. 

“Jesse,” You groan, hitting his arm again. “I told you, it’s not like that. It was a one time thing. It happened last week—“

“Last week! God, you hate me don’t you. You don’t wanna tell me nothin’ anymore, huh?” Jesse says in feigned  shock, shaking his head. 

“Ugh.” You sigh, rolling your eyes at the dramatic man. “I don’t hate you. Again, it wasn’t supposed to be a known thing! A one time thing.” You reiterate with a defeated glance towards Jesse, who is still smiling away. 

You watch as Jesse tries his hardest to put together any dots you may have left out. You take the second of quietness to calm yourself, wondering exactly what you could tell him and what you really shouldn’t. 

Jesse beats you to it though. “So…” He starts after the brief silence. “Was he a good fuck?” 

“Jesse!” You shout, flamed cheeks once again as you hit his shoulder. You don’t know how many more times you could yell his name before he stopped asking you the most embarrassing questions known to man. 

“Ok, ok! I’m done!” He laughs, rubbing his arm after that last hit. 

You take his word, ignoring his cheerful gaze, turning to stare out at the ripples of lake water. You don’t really want to continue talking about it but you know Jesse won’t give up until he gets all the details— so you wait for him to keep asking you questions. 

After a moment, he finally speaks up again. “Does he know that it was just a one time thing though? From the looks of it, he’s still waaaaay into you.” Jesse points out, his face turning a little more…sorrowful, as he looks at you; as if he feels bad about your current situation. 

“Huh, could’ve fooled me.” You respond, pressing your fingers into the wet sand. You semi-play with the sand beneath you, sighing heavily as you remember the ghosted feeling you sat with for days. That loneliness that cradled you, the emptiness without him. 

“It really wasn’t planned. Just happened. And then…we didn’t talk. It’s obviously a little complicated.” You croak, kicking at the water splashing around your feet. 

⋆✴︎˚｡⋆

Fuck. Shit. God dammit. 

He had gotten too carried away. 

The awkwardness between the two of you had faded so quickly, he just couldn’t help it. Falling into a smooth rhythm of laughs, stolen glances, and soft intimate touches; until you were in his lap. 

It just happened. Wasn’t planned at all he just— fuck felt so goddamn comfortable with someone in that way for the first time in so fucking long. 

Like it was…just easy. 

Joel stumbles up into the patio, dodging people and ignoring faces he didn’t know or care about, heading straight for the cooler. He tosses the water filled bottle into the nearby trash can before digging into the cooler for another beer. He’s just fishing another bottle out of the ice and popping off the cap when Tommy is coming up quickly to his side. 

“What the fuck was that?” Tommy retorts, an eyebrow hitched in confusion towards the sky as he stares at his older brother. 

“Nothin’.” Joel responds, lifting the bottle to his lips and taking a heavy chug off the bitter beer. 

A lie that made his heart ache with regret as soon as he spoke. At this point, it definitely wasn’t just nothing to him. Or to her. 

Fuck, he’d rather be shooting whiskey. 

“That didn’t look like nothin’, Joel.” Tommy scoffs under his breath, casting glances over his shoulder to make sure a certain someone’s dad didn’t come over and hear the conversation. 

Joel finishes the beer far too quickly, tossing his trash away and reaching for another he’ll leisurely sip on now that a buzz, not created by you, sets in under his skin. He slams the lid to the cooler shut, turning to face Tommy but he’s unable to truly look his little brother in the eye. “Tommy, don’t. I said it’s nothin’.” Joel grunts, another lie that made his heart ache, stepping to the side to try and go around Tommy. 

“When I told you to have more fun…didn’t expect you to be messin’ around, big brother.” Tommy teases, stepping in front of Joel as he tries to flee. 

Joel rolls his eyes, already sipping on the new beer. He’d need at least 10 more to get any kind of real buzz to deal with Tommy and his prying eye. 

“I’m not messin’ around. It’s just, fuck, I dunno, complicated.” Joel finally huffs, tilting his head down so his eyes settle on the concrete of the patio. “Just drop it, a’right?” 

Tommy laughs, shaking his head as he stares at Joel; who is trying his damn hardest not to be seen. “Alright, alright. Just hope you know what you’re doin’ old man.” Tommy teases, lifting a hand to light heartedly tap Joel on the shoulder. 

Joel shakes his hand off. Annoyed with his little brother but his irritation wouldn’t get to last long when her father was coming over to the both of them. A smile on his face as he stalks up to his friends. 

“Look what the water spit out!” He says, chuckling as he takes in Joel’s soaking wet appearance. “Go for a lil swim? Water alright?” 

Joel nods curtly, responds really only with another good sip off his beer. 

“Oh the water is certainly alright.” Tommy sarcastically rolls, answering for Joel, laughing alongside her father. 

Joel narrows his eyes at his little brother. Knowing that if he was a little younger, and somewhere else, he and Tommy would’ve traded brotherly punches instead of words, for the shit he was pulling. 

“Well enough playin’ around boys, foods ready!” Her dad says, patting both Tommy and Joel on the back briefly before he heads off to fetch the rest of the crew. 

“Keep your mouth shut, Tommy. I’m fuckin’ serious.” Joel curses under his breath at his brother, who simply laughs in his face at his threat. 

“Don’t worry big brother,” Tommy starts, donning a large smile on his face. “My lips are sealed.”  

⋆✴︎˚｡⋆

Jesse doesn’t say anything after you admit that Joel never bothered to give you the time of day after what happened. He just frowns and actually gives you the moment of silence, letting everything soak in; for you, and him. 

Before he can console you in some type of Jesse fashion, a booming voice cuts between your gossip. 

“Come eat y’all!” Your dad’s voice rings out over the roar of the crowd; calling anyone and everyone back to the patio for food. 

“Let’s go eat.” Jesse hums, standing up and offering you his hand without a second thought. 

You smile a little, accepting his offer and letting him hoist you to your feet once more. You both turn in sync towards the patio for the food your dad calls out for. 

You suddenly realize how hungry you are. If you were in a damn cartoon, you’re sure the smell of food would be carrying you off on a thick fog, straight to the source. 

As you begin to climb the small incline, Jesse leans in close to whisper a final thought about the situation. “From your reaction though…he definitely was good, wasn’t he?” Jesse mumbles under his breath. 

You gasp, preparing to shove Jesse for his statement but he’s already running away, laughing loudly as he goes. He leaves you behind with another flush spreading across your face. But, thankfully, the tension that had taken hold of your shoulders eases, and you remember why he’s your best friend. 

“Asshole!” You shout, laughing as you chase after him. 

⋆✴︎˚｡⋆

Hours pass by, the feeling of normalcy returning to the air around you. Somewhat, anyway. Joel certainly avoided you after what happened in the water— didn’t need another…incident happening where your father could see and complicate everything just that much more. 

And you did your best to avoid Tommy too, even under his amused, prying gaze across the room. 

On any other day, you’d probably laugh at the sight of Tommy trying his hardest to get Joel to talk to you. Like a mother bird trying to push her children out of the nest to learn to fly and live. But it wasn’t that simple this time. 

After everyone finished eating, you and Jesse helped your dad out before running off to do whatever else was needed. Passing out drinks, ice cream, anything anyone may need before you both ended up, tucked away at a corner table in the patio, playing games. Started off with card games, some puzzles, before you both decided on playing a few board games. 

Your dad had gone off to set up the tent since it was getting late, while you and Jesse stayed behind and shared a couple of drinks and laughs. 

The rest of the evening goes by quickly. Jesse doesn’t ask for any further details about your little run in with Joel, for now. You know that once you leave, he’ll be calling your phone and making you spill before you ever step off the plane. 

After a nice buzz settles in, the moon hanging high up into the night sky, Jesse says goodnight, planning to head to his own tent. 

“Don’t stay up too late now.” Jesse warns sarcastically, smiling as he waves goodbye. 

You roll your eyes before flipping him off as a way of saying your own goodnight, watching as he leaves you in solitary. You clean up any trash left around the table or inside the patio, tossing it in the nearest garbage can. Packing the games up next, shoving them back into your bag before setting it on top of the table for you to grab later. You walk over to one of the openings of the lake shelter, staring out at the moon and the stars hanging above the dark curtain of water.

Deciding that yeah, after the long ass day you’ve just had, you could use some quiet time by the water; especially now that the beach was completely empty. 

You leave behind your belongings and walk to the edge of the lakeside once more, sitting down on a stone ledge somewhere further off to the side, solely so your feet could still touch the water. 

After eating, you had changed out of your swimsuit and into some fresh clothes. So you didn’t plan to go into the water this time, just wanted to let your feet soak for a little while. Without the sun's warmth, the water has turned just a little too chilly for your liking anyway. 

What a day. 

Running into Joel, feeling that energy you both had felt the first time you had met. The hum that draws you to him, like he was a damn magnet. 

You think back on Jesse’s words about Joel and how he clearly still had…some feelings for you. And you almost want to believe it but you’d rather hear it straight from the source. Or experience that feeling of need and want once again. 

“Want some company?” A southern drawl echoes behind you, pulling you from your thoughts of everything that happened today.  

And suddenly your body crawls with a summer’s heat, as if the sun still shines down onto your skin. 

You slightly turn to face the man, glancing over your shoulder in the direction of his voice. And there he stands, the man you couldn’t keep your damn mind off of; Joel. 

He has also changed out of his bathing suit. Now standing in just his simple gray shirt and a pair of jeans. How he always wore jeans in this Texas heat, you don’t know. But you couldn’t imagine him really just wearing shorts either. 

He holds that simple little box you had seen him show up with too. Your gut feeling was right, it must’ve been a gift for you. Maybe it was a parting gift; his last goodbye.

At least he’d look good walking away. 

The moon bathed him in a sweet glow. Making the silver in his hair catch strays of light, glittering in the darkness like he was a star himself. 

You manage to smile at him then. It was just the two of you, and if he finally wanted to talk…you wanted the closure too. So you give him a nod, scooting further along the stone ledge you sit on, making room for him. 

Joel discards the boots he’s wearing, rolling up the bottom half of his jeans too before sitting down next to you. Making sure his jeans don’t get wet but he could also join you in just relaxing in the water. 

Neither of you say anything though. Not for a while anyway. You two just sit there, soaking up the silence and the soft lull of waves while Joel strums his fingers along the top of the box. Debating on whether to give it to you or not.

Joel’s the first to break the built up silence with a clear of his throat. 

“So,” He starts, gruffer than usual. He was trying to steel himself…trying his hardest not to feel too many things. “How are you?” He finally asks. 

Startled by the question, you tear your eyes from the lake to glance at the older man. And you can easily read the nervousness wrinkling his face. It makes you laugh, seeing him fret like it was all too much. Breaking into a fit of giggles as your own anxiety is semi washed away. 

“What?” Joel asks with a worried, confused look. As if he’s second guessing what he said, thinking maybe he said something wrong. 

You laugh just a little bit longer, wiping a few tears from the corners of your eyes, before finally calming down. “Nothing, nothing,” You say, giggling just a little more before sucking in a breath. “It was just…unexpected is all.” 

Joel sighs before giving you a smile, the tension easing out of his shoulders as he relaxes. He managed to chuckle a little with you even. 

“You laugh all pretty like, ya know? Reminds me of wind chimes.” Joel hums, catching your gaze. 

You blush at his compliment. You want to hide your face from his tender gaze but something inside of you keeps your eyes on him; you didn’t want to look away, especially if this was going to be the last time you saw him. 

Joel shifts a little awkwardly as silence threatens to swallow the two of you up again but he didn’t want to allow that to happen. 

“Uh, made you this.” Joel softly says, holding up the box for you to take. 

You eye the box curiously, searching the present and then his face, before you timidly take the item out of your hand. Forcing yourself not to shiver as your fingers brush against his. 

You turn the gift over in your hands, slipping the plain white ribbon off of the container and lifting the lid to examine its contents. 

Inside sits a small wooden bird, barely the size of your palm. You remove it from the nest of newspaper Joel likely shredded to keep it from knocking around inside the box too much, taking a better look at the wooden bird. It was delicate and small. Well made and clearly hand crafted, as if Joel had carved it himself.

“It’s a swallow.” Joel hums, his eyes watching over you. He doesn’t even look at the craft he made, could care less about it. He just wants to look at you. 

“You…made this?” You ask tenderly, eyebrows furrowing as you stare at the craftsmanship. 

Joel nods, his lips a thin smile. He leans forward, rubbing the palm of his hand with his thumb, continuing to stare at you. “Mhm. Had more than a few sleepless nights this past week so I just…made it. Figured you'd like it darlin’.” 

Tears prick up in your eyes, threatening to spill over the second he admits to making the pretty bird for you. You have to force yourself to hold the tears back, nodding just slightly back to him in thanks. You bite down to keep your lip from wobbling as you gently tuck the small swallow back into its nesting box, closing the lid and setting it right beside you. 

After a few seconds of silence, you sigh deeply. The joy of your shared laughter slowly disappears as the tension of anxiety returns. 

“Joel,” You murmur his name, short and sweet, bringing your knees up to your chest. “What are we?” You finally ask. Needing an answer, no matter the outcome. 

Would it hurt if he pushed you away? Oh fuck yeah. It would hurt like hell. And for a long time but you’d eventually get over it. But it wasn’t like you two were together now. There was just…such a strong connection between the two of you, like you had never felt before. Like you were meant to be together. Maybe it was something like love at first sight but no matter; you’d move on, eventually. 

But on the slim chance he made things official…well, you’d be more than happier to give it all a try. No matter if it was “taboo” or not. 

Joel winces at your words. As if he had been trying to avoid the topic for as long as possible. As if he wanted to stay in this little fantasyland with you for just a little longer. 

“Darlin’,” He rasps, reaching out a hand towards you but he stops short on actually touching you. Fingers just hanging into the air, itching to hold you. “You know this is… not a good idea.” 

“I don’t care.” You argue, narrowing your eyes at him. You can feel your brow tilt in irritation. You knew he’d try his hardest to get you to see it “his way” but that didn’t mean you’d just accept it lying down. 

“I know you don’t,” Joel sighs, taking his hand back and wiping it across his face in slight annoyance. He knew this wouldn’t be an easy conversation. “But you should. Whatever this is…I just don’t want to hold you back. No matter how badly I want it sweetheart.”  Joel whispers, soft but firm.

Knowing Joel wants you just as bad as you wanted him— the thought rushes every ounce of blood to your head. You shake your head quickly, turning more of your body to him. “Hold me back, how? From what?” 

“You know how,” Joel says, avoiding your gaze as you stare at him. His resolve would crumble almost immediately if he looked into your eyes right then and there. “I’m older, darlin’. You’re young and pretty. Should be partying and havin’ the time of your damn life. I wouldn’t be able to keep up with ya. Not like that young, tall fella would.” 

You can hear the jealousy dripping in his tone. The sour taste of his words in your own mouth as you repeat them inside your head. 

“Fella? What, who?” You puzzle, racking your brain for names of every man you’ve ever met. One look at his tensed face reveals to you exactly who he means; the man who you had been with the entire day. “Jesse?” You bark out, laughing in disbelief at Joel’s suggestion. 

“Yeah him,” Joel bitterly says, rubbing his thumb a little harder into his palm. “He’d treat you right and I saw the way he talked to you all day long. His energy, jokes, all of it, he’d be better off for ya than I—“

“Joel!” You interrupt in the middle of his ranting, shaking your head at his attempt to set you up with your best friend. “Jesse is already promised. He has a girlfriend he definitely plans on marrying one day. Plus, we’re just friends. And I’ve never seen him more than that.” 

Joel’s jaw clenches as he realizes his jealousy has gotten the better of him. Couldn’t see past his bitterness to think about how maybe the two of you were really just friends. And you think maybe this is it, the moment he finally gives in, but it more or less just takes him further from your grasp. 

“Doesn’t matter. Still too old for ya and you’d be happier with someone younger. You’d forget about me in a month anyway.” Joel dryly chuckles. Lying through his damn teeth. 

And it pisses you off. 

“Ugh!” You groan, pushing yourself up and off the ledge. Sending yourself splashing into the very shallows of the lake water. “Quit treating me like a child who can’t make her own choices! I’m not fuckin’ thirteen!” You shout but only loud enough for just the two of you to hear. 

Joel watches you as you jerk to your feet. His once tense face drops to a more concerned and shocked look. He definitely had not expected this outburst. Figured that you’d both say what needed to be said, then go your separate ways, licking your wounds and moving on. 

“I’m not tryin’—“ Joel starts but you silence him with just a look as you turn to face him fully. 

“I know what you’re doing.” You snap softly, pointing an accusatory finger in his direction.  “And I don’t care. Your age doesn’t matter to me. I can make my own choices and my choice is you. I want you, Joel. And I know you want it too.” 

Joel’s breath catches in his throat at your words; at his name. It throws him completely back against a wall. His entire argument quickly crumbles down to nothing but dust. You watch him worry on his lip in a last ditch effort to keep himself from entirely giving in. 

You take one step towards him, returning from your anger to the softness you usually were. “You can’t tell me you don’t feel it too.” You whisper, fingers trembling, chest quickly beginning to rise and fall, as you take one more step forward. Placing yourself between his parted legs, lifting your hand to press gently against his chest. “That hum beneath your skin. Like we’re meant to be. You can’t deny that.” 

Joel swallows, hard. Hard enough you can see the bob of his Adam’s apple; even as you stand above him now. Your eyes trail along his face, from his eyes to the easing of the wrinkles in his face. The slight twitch of his lips as he tries to find any words to say to get you—

No, himself to change his mind. 

Finally he settles on just three easy words; “Say it again.” He mutters under his breath. His entire body tensing as he sits on edge, waiting in anticipation for you to repeat your confirmation of wanting him. 

You stand firm between his thighs, squaring off your shoulders to give him the visual that you meant business. Your hand skims across his chest, pushing your fingers up and around to the back of his neck. You caress him there gently, thumb brushing along his jaw. 

“I fucking want you, Joel Miller. No one else. Just you.” 

Joel snaps. His resolve shatters the second the words leave your lips. You barely manage to confirm that you in fact, wanted him more than anything, before he rushes up into you. His hands settle heavy on the curve of your ass, pulling your body flush into his as he captures your lips. 

And just like you were really meant to be, you fold into him. Melt into the kiss like it’s the first time, all over again. The grip on his neck brings him just that much closer, pressing his lips into yours even more. 

His tongue presses against your bottom lip and you gasp, shivering at his touch.

God how you missed his taste. 

“Do you know how fuckin’ hard it is,” Joel mumbles against your lips, using his grip on your body to thrust your hips into his own. “To hold back around you? Fuck, can’t think of nothin’ but you.” He admits, slipping his hand just beneath the edge of your shorts. His fingers press into the soft line of your underwear, teasing you as he devours you. 

Your fingers tangle into the curls of his hair lying at the nape of his neck. Panting as he steals your breath away, kissing him with just as much vigor. 

“Fuck baby,” Joel groans, slipping his fingers beneath your underwear, gripping your ass in a tight grip. His tongue presses into yours, rolling in sync with every rut of his hips. “Have no idea what you do to me, do ya? Drive me fuckin’ crazy when you blink those pretty eyes up at me. Want you so bad it hurts.” 

You whine, grinding your body into his, finally breaking for air. He tilts your head to the side with his free hand where his lips don’t stop. Joel scrapes his teeth against the soft of your throat, planting a hot, open mouth kiss against your pulse. 

“Watching you prance around in that damn swimsuit…watching you laugh with another man, shit.” Joel growls, clearly still jealous that you spent the day with Jesse and not him. His hand travels around to the front of your body, fingers pushing fast down into the front of your shorts. His palm lays hot and heavy against your womb, while his fingers slip and circle over your clit. 

“Joel.” You squeak, tugging on his hair to detach him from your neck, and to stop his fingers from advancing further. “We’re still…out in the open.” 

Joel’s eyes flick across every inch of your face, as if he’s giving you the brief moment to change your mind— to flee before things went too far to turn back. But when you don’t move away, Joel nods just a little. He removes his hand from beneath your shorts, trailing his fingers up across the sensitive skin of your stomach before he places his hand on your hip. 

“You sure?” Joel whispers softly, wanting just another small confirmation that this is what you wanted. 

You laugh just a little, moving to grab at his hand on your hip, intertwining your fingers into his and giving him a soft squeeze. 

“More than fucking sure. Do you have any idea what you do to me?” You chuckle a little, bringing his hand up to your lips. You place a kiss to the back of his hand, seeking out the warmth of his skin. 

“Guess I don’t baby.” Joel responds, a smile turning his lips up. His other hand reaches up and pushes some hair back behind your ear, trailing the tips of his fingers down and along your jaw. “I wanna find out though.” 

Joel uses your hand in his to pull you back into him, leaning to capture your lips hastily once again. You share another deep, passionate kiss before Joel breaks it this time. He turns, continuing to hold your hand in a tight and sure grip, like he planned to never let you go again, as he steps up onto the ledge he had been sitting on. 

“C’mon darlin’.” Joel encourages, easily lifting you up and over the lip as well.

Sand under your feet once more, Joel leans down to grab his discarded items and the gift he had made you, before he’s leading you up the hill. He leads you through the patio, where you briefly stop to grab your own items, trying to contain your laughter. Acting like a teenager sneaking off for the first time. 

With your things gathered, Joel continues to lead you to his truck. Entering the small camping/tenting area, where you and Joel silently sneak past the tent he and Tommy had built up earlier. Praying he was dead asleep as Joel opens the back passenger door for you, letting you be the first one to slip into the back of the truck. 

After Joel climbs in after you, he locks the doors. Hoping under the night sky, you two would be less visible to the outside world. If anything, he’d start shoving his clothes into the slightly tinted windows to keep any unwanted attention away. 

As soon as the doors are locked, Joel is grabbing your body and dragging you back to him.  

You smile, biting back a laugh as Joel’s hands return all over your body. He yanks you into his lap, kissing up your neck as your hands settle back onto his shoulders, twirling little bits of his hair. 

“Been wantin’ you so bad.” Joel whispers, nipping at your sensitive skin. His hands run up on the outside of your thighs, shoving the very tips of his fingers up and under the back of your tank-top. He smooths hot hands against your back, flushing your body even closer into his. “I’ve been nothin’ but a fuckin’ ass.” 

Joel leans back just a little to catch your eye, staring up into your face as you sit just a little above him while in his lap. Wanted you to know he was genuine in his feelings. 

“Mm, yeah, kinda.” You agree. A laugh slipping from your lips at the eyeroll you receive from the older man. 

“Let me make it up to ya baby.” Joel states, matter of fact with no room for an argument. He was going to make it up to you, one way or another. His fingers knead gently into your back reassuring that this, that you, were what he wanted. And he didn’t want to lose you. Big brown eyes level up at you. 

You shudder at his words, your grip tightening on his shoulders. “Better keep your word.” You demand. Joel was serious but so were you.  

“Oh I fuckin’ will.” Joel growls, chasing your lips. He kisses you desperately, like he’s never wanted anything so badly before. His tongue presses into yours, one of his hands smoothing around to the front of your body, pushing up against your stomach. He slides his hand up from there, grasping at one of your breasts under your tank-top. 

You moan under his skillful hands. Matching his needy, desperate pace with your own. Kissing him back, you sigh his name, swiping your tongue against his and shivering at the taste. 

His fingers rub and pinch over one of your nipples. He groans from deep within his chest, rolling the nub across the flat of his thumb once more. 

You whine into his mouth, rocking your hips forward into his, begging for attention elsewhere. 

And Joel picks up on it immediately. 

He smiles into your lips. Pressing a few more kisses into you before he pulls away, continuing to keep his hands busy all over your body. 

“Wanna taste that pretty pussy I’ve been dreamin’ about.” Joel groans, slipping his hands out from beneath your shirt and returning them to grope at your ass.  

The confession makes your head spin. 

“You’ve been dreaming about me?” You whisper, lightheaded and heart pounding so hard in your chest you think you might pass out. 

“Fuck,” Joel curses, fingers kneading into your ass once again. He definitely did not mean to admit that but it was too late now. “Every fuckin’ day baby girl. Ever since I got just that little taste of ya…now, I can't get the image of making love to ya outta my damn head. Wakin’ up every mornin’, wishing you were next to me.” 

You whine at his confession, clawing at his shoulders as he lays you onto your back into his leather seats. He splits your thighs easily, filling the space between them with his body. His fingers are working at your shorts, yanking them down to your thighs. You help him just a little bit, shimmying out of your clothes with a lift of your hips. The second they slip off from around your ankles, he tosses them into the floorboard of his truck. Immediately he attaches his lips to your cunt in replace of your shorts. He breathes like lava over your underwear, hot and needy as he threatens to devour you once again. 

He doesn’t even bother taking your underwear off, he just shoves them to the side. Hooking the elastic over his thumb and pulling them as far over as he can. He leans back just a little to get a really good look at you, groaning at the sight. 

“There she is,” Joel softly coos, slipping his other thumb right up against your slowly aching cunt. Wading through the slick beginning to drool because of him. “Fuck, look’atcha. Knew your pussy would be so pretty. You’re always so fuckin’ pretty for me baby.” 

Another whine slips past your lips but you nod frantically to his words. 

You were made for him after all. 

“Wanna hear this pretty pussy callin’ for me, mhm. Wanna hear her purr for me.” Joel chatters, chuckling low and heavy. His tongue replaces his finger, slipping against the folds of your cunt. The groan he releases against your core sends a strike of lightning up your spine. Pleasure crawls over every inch of your body as he begins to quickly lap at your cunt. His tongue drags against your clit, sending another wave of pleasure scorching through your nerves. 

“Mmph fuck Joel!” You cry his name, pushing your fingers through his hair as he begins to eat you out. If you had known that your little day dream of this exact scenario was going to play out tonight, fuck you might’ve asked to meet up with him sooner. 

Joel chuckles, rolling his tongue against your clit once more. “Shh baby,” Joel hums, using two fingers to press between the folds of your cunt. “Can’t be too loud now.” He reminds you and you immediately seal your lips. 

Joel chuckles softly again against your core before he presses a lone finger inside you. Spit and slick alike rolls off his tongue and drips out onto the thick of his finger, using it to open you up and stretch you out for what’s to come. 

You stifle a groan at his thick digit pressing into you. Feeling every inch and bump of his knuckle as he twists his finger as far as he can inside you. He’s slow and deliberate in his movements. Testing out how much you could take briefly before he’s adding a second finger with little warning. 

Then he begins to move faster, pumping his fingers quicker and a little harsher inside of you. Every curl of his fingers mixed with a press of his tongue against your clit, leaves you gasping; like a fish out of water. 

You tremble beneath his touch as a familiar burn begins to throb deep inside your womb. Fuck, you knew he was good with his hands but with just a little bit of teasing, he damn near has you cumming all over his fingers. But god, you didn’t want to cum yet. No, you wanted to share it with him— at the same time. 

“Wait, Joel.” You pant, pressing your thighs tighter against his face while yanking on his hair. “Don’t. Not yet.” You beg, breathless and whiney. 

Joel smirks from his position, curling his fingers inside you while he presses a hot kiss against your clit. “I wanna taste ya darlin’. Wanna taste ya coming all over my tongue.” Joel argues softly in response, pressing his tongue flat against your cunt to prove a point. 

You whine, a shudder wracking your body. Fuck, how could he be so hot all the goddamn time? 

“I know, I know but…” You start, brushing your fingers back through his curls. “Wanna taste you too. Please, Joel. I need it.” Pleading with him before slightly shifting your hips, tenderly rubbing your foot against his thigh; telling him what you wanted without actually saying it. 

Joel connects the dots quickly as to what you want. And now it was his turn to shudder at your words. Normally he’d protest and finish his job before letting you touch him, needed to please you first, but right now— he’s way too fucking horny. He needed all of you, right fucking now. He could worry about pleasing you again in a little bit. 

“Next time.” Joel hums in approval, removing the fingers he had buried deep inside of you but continuing to place kisses everywhere he can reach. His lips skim across your inner thigh one last time before he pulls your underwear back into place, smoothing a few fingers against your panties to thoroughly soak them with his spit and your slick; turns him on knowing how wet you were for him. 

Only him. No one else. 

Joel crawls his way up to you first. His gaze is hungry as he looks at you, one hand sliding up the side of your body until he caresses your jaw in one big hand. “You’re so fuckin’ beautiful, ya know that sweetheart?” Joel sweetly says, pressing his lips into yours. 

You laugh against his lips, rolling your eyes when the two of you part. Hands pressing into his shoulder as you roll him onto the back seats now, trading places with the older man— straddling his waist. You place one kiss against his lips before trailing down to his jaw, leaving quick pecks across his tanned skin, slipping your fingers under his t-shirt and pushing it up his chest. 

You place a kiss against the middle of his chest. “Take it off. You won’t be needing it anymore.” You tease, smirking against his body as you sink further down. 

Joel shifts to sit up some more, hands grabbing the collar of his t-shirt and giving it a swift yank, stripping himself while you work on the buckle at his jeans. Fingers nimbly work at his button, swiftly undoing the front and sliding his pants down. 

You slide into the floorboard of the backseat, knees settling on top of his now discarded shirt and your shorts. 

Joel helps you, sitting fully up, swinging his legs to either side of your body and shimming out of his jeans. You drop the fabric beside you, placing your hands against his strong thighs and you can’t help it when your mouth waters instantly at the sight before you. 

Joel’s glistening chest from the built up sweat. The salt and pepper body hair dashing along his forearms, chest, legs, and stomach. The softness of his tummy hides the well toned muscle you knew he had and the thought sends lightning straight to your core. 

But what your eyes focus on the most, is that damned happy trail of his leading straight to what you’ve been wanting for so long. The tent under his boxers, standing tall and proud; because of you. 

You bite down on your bottom lip, pressing your hands heavy on the inside of his thighs. “Fuck, Joel…” You whine, smoothing your hands up and across the thickness in his underwear. 

Joel groans at your touch, hips slightly jerking as he seeks more and more from you. Slowly, your hands move across the length of his shaft, jerking him off leisurely; enjoying every breathless hitch and groan from Joel. 

“Don’t tease me too much now, darlin’.” Joel mutters finally, pleading under his breath. His body tenses when your fingers brush across his soaked tip, the sigh of your name leaving his lips. 

You chuckle but do as he asks. Trailing your fingers up to the elastic of his waistband and giving his underwear a tug. 

Seeing him up close and personal this time was…a little nerve wracking. Of course you had seen him last time, when it was just the two of you in his kitchen. But your face wasn’t anywhere near his swollen tip. You had felt it, jerking him off, but now seeing his size and girth…it looked even bigger than last time. 

The angry red of his sensitive tip, the veins that lie underneath; twisting up the curve of his cock like a path leading right to where you want to taste him the most.

You tentatively wrap your fingers around the base of his shaft, giving him a slow, testing stroke. Shivering at the soft groan that Joel utters. 

“Tell me what you were dreaming about. I wanna hear everything.” You whisper, kissing up from his knee towards his aching cock. Stroking him slowly along the curve of his shaft, leaning forward to place a kiss against the flush of his head. “Did you dream about this?” You teasingly ask, pressing another hot kiss against the slit. 

Joel moans your name, his fingers reaching for any hair that may distract you from your task, holding it back and away to help you stay focused. His gaze sticks to you like glue— he wasn’t missing a single second of you tasting him. His pupils are dilated, almost fully blown and taking up every inch of his pretty brown irises. Eyes so full of lust and desire that it makes your cunt throb under his watchful eye. 

“Yeah…I sure as hell did,” Joel rasps. His fingers tenderly tangled into the hair he had gathered up. 

You drag the flat of your tongue against his sensitive head. Licking straight up the slit of his tip, tasting the sweet and salty of his precum. You half smile up at him, gradually stroking your hand from the base to meet your lips pressing into his tip; encouraging him to continue. 

Joel groans, warm and deep from within his chest, his hips shifting slightly to try and reach more of your mouth. “Dreamed of you in that lil pretty dress you wore last time, suckin’ me off just like this. Knelt between my thighs, taking every fuckin’ inch.” Joel grunts, hips jerking again as he replays his dirty little fantasies. 

“Fuck Joel,” You huff, half laughing-half amazed he was actually admitting to what he had been imagining. “Tell me more.” You whisper, lips brushing against his skin with every word you say. You give him just a second before your mouth envelopes him. Slipping the head of his cock between your lips and sinking down as far as you could go before the burn of your jaw set in. 

Which, really wasn’t too much. He was fucking big afterall. 

A string of curses tumble from Joel’s lips and his hand in your hair tightens as you sweep his cock into your mouth. His eyebrows tilt hard as he tries his best to ground himself; to keep him from thrusting the rest of the way in between your lips. 

“Christ! Dreamed of that sweet pussy of yours. Makin’ it fuckin’ mine. Fillin’ ya fuckin’ full.“ Joel rambles, following his words up with a deep, dark moan. 

You shiver again at his words, thighs pressing harder together. If your panties weren’t ruined before, they sure fucking were now. The way your cunt throbbed with every word he spoke, you could feel yourself drooling into your underwear. 

You force yourself further down along his shaft, sucking in every bit of spit and his slick that you could, using it to help you along his stiff cock. 

You moan and it forces Joel’s hips to jerk forward. Watching his eyes flutter as the wetness wraps around every inch he so badly craves. 

Once you’ve finally swallowed him clear down to the base, nose flush against his abdomen, blinking away any tears his big cock has ripped from your eyes, Joel can feel the back of your throat and it drives him crazy. White stars blink across his vision. It was even better than he could have ever imagined. 

“Fuck baby girl,” Joel groans, needy and desperate. His hips stutter, hitting deeper into your throat, curses falling off his tongue. “You have no idea how badly I wanna fuck ya. Jerkin’ off every night since I barely touched you that day. You drive me crazy.” 

You moan around the thick of his shaft, your hand immediately shooting between your thighs. Couldn’t hold back anymore. Pressing your fingers into your own cunt, slipping them across the main wetness of your underwear, pressing heavier against your clit. 

Joel’s hips jerk in shallow, unpredictable thrusts. He fills every inch of your mouth, leaving only room for your tongue and nothing else. 

“Had me fuckin’ my own damn hand, ya know that? An old fuck like me, dreamin’ about that pussy like it’s my first damn time.” Joel chuckles, lifting his hips a little faster. Thrusting every inch harsher into your accepting mouth. 

His words have your fingers moving faster. You slip your hand beneath the elastic of your underwear, pressing harshly into your clit, crying around his shaft. You’re quick to slip two fingers immediately inside your soaked cunt, clenching hard around your own fingers. 

That familiar burn is settling low inside your stomach once again so you keep your fingers moving slowly, no matter how badly you wanted to make yourself hit that high— you wanted Joel to fuck you into it even more. 

Joel can see you riding your own fingers between every lift of his hips and bob of your head; and he laughs at the sight of you touching yourself. 

“S’my baby girl gettin’ too needy, hmm?” He asks in a teasing tone, making sure to accentuate his southern accent as he calls out to you. 

You glance up at him, catching his eye as your head falls to meet every rise of his hips. You only manage to respond with a whine. Blinking up at him, pleading with him for more. 

Joel bites down on his bottom lip, groaning at the sensation wrapping entirely around his shaft. He was getting close too…and he fucking wanted more than just your mouth too. 

“C’mere darlin’.” Joel hums, gently coaxing you up and off his thoroughly soaked cock. 

You follow his lead, detaching your mouth from his body. His thumb tenderly brushes against your puffy and abused lips, having taken an onslaught of his thrusts and wrapped tightly around every vein and inch of his girth so seamlessly. 

“Did such a good job for me baby.” Joel praises, guiding you up from your seated position to him once again. He leads your lips onto his, kissing you a little more gently than before; but not in the slightest less passionate or hot. 

You crawl into his lap again, deepening the kiss, feeling up his bare chest as you straddle his waist. 

His hands dance light across your thighs, pressing heavier into your body once he reaches your ass. He kneads into your ass, rolling your hips forward to grind you into his proud cock. You gasp against his lips, tasting his tongue in yours briefly, before his teeth gently nip at your bottom lip. 

“Sweetheart…” Joel sighs, his fingers flexing across your ass before his warm hands slide beneath your panties, just a little. “Can’t wait any longer.” 

Your breath hitches at his words but you nod quickly in response. You couldn’t wait any longer either. Had your own dreams of finally connecting entirely with him that you damn sure we’re gonna have come true tonight.  

You stand as tall as you can inside his truck, keeping your eyes directly on his own, while your fingers move around the length of the elastic of your panties. 

Joel stops your hands though, rubbing slow circles into your skin briefly before he replaces your hands with his own. 

“Take your shirt off too darlin’.” Joel orders, his big eyes staring up at you from his seated position still. His fingers lightly dance along the hem of your underwear, teasing you for what’s to come. 

Under his watchful eye, your fingers move to the edge of your tank-top, giving the fabric a quick tug and slipping it from your body. You toss the shirt into the ever growing pile of clothes on the floorboard. Can’t help but shiver once again at his piercing gaze.  Skin highly sensitive and burning fucking hot as he looks at you like you’re the only goddamn thing in the entire world to exist. His eyes travel over your exposed chest, lips twitching and jaw clenched as he gets a close up look at what he didn’t get to see last time. Drags his eyes across every curve and inch of your exposed body. 

“This still alright?” Joel asks softly, reassuringly smoothing his fingers into your skin. His gaze once more lifts to look into your eyes. 

“Fuck, it’s more than okay. I need you, Joel.” You respond with a small chuckle, raising your hands to settle around his neck; secure and snug. A small gesture to reassure him this time. 

And it works wonders. 

Joel keeps his gaze locked with your own as he drags your underwear down, inch by inch. His fingernails skim across your thighs as he works you out of your panties. 

Joel tosses your panties to the side the second you step out of them. Allowing his gaze to briefly look at the soaking wet pussy that calls to him. Eyes fluttering as he stares at the dripping mess that he’s created between your thighs. 

Fuck. He should’ve done this sooner.

“You’re so goddamn beautiful, baby.” Joel whispers as he drags you back into him. He kisses you again, hungrier than before now that he’s gotten to see all of you. 

You slip back into his lap again, your knees settle into the seats he sits on, kissing him back just as desperately. You grind your pussy flat and deliberately against his cock. Swallowing the groan that slips past Joel’s lips. The tip of his sensitive head easily slips through your drenched seam without an ounce of resistance. Yet you know, no matter, he was going to be a tight fit inside of you. 

You break the kiss this time, panting heavy and hot in sync with Joel’s own rapid breathing. 

“Christ,” Joel gasps, his eyes fluttering, hips rocking forward as he seeks your core once more. Your name tumbles from his lips as you bump your cunt down onto his sensitive head again. “C’mon sweet girl, don’t fuckin’ tease.” Joel warns. He moves one large hand to grip your waist while the other wraps around the base of his weeping cock. He holds himself steady, barely swiping his head through your folds, before lining himself up. 

You swallow hard, fingertips digging into the meat of his shoulders. You angle your hips just right, before lowering yourself down upon him. Your core swallows just the tip of his head and stars dangle across your vision, just like that day in his kitchen. Your thighs tremble but you manage to take more of him, slipping him further inside than just the tip this time. No force on this damned earth would stop you from finally feeling every inch of him. 

“Shit, knew I should’ve dragged you away earlier,” Joel groans as your pussy swallows him a little at a time. His fingers on your hips tighten as you take him. “Should’ve fucked you the second I saw you.” 

Your bottom lip wobbles at his confession. The fleeting feeling of happiness aches in your heart, knowing he has wanted you the entire time too. That you weren’t alone in your feelings for him. 

“Knew your pretty pussy would take me so fuckin’ well.” Joel drawls, hot and dripping with lust. His eyes are locked on where he slowly disappears inside of you.

You whine, high and needy, bracing yourself on his shoulders as you hit the halfway point. You’re unsure how you’ll take all of him when you’re already feeling this fucking full. Every inch, deep inside of you, throbs against your aching walls but fuck if he doesn’t fit so snuggling inside. Leaving no space left for anything else; just him. 

You were already his, long before you met. You were made for him. 

“Joel.” You moan his name, like it was only yours to be said. 

“Shh, I know. Almost there, baby girl. Doin’ so fuckin’ good.” Joel whispers. Encouraging you to keep going and how could you not? You’d do anything he asked of you, especially here at this moment. 

Biting down on your bottom lip, you jerk your body harshly, forcing yourself to take the rest of what you’ve been dreaming about. Swallowing him entirely and he sits so deep inside you swear you can feel him twitching against your womb. 

He bottoms out inside of you and it knocks any air from your lungs. Your chest tightens with just how deep he sits inside, unmoving. 

“S’tight. So tight for me baby.” Joel growls, eyes fluttering at the pressure wrapping around him. His hands tightly grip onto your waist. He sinks a little further down into the seat, angling his hips and planting his feet firm against the floorboards. He doesn’t wait for you to fully adjust before he begins to move. He lifts you up slightly before pressing his hips forward to meet between the gaps. 

A cry slips past your lips before you can swallow it back. Mindlessly rolling your hips to meet his erratic thrusts. Grinding your cunt back onto the thick of his shaft. And it’s all so overwhelming your mouth hangs open. A string of curses, pathetic whines, and Joel’s name slips continuously from your lips. You can’t think of a single thought outside of him and how good it feels to finally have him. 

“Pretty girl,” Joel moans, his pace picking up, grip tight enough to leave bruises on your hips. “Feel so good. Feel so fuckin’ perfect. Made for me.” Joel speaks your thoughts into existence and all you can do is helplessly nod to what he confirms. 

He picks up the pace once again, rocking into you while you roll right back into him. One of your hands flies to press into the back window to keep your head from knocking into it. The glass is fogged and slick beneath your fingers, from the two of you breathing so heavily and the humidity of your bodies connecting together. Praying that no one could see your exposed upper half through the window. Hoping that the cover of night tucked the two of you away as you had sex. 

You wanted to savor this moment with just him. 

The lewd noises that Joel manages to draw from every inch of your cunt normally would leave you embarrassed. The sloppy wet of your seam as he pounds into it— now it makes you proud. Knowing you had him damn near drooling over you and you alone. Driving him crazy, just as much as he does you. 

You chuckle a little, running your hand along his jaw and tilting his eyes up to look into yours. Forcing him to focus on you and nothing else.

“Can ya feel whatcha do to me Joel?” You half sob, smiling as much as you can through the pleasure melting your entire body. You feel his hips stutter at your words and the sudden eye contact but he never slows in his pace. You clench around him, savouring the way Joel’s face twists in pleasure, thrusting yourself down onto him. “Feel how deep you sit inside me?” You hum, brushing your thumb across his bottom lip this time. 

“I feel it,” Joel sucks in a sharp breath, pressing his lips a little firmer into the pad of your finger. “Feel how fuckin’ good you take every inch of me baby.”  He groans heavily, trailing his fingers from your waist to the front of your body. His thumb brushes against your clit. Rubbing tight and taut circles against the sensitive nub to pull you closer to the edge. 

You whimper at the new stimulation, hand falling down to grip the backseat behind him— as that familiar burn etches itself inside your womb. Twisting a hot knife, begging for you to spill over the edge. You lean down, kissing him desperately as the cusp of your orgasm roars closer and closer. 

“Can I?” Joel rasps breathlessly. His thumb pressing harsher against your clit. His hips lift in shallow, erratic thrusts as his own high begins to crawl over him. 

You nod frantically. Brushing your lips against his. “Please.” You beg, clenching again around his cock. “Make me yours Joel.” 

Joel curses under his breath. Chasing after your lips to kiss you. Relentlessly his hips snap upwards, digging deeper into you while his thumb brushes faster against your clit. 

“I’m coming. Coming, fuck, Joel!” You weep against his lips but he swallows any and all excess noise; as your orgasm hits you like a train. All the air in your lungs is knocked out with the overstimulating high that strikes through you. Your hips jerk wildly, uncoordinated, as you ride your orgasm out along his shaft. You don’t have to see the mess you’ve made across his lap. Can feel your pussy drooling, dripping and gushing with every deep thrust he continues to press into you. 

“Fuck baby!” Joel hisses against your lips. He heaves a hefty groan as he keeps going to reach his own end. “Feel that good? Makin’ a mess all over me, fuck. You’re so beautiful. So fuckin’ perfect.” He babbles. 

You shyly whimper, nodding your head in response, unable to find words to speak as the pleasure burns so hot under your skin. 

“Gonna fill your pretty little pussy full now.” He promises, mumbling against your lips like a prayer he only wants you to hear.

And he does as he promises. He buries himself deep inside you, pressing harshly against what you swear is your womb, hitting his own orgasm that sends ripples of lava through his body. 

“You’re mine, ya hear? Mine, baby girl. All fuckin’ mine.” He mutters quickly at the first wave of his climax. The second roll of his hips, Joel seals his lips tightly against yours. Silencing his own erratic groans and grunts as he cums. 

He fucks every drop inside of you. Fills every inch of your trembling cunt with his mark. And he doesn’t stop moving until he’s finally spent. 

After he stops moving, your body finally gives in. You lay limp against his chest, head cradled against his shoulder. Your hearts connected, pounding in sync, both of you trying to catch your breath after finishing. 

Joel detaches his hands from around your waist, skimming his large, warm hands slowly up and across your bare back. He soothingly rubs your back, kissing the crown of your head. 

“Let me see ya baby girl.” Joel hums finally, after both of you have somewhat settled down. That hum, still tingling beneath your skin. 

You groan but push up off his chest. Scooting back onto his knees and leaning back, slipping his softening cock out of your cunt. Can’t help but whine at the emptiness and lack of being filled as Joel leaves you. 

You lean back just enough to give him a nice view of what he’s turned your pussy into; a glistening, ruined, overstuffed mess. 

“Fuck…” Joel groans at seeing his mark dribble out of you. His cock twitching to life once more as his thumb brushes against the curve of your dirtied cunt. 

In one swift motion, Joel has you pinned down onto your back, hovering above you with his cock yearning for you once more. 

You blink up at him, confused as to what he had planned while you and your back lie against the back seat of his truck. Your hips were already sore, you didn’t know how much more you could take. 

But that little dark glint to his warm gaze told you…you definitely were taking a little more. 

“I did promise that next time,” Joel hums sweetly and softly, smirking up above you. “You ain’t gonna be able to walk.” 

You bark out a laugh at the call back, biting down on your bottom lip as a smile splits across your mouth. You reach up, tenderly holding onto the back of his neck while you lock your legs around his waist, dragging him closer down to you.

“Well, come on old man.” You tease. “I’m yours anyway.” 

Joel smirks right back down at you. Accepting the challenge with a hot and heavy kiss. You both were definitely in for a long night. 

But he was yours; and you were his.

@ 𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐒 𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐕𝐄𝐃 𝐓𝐎 𝐙𝐄𝐕𝐑𝐑𝐀 | 𝐃𝐎 𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐑𝐄𝐏𝐎𝐒𝐓 𝐄𝐋𝐒𝐄𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄 𝐖/𝐎 𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐎𝐍