#jackson joel

The horses shifted impatiently beneath them, leather tack creaking while the morning buzz of Jackson gathered around the front gate. Saddlebags were checked twice, rifles counted, blankets tied down. Maria stood with a clipboard in hand, running through names while Tommy fussed over Buckley’s saddle for what had to be the third time.

Joel tightened the strap beneath his mare’s chin before giving the group a quick once-over. It was the same crowd that made this ride every couple of months—a day away from the walls, fishing, laughing, pretending life hadn’t ended twenty years ago.

Maria glanced up from the list.

“Okay. Everyone’s here.”

Joel frowned. His eyes swept across the gathered riders again.

Tommy and Maria.

Jesse and Dina.

Ellie and Cat.

Eugene, Gail…Abby

His brows pinched together. “…Whoa, whoa.” He raised a hand. “We can’t leave.”

Everyone paused. Maria blinked. “Why not?”

Joel looked around once more as though you’d magically appear behind someone’s horse. “y/n’s not here.”

Abby’s smile barely faltered. “Oh.” She shrugged. “Didn’t anyone tell you? They’d be an odd number of people, so she’s not coming”

Joel slowly shook his head, a strange knot settled in his chest. “…Why didn’t she tell me?” Tommy let out a quiet snort, lowering his voice as he adjusted his horses saddle. “When exactly was she supposed to tell you?”

Joel looked over. Tommy didn’t even meet his eyes. “You’ve been MIA for a few weeks with the new girl.” He tugged another strap tight. “Hell…I can’t even remember the last time I saw you and y/n together.”

Joel stilled, cause neither could he. The realization landed heavier than he’d expected. The last three weeks had disappeared beneath patrol schedules, training Jackson’s newest arrivals and—whether he wanted to admit it or not—spending most of his spare time with Abby.

She wasn’t a bad kid, far from it. Scared out of her mind when she’d first arrived, she’d clung to the one person who’d made her feel safe during the rescue mission. Joel. 

He’d told himself she just needed stability. Someone patient, familiar. Truth was…he liked being needed. Liked the way Abby looked at him like he could fix anything. Like he’d hung the damn moon.

It was stupid. A harmless little ego boost from someone young enough to still believe older men had all the answers. Joel had joked with Tommy more than once that he “still had it,” now those words tasted sour.

From the moment Joel and Tommy brought Abby back to Jackson, something about her to you felt…off. “A young woman out there on her own?” you’d questioned, unable to shake the feeling.

Everyone dismissed your concerns, insisting you were being paranoid. She’s just a young woman, they said. What’s she gonna do?

It wasn’t that you hated Abby—you didn’t. You barely knew her. But there was something about her you just couldn’t put your finger on, a quiet instinct that refused to settle no matter how hard you tried to ignore it.

Before long, your suspicions became the town’s latest joke. People teased that you were jealous, overly cautious, always expecting the worst. Eventually, you stopped arguing. You simply smiled, shrugged, and let them laugh. But the feeling never went away.

He rubbed the back of his neck. “I’ll go grab her.”

“But we’re all ready, and Abby’s right, it’ll be an odd number.” Maria said gently.

Joel glanced toward your street, Abby nudged her horse alongside his. “You can talk to her when we get back.” Her smile was easy enough. “She’ll still be here.”

Ten minutes later, Jackson had disappeared behind the trees. The rhythmic clop of hooves should’ve been relaxing.

Instead Joel barely noticed the scenery passing by. His thoughts had wandered somewhere else entirely, when was the last time he’d actually spoken to you?

Not waved. Not nodded across town, but actually spoken.

A memory surfaced from only a few days ago. You’d walked over while he was setting up targets for Abby’s shooting lesson.

You’d smiled. “Hey Joel, can I ask you somethin’?”

What had you wanted? He couldn’t even remember. Because halfway through your sentence Abby had come jogging over. “Joel! I can’t get this stupid thing to work!”

He’d looked between the two of you, then back at Abby. “We can talk later, Sunshine.”

You’d hesitated. “Oh…okay.”

“Lemme help with the lesson and I’ll come find ya.” He’d smiled without really thinking. “We’ll talk then.” Your smile had shrunk into something smaller. “Alright.”

He remembered watching you walk away, head dipped, hands shoved into your jacket pockets. Then…nothing. Because after the lesson Abby had suggested grabbing dinner at The Bison. Joel had gone. He laughed. Stayed later than he’d planned, and completely forgotten he’d promised to come find you.

His stomach sank. “…Shit.”

Tommy’s horse drifted alongside his. “Told ya.”

Joel sighed heavily. “Look, Tommy…we rescued the poor girl. She’s comfortable with me. I don’t know what else I’m supposed to do. I’m training her, is all.”

Tommy looked ahead, not angry. Just disappointed. “From where I’m sittin’, brother…” he said quietly, “a shiny new—young—toy’s craving your attention…”

Joel winced.

“…and she’s removing your close friends one by one without even trying…and without you realising.”

Silence stretched between them.

Tommy glanced across. “Honestly…when was the last time you and Sunshine did anything together, just the two of you?”

Joel opened his mouth, nothing came out.

“Her guitar lessons still going on?”

His chest tightened. Shit, they weren’t. Not because you’d stopped asking but because he stopped showing up.

Every few days you’d catch him around town. “Hey, when you free this week?…Can I come by tomorrow?” And he answers with “We’ll see…just been busy.”

Always busy, always later and later had quietly turned into weeks.

Tommy sighed. “Brother…you’ve been different since Abby got here, and I reckon Sunshine’s finally got tired of waiting around for you.”

Joel stared at the trail ahead. Tommy wasn’t saying them to be cruel, he was saying them because they were true.

Joel tightened his grip on the reins until his knuckles turned white.

The moment this ride was over…he wasn’t going home, he wasn’t stopping at The Bison with Abby. He wasn’t doing anything until he’d marched straight to your front door. Because somewhere along the way, without even noticing…he’d let the best friendship he’d ever had slip right through his fingers.

The day out hadn’t meant much to Joel. He’d spent most of it staring into space while Abby drifted over every so often, determined to keep him company. He barely heard half of what she said. The whole day had felt heavy, dragging on longer than it should’ve. All he wanted was to get home.

Jackson finally came into view, earning relieved sighs from almost everyone.

Joel had spent the ride back beside Tommy, with Abby repeatedly trying to wedge herself into their conversations.

“So, Miller boys,” she chirped, flashing a grin. “I was thinking we hit The Bison and drink this night away, huh?”

They both declined without hesitation.

Tommy just wanted to get home.

Joel just wanted to see you.

“Aww, you’re just a pair of boring old men,” Abby huffed dramatically. “Maybe another time.”

As they approached the gates, Tommy spotted the watchmen waving frantically, shouting for him to hurry.

His expression immediately hardened. He shot a quick glance back at the others before digging his heels into the horse’s sides, racing ahead. The rest of the group followed close behind.

Several council members and a handful of worried residents were already waiting near the stables. “What the hell’s going on?” Tommy asked, swinging down from his horse with a heavy thud.

One of the guards stepped forward. “Tommy…an outsider showed up at the gates. We weren’t sure what to do.”

“Alright.” Tommy tugged off his gloves. “Tell me about him.”

By then, the rest of the group had dismounted, listening in.

“Young man. Came in about two hours ago. We put him in quarantine just to be safe.” The guard hesitated. “He wasn’t too keen on us checking him over.”

Tommy nodded.

“Good. Maria, come on. Let’s go see him. Who’s with him now?”

The guard glanced towards the infirmary.

“Y/N. She’s been sitting with him for a while.”

Tommy looked over at Joel and jerked his head towards the building. “You coming?”

Joel didn’t answer. He simply started walking.

“So… I’ll see you later then, Joel,” Abby called after him in the sweetest voice she could manage. He gave a distracted wave without looking back.

“He’s shown no signs of twitching or aggression,” the doctor explained, handing Tommy a clipboard. “If he stays that way, we’ll reassess tomorrow.”

Tommy skimmed the notes. “No name?”

“He hasn’t given us one.”

Tommy handed the clipboard back before making his way towards the sealed quarantine room.

Separated by a thick sheet of reinforced plastic, you sat on one side while the stranger occupied the other. You were laughing, a proper, head thrown back laugh.

“Oh my God,” you gasped between giggles. “That’s so funny. You’ll have to take there one day—I’ve never been to Mexico.”

The sound made Joel stop for half a second.

It had been a long day, and all he’d wanted was to see you. Instead, he found you smiling and laughing with another man.

You turned at the sound of approaching footsteps. The moment you spotted Tommy, Maria…and then Joel, your smile softened, faltering just enough for him to notice.

You stood, brushing your hands down your jeans. “Hey, guys. Hope your day out was fun.” 

The man behind the glass coughed, giving you a smile. You glanced back at him behind the glass. “Oh shit, sorry.” You laughed out.

“Um…everyone—this is Manny.”

“No,” you repeated firmly. “Tommy, why should I? He was the one in the wrong.”

Tommy let out a tired huff, planting his hands on his hips. He knew as well as anyone that somehow, everything always ended up being Joel’s fault. “Look…he is sorry. But you know him—”

You stared at him in disbelief. Somehow you were being asked to be the mature one, when Joel was older than you and twice as stubborn. You sighed. “Okay…tell him to come home after patrol. I should still be awake.” You reached into your pocket and handed Tommy, Joel’s key. “In case I’m not.”

A smile tugged at Tommy’s lips. “Ya good girl, you know that?”

“But I swear, Tommy,” you warned, pointing a finger at him, “if he doesn’t apologise, I’m gonna kick his ass so hard he won’t be able to shit for a week.”

Tommy burst out laughing, already picturing Joel waddling around Jackson like he was wearing a nappy. “I’ll pass on the message.”

He leaned down to kiss your cheek. You reminded him to stay safe on patrol…

“Joel too.” You caught yourself immediately. “But don’t tell him I said that.”

Tommy chuckled as he turned on his heel “Wouldn’t dream of it.”

⊹ ࣪ ˖

Your relationship with Joel wasnt that complicated. But the two of you were stubborn as mules, neither willing to admit defeat. If anything, you’d probably had more make up sex than anything else. He wasn’t shy about holding your hand in public though, or pressing an absentminded kiss to your cheek. Every now and then—on a blue moon—you’d even get a proper kiss on the lips.

But Christ…the man could be an absolute pain in the ass.

Your last fight had been three days ago. You hadn’t let him back into the house, and to his credit, he hadn’t forced his way back in either.

He’d been staying with Tommy and Maria while Ellie continued living in the garage, though she’d been checking in on you every day. Unlike Tommy, she never tried to push you into forgiving Joel before you were ready.

She stopped by only a few minutes after Tommy left, already scowling before she’d even stepped onto the porch. “Why was Tommy here?” she demanded. “Was he trying to make you forgive him again? You’re not gonna, are you?”

You rubbed your temples. “Ellie…relationships are hard.”

“Oh, don’t give me that!” she shot back. “He was way outta line.”

“Yeah, he was,” you admitted. “But I can still hear him out without forgiving him.”

Ellie threw her hands in the air with a frustrated groan. “Well, I don’t wanna be here when he comes crawling back.” She disappeared off towards Cat’s house for the night. Honestly, you were glad. If things turned ugly, you didn’t want Ellie hearing any of it.

⊹ ࣪ ˖

By 11:20 p.m., you were standing on your porch with a cigarette between your fingers, enjoying the peaceful silence that settled over Jackson after dark.

You’d give Joel until midnight, after that, you were going to bed.

You wandered back inside, wiped down the kitchen one last time, then rolled yourself a small joint—just enough to loosen the tightness in your shoulders. The tip glowed amber as you took a slow inhale while the kettle boiled for tea.

Mug in one hand. Joint in the other, you stepped back onto the porch…and nearly launched both across the garden. “What the—!” Tea sloshed over your fingers as you jumped. “What the fuck, Joel? You trying to give me a fucking heart attack?”

He didn’t answer. Normally he’d have muttered something sarcastic or grumbled that you were too jumpy. Something, anything, but instead…nothing.

Your irritation disappeared as quickly as it’d arrived. You set your mug down before carefully lowering yourself onto the porch swing beside him. “Joel…” your hand rested gently on his shoulder. “What happened?”

He let out a shaky breath, then without warning, he turned and pulled you into him, hard. His arms wrapped tightly around your waist, almost crushing the air from your lungs. You didn’t complain, instead you hugged him back, one hand instinctively sliding into his hair. “Joel…” you whispered. “Did something happen to Tommy?”

He shook his head.

“On patrol? Did someone get hurt?”

A tiny nod. His voice barely existed. “…Jesse.”

The single word shattered something inside, your stomach dropped. You didn’t ask any more questions—didn’t want to overbear him. You stroked the back of his head, fingers disappearing into his greying curls. “Come on,” you murmured softly. “Let’s go inside.”

He didn’t move.

“Joel… it’s freezing.”

Eventually he loosened his grip, but still wouldn’t look at you. He reached down for his backpack, but you quietly took it from him. The fact that he didn’t protest…worried you more than anything.

Once inside, you locked the door behind you. Joel simply stood in the middle of the living room, looking completely lost—as though he’d forgotten what came next.

You walked up behind him and wrapped your arms around his waist.

This time…you’d do the decision making for him. “No thinking tonight, okay? You’re gonna listen to me” You stepped around until he was looking at you. “Just nod if you agree.”

After a long pause…he nodded.

“Good.” You slipped his coat from his shoulders and hung it on its hook. “Boots.” He obediently rested a hand on your shoulder while you knelt to untie them, easing each one from his feet. “There we go.” You squeezed his hand. “Okay. Bedroom and I’ll be up in a minute.” Joel hesitated before wrapping his arms around you once more—briefly this time—then slowly disappeared upstairs.

You watched until he was gone. Only then did you finally let yourself breathe.

In the kitchen you poured yourself a drink of Joel’s whiskey—downing it in one go, then hurried into the pantry where the radio sat hidden.

Static crackled through the speaker. “Tommy… Maria?”

Nothing. You waited before trying again. This time Maria answered, her voice was strained. “Hey, honey. Tommy’s asleep. How’s Joel?”

“Maria…what happened?” You swallowed hard. “He only said Jesse.”

Silence. Your heart started hammering. “Oh… my God…is he?.”

Maria couldn’t bring herself to answer straight away—that told you everything.

You swallowed the lump in your throat, pinching your eyes shut. “Okay—okay, shit. Um—I’ll call by tomorrow..” You glanced upstairs. “I need to go back to him.”

After another quiet exchange of apologies and reassurances, you wished her goodnight and tucked the radio away.

Joel was sitting, slumped on the edge of the bed, his hazel eyes were empty. Not crying. Just gone.

Steam drifted from the bathroom as the shower warmed, you came back into the bedroom, he hadn’t moved an inch. “Joel?” Your voice stayed gentle. “You need to get undressed okay? We’re gonna get a shower”

You pulled two towels from the cupboard before beginning to undress. He still didn’t move, but he watched you.

Your shirt landed on the floor, then your pants. His eyes followed every movement—not with desire, but because you were the only thing anchoring him to the room. You walked over and gently pulled him to his feet. “Come on, Miller.” You unbuttoned his flannel, sliding it carefully from his shoulders before undoing his belt and pushing down his pants and boxers. “Step out.” He obeyed quietly.

You guided him into the shower before grabbing something comfortable for him to sleep in, slipping off your own underwear before joining him. Joel was slumped against the tiled wall, eyes closed, breathing deep but uneven—as though every breath caught halfway in his chest.

“Joel?”

No response.

You stepped closer. “Hey…baby. Open your eyes f’me.” You cupped his face.

They slowly met yours and the moment he saw the worry on your face, his composure broke, stepping forward and wrapped himself around you.

This wasn’t a panic attack…but it wasn’t far off.

You held him tightly, one hand cradling the back of his head while the other rubbed slow circles across his back. “That’s it,” you whispered. “Just breathe. You’re okay. Take your time.”

His breathing gradually steadied against your shoulder. He never let go, he didn’t want to. So you worked around him instead.

With one hand still holding him close, you reached for the soap, lathering it between your palms before carefully washing the tension from his shoulders and across his back.

When you gave his backside a quick wash too, he let out the smallest, reluctant chuckle. It was quiet. Fragile.

But hearing it felt like watching the first ray of sunlight after a storm. You smiled to yourself…There he is.

As you rinsed away the last of the soap suds, Joel was still clinging to you, arms wrapped around your middle like he couldn’t quite bear to let go. Reaching behind him, you switched off the shower, and the warmth disappeared instantly, leaving goosebumps dancing across both your skin.

You smiled, holding up your hand. “Look at us. We look like old people.” You laughed softly, comparing your wrinkled fingertips. “Pruney as hell.”

Joel didn’t answer. His eyes stayed fixed on you instead—on the gentle rise and fall of your throat as you swallowed, as though simply watching you somehow settled something inside him.

You cupped his cheek. “Hey—.”

His gaze lifted to yours, quiet but full of something he couldn’t quite put into words.

Wrapped in towels, you led him back to the bedroom, your fingers laced together the whole way. “Sit,” you murmured. Joel obeyed without complaint, settling on the edge of the bed while you grabbed a smaller towel. You gently worked it through his damp curls, careful not to be too rough, smiling when he instinctively reached for your waist, his hands resting there as if that’s where they belonged.

“There we go,” you whispered, giving his hair one last tousle. “After this, we’re getting into bed, okay?”

He nodded beneath the towel.

“Good.” The moment you finished, he did exactly as you’d asked, climbing beneath the covers without a word. He simply lay there, waiting patiently for you.

Your heart squeezed. You slipped off your towel, gave your own hair a quick rub dry before climbing into bed beside him. Almost immediately, Joel motioned for you to turn around, you smiled to yourself and backed into him. He gathered you against his chest with a contented sigh, the lingering warmth and dampness of his chest soaking gently into your back. One arm settled around your waist, his thumb tracing slow, absentminded circles over your skin.

“So,” you murmured, threading your fingers through his. “Will you try and actaully sleep?”

“I will.”

You hummed knowingly. “Joel.”

“What?”

“I know you. You’ll wait until I fall asleep, then you’ll just lie there staring at the ceiling.”

His arm tightened around you, burying his face between your shoulder blades, breathing you in as though your scent alone could quiet the storm in his mind.

After a long moment, he nodded against your skin. “Okay, baby.”

For a little while, neither of you spoke. The room was filled only with the steady rhythm of your breathing, gradually falling into sync, the familiar silence between you saying everything words couldn’t.

Joel pressed a lingering kiss between your shoulder blades. Then another. His voice was barely more than a whisper. “…I’m sorry.”

You closed your eyes, covering the hand resting on your waist with your own. “I know,” you said softly.

His fingers curled around yours. You turned your head just enough to brush a kiss against his wrist.

He held you a little tighter. “I love you,” he murmured.

You smiled, your thumb stroking over his knuckles. “I love you too.”

The apology didn’t erase the past. It didn’t need to, because in that moment, wrapped safely in each other’s arms, all either of you wanted was the quiet promise of tomorrow.