La Fleur De La Vie

another ‘straight to the point’ song that Kunto Aji produced!! and I love it so f*****g much!

Have an expectation on something really do hurts you badly when it doesn’t come the way you wanted to be or the way you expect it to be. People said, lower your expectation so you won’t get hurt! It’s kind of pathetic but undeniably true. Pathetic because sometimes you know you deserve better and you just confident enough to face it when it comes to your door. Undeniably true because God sometimes loves to joke around and make your heart and mind turn upside down. Well, it is like fireworks when the expectation come into reality. The fact ...you know it is only one time case against nine failed cases or broken hearted by that expectation.

Let’s start it with the same phrases to begin the words with

I feel bad because I don’t post “the birthday spesial edition” for this sweetie of mine at her birthday last year. Well, there’s nothing too late if there’s something you can do to make it (at least) right.

Happiest 26th birthday (last year, 2017) my darling who I nick named her as Pep, short of Pepita.

I know it is super late, but I just kinda like not feeling good if I don’t do it. It’s like our thing in every year (right ?). So please forgive me for this late post, will you ? ! :*

Pepita, I don’t know when exactly I started to call you with this nick name, but for sure it came from Pevita, the name of actress you like and I slipped the ‘V’ with the ‘P’ to make it sounds cute, since then Pepita is my favorite one to say Hi when I text or call you. Have you noticed about that? :) I hope you’re not mad because I call you with the nick name I made. You know, Pepita means seed. Seed is the life of live itself. It is all started with seed. Seed that grow to be bigger things, grow higher, grow wide and wild. Seed that stayed to be strong no matter how hard it has to survive in any circumtances. Seed that sometimes can be good and sometimes can be bad, and it is up to you which one you want to choose. Precious seed that hard to find. Seed, little things that gives a life the life itself. Isn’t it beautiful that every name has its own wish? Enough with the nickname, I hope you can figure it out by yourself. :) Do you remember that picture of yours ? Yap, I took it at Jembatan Cinta in Tidung Island. That was our unexpected trip together, and the shortest one also. Actually it is hard to pick which photo I should put on this post, so then I choosed that one because that was the most messy, rebel, wild, free, honest, genuine, and joyous image of you. The other one I picked because it was our last trip together till we’re living in different city again. The pictures talked alot about all the feeling we had at that time. Pep, I know I’ve been rude lately because I didn’t pay attention what’s going on with my bestfriend life (you and Wiwin also), and we don’t talk much lately. I’m just being such a jerk that badly manage my time. I looked up for your story on tumblr, and it made me even angry to myself, I keep asking myself that am I let you down? why I can’t be there for you when you “feel like that” ?. Really I am feel bad, pep. After all ....  I dedicate this post for your birthday, 16 December 2017.

I wish your study will goes smoothly until your graduate pep! People are always trying to lead, but do not let them lead your soul and your mind. Don’t try to blend in when you know that you’re born to be stand out. You are who you are, you are as unique as you are, and no one can be or replace who you are. Second wish, may your bussiness goes bomb with the creative idea you’ve got, and as you want to get a job, may God hand you the best one, my dear. Last but not last, I wish for your prince charming will come and find you soon, and you will find him as smart man with less words but surprisingly romantic. You know that I will always have your back, like you’ve got mine!

I feel bad because I don’t post “the birthday spesial edition” for this sweetie at her birthday last year. Well, there’s nothing too late if there’s something you can do to make it (at least) right.

Happiest 25th birthday (last year, 2017) my darling who I always added “g” at your last nick name. Wiwing.

I know it is super late, but I just kinda like... not feeling good if I don’t do it. It’s like our thing in every year (right ?). So please forgive me for this late post, will you ? ! :*

25 must means something to you, Wing. Don’t look what’s behind it to fast, just embrace yourself and prepare for any good or bad situation so you will be though enough to face what is coming to you. I know we don’t talk much lately, since I do starting my study again and you are trying to figure what work world suppose to be. I am so glad that you started to write on tumblr again since the last time I visited yours, it said that it’s been turned down. I guess we’ve seen each other virtually through this tumblr such as, you posted what’s going on around you lately, how did you feel, even sometimes you wrote something that you can’t spell it to anyone and by you wrote it, means like you want it to be hear out by others, including me. I am so thankful that you are still face ‘the condition you’re facing right now’ with your chin up and your hands still in the form praying to God. That’s Wiwing I know, no matter how hard the situation slap her in the face, she just give it away and move on as fast as she can. I adore your capability for doing it, Wing. I always do!.

I wish you’ll get the good job you always wanted to have, a job that makes you happy while it bubble up your saving. Love life, I hope your prince charming will come as romantic as ‘Sore coming for Jo’, I wish he’s the one who will love you unconditionally and make you a better person. ;) I hope all the good things come to light up your day in every second, my dear.

PS: Temu soon, please!! I am so sick of this Long Distance Friendship! LOL

love you, and God Bless you dear!

It’s been a long pause since my last post on tumblr. I really want to write my story again but still time was not in my hand. Lets begin this long pause with something that I am grateful to have: family and friends. Those are my favorite picture of the birthday moment. I turned 26 on 2nd October 17. Old enough, and 4 years to go till I hit the 30s. Oh my dear God!!! I hope I can do better for the next one year, be a good person for people around me, do good deeds, minimize the bad one, and be a sunshine that light up the mood every time I am around.

So much things to do, so many places that I want to visit, so many country I want to wander, and the love to feel.

Venus

I , I'm trynna keep my fear above the pavement Everything I thought I knew keeps changing So close that I can taste it (taste it) I, I'm seeing ghost of friendships I've been craving Standing in the line that I've created So close I should take it

We looked away then looked right back Though the future got here so fast, so fast It's a lovesick feeling when you just want it all It's a knowing that the hardest part is letting go

I, I'm trynna make the best of every moment Reaching out for something I can't hold yet So close, my arms are open

We turned away and turn right back Though the future caught up so fast It's a lovesick feeling when you just want it all It's a knowing that the hardest part is letting go

it still hurts, and I think it’s torturing me even more when I am alone. But I just know that I just simply need to be by myself for the moment. My head hurts, my eyes hurts, I dont think I can see the screen clearly while I am typing this words. Thing just turned out not like the way I was hoping for. I’ve been thinking that it should be mine, keep ensuring myself that I can pass through it, but no.... it is fucqing not the way it should be.

I can’t even talk to God properly right now, ohhh gosh.. shame on me! I did my best, I was trying hard, and I am praying. I did the process and the result... oh my.. the result just loves joking around on my salted wound. I am pretty impressed that it surpirsed me a little bit. I don’t blame God, I just simply don’t like myself right now. But I do have questions for him, and I knew he won’t answer it right away. All I need is just move along, put it behind me, and just be gratefull for literally everything I have, the good, the bad, the shitty things, all of it.

So, there she is!!!!! potraid beautifully holding bouquets and that smile catching my eyes (*really). My bestfriend just turned out to be An Apothecary couple days ago, and I am so proud of her!!! Yeay!!! (*clapping really hard)

See, God just gave you what you deserve, wing. That hard work you’ve been through to get this three words title on your name, really show me that you’re just not a stubborn girl anymore but a grown up woman. Be grateful for what you got, sometimes asking to much to God is better than nothing to ask ;) 

Above all of that, prepare yourself to face the more bigger things coming to you anytime soon, it could be ‘get a job’, ‘travel the world’, or ‘the wedding maybe’. Whatever it is, I hope you’ll choose wisely and considered it as the reasons to make you happy, my dear. My love will always around anytime you need.