Chronicles Of Zed @zedzeechronicles - Tumblr Blog

The time when it was too early and I should be sleeping

Yes I know, 8:30 isn't early but it is for me. Another rant obviously. After the last few fights with my boyfriend, we agreed to talk things to more calm and try to figure out a solution. See the problem with me is that we can talk things out, figure out a solution, and still hold a little grudge. Ugh I know it sucks, so I'm trying this whole not holding a grudge thing. So this is me not holding a grudge so I can vent here. Men always say they don't understand women. I think I'm pretty understandable. Simple woman, simple desires, complicated situations, as my best friend would say lol. Men, well they are weird, irrational, did I mention weird? What I don't understand is how in the beginning, men do all the chasing. Like go the extra mile. But once you're there, they stop going to that mile. They take a step back and back until they're so far back it's ridiculous. And their response is "oh I'm comfortable" and that's great! I'm all for comfort, but know it's nice to try once in a while. But let's take that off the table, how do men become so comfortable that they don't even do things they usually did on a regular basis? Now I'm the kinda person who likes routine. So if the routines broken, I'm kind of upset. But I'm working on the upset thing and tryna fake it till you make it. That's what I have to do anyways, to make it work I guess. But it sucks when I'm up thinking about it and can't go back to sleep while he's fast asleep dreaming about a perfect life, probably without a girlfriend lol ok so maybe that's a long shot but you know, a life where he doesn't need to worry about hurting my feelings or whatever. Moral of the story is, it's funny how the roles switch from who's putting in effort in the beginning and who puts in effort later. But then you see all these corny engagement videos about men who do crazy things to propose to their girlfriends and it makes you happy and tingly that those kinds of things exist. Maybe they're just lucky, or they're doing something right. But it does give you hope, and sometimes hoping it'll be better is all you have.

#tooearly

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The time when I cried at the gym

This is just a continuation of last night, because why else would someone cry at the gym? Unless of course a 50 pound dumbbell was dropped on their toe. Rather then my toe, a 50 pound dumbbell fell on my heart. And the poor guy who was on the squat rack beside me, looked so confused lol “ should I ask what’s wrong? What do I do? Ugh women” was probably what was going through his head. But you can’t blame him, because honestly, who cries at the gym? Well I do apparently. But crying is okay, I think so anyways. Just to get everything out of your system. I thought the pre-workout fight would make my workout suck, but it didn’t. I don’t know what it is about heavy weights and sweat, makes you forget everything. Not that I’m Ms. Olympia or anything, but I always found during workouts I had a clear mind, no matter what was going on. I’m lucky that’s the case for or else I probably would’ve dropped a weight on my toe.

Now the real question is comfort. Who doesn’t like comfort? A nice bed, soft pillows, fried chicken, everyone loves comfort and comfort food. Comfort in relationships are nice to. The kind of comfort where you don’t have to get ready for 2 hours prior to your date, and you can speak about your bathroom conundrums openly. But I think there’s a fine line between comfort and just lacking in effort. So maybe now you don’t take 2 hours to get ready and maybe 20 minutes. Still effort, but not as much as before. And I think that’s fair, to be comfortable. But to not put in effort is different, and I’d like to think unacceptable in any relationship. I guess everyone has different levels of comfort. What may seem comfortable to him may seem like lack of effort for me. But that’s just a difference in opinions. And when both parties think they’re not in the wrong, that’s when things get sticky. I wish there was a universal rule, a universal fine line between comfort and no effort. It would make everything so much easier. But nothing would be worth anything if it was easy right?

#love #relationshipquestions #relationship #gymproblems

The time when I was flustered at 2 am

Love. Obviously, why else would anyone be flustered at this time of the night? I’d like to think I’ve experienced my fair share of whats out there, the good, the bad, the pure evil like the devil’s spawn. And anytime I was crushing hard on someone it was love. LOVE LOVE LOVE. But was it always love? Eh maybe. The first guy I thought I ever loved was when I was 16. I was young and naive, and he was a good guy. The one that got away kinda. After that, it was someone I thought my family would accept and I had a future with. HA. If there’s one piece of advice I could give to my younger self, or anyone younger really is that you really dont need to think so far ahead, because whats that really going to do for you when reality hits and BAM your parents are asking you if youre dating anyone and its not the guy you thought you’d spend the rest of your life with when you were 18. Lol. And after him, man oh man the next guy. If someone ever tells you that a break up physically can hurt you, they are 100000% correct. This was the most painful thing I’ve ever been through. It hurt my brain thinking about him, and that gut wrenching feeling, ugh...like you have absolutely no control over anything in your life and you want to stop feeling everything. If anyone is going through that now, let me tell you, it all passes with time. It sucks, but it does go away. Between that, another guy waltzed in and out of my life, and it hurt. But after a while I realized that was just an infatuation. So is it possible to be in love more then once? Was I ever really in love with any of them? I dont know about the first two, but the gut wrenching guy, I think I was. But this time, this time its different. He came into my life out of no where, definitely not my type so I didnt see it at first. He was awkward, and sweet, and the first guy to not make a perverted comment when I mentioned I was home alone. He had me hooked, cause lets be honest, how often to sweet guys come along? I felt like the prettiest girl in the world, and I felt like the luckiest girl to have him. He made it seem like he was lucky to have me, and we were great, amazing, wonderful, so full of love. Like actual love. Unconditional, weirdly emotional,googly oeey gooey love. I knew I was in love when I found myself praying for him along with my family at night. Also when we went to Montreal, I was crying at the club to him because I realized I loved him lol ugh love. So why am I up now writing all this? To vent I guess. My friend says relationships are like roller coasters, they have their ups and downs. But I think in relationships, people go through phases. Someone always like the other person more, and vice versa. But I feel stuck. I thought we were even, but I don’t think so anymore. I love him more and more ever day but I feel like his love has just plateaued. That sucks. Anytime I’m upset over a guy, I always listen to this podcast, Your Brain on a Break up from stuff mom never told you. I don’t know why, it makes me feel good, and I’ve listened to it more times then I’d like to mention. Basically. they say that studies have been conducted on post break up miserable sad people to prove that its all in your head. Long story short, when you’re in love, reward neurons are firing off and when you’re deprived from love, or you feel rejected its those neurons going even more crazy because there’s no reward. Now don’t quote me on this, its just the gist of it. So I am up at 2 am blaming my reward neurons. Damn you! I just want my neurons to calm down, and be cool. Is that too much to ask for brain? WHO’S SIDE ARE YOU ON, MINE OR HIS?! All of this makes you think though, is love all fairytales and butterflies, or just the right neurological pathways being made at the right time. Makes you feel like lame about being in love, if its all just in your head. Now imagine if there was ever a pill to control those neurons, it would sell like hot cakes! I know I’d want to use them. But then again, there’s a lot to learn from break ups. I know I learned a lot from the gut wrench guy. I want to believe love is real, but its soothing knowing it might just be physical and not a magical thing. So I guess I’ll just leave it up in the air, is love real, all in your head, or some where in the middle?

zed

#lovetrouble #love questions #scienceoflove #venting #should be sleeping #love

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