in too deep.

“I missed you too, Boo. More than you can imagine.” Zayn said softly, fingers still moving through Louis’ hair, trying to calm him down. “It’s okay.. I’m here now, you’re okay.” He chuckled, his heart fluttering as he watched the smaller boy nuzzle into his neck, a wide smile settled upon his lips. Zayn went quiet for awhile and stood there, holding the smaller boy tightly, fingers drawing small patterns into the fabric of his shirt. He definitely missed this more than he thought he did. It felt so good to have him back in his arms and the only thing Zayn could describe it as was fate. To think that if he hadn’t of bumped into Louis when he did, that they might’ve never have talked again, killed him.

Zayn moved his hands to rest on the smaller boy’s cheeks, thumbs wiping away at the tears falling down his cheeks, a sad smile playing on his lips. “I swear to you, that when you wake up, I’ll be right there beside you. I’m not going anywhere, I swear that to you.” He whispered, pressing a soft kiss to the tip of his nose. He never did like seeing Louis like this, but not many other people got to see this side of Louis. His soft side, everyone always saw the tough side of Louis. But not Zayn, Zayn always brought out this side of him. Both good and bad.

Zayn loved the feeling of having Louis back in his arms, even if it wasn’t under the best circumstances, but Zayn was grateful to just have him in there in that moment. He sucked in a deep breath and pressed a few more gentle kisses to his forehead, squeezing him tightly. “I can’t leave you again, Lou.. I won’t. I’m not going anywhere, not anytime soon.” The boy whispered into his ear, hand moving down to settle down at back of his neck, playing at the hairs there. 

Zayn stood there with the smaller boy held tightly to his chest, one hand rubbing small circles into his back, the other buried into Louis’ soft hair, almost as if he was scared Louis was gonna run off and he would wake up, everything that had happened somehow turned out to be a dream. Which would be more like a nightmare. “I’m sorry, Louis.. I’m so sorry.” He whispered softly, pressing a gentle kiss to his soft locks, squeezing him gently. “I hate seeing you hurt like this, especially knowing that I’m the one who made you like this.” Zayn sighed, fingertips circling Louis’ back soothingly, swaying them back and forth slightly. 

Zayn couldn’t find the right words to say, he knew that no matter what kind of excuse he came up with, it wouldn’t matter. He tore Louis apart and he wasn’t aware of it until now. Zayn took a couple of deep breaths, head hanging down low almost in shame. “I didn’t want to make you feel like you had to choose between me and the band..” He said softly, kicking at the ground with his boot nervously. “I understand, though.. I’m not gonna sit here and make excuses because there are none. I’m sorry, Louis. I know I can’t convince you that I truly am, but at least I can sit here and tell you face to face.” Zayn told him, eyes searching Louis’ face, watching him tear up. 

“I don’t know yet! Yes, I’ve been writing my own music. But it’s not for an album and it’s not for the world to hear. It’s mine. Nothing’s set in stone right now..” Zayn sighed, continuing to let the boy get it out of his system, his chest tightening as he listened to his voice crack, the raw emotion of the whole situation settling deep down in his stomach. His brain scrambled to find the words that he so desperately wanted to say, to show Louis that he didn’t do it on purpose. That the last thing he would want in this world, is to hurt Louis. “I did need time for myself.. That part was true. I thought it’d be nice to be out on my own, doing whatever I wanted. It was nice for awhile and while I was out every night, not thinking clearly, I made the decision. And once it was done, it was over. I wasn’t getting any second chances, and I thought it’d be for the best at the time.” 

Zayn opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. His hand still held out even after Louis stepped back, his chest suddenly feeling tight, his emotions running wild through him. “I--..” He started, his lips settling into a deep frown, his hands settling down deep into his pockets, trying to figure out the right words to say. “Lou, it’s.. -- I’m sorry. There’s no solo album, not yet anyway. It’s not..” He trailed off, shaking his head at himself. The boy couldn’t mess this up, not now. He knew this must be a sign and he knew that if this didn’t go well, it might be his last chance.