wRoNg

You did? Oh I can’t wait to brag to my friends that Zayn binged my show. Inej should be everyone’s favorite, but I’ll sleep with a smile on my face knowing she’s your favorite. God, I feel like I’m on a cloud right now because of this news. Kaz and Jesper are great, but they’ll never be Inej. Thanks! Will you be one of those people who’s up at midnight watching it when it drops, five years from now? No judgement here if you are. Pokemon should count as animals and I’m most definitely getting a Charmander one now.

Tell everyone! I’ll spread the word on how great Inej is and why everyone should love her and you. Just think of me as your new personal cheerleader. Let’s be real, Kaz and Jesper wish they were Inej but they’ll never be on her level. Kaz has a cane and Jesper has guns. What’s fun about that? Being a sneaky assassin with knives is way cooler. You bet I will. I’ll be the first person to watch the first episode. Do it! I have a Charmander one so we can match.

That’s weird, sounds like you might have a stalker on your hands. I’d watch out if I were you. I heard she was a weird actress that’s obsessed with wine and pizza though. So I guess it sucks to be you. If you still want to show them how much you appreciate them despite being a complete weirdo, I heard she’s free this weekend. So I can hook you two up.

I mean, I wouldn’t blame her for stalking me. I am pretty great. Damn, I guess I’ll just have to learn to accept that there’s a weirdo actress obsessed with me. Maybe I’ll be obsessed with her. Yeah? Hook us up. Kinda really want to hang out with her. Get her some of that wine and pizza she loves so much.

With the announcement that Shadow and Bone is getting a second season I’ve taken it upon myself to stock up on as many animal onesies as possible. I mostly wore a rabbit one during season one filming and I think I need one for each day of the week now. If you’ve yet to lounge around your trailer or the hair and makeup trailer in something as comfy as an animal onesie I highly recommend going out and buying one right now. Please throw some suggestions at me for some fun animals to get for my collection. @tftmstarters​

I kept seeing so many good things about that show so I sat down and binge watched it all in basically a day and now I get the hype. Inej is obviously my favourite. Kaz and Jesper can come joint second but Inej always wins. Congrats on the second season! Can’t wait for it myself. Do Pokemon count as animals? You could get a Charmander one and be the coolest one on set.

Zayn attending Evan and Lizzie’s celebration party on The FantaSea One Yacht.

You shut your mouth, Zayn. We’re nowhere near thirty. Time’s really flying right on by though, isn’t it? And I’m out here about to have a baby even. Crazy. Thank you, though! I’m having the best day, so many phone calls from home and Evan’s spoiling the shit of me so you don’t need to have words. Of course I’m going. We can hang out for sure. It’d be nice to see you in person. Oh you do? Well if Evan starts telling me I’ll tell him I can’t hear it yet because I need to hear it from you first.

Are gonna be like Joey in Friends who refuses to turn thirty? I’m chill with that. Although, people do say your thirties are when life really begins. You’re having a baby, I already have a baby -- who even are we? We’re grown ass adults now. So fuckin’ weird to think about. I’m glad you had a good day, though. Evan seems like a good lad so it’s nice to know you’re in good hands. Okay, now you know my biggest secret. Dunno when the rest of the world will get to know but its been nice keeping it away from people. I think you, Gigi and maybe Evan are the only ones that know.

I would’ve been so freaked I probably could never speak to you again. And we can’t have that because then where would you find joy? You do know me to well. Guess I’m going to have to change my personality so you stop figuring me out. I promise to make you so miserable you cry about it.

Damn it, that’s my dream life. A life where I don’t have to talk to you? Perfection. Oh, yeah, totally. You’re the apple of my eyes, the wind beneath my wings. Ha, no way. I consider myself somewhat of a Jennifer Lawrence expert so even if you changed it up, I’d be one step ahead of you. Thanks, Jen. That’s all I could ever want. If I’m not crying tears of misery each and everytime we hang out then what’s the point.

Louis_Tomlinson: @zaynmalik thriving mate thanks for asking 

I’m never more optimistic than when I put fast food sauce packets in the fridge and think I’m going to use them at some point. I genuinely have a full tray of sauces and I’m in no rush whatsoever to get rid of them anytime soon. 

Does anyone ever actually use ‘em? I know I don’t. I always end up throwing most of them away when I need to clear the fridge out for more space. I have a shit ton of the Pizza Hut dips. They always seem to like to give me a handful of them whenever I order.

I’d be a damn idiot to turn down pizza, beer, and being the last person you’d want to hang out with. I promise to make you regret inviting me over too. One day I’ll learn how to turn pizza down and on that day you should all be scared.

That’s what I figured. If I told you you were the first person on my list then you’d be freaked out. I know you too well at this point. Please do! You know I always want to regret spending time with you. Make me as miserable as one person can be.