Dark -Wallflower

I’m currently in my room at half past midnight. I broke down today. It has been almost a month since I ruined things with the first man I loved, lets call him adam for reference. Adam was never really expressive with his feelings for me so I was always insecure in the relationship. I cant get over him I have tried just about everything. I dont know where im going with my life at all, I dont know what I want anymore. I want to move to a different state. Anyways the guy I left adam for lets call him hunter, he told me he likes me but isnt ready for a relationship. I dont really care i dont know how i feel, i just know he helps me forget. He gave me his bracelet today, I dont want to catch feelings for him. I still dont know what I want from life, for the longest I wanted to model, I love fashion dressing and looking good. I want to be educated. I feel so alone. Im trying to make more friends my best friend left me to go on vacation for a whole month. I want to be the girl i was before i met adam before everything. I keep remembering our first date and how happy we were, and how everything turned around. I also got a job, i start monday, and ramadan is near im on my period but im going to try so so so so hard to do better and become closer to deen and God and hopefully find myself in the process.