I'm tryin'

You were rudely pulled from your sleep by a persistent ringing of your cell phone.

Your hand shot to where it sat next to your pillow.  Grabbing it and seeing that it was your boyfriend calling you groaned and quickly swiped to send it straight to voicemail.

Talking to Blue first thing in the morning had always been a pain, he always had something to complain about, usually involving something that you’d done the day before.

You got out of bed and made your way to the shower, your phone buzzed in your hand at least five times and you did your best to ignore it.  You knew it was Blue spamming question marks or asking why you aren’t picking up.

You let your phone buzz the entire time you showered, almost purposefully taking your time, you knew you had time.  He wasn’t coming to pick you up until 9:00.

You let your hands run all over your body as you rinsed off your favorite body wash, taking in the moment before you had to start a day that had been giving you anxiety for a long time.

When you’d been told a year ago that you’d be given an opportunity to be a part of this program you almost didn’t believe it to be real.  

Even though Blue would be there, (despite him being your pick of partner you really couldn’t stand the guy) you said yes.  

You said yes for one reason.

Song Mingi.

Blue’s best friend.

Yes.  You knew it was wrong that you had always had the biggest crush on your boyfriend's best friend but he was everything Blue wasn’t in all the best ways.

Blue was a coward.  Not in the way of getting scared of spiders or ghosts or things.  But in the way you knew he’d throw anyone under the bus to save himself if needed, even you.

Mingi was never a coward, while you’d seen him let out a cute scream at a spider or two, you had trusted him with your life.  You would trust him with anything.

And it’d been far too long since you’d seen that face…

So you agreed, and here you were, putting on your red lipstick in the mirror.  You only wore red lipstick on special occasions and this was definitely to be one.  

----------

Once you had gotten ready head to toe in your best you walked out the front door of your apartment building and made your way to the bustling front where taxis were leaving as fast as they arrived.

This city definitely didn’t ever stop.

It had always been going going going…

Just like you.  Since the day you were born you’d kept pushing forward at a relentless pace, and here you were, staying in one of the most luxurious apartments in the city, paying for it with money you made.

Well…

“Are we doing this or not y/n? Did you go fucking deaf overnight?”

Blue.

You sighed and turned to see him yelling at you from the driver's seat of his flashy car.

It was a bright shade of teal, four seater car with purple coloring misted over it in spots almost too subtle to see.  When the sun caught the paint the right way it lit up with the glitter mixed in and could get almost blinding.  Inside was a blue haired man that never ceased to turn heads.  It was much like the way you dressed head to toe in glamorous jewelry, your bright red shorts that matched your lipstick were far too short and shifted many glances their way.

You’d really missed dressing up this much.  You only ever did when you were going to a job, it probably wasn’t the smartest idea to draw attention to yourself in your line of work. (though it had come in handy as a distraction a few times.)

But, you couldn’t help it, and neither could Blue.  Maybe that's why despite all of the toxicity in your relationship you stayed together.  You hung well on eachothers arms.

You hopped into the driver's seat and were instantly pulled into a sloppy wet kiss with an intruding tongue.  You did your best not to gag and gave him a fake but believable smile as you pulled away.

“You’re making us late.” He grumbled and put his car into drive, he sped up so fast the wheels of the car skidded on the pavement and you were off.

You had to admit, while this was far from your first gig you could never escape the heavy beating of your heart that kicked in once you were on your way.

The interior of Blue’s car was just as extra as him.  All black leather with blue lights places perfectly throughout the car to light it up in a cool hue.  The deep blue reflected off Blue’s short but scruffy turquoise blue hair, giving it some more depth than it had when he was out of the car.

He did seem cooler when he drove..

Maybe that's another reason why despite his constant harsh words you were drawn to him.

You met him on a job where he was the driver, and the two of you had been tangled up with each other on and off ever since.

The car skidded to a stop and you felt your seatbelt click to halt you from falling too far forward.

You turned to Blue to glare at him for his rough driving but he wasn’t looking at you.  He had a giant smile on his face as he waved almost childishly out the window.

Now realizing where you were you sucked in a silent gasp and quickly tugged down the mirror on the visor above you to make sure your hair and makeup were still alright.

You wiped a little bit of lipstick that Blue had smudged under your lips and shoved the visor back up as if nothing had happened.

You took in a deep breath this time, your heart pounding out of your chest, you swore it might actually give you a heart attack.

The bubbling warmness was coming up from your stomach to your throat until you couldn’t stop yourself from saying his name.  

“Mingi!” you yelled out of the car window to him.

The tall man approaching your car silently now ducked down a bit to meet your eyes and gave you his signature body melting smile and a tiny wave that he kept close to his body.

Unlike you and Blue, Mingi wasn’t flashy.  He was still friendly, and certainly could turn heads in his own way.  

But it was almost like he knew he didn’t need to try.   You wished you could feel more confident to be like that, effortlessly attractive, the kind of hot that makes you turn heads even when…

“You look like that's what you rolled out of bed wearing!” Blue scolded Mingi as he hopped into the back seat.

“Wow, I’m already being attacked? I’ve been here two seconds.” Mingi dramatically feigned being deeply offended.  

Though, he likely *was* wearing what he woke up in.  The man was in grey plaid pajama like sweatpants and an oversized plain black hoodie, his hair that had been dyed bright red at one point was now a pale and faded orange and he looked like he needed a couple extra hours of sleep.

But god.  Was he the most perfect sight on the eyes.  Even Blue, despite his asshole personality couldn’t help but love the man in a way you’d never seen him love anyone, even you.

They’d been best friends since grade school and when you started dating Blue you’d realized they were a package deal.

It always blew your mind how such polar opposite people could become friends.  Mingi was kind where Blue was cruel, and Mingi was strong where Blue was weak.

You couldn’t help but kick yourself for sitting in the front seat that day years ago with Blue instead of getting in the backseat with Mingi.

Damn him and his flashy hair, and damn you and your addiction to shiny things, despite how poisonous they might be.

“You look just fine Mingi.” You giggled.

“Thank you.” He lifted his chin up jokingly and smugly.  You chuckled and tried your hardest not to study his adorable features and make it obvious that you had some feelings here…

How could such polar opposite people become best friends?

Maybe they weren’t totally opposite, because they did share one thing in common, the same thing that you also had in common with them.

“So where did the app say to meet up?”

*Crimson Rexcruit*

The app each of you had on your phones.

The app you had met them through.

“There's supposed to be two more meeting us at the City Bank.” Blue mumbled off the last bit.

“Wait…” you felt maybe due to the mumbling you’d misheard.

Mingi as well had a confused expression on his face, leaning forward to put his head closer to the front seat.

“I’m sorry.  Did you say City Bank? As in the largest bank in the city.  As in the most guarded bank in the city?” He questioned his friend.

Blue simply nodded.

You felt your blood turn to ice and you were stiff in your seat.

“Um...Blue...That's not in our grade?” Your voice was almost a squeak.

The way the app worked was you had to have someone else with a high enough grade on the app to vouch for you.  Once you had that you could unlock parts of the app that allowed you to take low level jobs with low pay until you got enough good reviews to move higher.  You and your group had always hovered around the level of small gas station robberies, usually when no one was there, or only one attendant.  

Mingi usually went in with whoever the app told you to meet up with.  Blue was your getaway driver, and you were the lookout and distraction if needed.

It had always worked smoothly,it required little planning, and had almost become routine.

This bank robbery was jumping quite a few levels above what you were used to.

“It is now.” He said shortly, not taking his eyes off the road as he drove.

When you join a ‘Crew’ through the app you are required to appoint a leader, and your leader was Blue.  The leader would get a lot of details about your jobs that the other crew members wouldn’t, it was to help with deniability and keeping information from getting around.  But, damn did it get annoying when Blue kept things from you.

You rolled down your window a crack, remembering that Blue always kept a pack of cigarettes in his center console of his car.  You went to grab for one and it was slammed shut almost pinching the tips of your fingers inside.

You yelped out a high pitched gasp and held your hand close to your chest.

Blue still looked at the road but one hand had left the steering wheel and was holding the console lid shut.

“Thought you quit.” He snapped.

You looked back to Mingi who was silent but obviously trying his hardest not to get involved, shifting his gaze out the window as if he couldn’t hear the two of you. He wasn’t one to get nervous or stand down.  To anyone but Blue that is.  

It was unfortunate because you knew that Mingi was the only one Blue would listen to.

“Well you’re really making me want one.” you said coldly, pissed off for a few reasons now.

“Oh well.  There's not many left anyways and you always smoke two in a row for some reason.” He seemed to mock you for your habit.

“She can have one of mine.” Mingi offered from the back.  Apparently now not pretending he wasn’t listening to the entire conversation.

“Thank you Mingi.” You sang smiling at him, unbuckling and turning all the way around in your seat so that your ass was almost poking against the windshield.

Blue cussed under his breath and seemed to debate on pushing you back into your seat.

You leaned into the backseat, opening your mouth with a slight smirk on your face, pleased that Blue wasn’t getting his way this time.

Mingi seemed to part his lips slightly along with you, staring at the space between yours.

His eyes locked onto the way your tongue slightly rolled behind your teeth as you waited for him to stop fumbling his fingers over the pack he was pulling out of his hoodie pocket and put the cigarette in your mouth.

His eyes only darted down for a quick second as he pulled one out, they were back to your lips like a magnet as he reached his hand out to place the cigarette between your lips.  

You felt a place in the not too far back of your mind wish that instead of pulling his hand back away after that he’d let it linger, let a finger trail the border of your lips, tracing the red to memorize with his fingers the way he was with his eyes.

But, instead he quickly pulled away and relaxed back into his seat.  He smiled a thin toothless smile at you, as if to say ‘our transaction here is done now.’

Which it was.

That didn’t make it less frustrating though. You didn’t huff though.  You were used to bottling it all up, and you’d come to terms long ago with the fact that Mingi would never be yours.

Blue was who you had chosen, and he did have things about him that were positives to being his.

He was richer than Mingi.  Being the leader came with an extra cut of the pay each job since he would be the one to get the highest charges if caught.  It was fair, and none of you had ever argued it.

Blue was good in bed.  Not that you didn’t imagine Mingi to be either…

But, you couldn’t really complain there.  He liked to toss you around, and you liked to be tossed around.

You settled back into your seat and caught Blue giving you a sulky glance.  You pretended not to notice and instead of addressing what would likely turn into a fight, you grabbed the lighter set in the cupholder.  You lit your cigarette, tossing the lighter back into the cupholder without care, causing it to bounce down back out and down onto the floor.

Not caring to pick it up either you rolled down your window a bit more, letting the breeze carry the smoke out of the car.

Why was your heart still beating so fast? You knew how these jobs went, you knew how this job would go.  Right?

It was quiet for a long time.  

Blue usually liked to turn up his music and get hyped up before a job, so you took to just staring out the window as you smoked.

You caught a glimpse of mingi in the car’s rear view mirror.  He was looking at you.

Instead of looking away from being caught staring, he stuck out his tongue goofily.  You chuckled and coughed a bit on the hit you had been taking in.

Cute.  

He was always so cute.

More seconds passed, or was it minutes?

You didn’t remember the drive to the bank taking this long…

-------

Finally your car was parked by a side door that you were told would be left unlocked for your crew and the two solo Crimson Rexruit users.

They came in a second car and were to assist Mingi with the robbery and they would take the money to the client that put the job out.  

Your team never dealt with transporting the money, your money always promptly got distributed by your job title and deposited into your accounts by the app after the client received their money.

“Okay. I’ll go stand out and wait for the-” Mingi started.

“Wait.” Blue cut him off.  Uncharacteristically he gulped, and his hands fidgeted on the steering wheel, though he’d already parked the car.  He took a deep breath in and chuckled.

“So I’m actually going in with you this time.  We need four for the job inside and they’d only hire five people.” Blue explained, then turned to you. “You’re gonna have to drive.”

“Excuse me?”

Though it was your thoughts exactly, it was Mingi’s voice that spoke.

Blue turned around as much as he could in his seat to face his best friend.

“She can do this and be look out.  It’ll be fine.” though nothing in Blue’s nervous tone made you feel like everything was fine.  Blue never went in...and this was going to be his first job inside?  

“We all already have enough money to live the rest of our lives happily.” your hand shot out to Blue’s leg.  “You know we don’t *have* to do this…” you tried to reason with him.  You knew it was a lost cause, but you couldn’t help but try.

Once Blue had something on his mind there was no way anyone could stop him.  Except maybe…

“Mingi?” you whipped your head around to face him, hoping that he could yell some sense into his friend.

“I-...” He seemed to debate in his mind for a while.  “If it's what the app told him…” he shrugged “We’ll be fine.” he gave another thin unsure smile.

You sighed.  It was worth a shot.

“Okay.”

Blue and Mingi got out of the car and you moved over into the driver's seat, adjusting it for yourself and rolling the window down all the way while they spoke with the other men that had just arrived.

Your boyfriend walked over to the window and pulled you into another cringeworthy kiss.  

“I’ll be back in no time baby.” he winked at you. You smiled, looking him up and down before he walked away.

He really was something else.  While you didn’t particularly like him much, you never would wish harm on him.  Your stomach had already been in knots before you had learned he’d be going in as well.  It was almost impossible to handle the feeling that came after.

Mingi next walked over to you, bending down and resting his elbows on the ledge of the open window.

“I’ll look after him.” Mingi smiled. “Won’t take my eyes off him.”

You nodded, “I know you’ll look after him.” of course he will.  As much as Blue loved Mingi, Mingi loved him right back.  

His eyes narrowed into a different expression, and he started to almost speak but instead shut his lips tightly, as if to completely block any words from slipping out.  Mingi pulled out another cigarette from his pack, surprising you and causing you to jump a bit as he boldly just placed it between your lips.

“You never had your second one.” He chuckled

You exhaled a breath you hadn’t even realized you’d been holding in.  It almost caused the cigarette to fall from your lips to your lap.

“Oh yeah.” You muttered, the stick between your lips muffling your words, “s’been a while.”

He then smiled with a nod and stood up, patting the top of the car before starting to walk away.

“Mingi!” You yelled out. The unlit cigarette not saved from its fall this time.

He instantly spun back around and raised his eyebrows.

“Yeah y/n?”

He spoke your name so beautifully.  So clearly like cool water hitting your throat on a hot day.

You almost forgot what you were going to say, smiling goofily for a moment as a smile grew on his face in return.

“You stay safe too.” you spoke.

He chuckled and nodded, sticking his hands in his hoodie pocket.  

“I will, don’t worry.” he winked.  

You felt your heart flutter just before it sank. He pulled a gun from his hoodie pocket to show you.  Flashing it just for a moment before returning it and leaving his hands into stay.

He smirked and returned to where Blue and the other men were talking.

Mingi never carried a gun…

He hadn’t known this job would be different…

Why the *fuck* did he have a gun?

————-

You waited for far too long.  The unlit cigarette sitting under your lap motionless.  Just like you.

Your hands were gripped on the steering wheel so tightly your fingers hurt.  But it was the only thing distracting you from what you knew what was to come.

Any second the door they all went in would open and you’d need to make sure your foot was on the pedal as fast as you could to get your crew out of there.

It was just taking so long.

Did it really take that long?

The anxiety was getting too much to handle and you remembered the cigarette in your lap.  

Your hands were so shakey you could barely bring it to your lips, but it made it there in time.

You went to grab for the lighter in the cup holder and upon your hand only hitting plastic you remembered you’d dropped it on the floor on the passenger seat.

You leaned over to rummage around, not seeing it anywhere and figuring it must’ve gone under the seat you started to go to move it back…

And at that moment the sound of the metal door being swung open echoed out in the alley you were parked in with a loud bang, causing you to jump up and hit your head on the underside of the dashboard.

You quickly say up in a panic.

After that was only the sound of footsteps hitting the pavement as fast as they could.

The passenger side door was flung open and a panicked Mingi hopped inside.

In his arms was a giant duffle bag, and on his hands was…

“Mingi is that blood?” Your jaw hung open.

“Fucking drive y/n.” he hissed in a stern tone you’d never before that day heard from him.

“B-Blue?” You stuttered out your lower lip trembling.

“DRIVE!” he screamed, slamming a hand on the dashboard so loudly that your foot smashed onto the gas without you even meaning to.   The car jerked forward and you just kept going.

It seemed like your body had decided from here on out to autopilot.  

Everything seemed like it was moving forward faster than it ever had in your life.  This city certainly moved fast but the distance between you and wherever Blue was right now was growing faster.

You didn’t seem to be running from anyone so once you got a few blocks over you started going the speed limit and tried your best to blend into traffic in Blue’s flashy car while a bloody Mingi sat wide eyed and silent beside you.  

He was trying to take deep breaths to calm himself down but seemed to be struggled to get one out without it getting caught in his throat.

You drove and drove for what felt like an hour, pulling into the driveway of a house a few towns over you’d stayed at a few times with Blue on vacation.  He didn’t own it or anything, yet the keys did happen to be on Blue’s keychain.  He’d managed to snag himself a print of it the last time you’d stayed there.

For some reason it was the place your body had just brought you to.

And you felt then that it was lucky it had.  There were no cars parked out front and all of the lights were turned off.  It looked extremely vacant.

You parked and rushed over to Mingi’s side of the car, opening his door frantically.

“Are you hurt?”

He was clutching the duffle bag tightly, lightly knocking his head against it while muttering.

“Mingi!” you spoke quietly but sternly.

He shook his head against the bag. His bloodied fingers that were locked intertwined with each other had now dried and likely smeared blood onto the bag as well.

“Then we gotta get into the house and find something to cover up this car.” You grabbed him by the arm trying to prompt him to get out of the car.

He was reluctant at first but after a few tugs nodded and let you help him out of the car.

You walked him to the door of the house, looking around double checking if you were followed.

It seemed to be in the clear, and the house was fairly secluded, probably a half mile either way before you’d see another house.  Yet, with Blue’s very stand out choice of ride, it was still better safe than sorry to find something to cover it up.

That was step two.

Step one was to get Mingi inside.

After missing the keyhole a few times you finally got the door unlocked and Mingi (without your assistance, and despite you trying to reach out to help him) stumbled over to a couch in the first room the entrance led to.  He almost fell into it, the duffle bag still clutched tightly in his arms.

“You stay there.” Your voice was scratchy, as if you’d been screaming, had you screamed at some point?

Mingi didn’t respond, eyes held shut and he laid down onto his side.

It seemed like that was him agreeing so you nodded and took to searching the house for some sort of blanket or tarp.

You found a large cover in the bathroom of the home and made your way out to the front lawn with it, glancing back to make sure Mingi was still resting on the couch.  He was, exactly how you’d left him.

As you pulled the sheet over the car you noticed a bit of blood on the dashboard where Mingi’s hand had hit.  

It was not a sight you’d ever expected to see.  It was obviously something that everyone who did the things you did had to consider at some point…

But when it actually happened it made you realize you had never *really* thought through the consequences of what your Crew was doing.

The realness of the danger was a lot different than the rush and thrill of getting away with it.  There wasn’t anything sexy about this moment, not like all the other times where the adrenaline had you and Blue ripping each other's clothes off the minute you walked into the door after a job.

Blue...

No.  This felt more like being sick, every kind of sick you’d ever felt all at once.  

You hurried to finish getting the car covered and sped back into the house.

“Mingi?” you called out to the man still motionless on the couch.

He remained silent, squeezing the bag closer to his chest.

“Mingi where's Blue?” You walked over to him, kneeling down next to him.  

He winced at his friend's name, shook his head, and rolled over away from you.

As always, no one tells you anything.  Even when it could be life or death.

This time you decided to make a huff.  It was immature of you but you weren’t quite in control of your emotions.

You stood up and ripped the duffle bag from his arms, tossing it across the room.

Almost in the same moment, as if to replace the loss of the duffle bag, Mingi’s arm shot out at you.  His hand to your waist pulling you down, causing you to lose balance and topple onto the couch on top of him.

He shifted himself to make room for the two of you and brought you in tightly, even tighter than he’d been holding that bag.  

Now he started to sob.

You’d never seen Mingi cry, let alone anyone cry with such a raw and rough outpouring of emotion.

His hands now started to scramble across your back, his full body shaking as he sobbed, and your hands running through his hair until the two of you drifted off to an unintentional sleep.

-------

You couldn’t help but notice the way every curve of Mingi’s body was pressed up against you when you woke up a couple hours later.

His pajama pants not  leaving much of a barrier between himself and the shorts you were wearing as he shifted his front closer to you.

As much as you wanted to press back into him…

As much as you could…

The (even) bigger situation here set in.

You sat up, almost knocking him off the couch onto the floor.

“Hm?” He mumbled at you.

“Mingi wake up.” you shook his shoulder.

As if he’d for a moment completely forgotten the events of earlier, and only saw what he thought must’ve been a dream.  A dream where you had fallen asleep next to him.  Maybe a dream he’d had many times, since he smiled fondly, and almost with a hint of familiarity.

That faded all too quickly though as the sleepiness lifted its fog on his brain.

His eyes no longer held any light, it drained instantly and he shot off the couch.  Stumbling clumsily back.  

“Fuck.” Wide eyed he pulled the gun out of his pocket.  

“I’d had that pressed against me this whole time!?” you almost screamed at him.

“The safety is…” He fumbled it over in his hands. “On...now…” he winced.

“Fuck Mingi.” you muttered, standing up and walking over to him. “Please put that thing somewhere...not here.”

He nodded with no hesitation and walked into the kitchen, putting it in one of the drawers.

When he returned he sat on the couch with his hands on his elbows and his mouth pressed firmly into his hands.

“Tell me what happened Mingi.” you sat down next to him, putting a hand on the fabric of his sweater over his bicep, feeling him flex slightly at your touch. “Please” you pleaded.

He nodded and moved his hands, sighing and shaking his head.

“It was a set up...but not for us.” He sucked a deep breath in slightly starting to tremble “  Once we were almost out of there Blue got a text.  Not from the client but from the app.  The message told him we had an option...If we killed the two solo partners we’d get their share of the money. I-” he paused “I don’t get why but Blue instantly seemed on board he just...lit up.” Mingi waved his hand over his face. “Fuck. Fuck y/n.  He wasn’t acting himself I swear.”

He was now pleading to you almost.  

“Okay…” you started to play with the hem of your shorts as you prompted him to continue.

“Y/n...he was gonna do it. He...did. Do it..” he cocked his head to the side biting down on his lip and whimpering slightly.

You sucked in.  You had known that was coming next.  You really had.

In a question of whether Blue would be capable of something like that, (while Mingi seemed to think it was out of character for him) your answer would have always been yes.  Yes he could, and yes he did.

“He took my gun out of my hands almost instantly y/n...and it was so quick.” tears now started to pool in his eyes.  He cleared his throat and took another breath. “Um...yeah.  He shot them.  Just...like that.” he blinked a few times.

“Oh…” was all you could manage to reply. It was quiet for a bit until Mingi started muttering something under his breath.  He was starting to rock back and forward slightly where he sat.

“So you left him behind?” you asked.

“Ah.” His voice cracked. “I didn’t mean to.  Everything was just so...fast.” he muttered, standing up and leaving the room in a hurry.

You pursed your lips together, not following him right away.  Sitting with that thought again.

Blue had killed the two other partners.  Blue had killed two people.  

It wasn’t the kind of feeling that would ever be shaken.  Even sixty years from now this memory would be one of the last on your mind.

You let yourself cry a moment.  Finally.

You cried for Blue and what he’d done.  You cried for the people he’d killed and their loved ones, and those right now expecting them home.

“y/n?” Mingi’s voice called from the other room.  

“Not now Mingi.” you choked out, your emotions slowly gaining momentum.

Fluffy orange hair poked around the corner of the room, he was in the kitchen now peeking around into the living room area you sat in.

“Tea?” He wiggled a box he must’ve found in the closet, he was putting on a fake smile, it could’ve been more for himself than you,  but it helped.

You nodded, wiping the wetness from your eyes with the back of your hand.

He returned not too much later with two green mugs in his hand, setting them down on a table beside the couch.

Mingi then sat down hard next to you, shaking the couch a bit and chuckling at his clumsiness.

You smiled slightly and reached out for one of the mugs that was on the other side of him.

He caught your arm gently wrapping his fingers around your wrist and holding you for a moment, looking into your eyes with ones filled to the brim with pain.

“Um.  The tea is still pretty hot.  I wouldn’t” he explained himself, giving you your arm back.

You looked over to the steam rolling off the top of the mug.

This isn’t fun.

Why did you do this?

What was the point of any of this?

Why did you choose this…

You debated screaming out for an escape.  You knew the words you could say…

But you weren’t ready yet.  Not yet.

And then there it was.

Your reminder and reason for doing this.

Mingi smiled your way.  Maybe a bit forced still, but a completely body melting smile.

You instantly rested your head on his shoulder, wishing you could do more than that in this moment.  Begging your body to let you do more than just gently rest your head on his shoulder.

Your hand could easily move out to his knee and trail up his leg...

But not yet. As much as you knew it would help the two of you.  As much as you were 99% sure right now in this moment you both wanted more than just your head on his shoulder, it wouldn’t be right.  Not right now.

Your eyes did flash to the clock hanging on the wall for the first time in a while.  It was only 5pm.  It seemed like a week had passed since this morning.

You let more seconds pass with your head on Mingi’s shoulder, there wasn’t much else you could do.

-------------

A few hours later Mingi was cooking you both dinner. There wasn’t much in the cabinets that hadn't expired.  No one had been here for a while.

Yet he swore he could whip something up with what he could find.

You’d chuckled and agreed to let him try while you laid out and read magazines on the couch, admiring the bright red toenail polish on your toes and wiggling your feet lost in the moment...forgetting the moment.

Until a loud clatter of pans snapped you out of it.

You jumped off the couch and ran to the kitchen to find Mingi on the floor holding his hand with a pained look on his face.

“Oh my god!” you ran over to him, crouching down and pulling his hand from being held to his chest to where you could see. “You’ve burned yourself.  Here…” you stood and started to pull him up by his good arm.

“I’ve got it y/n” he hissed.  Standing up on his own and turning the faucet on.

“It didn’t look too bad. It should feel better really soon” you tried to comfort him.  A pot of half boiled noodles and water was splattered all over the floor.

“Y/n I’m so sorry…” He muttered.

“It’s just pasta.” You shrugged.

That didn’t seem to be what he was talking about.  But he simply just said, “Yeah”

“Let me wrap your hand up at least.” You figured there had to be a first aid kit somewhere in the house.

He nodded and sighed, looking down at his hand and shaking his head.

You’d never seen him so out of sorts.  Though who wouldn’t be after what he said he saw.

You wondered how he could’ve burned his hand that badly on a pot that definitely had a long handle.

It hurt to think on that curiosity for too long.   You were pretty sure the answer was one you wouldn’t like hearing.  

There was some gauze in a bathroom closet thankfully, though not much it seemed enough to wrap his hand.

You walked back out to the kitchen to see it empty.  Peeking around the corner to where the living room was you saw Mingi sitting on the couch poking at his burn with his other hand.

“Leave that alone.” You snapped.  It startled him, yet when he saw you his face softened and his body seemed to relax into the couch.

“Sorry.” he muttered.

“Here.” You sat down next to him.  You didn’t mean to sit so close, but when you sat the couch seemed to slide you close to him, assisting your body’s efforts to be as near as possible to this man.  

The side of your leg was now completely pressed against his.  It didn’t seem to miss his attention either.  

When you looked at his face there was the softest smirk tugging at the corner of his lips.  You almost involuntarily gulped at how undeniably sexy his expression was.  How completely enchanting sitting this close to him was…

“H-hand.” you mumbled, holding your own hand out.

You felt the soft fabric of his hoodie now brushing against your shoulder as he moved even closer putting his hand palm up in yours.

The burn looked a bit worse than it had earlier, but seemed like it would heal alright on its own.  You couldn’t risk taking him to a hospital anyways.

Slowly you took the roll of gauze and while gently holding his hand up you started to carefully wrap it around.

You almost zoned out into your task, making sure that you were doing it just right, diligently keeping your eyes on his hand.  Well...until you were almost done and your eyes accidentally wandered up from the burn in the center of his hand to his fingers.  It seemed to take your eyes longer than you realized to study them all the way up to the tip.  Maybe you were trying to picture the feeling…

You slowly shifted your gaze up to Mingi and realized that his eyes had been locked on your face this entire time.  He’d been studying you study his hands, his lips starting to quiver as he watched you purse yours in concentration.   It’d almost seemed that he’d found it attractive the way you had been so focused on taking care of him.

Now that you were face to face you were hit with a slight embarrassment for being so close.  His face being only inches from your own.

You started to pull back from him, but his lips quickly parted and he let out a small noise in protest.

Time seemed to still.  

Maybe it had.

Maybe you were being blessed with a few more seconds to linger on that cute pout on his face.

On the way his hair was still so messy from sleeping earlier.  On the way that despite the pain in both of your eyes, despite the hurt that you’d always carry from this day...you wanted nothing more in this moment than him.

Finally.

You leaned forward to him, finally pressing a soft kiss on to his lips.  His body completely tensed up in surprise.  He held both his hand away from you as if something horrible would happen if he touched you.

Quickly you pulled back, thinking you must’ve misread the moment.

“Oh.” You brought your hand to your lips and tugged at your lower one a bit embarrassed.

“y/n.” Mingi spoke in a pained tone.

Your eyes had dropped down to your lap and you didn’t quite feel like looking back up at him.

“y/n.” this time he whispered.  That time was for him, almost like your name would soothe whatever it was he was feeling in this moment.

You jumped when you felt his fingers on your face.  He had his good hand now gently tucked under your chin, coaxing your face over to look at him.

“I’m not a good person.  I’m no better than…” he seemed to plead this at you, then let go of your chin with a sigh.

It made no sense to you.  How could he think he was a bad person.  How could he even think to start to compare himself to Blue like that.

You shook your head.

“You could never be like him Mingi.  He *killed* people.” you shuddered. “I-” you paused. “I’m sorry I kissed you.  You’re going through a lot, we both are.”

His eyes suddenly widened and now both his hands were on your face.

“No!” he almost shouted. “Fuck.”

You were being held now close enough that you could just ever so slightly lean forward and brush your lips against his again.

“I shouldn’t do this.”  He whispered, you could feel the soft breath of his voice against your skin.  

You closed your eyes for a moment and felt a warm wave wash over you.  He was so perfect and beautiful, and he was hurting so badly.

You had no idea what was really going on inside of him.  If you did maybe you wouldn’t be doing this.  Maybe you would’ve agreed.  But, then again, when the morals were put aside, neither of you could deny that not only did you both want this but…

“Mingi please.  You have no idea how many years I’ve wanted you, and I know you want me too.” you finally felt the words you’d carried for a long time lift from your chest, they were a weight gone that you’d always thought you’d die with.

He froze again, processing likely.  His lips muttered something silently.  You figured he was thinking on how he also had been ready to die with the thoughts he’d kept of you.   Like you, he had probably decided that he would settle for the small glances and giggles, and the miniscule flirtatious exchanges that Blue had always seemed to let slide.

Neither of you had ever thought anything would come of this.

But, neither of you had ever wanted anything more.

It was Mingi’s turn to put his lips to yours.  

All the air in your body seemed to leave as he almost pounced on you, pressing your back to the couch and roughly hooking one of your legs around his waist.

You were swirling with the feelings of arousal and surprise.  You felt a throb between your legs.  Yes.  If you could have anything in the world it would be this.

It would be him.

The way his pillowy lips moved against yours contrasted so starkly in comparison to Blue’s sloppy uncontrolled kisses.  Mingi kissed you like he was tasting his favorite food, savouring each moment and letting you melt into his mouth.

You had a hand tangled in his hair, his scruffy orange locks gave you quite a good handful to grip onto and you pulled his head to the side, putting your lips to the soft skin of his neck and parting your lips to suck.

He growled out at the feeling and started to grind himself against you.  Through the thin fabric of his pants you could feel the throbbing length of his cock start to grow against your leg.

He continued to hump into you, pressing you into the couch as he did and moving himself so that you could grind yourself against his leg in return.

You gasped out almost instantly when you felt his muscular thighs press into you.  You began to reflexively roll your hips against him, hoping to find some relief to the now aching need growing.

When your lips had left his neck, they gifted him with a beautiful purple mark on his skin.   You smiled at your artwork and gave it a quick peck.  

Mingi chuckled and brought his lips back to yours, giving you some more perfectly placed kisses.

He then winced and let out a hiss.  He’d started to move his injured hand down to where your bodies were still moving against each other desperately.  In the heat of the moment he’d forgotten his injury.  Shaking his head at himself he bit his lower lip and moved himself so that he could get his good hand between your legs.

He pressed two fingers against the outside of your shorts and rubbed a few times, giving you a mischievous smile as he noticed your eyes start to roll back at his touch.

He walked his fingers up to the button of your shorts, not taking long with getting it undone and unzipping them in one firm pull.

Mingi leaned down and nipped at your lower lip causing you to squeak and giggle.  His eyes sparkled back down at you,

He then moved himself to the side to get his hand in a better position, have his fingers start to tickle and play at the hem of your panties.

You felt a warm shiver bring goosebumps to the top of your skin.  You smiled up at him in amazement at his affect on you.

He also didn’t miss the effect he was having as he started to slide his fingers below that line.

It felt like a lifetime of waiting.

This.

The thing that had made it worth pushing through those jobs.  That made you keep building and growing even after everything you’d been through in your life.  

Him.

The person who held your heart so tightly when he hadn’t even known it, his eyes that held so many captured memories of you.  

Whether it was letting his eyes linger too long on the way smoke would fall from your lips as you’d stand lookout smoking your second cigarette.  The first one was always on the way there for the nerves of getting to the job.  

You snapped back to the moment when Mingi’s finger pressed firmly on your clit and started to circle.

You moaned out a soft hum and let your head fall back into the couch.  

Mingi hummed back a pleasure filled soft groan in a response to your noises, and moved his finger down to gather some of the now dripping wetness from your entrance and bring it back up to your clit, swirling it around in circles coating you in your own wetness.

Your hips bucked up into his hand, but he pressed you back down firmly.

“Stay still baby.  Let me.” He ordered, his hand now flat and held heavy to keep you from moving. “Are you gonna stay still?” he started the ever so slightly wiggle his fingers.  The small movement causing you to want nothing more to jerk your hips up again, but you obeyed.  You wanted nothing more than to please him now that you finally had him.

“Yes!” You desperately gasped out.

Mingi’s eyes were wild and while there were pained memories behind them, in the front, in this moment was lust.  You could see glazed over and excited eyes hungrily scanning and making their way from where his hand was in your shorts, and where your lips parted as you moaned for him.  

He pushed you further and further towards the high he was taking you to.  Taking turns between dipping his fingers into your soaking hole and bringing them back up to flick over your clit at a relentless pace.

“I-I’m close.” You gasped out.

He dropped his forehead to yours, and gave you a few encouraging pecks on the cheek.

“Please.” he moaned, begging to feel you cum under his fingers.

You felt him pick up his pace, his fingers rubbing against you now just where you needed them.

You bit down on your lip and tossed your head back, moaning and uttering out a mix of swears and Mingi’s name.

“Damn…” He whispered, his fingers still on you, now just slowly sliding over your sensitive nub as you twitched under him.  He gradually slowed his pace until he was lifting his hand out from your shorts, letting you come down from your orgasm.

You felt pure bliss and happiness.  There was nothing in the world besides Song Mingi.

He was now standing up and lifting his hoodie quickly up over his head.

You’d actually never seen him shirtless.  You’d always wondered and imagined…

When his shirt would slip up occasionally and you’d catch a glimpse you swore you’d get so light headed you’d end up on the floor.

So this?  For him to be standing in front of you, taking his shirt off and almost presenting himself to you with a cocky smirk.

You were lucky you were already laying down.

He tossed his hoodie and the shirt under it off to the side, now standing in front of you in only his pants that  hung far too low on his hips.

His tongue darted out quickly to wet his lower lip.

“Yeah?” He looked down at himself then back up to you.

As if he needed to ask.  How could you not find him sexy.  Every inch of him he’d revealed seemed to be just as effortlessly sexy as the rest of him.  You wouldn’t have expected anything less, but that definitely didn’t stop it from taking your breath away.

“Fuck yes.” you nodded in approval, giving him an obvious look up and down.

“Yeah, I thought so.” he smiled as he hopped back on top of you on the couch.

He slipped his hand back into your pants for a moment and rubbed you a little more, collecting some of your wetness on his fingers and bringing it up to your lips.

“Open.” he whispered his command, his eyes were heavy lidded and almost in a trance now staring at your lips with unwavering attention.

You parted them just enough for him to push his two fingers inside.  He slid them on your tongue and you closed your lips tightly around them, flicking your tongue along as you took your lips from the base of his fingers up to the tip.

He took a sharp breath in that caught in his throat, and he moved his hips needily against you hoping to find some relief for his very apparent hardness pressed to your center now.

“I want you Mingi.  I’ve always wanted you.” You spoke as he sat back on his heels on the couch to pull your shorts and panties off.  He held one of your legs up after your clothes had been tossed aside and rested it on his shoulder.  

He pressed the gentlest kiss you’d ever felt right above your ankle, then trailed his lips all the way down your leg, making you shudder and tremble at every touch.

“Mingi…” you moaned out when his lips hovered near your still dripping lips between your legs.  He didn’t stay there though, he kept moving himself up, pulling up your shirt as he left more kisses on your skin.

Your stomach twitched, getting slightly ticklish at the feeling as he kissed near your sides.  

Pulling up the fabric of your shirt further left him now with another barrier still as he reached your bra.

His hands made a quick job of unhooking your bra and fully tossing the rest of your clothes aside.  His burn still wrapped but the pain apparently ignored and pushed aside by his want.

He excitedly breathed out a “There.” and dove his head down taking one of your nipples into his  mouth and flicking the tip of his tongue.

“Fuck!” You hissed out, your hands shooting to his hair and holding him close to you.

“Sensitive nipples baby?” He pulled his mouth off you just slightly to speak.

“Mmm.” Was your only reply, and you tried to push his head back down onto you, needing to feel him more.  He delivered exactly what you wanted with a breathy chuckle, making your nipple back into his mouth, his good hand was on your other breast, now taking that nipple between two fingers and lightly pinching.

You yelped out and squirmed with pleasure under his touch.  

“Fuck me already Mingi!” you almost growled, grabbing his hair and pulling his head off of you and facing you.

You didn’t think you could take another second without feeling him inside of you.  

His hand left your tits and scurried to the hem of his pants at your order. His eyes were excited and surprised at your intensity, but he seemed to be extremely turned on by it, and started to comply with your request right away.

He seemed to sigh with relief as he pulled his pants down and let his cock spring free.  He took himself in his hand and moved a few shallow pumps around the base of his shaft before moving to position himself at your hole.

“I’ve imagined this so many times…” he whispered, pausing and moving the head of his cock up and down against you.  Your hips seemed to move up towards him on their own power, hearing that like you he’d imagined this moment over and over was music to your ears.

“Fuck me now Mingiiii” you whined out.

Finally he lowered his head to rest next to yours, burying himself in your neck and burying his cock fully into you in the same motion.

You gasped out at the sudden feeling.  

He didn’t wait long before moving.  Your walls clenched around him as he picked up his pace and your nails were scraping against his back before you knew it.

You hooked both of your legs around his waist giving him a position to move deeper inside of you.  He took what you gave him and started to pound into you at a pace that had you unable to hold back your moans, they had now turned almost to screams of pleasure.

Mingi made his own beautiful noises, grunts and groans that you’d be committing to memory forever.

You wished that this moment could last forever..

But, as he started to roll his hips into you now at the most desperate and careless pace so far, you knew he was close to his finish.

“y/n…” he whined out needily before biting down on your shoulder and thrusting himself into a few more rough times.

You could feel the warmness of his cum filling you up as he stilled.  He gasped out a soft “F-fuck” as his cock twitched and emptied every last drop that you were milking out of him, slowly moving your hips while he reveled in the moment of his orgasm.

He pulled out of you and rolled to his side next to you, clutching you tightly and bringing you to his chest.  His eyes shut and he was muttering something too quiet to hear against the top of your head.

He looked so peaceful, and happy, like a man who’d never been touched by all the cruel things that this world had to offer.   Like a Mingi that you wished could stay with you for the rest of your life.

Like the Mingi you wished that he really was.

The second cigarette was while you stood waiting, it was for the nerves of Mingi’s safety.

Every time that goofy smiling man went into one of the buildings your crew was told to show at, you feared for his life.

You’d never asked him or Blue why they got onto Crimson Rexcruit.  It was sort of customary not to ask.  They’d never asked you why you joined.

You wouldn’t have minded if they did.  It was pretty simple for you.  You wanted money, and you didn’t really have many skills, but you craved shiny things.

Blue seemed to fall into the same boat as you, he loved all of the flashy and pretty things that came with the money crime brought in, and all of his talents aligned well with this line of work.

Mingi though you never understood.  

Why would such a sweet, well mannered and kind person take up a life of stealing and...whatever else it was he did that you didn’t want to think about when he went into jobs.

You didn’t like to watch in on him, keeping your eyes to the outside, making sure you could tip the crew off if things seemed off or cops were on their way.

That didn’t mean you weren’t curious, curious about the man that Mingi turned into that would get him to force a cashier to hand over their entire store’s safe.

Did he scream? You’d never heard him scream…

Not before today that was.

Did he threaten them?

Did he always bring that gun…

“Mingi?” you asked softly to the man nuzzling his head against you.  You reached out to play with a few strands of his hair.

“Yes?” he mumbled into you.

*Ask him why he brought the gun…*

“Where do you think Blue is…”

Mingi’s body tensed up, he stopped nuzzling against you.

“I-” he bit down hard on his lower lip and shut his eyes. “Can’t we just have this moment?”

*of course we can.  Please let's stop this and just have this moment*

“No...I need to know Mingi.” your voice spoke.

He slowly sat up, pulling himself back into his pants.  You sat up with him, tugging a knit blanket that was hanging from the back of the couch and wrapping yourself in it.  It was itchy against your skin, but you’d shivered the moment Mingi’s touch left you.

“Y/n…” His hands were balled into tight fists, you were scared he might break a finger.

*Tell him it's okay.  Tell him he doesn’t need to worry about this right now.*

“Please Mingi, tell me what happened...all of it.” your voice spoke sternly.

Mingi’s head snapped right to you, and he let the words just fly out.

“I shot him.  He’s dead, I shot him.” his tone was emotionless but his hands were shaking so hard…

*reach out and grab him*

“You...what…” your voice was wavering now.

“I went to grab the gun from him after he shot the two men...I- it happened so fast...we were both screaming...I was telling him to give it to me and somehow we got on the ground…” now he was falling apart, choking on every word. “He had the gun pointed to my fucking head.  He had his finger on the fucking trigger and he said ‘They told me I could kill all of you and walk out of here, you owe me your life asshole’ he screamed it and...I wasn’t even thinking.” He buried his hands in his hair and tugged down hard. “Damnit.” he muttered “I turned it on him, then I grabbed it and fucking turned it on him...and just...shot…”

You were like a statue in place, your blood might have even stopped flowing, your heart definitely stopped beating.

That...didn’t sound like Mingi.

Mingi would’ve thrown away the gun.

“Wh-” You trembled, not able to bring out anything more.

“You don’t understand what it's like when you’re in there y/n.” he sucked in a wavering breath, trying to collect himself but speaking in a raspy voice. “It’s like you’re in survival mode...things in your brain work a bit differently...um” he shook his head, “that's not an excuse.  Fuck. Fuck” Mingi grabbed a television remote from the table next to him and threw it at the wall angrily, it hit and split into a few pieces, the batteries flying across the other side of the room.

‘ *Hold him. Please.  Let me reach out and hold him* ‘

“I can’t even look at you…” your voice muttered.

‘ *no…let me look at him a little longer* ‘

“I feel like I’m gonna be sick…” your voice spoke again.

Everything was spinning and you couldn’t bring yourself to look at anything but your hands in your lap.

‘ *not yet, not yet,* ‘

“Y/n. I’m so...fucking sorry.  Dammit he was my best friend. How do you think I feel?” his broken voice rang in your ears, yet you still didn’t look up at him.

A loud clock started to tick in your ears, it thumped louder than your heart was beating in your chest.

‘ *not yet, please not yet,* ‘

If you could do anything to turn back time…

To change things, to make this moment anything but what it was…

‘ *Tell him you love him.* ‘

Louder than everything you’d heard today was the knock on the door, and the voice that yelled out.

“Police! Open up! You’re surrounded!”

You turned to face Mingi in horror, watching as he snapped into action running to the kitchen and grabbing the gun from the drawer he’d stashed it in.

“Mingi wait you don’t have to-” You gasped out, grabbing his arm as he rushed frantically back into the living room with you.

He looked crazed, an opposite man to the one cuddled to your side only moments ago.

*Ask him why he brought the gun*

He nervously fumbled with the safety on the gun and then turned to you.

“Get the fuck in the other room.” He was serious and stern, his eyes were pleading.

‘*Let me stay with him. Please. Please.*’

The voice outside the door yelled out again.

“We’re coming in!” It boomed out in warning.

“I said GO!” Mingi screamed, his whole body shaking with the force of his words.

There was a crash of something hitting the front door.

You had your eyes on Mingi, and he had his wide nervous eyes on the door as he raised his gun, held it out in front of him towards where the noise had come from.

And time stood still.

The world went quiet. All except for a sob that ripped through your throat as you fell to your knees.

“PLEASE!” you screamed out.  Finally the voice that had been in your head begging to be let out was speaking.  “Mingi I love you!”

He was still frozen, holding the gun out in front of him.  In front of him the door was hung in mid air, it had been busted through by the police and you could see the start of a leg that had begun to push its way into the house before everything stopped.

“Let me tell him I love him.” your hands were pressed to the floor grasping at nothing as you sobbed.

A voice echoed in the room.

“You know we can only let you do things that were in your memories.”

“I know...but can’t we try?” you pleaded, staring at the ceiling, not quite sure where to direct your attention.

“No,  It's impossible.” it spoke in monotone.

You took one last look at the beautiful troubled man in front of you, studying every last image, photographing his eyes, his lips, his hands, even though they were clutching that gun.

The gun that you will never even at your dying breath be able to figure out why he had on him that day.

You’d hoped to also find a bit of clarity here for that.

But, like it had been all your life, it would stay a mystery to you.

It seemed like you’d only blinked and you were back in a blindingly white room.  

The beeping of monitors clicked everywhere around you.

“Hello y/n.  Welcome back.” The voice from inside the room spoke to you.  It belonged to a man in a white coat who stood over you now.  

He reached down to your arm and started to check the chords and tubes you were hooked up to.

Your arm…

You looked down to see the wrinkled and aged skin that had seen many many years after that day, but had never forgotten what it felt like to touch Mingi.

Mingi had died that day, almost seconds after that last moment you saw him. The police had seen the gun in his hands and there was no hesitation.

You had cowered on the ground beside him, holding him as long as you could.. It had taken two officers to pull you off of his body.

“I’m sorry that It didn’t get to be everything you wanted…” The doctor spoke, his hand hovering over a blue button.  “Are you still ready?”

Was it everything you wanted?

No...not quite.

But life never really was.  That didn’t make the good parts any less enjoyable.

“Yes. I’m ready.  I got to see his face one last time.”

The doctor nodded, “You’ve had a hell of a life y/n.”

You felt a warm smile grow on your face and you shut your eyes, relaxing back into your bed.

Mingi’s body melting smile flashed one last time in your mind.