yves

Everyone knows you have a crush on Higuruma Hiromi. Your classmates, your professors, even your mother, who heard your tone over the phone.

"Is he cute?" she asked and you giggled and buries your head into your pillow like a love sick teenager. That's what you were. Love sick over some boy in your litigation course.

He'd come over to your apartment some nights to study, splitting a box of the cheapest red wine you could find over countless textbooks.

"You changed your perfume," he said once snd you nearly squealed out of excitement.

"Yeah, it's just a body spray from the shop downtown," you waved it off. "Sweet pea."

His eyes stayed glued to the pages, but he smiled. "I like it."

In the silence that followed, somehow his hand slipped over yours, warm and soft and the slightest bit sweaty. It was a slow touch, as if every centimeter was asking for permission to go further, starting with his pinky finger looped over yours.

"You're shaking," he whispered as he dipped in closer to you, face nearly pressed against your cheek.

"I'm nervous."

"Why?"

Your quivering hand closed around his. "Because I really like you."

Present day

Higuruma watches you pour over your paperwork, notating and underlining things with a bright green highlighter. You tap the marker against your cheek once and highlight yourself. Your empty hand rests on the table between you two, tapping a rhythm he doesn't know.

Carefully, slowly, stupidly, he loops his pinky over yours.

"You're shaking," you whisper.

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"she always had something to bitch about-" he bitches himself. "my clothes, my job, my cock-"

"Is it actually that small?"

you're joking, but he clumsily leans over, his lack of fine motor skills evident as his lips ghost over the shell of your ear as he speaks.

"She wished it was fuckin' small," he hums. "Couldn't even handle the tip."

He pulls away, patting your thigh a bit too roughly.

You vacation on the coast without your husband. He didn't see a reason to join you; the ocean stays the same, no reason to see it again. Less than humbly, you disagreed, and he let you go, guards by your side. One final trip before Sukuna tries to give you his child.

When you return to the wife's quarters, the whispers between the other wives immediately stops.

"An is going to be troublesome," Lyla warns you from her lounging spot. She couldn't care less about earning your husband's favor and the politics around it; she would rather be the focus of the other wives. "Her ego has gotten to be too big."

Before you can find your husband, An finds you.

"He chose me every night you were gone," she grins, flaunting her silks. "Even let me sleep in his bed."

She preens too proudly.

"You're no longer the favorite. It's not long before he chooses me for hia first born." The woman turns away, headed down the hall at a leisurely stroll. "I've been summoned back tonight."

After that, you wait. You're patient, calm even, listening for the surefire sounds of sex. When they've been going on long enough, you enter Sukuna's room.

"baby he really does weigh more than me, come on--"

I think she grew up in a poorer area that was neglected by heroes. she kind of got pulled into the life of crime by an older boyfriend, partially just to pay bills and it just kept escalating. suddenly she's hanging out with an actual league, pulling off big heists

but then people started getting hurt. an accident in her neighborhood, where her family lives, was thr last straw.

"you collapsed an entire apartment complex!"

your boyfriend just shrugs. "Place was a slum anyway. did the place a favor."

But you're still.

"You can arrest me," you whisper, arm out, blocking something he can't make out in the dark. "But wait 'til morning. I don't want her to wake up alone."

Shinso's eyes adjust and he can see the tiny form, frail underneath the heaps of blankets. She's probably too small to be sleep in a bed versus a crib.

"Is she yours?" he asks. He doesnt expect a response, not after all this time, but you sigh, and he cant bring himself to activate his quirk.

"I wasn't involved with the collapse," you say. "I really wasn't. I live here, I wouldn't--"

the baby shifts and you both hold your breath.

"I'm really trying to be good now."

it's unnerving to see this level of seriousness from you. this level of stillness. its the first time you've ever felt. human.

"You cant undo any of the bad you've done." Shinso says. "

He has your eyes, you think. It's hard to tell. The baby is still in its squished phase, curled in on himself and grasping at whatever comes close. Closer to grub than human, you think. His cheeks are still ruddy from crying, but his glassy eyes have finally started to close and he sinks into sleep in your arms. With all of the care you can muster, you take the baby and ease him into the crib, praying that he doesn't wake again.

When he stays silent, you ease back away from the crib and back carefully out of the door. You close the door carefully and sigh as you relish the first moment alone you've had all day-- and then you burst into tears yourself.

"What's wrong?"

Ushijima stands at the top of the stairs, shedding his jacket where he stands. You're almost embarrassed for him to see you like this, disheveled and frankly dirty, your maternity bra undone. He's been your husband for years now, he's seen worse, but this feels worse. His brow is knotted with worry, eyes stone strong as ever as he watches you sniffle. When he steps in, arms outstretched, you step aside, giving way for him to see his baby. Instead, your husband comes to you. Wide hands cup your shoulders, thumbs rubbing up and down a bit too roughly to be comforting.

"Are you alright?"

You nod, lip quivering as you bite back your tears. He inspects you closely, brow raised.

"Are you lying?"

You nod again before bursting into sobs again. It's an ugly cry, all snot and coughs, but your husband doesn't pull away. Instead, he tugs you closer, tight into his chest.

"Tell me." Wakatoshi urges as gently as he can. At first, all you can be is blubber, every exhausted emotion coming to the surface at once. You're tired, you're thirsty, you're seventy other emotions that you can't pin down, but the one that comes out of your mouth first is:

"I'm a bad mom."

"Don't say that," he's quick to say.

"I am." His shirt is wet with tears, but you can't stop. "I'm so tired and thirsty and my boob really hurts and I'm not making enough milk- and, and-- I'm supposed to love him, Toshi, and I just don't."

Ushijima chuckles, softly enough that you can't hear it, but you can feel how his chest shakes.

"It's not funny!"

"You do love him."

Of course you do, just not in the way you thought you would. You wanted this baby more than anything in the world. Years of patience and love brought him to you and you wouldn't trade that for the world, but it's just not what you had expected. The bond that was supposed to magically form between you never materialized. You're just a person, holding a tiny little thing, a stranger you've yet to really meet.

"Not the way I'm supposed to!" You pull back just enough to meet his eye. His brown hair is still mussed with sweat from his game. "It was supposed to be instant and special and perfect, but--"

You swallow down your rising panic and glance back at the door.

"I'm not connecting with him," you admit. You love your son, but he's just a baby. All he does is sleep, eat, and cry. There's no special spark about him, nothing that would make you lift a car or die in his honor. It's hard to feel anything when you're so exhausted.

"I think I'm broken."

Ushijima processes this for a long while, the rub of his thumbs much slower now.

"It's not the same," he says quietly. "But, I've never easily connected with anyone, not even you."

It's true. Ushijima is a good man, but he struggles socially to this day. He turns down outings that he isn't interested in, misses social ques and norms, and can be rude without meaning to.

And yet, people still manage to grow warm to him. Hell, you fell in love with the man after months of despising him.

"That does make me feel better."

"Give it time." He pats your back. "I'll take you to the doctor tomorrow."

"I don't need a doctor, I just need time."

He reaches down and grazes over the bare skin if your tit; you had forgotten it was out. "Your breast is hot to the touch. I can feel it through my shirt."

You pull back and feel for yourself. It is uncomfortably warm; you'd been so distressed that you hadn't noticed. That explains the pain.

"We can't. The baby's too little to bring to the doctor's-- there's too many germs, he'll get sick."

"Tendou will babysit," he replies, like it's simple.

"He lives hours away."

Ushijima's already pulling out his phone. "He will come. Go rest and eat- I'll handle everything tonight."

Coming from him, everything sounds so easy. You're frazzled over the fact you reached such a boiling point; does anyone else struggle like this? Or is it just you?

"Are you sure I'm not a bad mom?" You ask again.

He looks back at you and nods, a smile tight on his lips. "Of course I am."