Journal: Untold Stories

Tinignan kita sa mata ngunit sa iba nakatingin ang iyong mga mata. Ngumiti ako sa iyong harapan ngunit hindi mo iyon nakita. Tumawa ka pero sa piling na pala ng iba. 

         I really don’t know what to feel when everything keeps on falling apart. Ano nang nangyayari sa mundo or should I say to people’s mindset? Ariana Grande’s blaming herself dahil sa nangyari sa concert niya to the point na she wanted to end her life because she thinks she’s the one who ruined other people’s lives. It so depressing. ‘Yung pagbukas mo pa lang ng account mo, ‘yun na agad bubungad sa’yo.

         After what happened to Ari’s concert, ito na naman tayo. Marawi City has been attacked by demons. Many innocent individuals died. Hindi ko alam kung paano nila nagawang saktan ang kapwa Pilipino nila. Is this what they want? Red above blue? Honestly, nakakatakot maging Pilipino ngayon para sa akin and nakakatakot maging tao. It’s so depressingly sad that Filipinos won’t even unite in times like this. Nagkakasakitan na nga’t lahat-lahat, hindi pa natin magawang magkaisa. Nasaan na ‘yung “Makabansa” natin na palagi nating sinasabi? Many children were so scared na hindi nila alam kung anong nangyayari. Ang alam lang nila, maraming namatay. They can’t sleep at night hanggang di pa natatapos ang mga putukan. I recently read a status where her niece shared to her na magulo na talaga sa lugar nila. Nakakalungkot isipin na they’re suffering yet nakuha pa nating makipagrally.

         Some were saying na okay lang sila sa lugar nila pero honestly they were so scared. Marami pa sana silang dapat gawin para sa sarili nila, para sa family nila pero they were so afraid of what might happen in the next hours or days yet they stand tall. I’m literally crying dahil sa mga nababasa ko. C’mon, people! Have some guts to be a true Filipino! Please, unite. I’m begging you.

         Habang busy tayo sa pagcocomplain about Martial Law, marami ring taong nagcocomplain about sa kaluguhan na nangyayari ngayon. Nakakalungkot isipin na nakakatulog pa kaya sila ng mahimbing? Nakakain pa kaya sila ng masaya kung habang kumakain may mga putukan silang naririnig? Maraming bata na rin siguro ang hindi na makapaglaro sa labas ng bahay yet we are here arguing about such things. Oo, sabihin na natin na bata pa lang ako para makialam at sabihin ang mga ‘to pero nakakaiyak lang kasi na sa bawat sakit na nararamdaman ng mga taga-Marawi, hindi pa rin natin magawang magkaisa para sa bansa natin.

         Siguro habang sinusulat ko ‘to, may mga tao nang handang mangbash sakin. I don’t know pero ‘yun lang kasi nasa instinct ko. Ni hindi ko nga alam kung isusulat ko ba ‘to pero kasi nakakasawa na laging may mga argument/debate sa mga kapwa nating Pilipino kada magoonline ako. Nakakalungkot isipin na sa bawat comment na mababasa ko, may mga hindi na nagkakaintindihan. Babash na nila agad like seriously? Nakakaiyak talaga, promise! I swear!

         Habang busy tayo sa pakikipag-away sa mga comments sa bawat post ng iba 24/7, maraming nagsasacrifice ng sarili nila para lang sa kapakanan ng bawat Pilipino 24/7. And I salute Sir Solar from Baguio and for those who are still fighting for our country for being such brave heroes. Siguro dahil na rin busy tayo sa pakikipag-away natin sa social media, hindi na natin nagawang makisympathize sa mga pamilyang nawalan.

         Naiisip ko nga siguro ‘pag napost ko na ‘to, may magsasabi sakin na “Hindi ka naman taga doon para sabihin ‘yan.”. As a Filipino, hindi ba ito dapat ang gawin natin? To let them know that we are here for them. Na we as Filipinos, we are here to be as one for our beloved country. Bakit? Bakit kayo ganyan? Sana regardless of our religion, ethnic group, makuha natin yung inaasam ng bawat isa na peaceful country through unity. Just.For.Once. Mahirap ba para sa ating mga Pilipino na gawin ang mga ‘to? Siguro oo nga kasi marami-rami na ang hindi nagkakaintindihan. I pray to Him na sana gabayan niya tayong lahat and I know naman na He will.

         Tsaka sana kahit hindi nangyari ‘tong mga ‘to sa bansa natin, sana nandito pa rin tayong mga Pilipino para sa mga kapwa Pilipino natin. And I’m one of those who are praying for a wonderful world after this tragedy.

P.S. I think we should not pray for the world but rather we should pray for our own way of thinking to devise a better world for us and for our own sake.

#PrayForGodsPeople

#PrayForThoseWhoAreAlreadyInHisArms

#PrayForThoseWhoAreStillSuffering

#PrayForEveryone

[Posted on Tumblr: 05302017]

Almost one month has passed when she died but the memories with her are still in our hearts and I know it will stay inside our souls forever. This is a story of a group who has found true and genuine friendship online. Three years ago when I joined this group of a certain author and met different people. I never thought that these people I met online would be my friends. I’m Mae and this is my story or rather, our story. To be honest, while writing this blog, memories of her started flashing black. I know she’s in the right place now but it’s still hard to accept that she’ll be only a plain memory that we will treasure.

Nagkakilala kaming lahat sa ibang mga pangalan but true personality. I didn’t expect that I’ll be friends with them. Because we became close right after we’ve known each other, Anne – one of my friends, created a group chat and from that day onward, hindi ko na binitawan ‘yung phone ko. Conversations went deep, as well as our friendship. March 2014 when I started a conversation with Ate Jessa Marie pero mas kilala namin siya as Jei or simply J. We talked about random stuffs such as, JaDine, AlDub, and even those Korean Dramas that we’ve watched. Hindi ko makakalimutan ‘yung panahon kung paano kami nagfan-girl kay Lee Jong Suk sa W-Two Worlds at ‘yung sa Healer and that was my last conversation with her, August 21, 2016.

Pinag-usapan namin kung gaano kami nabitin sa move. Kung gaano kagwapo ‘yung bidang lalaki and everything from plot to characters. Hindi namin alam na ang last na pag-uusap na pala namin sa kanya as a group was on January 2017. She greeted us a Happy New Year and that was her last message to us.

I would never forget those crazy moments with her. We even came up with a call name during our role play activity on the author’s group. I’ll never forget her calling me as “Beyb” and her last request was to make one of my picture as my profile picture on Facebook.

February 2017 was the most painful month for us because she left us without saying goodbye. February 5, 2017 when Diane messaged us at sabing comatose raw si Ate Jei.

Lahat kami hindi makapaniwala sa mga nangyayari. Her sister messaged Diane to let us know what’s going on with her. We all know that palaging nasa hospital si Jei because of her condition pero hindi namin inaasahan na umabot na pala sa ganito. Jei told us that she has asthma but she didn’t say what really is her condition not until when her sister user her accout to chat us. I was on my way to school that time when I read Diane’s message. I was shocked kaya pagdating ko sa school, hindi ko napigilang maiyak. Lahat ng mga kaklase ko tinatanong ako kung bakit and I told them the reason. They comforted me and said that she’ll wake up soon and I thanked them for that but on February 6, 2017, nangyari ang kinakatakutan naming lahat. She left us and that day was our darkest day. I’m on my way home when Diane updated us and said that Ate Jei was already gone. I cried right after I got home. Wala ako sa sarili ko noong kinabukasn na pumasok ako. Maya’t maya, napapaiyak na lang ako.

Ate Jei’s sister messaged us then and told us everything. She even said that she didn’t expect that our friendship would be that true.