i saw a millennial ignore a friendly tortoise who need help crossing the street. when i confronted him, he said “who needs turtles when you have iphone apps.” reblog if you would help the friendly tortoise

the app is called, … going outside. thank you

When you’re watching a new episode of your favorite show and someone tries to get you to do something:

Casting director: we need the voice of pikachu to be a recognized name. It’s going to be tough to find a respectable actor wh

the problem with this is that it doesn’t account for the original dilemma, which was gnipples vs. knipples 

I’m telling you elephants are chill motherfuckers. They fucking love being helpful. They once defended a man with heatstroke from a truck that came to rescue him. They knew he was sick, laying against a tree for shade. They were watching over him and petting him, and they threatened to charge the vehicle for coming towards him. Another person passed out, and elephants cried over her and buried her body in a traditional elephant funeral. (Piling branches on her). And were quite spooked when she got up later. And an elephant was helping workers to put logs in holes for a wall. On one hole, the elephant absolutely refused to set the log in, despite being punished and goaded. Turns out there was a sleeping dog in the hole.