your pitiful angel

Can’t wait to live on my own. I’ll finally be able to diet, walk around with my cvts exposed, wear what I want, and cry in peace.

I feel so useless. I was about to do the dishes, then my dad went ahead and started doing them right when I walked into the kitchen. I told him he didn’t need to because I had planned on doing them myself, he shrugged and said “I’m faster”. I don’t know why it hurts so bad, but it does.

I wish I didn’t feel so greedily hungry, the shame I feel after overeating should be enough to learn from, but I never do…

Why can’t I genuinely feel joy anymore? I’ll feel a temporary happiness in the moment but as soon as I hit that peak, everything has me questioning myself and my actions.

Yes, I love my sister. It’s just I shamefully feel a ridiculous amount of hatred towards her. She never asked me to sacrifice my childhood to shield her from the horrors of her father, but I did because I understood neither of us should’ve been in that situation. But it’s her blatant disregard of very simple things like my feelings, privacy, and boundaries. I ignore this anger, I let it fester, and I take it out on myself to avoid hurting her.

I have so much empathy for my mother now that I’ve mentally matured, but I still can’t understand why she’d keep us in such a horrible situation. I harbor much resentment towards her actions.