Worked today and picked out gifts for my mom, who I'll see later next week. I'm eating chicken vindaloo by myself at an Indian restaurant in Aliso Viejo. I'm not a mother, but I want to be more of a nurturer. I hope to become a more tender woman. I'm 72 days sober and I've been having intense mood swings lately. Someone told me recently that I should try to reach out to others and ask how they are, instead of seeking to be comforted. I am learning to nurture others, and by nurturing others, I think I will learn how to nurture myself. I always felt that I was a loner and I took pride in that, but my solitude morphed into a delusional grandiosity over the years. I'm realizing now, at 29 years old, that I need other people. It's uncomfortable for me to recognize this, but I don't feel alone anymore. Even now, as I type this out in an empty restaurant patio- I am not alone. I am so happy to still be alive. After spending most of my life wishing I wasn't here, I'm so glad that I am.