TAKE ME HIGH

There are easy answers, like that it’s just fetishizing.  And like, I find men attractive, yes.  But I also find women attractive.  I don’t have a problem with enjoying het romance, assuming I can find good ones.  I enjoy stories with female characters I can relate to.

But there’s something much deeper at play, IMO.  A friend of mine who is a gender studies professor was the first person to point this out to me, but a lot of women enjoy m/m romance and gay porn because of the lack of women.  It removes a source of pressure and sexism.  Without any women present, you don’t have to constantly evaluate the sexism of their portrayal, or be reminded of negative experiences in your own life.  It allows women to experience romance and especially sexuality without all the baggage that comes with it in our patriarchal society.

This was recently illustrated to me rather dramatically.  I read a recommendation for a het romance.  And it sounded cute, and came highly recommended.  The tropes at play were fun.  Until I read a snippet and realized this was a romance between a woman and her boss.  I had a visceral negative reaction.  

Instantly I’m thinking of sexual harassment stories I’ve read and heard from other women. I’m thinking of how uncomfortable it would be to have your boss develop feelings for you.  How icky the power dynamics would be, etc.  

And then I realized…this wouldn’t bother me if it were two men.  Now, there’s no logical reason for that.  Sexual harassment is just as wrong when its object is a man.  But I know I’ve read fics with a similar premise and never thought about it.  Because when it’s two men I can accept this is just a light romance, a fantasy, meant to be fun and sexy and not to represent the real world.

But I can’t when it’s a het relationship.  There’s too much baggage there.  Too much societal history of abuse.  I can’t relax enough with the premise to enjoy that story.  

Now some people can.  And that’s fine.  And some people are never going to be okay with power imbalances like that regardless of gender.  That’s also fine.  I don’t think having either reaction makes one morally superior.  It’s okay to just enjoy light entertainment for what it is without going into deep analysis.

But I wanted to highlight one set of tags (via @reallifepotato​ )

Because I AM comfortable with my sexuality and fairly comfortable with my body, but still, this resonates so hard as someone who has always been overweight.  The amount that our society teaches women to constantly compare ourselves, almost always negatively with every other woman out there, can utterly ruin our enjoyment of this kind of thing.  Like how many times have you tried to watch a mainstream romantic comedy where some utterly gorgeous actress is bemoaning that she can’t get a date, or WORSE is made out to be less than attractive.  And you look at her and go…but she’s fucking perfect?  And you just want to puke.  

Ängie - Bisexual Swedish pop & trap-hop artist often labelled as one of the most shocking and controversial pop stars of the last few years. She’s talked about falling in love with a woman for the first time at 15 and how she felt ostracized by friends and family due to that and how her music is born from a desire to express her sexuality. Listen to “Smoke weed eat pussy” and her first album “Suicidal since 1995.”

Beatrice Eli - The lesbian Swedish pop artist who blessed us with the gay anthem that is “Girls.” She’s been dating Silvana Imam for about four years now! She’s said she prefers the term lesbian over gay and I’m crossing my fingers that we’ll get new music from her soon!

Christine and the Queens - The stage name of Héloïse Letissier, a pansexual French pop/”freak pop” artist. While visiting London she was inspired by local drag queens and they became her backing band. She dedicates her music to them and to transgender people. Listen to “5 dollars” and “Girlfriend.” 

Cœur de pirate - The stage name of Béatrice Martin, a queer French-Canadian indie/folk pop musician. She came out as queer in 2016 and was briefly involved with Laura Jane Grace. She sings mostly in French and released a new album “ en cas de tempête, ce jardin sera fermé” this year. 

girl in red - Lesbian Norwegian independent bedroom pop artist. Marie writes, records, and produces all of her own music. She released Chapter 1, a five song EP, on Spotify this year. “girls” and “i wanna be your girlfriend” are both amazing and gay. I can tell we have a lot to look forward to in the future from her!

Ji Nilson - Lesbian Swedish alternative pop artist who came out in early 2017. Listen to “In my Blood” and “Proud.” Ji Nilson said this about In my Blood: “I’m so in love with this song. I think people can relate to the feeling of ending something and kind of being ok with it, but someone you love will always, always be in your blood. You can live without them, but you can’t escape the love you once shared.”

Saara Aalto - Lesbian Finnish pop artist. She represented Finland in Eurovision in 2018. On her sexuality she said she was “Very proud to be a lesbian” and thats a mood. Her newest album “Wild Wild Wonderland” was released this year. 

Silvana Imam - Swedish lesbian rapper. She’s been in a relationship with fellow singer Beatrice Eli since 2014! She’s talked about how her music is seen as political because of her being gay and a woman and has said “I want to be the best of all rappers, not the best female rapper.” Listen to “For Evigt” and “IMAM COBAIN.”

Soko - The stage name & nickname of bisexual/pansexual French indie pop/new wave musician Stéphanie Sokolinski. She briefly dated Kristen Stewart and has said “I’ve always been open with my sexuality, meaning I don’t really care about gender.” Listen to gay anthem “Who wears the pants?”

Tove Lo - Bisexual Swedish grunge influenced pop artist. She unapologetically owns her sexuality and has been vocal about the double standards in the pop industry for men and women. Her very gay song “Bitches” got remixed this year and now features Charlie XCX, Alma, Elliphant, and Icona Pop.