I was so stupid
I was really so stupid little girl who wanted to believe in fairytales. But, unfortunately, our lives aren’t cute fairytales. The only thing is that i was so happy. I’m not ever sure if i have ever been so happy.
But everything came to the end and my mental health said goodbye to me. I gained weight, I don’t know how much, but i think it was the highest one. Then I realized that exams are gonna be here so soon, so i had math lessons every day... My days started being so uninteresting and...boring. I’have been doing math all day long and gaining weight
In March me and my father flew to another country so i could pass my exams buuuut then corona said hiii.
And everything has changed..again. Father left me because of his work and i stayed in this country alone, with my grandma. I have been there for 5 months...I passed 4 exams and still have to pass the last one which is gonna be in some days. These 5 months was really hard, to be honest. I started losing weight and my eating disorder woke up so fast. So I don’t eat again. Like..really. But i’m still not skinny enough so i’m gonna start about 5kg in August to be 40/164cm
A week ago i came to Russia so I’m finally at home. But even this fact doesn’t make me feel happy. Maybe because of the exams, maybe because of the ED or my friends who don’t even text me. But I understood some things: you’re always alone. Even if u think u have a lot of friends who are always next to u - u’re wrong. Because after your parties and meetings you always back home, when u’re face to face with your thoughts. I know it sounds weird. And u’ll say that this is so stupid and maybe I’ve just never met a real friend but..some time later u’ll remember this post and understand that it was right. Nobody wants your problems, nobody is interested in your mental problems. People only need you when you’re happy, with a smile on your face and funny thoughts in your mind. Oh, and of course, they need you when they need some help. Nothing else. That’s the whole point of friendship.
And yeah, to be honest, i’m lost and tired of my uninteresting life. I have to change something but now i can do nothing. Cool. Have a goodnight
