#BecomingTristan

My name is Tristan and I started this blog to follow my transition. When I first started doing online research on what transgender is and connecting with people apart of the trans community, I got a lot of information on here, Tumblr. I was able to follow other people’s journeys and even reach out to have conversations with a few trans men. I appreciate all of the advice I received from my fellow brothers and I want to be able to help the next person.

At a very young age, I realized that I was different from my peers. I knew that my sex was different than my gender but I wasn’t sure how to word it. I did not have the language to describe what I was feeling.

In middle school I was bullied because I “dressed like a boy” and I didn’t do what girls did. When I was in the 8th grade (2008), I came out as a lesbian. Looking back now, other than not having the language, coming out as a lesbian was easier to do. People fear what they don’t understand and being a lesbian was easier to digest for my family and community, than coming out as trans.

As I got older, I still was not comfortable and did not feel like part of the lesbian community either. Becoming deeply involved in a relationship made my insecurities and dysphoria stronger. Relationships and falling in love requires one to love their self fully before they can attempt to love someone and be successful at it. I did not love myself. Therefore, I did not know how to properly love someone else .

In May of 2018, I did some serious soul searching. I wanted to figure out why I didn’t love myself and what I needed to fill the void that I’ve always felt. I started to think about a show that I watched back in high school. A trans girl had received a lot of media coverage because of she was starting her transition at a young age. I watched her story and as I listened to how she felt and what she went through mentally, I felt relieved. Everything she said was how I felt and it made sense. I realized that I wasn’t alone.

I have been coming out to my family and friends periodically. All of my friends that I’ve told are very supportive & even come with me to doctor appointments. Most of my family that I told are supportive as well. My mother, grandmother, and aunt are having a hard time & I understand why. This transition does not only effect me. It also effects the people around me. With that being said, that doesn’t discourage me from living my truth. I can’t please everyone and I’m okay with that. This is me putting myself first and doing what I need to do in order to live a better life.

Shirtless all summer ‘19! Nothing can express the amount of pride & love that I have for myself & my community!