That Blonde Bitch

“Dear Hannah,

I am sorry, I am so sorry that this is a year you’d like to forget. I am sorry he touched your body in ways you didn’t deserve. I am sorry that there are still days that you blame yourself. I am sorry that you can no longer breathe peacefully. If this year has taught you anything it’s that you do not give up. You have to learn to be kind to yourself, be patient, the healing will come. Do not take shame on the days you couldn’t face the world - it is hard and recovery isn’t a smooth road. I am here to remind you that even though this happened to you, it is not who you are. You couldn’t change what happened, it is not your fault. Even though you will not forget it, you can live through it. Better memories will replace it and one day you won’t feel so small.

This is your reminder in those small moments of peace - be grateful and do not overthink it.

Love always, Hannah xx”

I wrote this letter to myself 1 month before the first anniversary of my rape. I keep it in my bedside table and read it when I need to remind myself I can get through this. One year after writing this it still makes me cry every time.