Foreigner

“SIXTH PERIOD In leadership for life, we draw two circles within one another: the outer circle- our persona, and the inner circle- our essence. what we act like vs. who we are. the goal is to overlap your circles. the goal is not to be the person you want others to see you as, but for others to see you as the person you are being.”

“BEAUTY LIABILITY My mother has never concerned herself with being beautiful. She is a plain woman who dresses in polo shirts and beige. My mother can look nice when she wants to, like at Christmas, when she hangs earrings from her lobes like ornaments. My mother is guilty of every fashion faux-pas I can think of;sneakers with corporate wear, extensive polyester, crocs, not to mention she is a repeat offender of pajama jeans. Amidst my blushing junior high years, her very existence was an embarrassment. I accused her of not caring about her appearance. Color me envy of other girls and their PTA moms. They had Brazilian blowouts, milky teeth, trendy designer purses, manicured claws, stiff tissue faces. They are always on the phone, daily agendas stacked with appointments. Their daughters learn bodies as red-inked quizzes in need of correction. My mother refuses to wear her old age like an apology. She tells me, “Beauty is not a lady’s responsibility.”

“There’s so much more to life than finding someone who will want you, or being sad over someone who doesn’t. There’s a lot of wonderful time to be spent discovering yourself without hoping someone will fall in love with you along the way, and it doesn't need to be painful or empty. You need to fill yourself up with love. Not anyone else. Become a whole being on your own. Go on adventures, fall asleep in the woods with friends, wander around the city at night, sit in a coffee shop on your own, write on bathroom stalls, leave notes in library books, dress up for yourself, give to others, smile a lot. Do all things with love, but don’t romanticize life like you can’t survive without it. Live for yourself and be happy on your own. It isn't any less beautiful, I promise.”

“Stop cringing — at your future, at your failure, at yourself in the mirror — and stand up and look directly at who you are. Not who you should’ve been, but who you are now. Let that person in. Let her be as mediocre and wrong and shameful and sad and miserable and brilliant and hilarious as she wants to be, because she knows exactly what you need to feel good. She has plans for you. She wants to show you what comes next. She wants to take you into the future you’re dreading and say, “See? You never would’ve imagined this.”