Life's Puzzle Pieces

I made a choice to go back to therapy because I need help and came home to my boyfriend leaving for work and not coming back until Monday morning. Coming from someone who has always needed company or to talk things out in my head, let’s just say, this has been the hardest three days in a really long time.

Sometimes, I honestly do think things would be easier if I could just stop feeling so deeply.

I am never able to clear out my mind. My brain just keeps going-  overthinking, replaying and fixating. Rehashing things that have come and gone, could have been, or could eventually be. Some might say that this is just a display of a fiery tenacity to keep on moving, learning,  and evolving into the best version of myself, but what I am feeling right now is: e x h a u s t i o n. A jumbled fogginess that is showing no signs of a clear direction. I’m standing in the empty field of fog and in the distant shadows of the fog are all of the “what was, what could have been, and what could be.” I just feel lost and right now all I can do is break down into a anxious ball of stress. 

I’ve never loved anyone more in my life, but I’ve also never felt like the biggest disappointment until now

I’m literally sitting in my office crying with the door closed because I’m so stressed out. I’ve lived in high stress environments and worked in high stress environments - But none compare to how depleted and defeated I am week after week where I am now. I’m so tired. The exhaustion of being the only one who gives a damn about the work that I do, or the people in this office is killing me. I need to stop giving a shit about people and what’s expected of me. The more that I give them, they greedier they get. What do I get in return? Stress, tears and continuing to be underpaid. 

‪I literally have nowhere to go to let out any frustration. ‬