You are abominable. You were trotted out as a star for fifteen years but you couldn't make a remotely-likable film to save your daughter's life. The "music" you made bloodlessly, talentlessly, and by committee kickstarted a new era where dancing became exponentially more important than singing. You single-handedly ushered in the "first initial-two initial" craze with the inane self-created nickname J-Lo, then, with the help of Affleck, did the same with couple nicknames. You wrote songs in the third person that assured people you were down to earth while at the same time outlining your outlandish wealth. You married the creepiest guy in Miami and forced a reality show glorifying your sham union on the public just as you were (luckily) breaking up. You nearly detonated Matthew McConaghey's career with one of your 27 condescending romantic comedies. You redefined the words "diva" and "cunt" on a daily basis for the unfortunate human beings in your employ.
But even though all credit should and will go to your director Steven Soderbergh for coaxing a true movie star performance from Paula Abdul's lesser-talented protege, and even though Clooney shall never, ever, ever speak your name...Jennifer Lopez, you were fucking amazing in Out of Sight. You get a pass.
