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I wish I didn't get pressured into college so early it was too early to know better how awful the art department was I cry sometimes when I see paintings on Tumblr because I think of all the money I wasted getting all stupid expensive oil paints and canvases required only to barely finish and keep anything because every project any idea I came up with "didn't mean anything" I wish I had the nerve back then to call out how stupid and pretentious it was, one of the finals was a FREE SUBJECT project that was just required to be 4 related paintings, NO SPECIFIC SUBJECT I wanted to do landscapes inspired by undertale and halfway through painting a flower garden and another one a snowy forest I was alternating between as the paint dried I explained the inspiration and was told just painting something from a game doesn't mean anything I needed to do something else and I felt disheartened I tried to tweak the idea but my passion was dead and I never finished, handed in nothing presented nothing to the class, got a 0, threw it all out.
I'm so angry because I wouldn't have taken that present day I would have properly said, who are you to tell me what has meaning and what doesn't? You said the topic is mine to pick and I'll tell the whole class what it means when I present it. And if they were petty enough to give me a bad grade at least I'd have had 4 beautiful paintings that mattered to me. I hate them all it was always like that maybe I was being picked on for being weird and mentally ill and autistic, but I threw so much out, I finished so little, what a waste of my fucking time and money. Just to set me BACK just to make me do less art and feel less creative for no good reason imagine going into 60k student debt for the experience of feeling like shit and having nothing to show all the time and effort.
I SAID I wasn't ready but no! I was 17 so I couldn't choose for myself and by the time I started I didn't feel like dropping out was an option, miserable fucking experience









