I Ever Tell You About The Time...

With the exception of @crew-from-capulet, it feels like I talk to the void when I try to do anything here. It’s been like that for years, not just because of the hiatus. I have tried doing everything I can think of to try and make myself more appealing(?) to other RPers: make FC icons, commissioned custom icons, changed my URL to a quote, made my blog as user-friendly as it could get to the point where people could always check my side of things for if it was their turn, I made AUs, I made a list of starters people could choose from... I DID SO MANY THINGS!! But my partners just kept dying off.. I got severely depressed, I got anon hate-I have always gotten anon hate, but it’s worse when you’re depressed.

I had to leave. I had to turn off my inbox. I wanted to delete Ellis-and still kinda do.

RPing isn’t what it used to be for me. I have waited a literal 2-3 years for a reply before, I was so desperate to keep creating. Now, the funk is so deep that I can’t claw my way out and see RPing as an escape anymore. It’s just more stress.

This is going to sound shallow, but I need validation in my life because I have never really gotten it growing up. Seeing that people just aren’t interested in writing a story, or become disenchanted with Ellis if smut doesn’t immediately ensue, physically hurts like rejection does.

RPing doesn’t give me the validation it used to anymore.

Tarren didn’t like that at all, pressing a little closer to Quinn. “No-”

“It’s fine Tarren. It’s fine,” Quinn whispered, making the shape shifter look up at him uncertainly. “I’m not certain what it is you desire to hear Nick, Rochelle. I am strong and I am not human and I have not, and will not, attack you outside of protection for myself and Tarren. What else is it that you seek?”

Rochelle was a bit unnerved by the sudden firm, unwavering tone that the other man took but thought it was their right to know what it was they were traveling with. “What are you then?”

He sighed softly. “You won’t be satisfied until I answer this then?”

Tarren’s brow furrowed and he tilted his head slightly to one side, perplexed still. “Right…but-”

“He wasn’t being serious when he said vampires and werewolves, Tiger. He was being facetious.”

“…Oh…” he whispered, his gaze trailing along the floor before looking over at the conman again. “I didn’t know…”

“…Unless he hit on something there,” Rochelle murmured. Something was up with the both of them and Tarren’s reaction to the guess was a bit.

“What? No,” Tarren stated quickly.

Tarren sighed. “I mean that you were dead set on not believing in magic even when it was right in front of you. Even when I used it on you, but vampires and werewolves and everything are fair game? Or are you just open to everything now?” His tone remained somewhat soft, not demanding, just curious and confused. Mostly he just wanted to throw Nick off the trail. A shape-shifting sorcerer was one thing, he was safe. Powerful but not life threatening to people. Vampires came with bad connotations. Blood drinking was inherently parasitic, and even if Quinn was only feeding off of Tarren it was still negative. Plus he knew Quinn didn’t want the attention or the prying eyes.

Tarren scrunched his face up. “Gross.” Though he did take a more protective stance, his back straightening slightly as he met Nick’s gaze. “You didn’ believe anything about magic just a few hours ago, so how do you know things don’t exist that are just strong?”

Quinn kept an eye on Ellis for a moment, just making sure he wasn’t currently getting involved before letting himself focus in completely on Nick and Rochelle.

“Ellis, sweetie, I know you wanna believe in the best in people. Honestly, I want to too, but I think we really oughta know the people we’re traveling with. The people who are gonna be around when we’re sleeping? So, I’m sorry if it upsets you, but I’m gonna ask a few more questions,” Rochelle stated. She tried to find the middle ground between Nick and Ellis, but the wounds from being betrayed and losing Coach were too fresh for her to move on that easily. She didn’t mind having more people at their backs, but they needed to be sure they’d have their backs.

“So you’re strong. Are you like, human-strong? Or Superman kinda strong?”

Quinn exhaled quietly, looking over at Tarren who shrugged almost imperceptively. They could lie, but if it came out later things would just be that much more difficult. “Closer…to Superman levels I suppose.” 

“I’m strong,” he stated simply as Tarren pulled a little closer to him, one arm looping across his chest in an almost protective manner.

“…How strong?” Rochelle asked.

“You want me to show you or something?” he sighed, seeming mildly annoyed until Tarren gave his shoulder a squeeze and he relented. “I don’t know what you would consider a measurement of that kind of thing.”