Luke.

“It turns to glue.”

From The Onion’s Our Dumb World:”While some attempt to flee the nation on makeshift motorboats fashioned from an old washing machine, a hot-water heater, and four—”

“from a false other already extant but fake i decide and i take back everything that comes out of her mouth i talk like her speak like her- even if later i have to redistribute the feelings and gestures i attribute to myself all all that’s hers- according to what criteria of approach- all the while knowing perfectly well that i could stop playing her- one among others my false twin sister dizygote her.”

“With all the cooking you’ll be doing, save yourself some time and buy the packaged, prewashed and trimmed baby spinach.” 

"I looked at Archie and Mike, who looked back at me with a combination of pity and amusement."