The Speed of Pain

I’m just laying here, thinking about the first time we met. We’d been talking for a few weeks and were both excited to finally meet each other.

I walked into the pub, shaking with nerves because I really liked you already. I didn’t know what to expect, I’d seen pictures of you but couldn’t visualise how tall you were or your body type in person. I meet new people all the time in work and it’s a breeze. But with you, I was nervous as hell. I was worried I’d be boring or a stuttering mess. I was scared you wouldn’t find me as attractive in real life especially after you ‘superliked’ me.

As I walked over to the bar, I spotted you. My body language displayed my nerves, my shoulders were tense and I couldn’t look you in the eye. You were warm and open, your eyes… those fucking eyes 😍… you had a twinkle in them. I could tell you were really happy with what was stood in front of you. That made me feel absolutely amazing, I felt like a 10/10. You stretched out your arms and gave me a hug, which instantly put me a bit more at ease.

I kept noticing you looking at me in disbelief. It felt incredible, my confidence was soaring. You looked at me the way Ryan Gosling looks at love interests in his films. Cheesy as fuck I know, but honestly amazing to me. I wish I could have captured all of that, like on that episode of Black Mirror, so that I can replay it over and over again now.

Your smile. I fucking love that smile. Your green eyes. Uhhhhhhh. I have never been this attracted to someone before. You’re imperfections make you incredibly perfect to me. I love the way you look at me. It’s honestly like a drug.

Of course, it’s your personality that keeps me around. You’re so funny. You are so much fun. You make me really happy and I want what we have to grow and continue for a long time.