bird cherry

Im not good at my favorite sport, which is fucking badminton id say the easiest sport ever. Im not good at no online games and I just lose. my mind every single day

Just yesterday I graduated, finally I was so sick and tired of my classmates. Total bitches. Specifically this one girl, constantly talking about her boyfriend and how he treats her. Always the same shit too, genuinely so tiring, i remember while we were changing clothes for pe she mentioned that they have tried to crack twice, mind you only been dating for 4 months. I dunno about you but thats way to quick. (he broke up w her because he wasnt ready n thought he'd break her 😭)

But beside that classmate, others were okay, not great but not horrible. We were almost always chill and I knew there wouldn't be no hate or arguments between us. Expecly this one guy, let's call him R. We became friends in 7th grade, before that he was REALLY quiet, crying if getting called out for a presentation. I saw him as a weirdo, and I was always with this one classmate who eventually left our class. So when she left I was a total loner, and I got to know R. Best decision of my life. Will definitely remember him forever, a good guy.

So yea now I'll be in 10th grade, completely different school, city , classmates, everything. I am id say a little worried because I have met some of my maybe new classmates, all I can I say is absolute retards. They kept HUMPING my seat, whispering jokes that they'd steal my lunch money n beat me up, its a joke obviously but cmon man is that really your humor? Because of that i think I'll either be the quiet kid or the totally opposite. What if I become friends with them? Who knows.

I was js outside with my uncle and cousin, we sitting there and its dead silent, I hate silence. So of course I break it by simply asking random but solid questions. "You have always been just such a yapper for no reason. Wouldn't be suprised you have some kind of autism because of that." that was said by my uncle, how the fuck am I even supposed to react that wouldn't make him comment more? If I laugh and talk more—"Yea..your uncle is right." If I just nod with a smile and shut up—"Ohhh suddenly we are sensitive?"

I genuinely dunno if I should hate myself or my family, it genuinely just hurts so much I have no idea what I should do beside just suck it all up and somehow satisfy them with a reaction they wanna get from me.

I walked away from them into the house using the "ill go to the bathroom" excuse, I heard them chukle and whisper some shit while I walked away. I just really have no perfect words that would describe how I feel or what I feel.

I js wanna share my happiness about successfully isolating myself and the downsides too, I haven't changed much I just stopped trying to squeeze into every conversation or event, there's a reason why I wasn't invited. The ups are that people notice it, whenever I walk past without saying my usual bullshit or greet someone with simple head nod and not a happy 'good morning!!' they comment about, obviously not my face pussies but I still hear their obvious gossips. Its weird they dont want me to hear it but be gossiping like right next to me cmon now LOL. Other ups i guess is that you notice tje change too, you are less irritated and start fixating your time on your own needs rather than thinking what would make Bethany laugh.

The downs for sure is people who notice and are confident enough to comment about it, this girl named Linda. I was just going for a coffee and i hear behind me 'Walked past me 3 times without saying hello. Huh.' But that wasn't a confused huh, rather a egoistic huh. Like huh? You dare to not aknowledge me in this room full of people?!

Cmon Linda you have never been any important to greet you only because you feel like it. For now I haven't experienced any others ups n downs, hopefully I keep on succeeding, though I still dont fully know why I decided to isolate myself.

I believe I was heavily influenced by social media, and thank fucking god I did because this is the best decision of my life. No more anxious thoughts when joining a circle, no more 'what if that happens..', no more overthinking your every word. You just live your life peacefully. Fuck everyone and focus on yourself and your daily day goals.

I am somewhat happy because I kinda look like colt except that from recent footages of him in court made me realize I dont look like him at anything anymore. Though I have scars on the same shoulder as him that is kinda cool brah