We haven’t held a real conversation in months. We haven’t hung out in months. I deleted your number but can’t bring myself to delete the thread. I don’t really get the urge to call you to vent or to want to tell you about any big news. But I do constantly find myself repeating in my head, “I don’t care anymore” and it’s always when I’m driving, never really at any other point. I guess cause I’m so used to always getting a phone call from you when I’m in the car. But this separation felt easier than I thought it would, it hurts but I don’t find myself crying randomly for you. I find myself more disappointed than anything. The person who was so adamant about making it be known that you were so scared to lose me because you valued my friendship so much and you couldn’t imagine me not being in your life. But I guess that was before finding people who required much less from you. I guess people who feed into that narcissistic personality I made excuses for. The person who knew how much losing friends actually hurt me. The one who sat with me through all my broken friendships and made me feel like I was it was really their loss and not mine. Yet, you admitted you avoid me because you don’t want to deal with my emotional baggage cause you don’t bear the capacity to deal with it. I mean that’s fair, you’re allowed to be at your own peace but is this really how our friendship ends?? By avoiding me? Are we not worth more than one moment of emotional unpacking?? Are all the years and everything we have actually been through together that easily disposable? Fucking you and me??? Am I actually wrong to believe that you genuinely don’t give a fuck about our friendship or me? Must I always be the one to go looking for you? Is that not the one thing I told you I was done with? But I guess because you found new people who do all the hard work for you why go to a place where you need yo do some lifting, right? and you know what’s even crazier? Being replaced is a genuine fear of mine in my friendships that you knew and you always told me it was never going to be like that and yet… but I guess people change and we don’t fit anymore like I tried telling you that one time and here we are now, probably not going to make it back to each other because I have to stand my ground so I know that it worked out because you really wanted to, not because I begged for it. So I guess I’ll continue to keep my grass green on this side