this is the kind of content i came here for

Every apex predator, looking at a capybara chilling: “…nah, I can’t eat this dude, that would be fucked up”

ive eaten shrimp exactly 5 times in my life, always with gusto and an utter lack of self-restaint, and each time has ingrained itself in my memory as distinctly nightmarish when they ended with me ralphing it all back up within the hour. i thought this was reflective of my hubris and insufficient fear of god, but it is only as i write this post now, crumpled to my knees on the floor of this eresto’s bathroom after eating half a baja taco and recalling that my dad is allergic to shellfish, i realize perhaps the issue is not with a higher power, but with a deeper one. biology.

Modern prose.

I cant believe this is actually john mulaney and not a parody blog created for the sole purpose of making this shitpost

queer eye is just “damn bitch, you live like this?” the show

i want them to come to my house and just burn all my shit then prescribe me adderall

alright if i was in the avengers and everyone was like oh no we can’t kill flashdrive we’ll find another way u know what I’m stepping up and uplugging him. i never eject my flashdrives in my computer so why wait just take him out and save the world. the end. the world doesn’t have to die just because wanda wants some data dick.