zenyatta appreciation zone

fish bowl hat, pattern from ravelry - finished in a blackout. i keep making hats that are a little too small for me. ikeep feeling brittle.realizing that my near constant suicidal ideation may be worsening my quality of life but i dont know how to stop it and it feels inevitable so is there a point to figuring out my next step? i wont die before lucky does and i wont leave my mom alone but i wish i figured any of this out before they wasted their resources on me.. its crazy i think im insane for spiraling this bad instead of just kind of rolling with it onto the next thing i do but i feel useless and completely mired in place and i hate myself to kind of an unbelievable degree man. i wish i liked myself and i wish i was qualifiedenouhh for gradschool.i also rlly got into uma musume over the last 2 months and figured out how to get an A+ uma finally but it sucked up so muc of my time man. ipadbaby ass. imiss nice natie .imiss havign fun with friends instead of becoming the Wallower withhorrendous repellent vibes that my coworkers definitely sense. i should be jollypilled and joymaxing rn ... this yesr started off on such a good note too