yestoday

Everything Eli said did make sense. Tristan couldn’t exactly blame the other boy for what his family was going through, but he did blame the boy’s parents, and Eli has somehow benefitted from the scandals, right? But that wasn’t his fault either. How was he meant to deal with all the mixed feelings surrounding these circumstances? Tristan rubbed the back of his neck, before the other’s question surprises him a little. “Me? No, no, no,” he said, waving his hands in front of him. “I just—” He sighed. “Well, since we’re being honest here, I just, sort of—don’t know how to feel about you? Which isn’t really your problem, I guess, but…” He trailed off, shaking his head. “Okay, yeah. Maybe I should stop talking.”

eli pursed his lips. he couldn’t be that mad at him. it seemed like his parents probably screwed over the other’s family somehow, and despite his rather cold exterior, he did feel genuine remorse about what his parents did. “ i... i understand. i can’t be rude or anything, because i’m not that much of an asshole to where i can’t admit that others are justified. everybody learns about newton’s law of universal gravitation and decides that apples don’t fall far from the trees. but it’s not like i fell from a pretty tree. i saw my parents. they were cruel people who only cared about money and power. they were sorry they got caught, not sorry about their actions. and now they’re in prison, “ he sighed. “ i mean, honestly, you can feel however you want about me.”

❝ how did you manage to lose them all? ❞ she asked, unable to stop herself from laughing. ❝ maybe i should have a copy of your key too so you’ll always have one. ❞ maybe she just had a good system which was to keep her key in her wallet at all times. though, in hindsight, she would be doomed if she ever lost her wallet.  ❝ have i ever told you it’s very picasso of you to always be on something while we brainstorm? ❞ but she wasn’t complaining. she liked hanging out with eli, the free drinks and food were just some perks. she cleared up some room off the table in front of her so he could place whatever he needed down. ❝ so, is there a theme we need to follow or are we free to do whatever? ❞

He bit at the inside of cheek, feeling a little guilty for staring after hearing the other’s rapid-fire response. “I—wasn’t waiting for you to steal or anything, I promise,” he said, his initial instinct always to placate when someone started sounding the least bit hostile. Tristan knew that Eli himself had no part in the scandals, but he just couldn’t help the automatic association. The other boy was a walking reminder of his parents’ crimes. “I guess—I was just wondering what it’s like to be you.” His voice softens the more he speaks, unsure whether or not he would offend the other again.

eli sighed, shaking his head, “ i’m just used to being criticized, i guess. i mean, since i was young. the media loved covering my family after my parents were accused. so then i grow up with all of that, and everybody wondering if i would grow up and turn out completely fucked up like them. “ he couldn’t necessarily say he hadn’t turned out fucked up--he was just a burnout art kid. “ i don’t know, the worst part is, all of these people my parents screwed over still have this vendetta around me. and it wasn’t me. like, hate me because of me, not my parents. just give me a chance, “ he narrowed his eyes, “ why do you care, though? planning to commit some crimes or something? “

she was almost surprised when she heard elijah’s voice after the knock as he hardly did so. he mainly grumbled until she would open up, almost like a cat. she opened the door and gave him a suspicious look. ❝ who are you and what have you done with the real eli? ❞ she teased before laughing and motioning him in. ❝ that’s actually a good idea, though. i forgot where i put my spare but i’m gonna look for it later and give it to you. ❞ then, she noticed the equipment he was carrying. ❝ do you need help with anything? also, are we filming something today? ❞ she figured they were just going to think of some ideas but seeing his bags made her question her assumption. either way, she was just happy to help him with some of his projects.

“ ugh, “ eli grunted as he tried to move his laptop case and bag of equipment so he could properly knock on rothy’s door. she didn’t live far at all--in fact, they lived in the same building, yet it could still be a hassle to get everything over there. he didn’t mind though. he loved making short movies more than anything, and he really needed more of them for his portfolio. so, whenever he had the time, he brainstormed with anybody he could tolerate. lately, that person had been rothy. maybe it was something about the two living near each other and both being artistic. 

after finally just setting his stuff on the floor, he fully knocked instead of trying to just fling his body forcefully against the door to make a noise. “ eli here! also, i think i deserve a key at this point, or you’re gonna force me into learning how to pick locks, “ he called through the door. 

He hadn’t even noticed that he was staring until the other spoke, but by then it was too late to pretend that he was looking elsewhere. He shifted in his seat in slight panic before he shook his head. “No—of course, not. Sorry. I was just… spacing out.” A little white lie to save himself from an awkward conversation. He didn’t know if he could say exactly what was on his mind. Tristan knew who Eli was. The Li Scandals had affected his family, after all, but he wasn’t sure if the other was aware of this. “I… Do you get that a lot? People assuming you’re a criminal, I mean.” Probably not the most appropriate question, but it slipped from his mouth before he could stop himself. “That must get pretty tiring.”

eli chuckled, taking off his headphones and making eye contact with the boy. once he was asked if people assumed he was a criminal, it didn’t take him long to realize what happened. he wasn’t the first person to associate eli with his parent’s crimes, but that didn’t mean he hated it any less. “ i mean, a good amount, yeah. got kicked out of art school for doing things everybody else did. i have you staring at me oddly. and i mean, oh, why would i blame anybody? obviously, just because my parents committed major crimes when i was, what, not even five, i processed and learned all that behavior, “ he rolled his eyes. sure, it was harsh, but he hated all of the accusations. “ tiring? no fucking shit, my family gets crucified, and then i get people like you staring at me waiting for me to steal or something. “

brooks isn’t the brightest crayon in the box, but he knows his question implies that he still has feelings for the other boy, because why else would he care whether or not noel likes him or not? the silence that followed wasn’t just very telling, but also extremely embarrassing. admittedly, he loved ‘the chase’, but noel was clearly a lost cause. the sooner brooks learned to accept the other wasn’t into him, the better it was. however, just as he was about to turn on his heels and walk away, noel grabbed him by his wrist and led him toward an empty classroom. it wasn’t forceful or rough at all, as a matter of fact, there was a gentleness to it that was making him melt inside. against his better judgement, he followed the boy inside, and closed the door behind them.

while he was confident about his looks and athletic skills, the same couldn’t be said about his academic performance. he knew how important the latter was to his ex-boyfriend, so it made sense that this was the reason why he lost interest. “you don’t have to like, sugarcoat it for me. okay, actually, yeah, that’s a lie, i’m probably going to need you to sugarcoat it just a little bit.” the boy scrunched up his face, as if he was bracing himself for the harsh words he expected would come. much to his surprise, he got a confession instead. “uh, are you trying to tell me that it’s not me, it’s you?” he squinted his eyes slightly, confusion written all over the jock’s face. “sorry, i just don’t get it. i mean, i wanted you, i chose you, so all of that doesn’t matter to me.” things were different now, though. he was dating two girls at the same time, though neither were serious yet. 

“hey, don’t cry, please.” guilty pangs hit his chest when he noticed that tears were starting to well up in the boy’s eyes. brooks didn’t mean to upset him, he just wanted answers, but in hindsight, he feels like he might have pushed noel too hard. though he never met his parents, they didn’t exactly sound like the nicest people, because why else would noel be so scared to come out to them? being raised by two liberal lesbian moms, brooks never had to worry about these things, and he praises himself lucky for it. wanting to comfort the boy, he wraps his arms tightly around his slender frame, pulling him close. “i’m sorry,” he apologizes softly. it’s still not clear to him whether noel likes him back or not, but he doesn’t want to push him any further on the subject. “i guess i just struggle to understand you. you confuse me, like, a lot. i don’t know if i should stay away from you or if you want me close to you. so, please… just tell me what you want. what should i do?”

as soon as brooks wrapped his arms around noel, he immediately started crying into his shoulder. why was he crying though? this was his fault, he could still be with brooks if he didn’t screw it up. this whole situation was messy because of him, and now he was feeling the consequences. 

“ f-fuck, i’m sorry, i know you said not to cry... “ he sniffled. “ i just feel bad for confusing you... it’s just, when i broke up with you, there was just so much confusion and fear, and i should’ve gone through it for you but it was my first real relationship. and i mean--i don’t know, i always told myself that if i didn’t date a boy, then i wasn’t really attracted to them. i’m sorry, brooks. i couldn’t believe you truly chose me, and then with everything else i just... freaked out and cut it off, but you deserved at least a proper explanation. “

he was rambling, but he wanted to tell the truth. brooks at least deserved that. “ i don’t blame you for not understanding me. i’m not sure if i even understand everything i do, “ he softly laughed, using his sleeve to wipe away his tears. “ god, again, i’m sorry, “ noel didn’t want to just keep crying and rambling in front of somebody he cared about.

“ i... i’d prefer you to not stay away from me. i mean, unless if you want to, i respect your decision. i think it’s justified at this point. even if it’s been unintentional, i messed with your emotions, and me still having feelings makes it even messier... really, brooks, i want you to do what you think is best for you, okay? if that’s avoiding me like i’m the plague, i’ll let you and be happy that you’re happy. i care about you so much, and i don’t want to hurt you anymore, “ he reached out a hand, wanting to comfort him somehow, but he took it back, realizing that might not be his place anymore.