Way up yonder above the moon

This is Money Snake. She only appears every 312 years. 

Last Week Tonight s02e29 

Aries: Funniest rants, trust me; Seems like a badass, but they’re harmless until you seriously piss them off; Do not piss them off, their limits are usually reasonable and they will fight you; Unafraid to act, especially to defend you; Always thinking about what’s coming up next; Great at starting projects they never completely finish; Sincere friends.

Taurus: Big, sweet cow eyes; Honestly just hug them and never let go, it’ll be the best decision you ever make; Warm aura; They’ll embarrass themselves, but it’s endearing instead of cringe-worthy; Calm presence; Naturally reserved, but they will let you in if you genuinely care; Unintentionally funny; Some quality of theirs makes people look up to them.

Gemini: They try so hard, bless their hearts; Cutest clothes; One of you is going to have a crush on the other; Awkward in a way that makes tension disappear; Unintentionally attracts trouble; It doesn’t occur to them to not put up with your shit; Not very considerate to your emotions unless they’re helping you with a specific issue; Super passionate about their fandoms and interests; Someone you can always talk to.

Cancer: Fucking dweebs that will laugh over the most bizarre things; Will always love you; Messy; They genuinely want you to do your best; They deeply care about all of their friends, too; Give great hugs; Take everything personally and fully invest themselves; They might get too wrapped up in something that doesn’t seem important to you, but just be patient with them, they’re worth it.

Leo: Simultaneously the most self-absorbed and caring people; Lucious locks; So intimidating, but it’s all a big, fat lie if you’re friends; Would kill for you; Childish and immature; Can actually be very practical minded; Really wants you to like them, but they’re not going to try hard for your approval; Let them have the last word because they’re going to have it eventually.

Virgo: Sad eyes that know the dark secrets of the world; They don’t feel in control, yet they try to be; Organized and methodical; Outwardly cynical (but they secretly hope for the best); If you meet their standards, consider yourself lucky; Big sister who will always help you with your problems; Feels most comfortable in a dark movie theater; Listen to them because they know what they’re talking about; Surprisingly patient.

Libra: They have a story for everything; Loves to go out with their loved ones; They spend a lot of time thinking over ideas and concepts; DILF; Lifelong friend that you can always turn to; Confidence booster; Can be surprisingly selfish sometimes; Indecisive as fuck; They’re going to win you over before you even realise it; Silently judgemental, but this doesn’t mean they take sides.

Scorpio: 10/10 would bang; Could destroy you effortlessly; Lifelong struggle bus ticket holder; Romantic love is not their strong suit; Darkly magnetic; Shared looks and inside jokes will be abundant when you hang out; Do not fuck with their friends; I repeat: do not fuck with their friends; seriously; avoid this at all costs; These are the type of people who will burn your house down and steal your boyfriend; If you fuck them over, they will cut ties forever, even if they still love you.

Sagittarius: They’re best friend material; Lots and lots of friends but few close friends; Attractive/ Magnetic; You’re going to find yourself thinking about them later; Can go literally anywhere and fit in; Histrionic; Will not put up with your bullshit at all; They seem like an open book, but this is not the case at all; Take themselves a little too seriously; More loyal than you could ask for.

Capricorn: Sassy as hell; Sarcasm actually flows through their veins; You will admire them; Always seemingly stable; They have the soundest advice; Tend to think they’re always right, and they aren’t exactly wrong about that; If they love you, it’s true; Good listeners and friends; Grouchy is their default emotion; Lowkey SUPER competitive, just let them win because they will literally never let it go ever.

Aquarius: You will fall in love with them, even if it doesn’t last; They’re going to make you laugh; They try to be forgiving creatures; Lowkey super stubborn about things they believe to be right; Really, really good at one area of expertise; Detail oriented; Highly sexual beings; They downplay their emotions; It’s hard to completely understand what they’re thinking about unless they explicitly tell you; Trust their gut because they’re going to be right.

But since fetuses already knowing advanced medical sciences aren’t a thing, I figured I’d provide some more valid alternatives:

What if the cure for cancer lives in the mind of someone who has a “black sounding” name and gets their school application thrown out?

What if the cure for cancer lives in the mind of someone who accidentally becomes pregnant where abortion is illegal or very difficult to access and they are forced to quit the sciences to raise the child?

What if the cure for cancer lives in the mind of a fat person whose credibility in the medical field is destroyed because they are assumed to be “unhealthy” and a hypocrite?

What if the cure for cancer lives in the mind of a person who starves to death?

What if the cure for cancer lives in the mind of someone who is murdered by drones or police?

What if the cure for cancer lives in the mind of someone who is raped and cannot continue their research due to trauma?

What if the cure for cancer lives in the mind of someone who is killed in a shooting because some below average teen boy couldn’t get laid?

There are a lot of Harry Potter theories that have existed in the series’ fandom, such as Snape being a vampire or Sirius and Remus being secret lovers. Many of these theories have been contradicted by the books themselves, and others seem to have little evidence supporting them in canon.

One such theory, however, bears notice. Draco Malfoy is an annoying antagonist throughout all seven Harry Potter books, but noticeably less so in the sixth and seventh. Presumably, he stops his sophomoric pranks as a consequence of his highly stressful year-long assignment to play a key role in the assassination of Albus Dumbledore.

However, there may be an even more powerful reason for the trajectory of Draco’s character development in these latter books. This is that between the fifth and sixth books, directly after Lucius Malfoy has failed to retrieve the prophecy, Voldemort allows Fenrir Greyback to bite his son, Draco.

We’ve gone back through the 6th and 7th books, and compiled some of the most convincing evidence below:

Draco is not a Death Eater At the beginning of the 6th book when Harry is hiding in Borgin and Burkes, Draco threatens Borgin, and shows him something on his arm. Harry thinks the thing on Draco’s arm is a Dark Mark, but we never see this. Harry always immediately assumes things and they turn out to be false. If Harry wakes up in the middle of the night months later it is usually right, or if he talks about it with Hermione and Hermione gets it, then it’s right. Hermione doesn’t think Draco is a Death Eater, so he probably isn’t. Another reason Draco probably doesn’t have a Dark Mark is that at the end of the sixth book there is a barrier to the Astronomy Tower that you can only pass through if you have a Dark Mark. This barrier goes up immediately after Draco goes up to the tower, and comes down just before he goes down. Additionally, Draco is never treated as a Death Eater (and there is no reason for Voldemort to give Draco a Dark Mark). So what is he? One ongoing arc in the 6th book is that Draco is sickly and stressed out. This is supposedly because of his quest, but Rowling does this misdirection a lot. Fenrir Greyback is introduced as a character who specifically punishes people who’ve messed up by biting their children. Remus Lupin is explicitly mentioned as an example of this. Why set this up if not to use it later? Relatedly, Lucius’s demonstrated punishments do not seem severe enough for his transgressions at the end of the 5th book, by the standards we are supposed to expect from Voldemort by this point in the series. It is also important to keep in mind that Lucius also mishandled Riddle’s Diary, resulting in the destruction of one seventh of Voldemort’s soul. It is likely that Lucius’s additional punishment was unspeakably terrible. Voldemort says, “Maybe you can babysit the cubs,” to Draco when the Death Eaters find out that Remus and Tonks are having a baby. This is a throwaway if he is not a werewolf. For us, the nail in the coffin is that, while showing Borgin the mark on his arm, Draco says that Fenrir Greyback is a close personal friend and he’d hate for him to have a to pay a visit. And if the thing on Draco’s arm in Borgin & Burkes’ was not a Dark Mark (which it’s not), what else could he have possibly shown Borgin to make him so frightened? Finally, Rowling has said in an interview that one scene in the third movie, there was a moment that foreshadowed something she knew was coming that gave her chills. In that movie, Draco impersonates a werewolf and does a wolf howl. This also works for the arc for the flipping of the Malfoy family, who take care of themselves instead of following Voldemort. It makes more sense for them to throw away decades of servitude if one of them has been turned into a half-blood, making them idealogically incompatible with Voldemort’s pure-blood regime. So why hide it? There is precedent for J.K. Rowling revealing only the tip of the iceberg in some of her characterizations. For example, Rowling was originally going to write a whole arc about Dean Thomas’s family, but instead she focused on Neville. Additionally, Dumbledore’s love of Grindelwald is never addressed during any of the books, and was only revealed by J.K. Rowling during a Q&A after all the books had been published. There are likely many other elements of the story that have been left behind the scenes for one reason or another. It may be entirely possible that Draco’s reveal was planned for the seventh book, for example, but got cut for pages. Rowling has new content being released by book, and could be saving this to reveal on Pottermore for the seventh book. One reason this would be really cool:  It makes Draco’s relationship with Snape even more interesting if Draco is relying on him for Wolfsbane potion.

Incredible Teen Poets Sum Up Everything Wrong With America

American textbooks have plenty of blind spots, but Belissa Escobedo, Rhiannon McGavin and Zariya Allen offer a wide-ranging view of our country in their powerful slam poem, “Somewhere Else in America.” And it’s not a pretty picture.

The teen spoken-word poets are members of the Get Lit organization, a nonprofit that uses spoken word to improve literacy rates in Los Angeles, where 40 percent of teens won’t graduate high school.