Banner art by Gary Jamroz-Palma for Dan Luvisy. Mun is +30, minors respectfully requested not to interact. This is intended to be a brief rundown of the character and an FAQ for interacting. More information can be found here. I have two other active RP blogs: @godsinthewater and @apisanonymous.
WHO IS THIS?
Archangel Metatron, Celestial Scribe, Chancellor of Heaven, Voice of God. This interpretation is fandom-independent, and I have little interest in playing any canon Metatrons out there (as in Good Omens, Supernatural, etc.) There are, however, currently four main settings for my take on Metatron , which can be read in greater detail here. The Mun goes by "Ick", but also answers to "Metamun".
WHO WILL YOU PLAY WITH?
Reiterating that I'm not open to playing with minors; there WILL be mature themes on this blog from time to time. Other than that? I'd prefer to only do threads with mutuals, but I'll take asks from anybody.
ANY CONTENT WARNINGS?
Violence, religious horror, and similar topics are gonna be prevalent. I will not roleplay smut with anyone under 21, and frankly I'd prefer not to with anyone under 25. My dedicated smut tag is nsft. Please ask me to tag anything if something makes you uncomfortable-- I have a dark sense of humor, but I don't want to seriously disturb anyone.
WHAT IS METATRON LIKE?
Under the cut for length.
METATRON IS LOUD. VERY, VERY LOUD. EXPECT A LOT OF CAPSLOCK, although he is capable of dropping it when need be. Metatron has an extremely abrasive personality-- he is in essence an overworked bureaucrat. He's also rather foul-mouthed, which is much harder for him to drop.
With his twin Sandalphon, he is one of the most powerful beings in existence, second only to his Creator. His perception of reality is unlike that of most beings who perceive at most four dimensions of spacetime, which can make his mindset seem at times alien and callous. More on that here.
At heart, Metatron wants to see creation thrive. But having almost destroyed it through sheer force of love during an incident before the beginning of time, he tends to keep people at arm's length.
WHAT'S HE LIKE PHYSICALLY?
Metatron spends most of his time in the form of a tesseract, also known as a hypercube, a theoretical 4-dimensional shape that is to a cube what a cube is to a square. For your average person who can perceive only three dimensions of space, it's kinda trippy to look at. Colors and patterns play across his faces according to mood.
When he takes human form, he tends to be tall, broad, and bearded, often wearing a suit and tie. Christian Bale is his former faceclaim, and his current faceclaim is Joseph Cannata. He manifests up to six wings at a time, but usually only sports two when manifesting at all. His feathers look oddly translucent and crystalline, but are soft to the touch.
In situations that call for a more humanoid shape but fewer human features, Metatron takes the form of a faceless entity with silvery skin across which pass the same patterns and colors as his tesseract form, along with various cosmic phenomenon. A vague idea can be seen here. Unlike the image provided, though, Metatron does have "hair" that flows like fire or plasma, as well as two large bull's horns (or ram's horns, in verses without a connection to the Canaanite pantheon). This is usually his preferred "polite" form among his siblings.
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Yeah, I saved one of these for myself from the earlier batch. There's a number of unpopular opinions I have that for whatever reason I'd feel uncomfortable sharing as a response to somebody else.
There are two or three different things I've been mulling over... none of which I am going to share! Because more recently I was reading a thread on Franz Kafka and gender and Jewishness, and I feel like that's more important, especially for Pride Month.
In short, the thread looks at a the phenomenon of Kafka being interpreted as transfeminine through his writing, and comes down very hard that regardless of intention, doing so plays into a pre-established pattern of systemic antisemitism.
I am linking rather than reblogging because I don't think it would be a good idea to reblog from a roleplay account.
I'd written a lot more of my own thoughts on this, but I don't want to take away attention from actual Jewish (especially queer Jewish) perspectives here. So I'll just say that sometimes I feel like queer gentiles (like me) sort of lose sight of the fact that alienation is not just primarily a queer experience. As people in the thread point out, Kafka was writing at a time when Jews were increasingly seen and treated as vermin for being Jewish. That is actually important to keep in mind when reading something like The Metamorphosis. If it triggers empathy in you for other reasons, great, but the reality of Kafka's lived experience as a Jewish person needs to be acknowledged.
We can sometimes get caught up in shared experiences and forget about non-shared experiences. Real justice has to come from a place where you care about people with problems that aren't your own. People pay lip service to ideas about intersectionality but... eh. I'll stop there.
Once there was a guy whose writing I was kinda interested in who started a thread for sharing lines you'd written that you really liked, and he went first. His chosen line was "Every Renaissance started as a heresy" and all I could think was "or an influx of refugees fleeing the collapsing Eastern Roman Empire".
because that is one major and often overlooked factor that contributed what we call the Italian Renaissance. lotta eastern christians getting out of dodge as the ottoman noose tightened.
"Ah," She chuckles, "Well, I am not so encumbered by social propriety.."
The words roll to the edge of her tongue but she says nothing more. Nothing of the why. The story of, 'I was sent away before I could "learn" decency and came back just old enough to know I disdain authority figures anyway.' He is sweet and she already enjoys toying with him as he crushes on her cousin but he is new and her story is not for the estranged.
At least not her narrative vein.
Her eyes slowly and briefly lift in his direction as she knowingly grins, "I will spare you the reassurances. If you know him at all, you know he's worth the headache.."
Her heart flutters at the thought. Affection worth the agony of turmoil.. It certainly sounded apt. for a rare áss she still had faith in.
The archangel does his best to let himself get caught up in the broad positivity of the moment. His own inherent contrariness supplies him with any number of light, cynical utterances for the occasion, but he finds he wants to keep any cynicism far away from any discussion of Thor and his family.
It leaves him feeling somewhat unarmed.
"I can only hope to prove myself an equally worthy headache," he says lightly. "I can at least say with some conviction I'm rarely boring. Don't have the patience for it. Can I offer you a drink, or something, speaking of entertainment? I'm a lousy host in general but you are technically a guest, with all the rights that entails. And I wouldn't want to turn away a relative of Thor's without some attempt at hospitality."
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Metatron does have a femme faceclaim, incidentally-- Anna Magnani. Really hard to make icons of her, though, because a still image does very little to capture Magnani's presence. You really need to see her act.
Not gonna lie, she generally has more "Metatron" energy than most male FCs I've tried, with the exception of Michael Wincott as the bad guy in The Crow. Something to do with having survived Mussolini's regime with her soul intact, maybe. Or allegedly subsisting mostly on black coffee and cigarettes.
Holds him so he's more securely locked in air jail, i.e. has his body supported. Squirm and claw and bite all you like, son, you ain't goin' nowhere.
"Lucifer, little dragon, darling. I have a certain respect for Mammon, because he has been very successful at ensuring various aspects of the human world are simultaneously incredibly expensive and completely fucking broken. He's good at what he does. But even Mammon has not managed to fully fucking extinguish the inherent drive in thinking beings to help other people." Scritches despite all the squirming. "And anyway, we're not human. We can find you someone to talk to."
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You wanna know what kind of nerd I am? I laughed at the first bit but I was grinning and wiggling much more at all the stuff in between. I love it when medievalists get to go off:
All accurate, I would only quibble about the phrasing of "did not know what witches were". Mostly they didn't see magic as unnatural or inherently Satanic, it was something anyone could do in the same way anyone can learn basic engineering within a given field. Elves, though? Oh, old English elves could get nasty.
EDIT: but yes also the ballsack bloodlust thing IS silly. i'm just more excited by someone who Knows Things getting to be snarky and intelligent.
I've written and deleted this several times now. Comes down to not knowing how much information is too much. Not in a real TMI sorta way, more not knowing what's really relevant. And, to be honest, what might be irritating. But here goes.
Nominally, I am back. I have resisted making this announcement for a while now because I find I'm still absurdly anxious about RPing with people--actually interacting with people generally-- because I was burnt out very badly in the past year and I don't want that to happen again. It was especially back because that burnout came on the heels of another, much more serious burnout. A brief interlude between total emotional exhaustion. It's not anyone's fault, it's just bad circumstances. I have a lot of trouble asking for a little space, it's kind of easier just to go broadly AWOL. That is a personality flaw that I can only work on by diving back in.
I'm still the only able-bodied person in my household. I'm taking care of my mom and dad who both have pretty significant medical issues, and while my sister pulls her share of weight, most of the time we're focusing on different aspects of keeping things running. Among other things, she is physically incapable of doing some of the things that need doing. I'm the only one who can wrangle my dad's wheelchair up and down the stairs and in and out of the car, for example. One of my sister's arms can only bear a very little bit of weight, and frankly she's always teetering on the edge of overstimulation. She needs to be able to trust that I can pull my own weight.
This is where I worry about how much info is too much, but I'm saying this for my own peace of mind. I have real responsibilities. And I need to convince myself of that because if I don't, then I mess up my priorities and burn out again. The problem with ingrained people-pleasing behavior is that it's rarely something that gets negative feedback, which means if I don't stop myself nobody else will. Nobody else can.
If RP starts feeling like another job, I will want to avoid it. I could bite the bullet and force myself for a while, but that'd just grind me down again. As much as I hate to say it, sustainable roleplay is going to mean focusing on some threads and plots just because I, personally, want to. I really wish I could be the kind of person who can just be whatever my partner wants when they want it, but I can't keep that up very long. Again, it's the all or nothing pattern I need to break out of.
I feel really bad about this because in practice it's going to mean my attention will not be perfectly divided and "fair". And if you notice I'm paying attention to a handful of RPs in particular... you'll be right. Part of this has to do with the fact that there's a small group of people on this site I have known for over a decade, and I feel safer with them. They know who they are. For me feelings of safety correlate pretty strongly with how much energy I need to expend to keep a thread going.
What I desperately want to avoid is people feeling insulted that I don't feel as secure in playing with them, because I'm sure it's kind of galling when you're being the picture of tolerance and patience but I'm still kind of scared of you. That's just... my default state. In some ways it would feel "fairer" to just have that reaction to everyone all the time, but I don't, and it is hurting me to deny myself what few healthy interactions I can manage for fear of being "unfair".
By default people make me nervous. I'm medicated for it, I'm going to therapy for it, I'm doing my best to ameliorate it. It's not your fault I have the reactions I do, but brute-forcing myself into ignoring the anxiety does not work. You can be the sweetest, most patient person on earth, but I have had very bad past experiences that leave me paranoid and edgy, my brain just isn't used to being out of panic mode, and that is tiring.
So if you see me playing with other people, or just generally posting stuff rather than jumping into things with you... please don't take it personally. I just miss the days when I could come here and not feel like if I can't play with everyone I shouldn't play with anyone. I miss feeling like I can just randomly do dash commentary without it necessitating a bunch of other interaction. Limited spoons, and all that. I want to be sure to save a couple of those just for me.
If you feel neglected, talk to me about it? Because then we can have a little conversation about trying to fit you in, and I will feel safer for knowing you can just talk to me. That'll create positive associations that will make it easier to keep interacting.
So. I should stop rambling. Just wanted to get this all out. Not under the cut for maximum visibility.
nickname(s): Ick
zodiac: Pisces, Metal Ram
last movie i saw: I think technically The Cheap Detective. Really good comedy with Peter Falk.
last thing i googled: Tylwyth Teg
favourite musician: Warren Zevon, maybe?
song stuck in my head: Number Go Up by The Stupendium.
other blogs: This is the only one that really matters atm.
do i get asks: Occasionally.
following: 54, the vast majority of which haven't been active in two or three years at least.
amount of sleep: I don't keep track of this because it makes my insomnia worse.
lucky number: 18
what i’m wearing: Grey T-shirt and grey swim trunks. My equivalent of pjs.
dream job: If I could earn a living wage as library support staff that'd be great. I really liked being able to sort of bounce around departments as needed.
dream trip: I wanna go back to Germany, I guess.
favourite food: Genuinely don't know.
play any instruments: I am largely devoid of meaningful abilities.
languages: Somehow I ended up better at German than Spanish. Which I guess does make a certain amount of sense, but I never would have imagined it.
favourite songs: Shen Khar Venakhi, especially the arrangement in Civilization 6. Spem in Alium by Thomas Talis. Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow by the Shirelles. Bei Mir Bistu Shein by Jacob Jacobs and Shalom Secunda.
random fact: Philosophical pessimist and horror writer Thomas Ligotti somehow slingshots me into a better mood.
describe yourself as aesthetic things: Urban decay, a rocky New England coastline, saltmarshes between suburbia, the inside of a reconstructed 19th century whaling ship, moss and lichen reclaiming fallen wood, a dandelion growing in pavement, an ornamental tree with too much dead wood. A grumpy little toad hiding in an old stone wall.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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I've written and deleted this several times now. Comes down to not knowing how much information is too much. Not in a real TMI sorta way, more not knowing what's really relevant. And, to be honest, what might be irritating. But here goes.
Nominally, I am back. I have resisted making this announcement for a while now because I find I'm still absurdly anxious about RPing with people--actually interacting with people generally-- because I was burnt out very badly in the past year and I don't want that to happen again. It was especially bad because that burnout came on the heels of another, much more serious burnout. A brief interlude between total emotional exhaustion. It's not anyone's fault, it's just bad circumstances. I have a lot of trouble asking for a little space, it's kind of easier just to go broadly AWOL. That is a personality flaw that I can only work on by diving back in.
I'm still the only able-bodied person in my household. I'm taking care of my mom and dad who both have pretty significant medical issues, and while my sister pulls her share of weight, most of the time we're focusing on different aspects of keeping things running. Among other things, she is physically incapable of doing some of the things that need doing. I'm the only one who can wrangle my dad's wheelchair up and down the stairs and in and out of the car, for example. One of my sister's arms can only bear a very little bit of weight, and frankly she's always teetering on the edge of overstimulation. She needs to be able to trust that I can pull my own weight.
This is where I worry about how much info is too much, but I'm saying this for my own peace of mind. I have real responsibilities. And I need to convince myself of that because if I don't, then I mess up my priorities and burn out again. The problem with ingrained people-pleasing behavior is that it's rarely something that gets negative feedback, which means if I don't stop myself nobody else will. Nobody else can.
If RP starts feeling like another job, I will want to avoid it. I could bite the bullet and force myself for a while, but that'd just grind me down again. As much as I hate to say it, sustainable roleplay is going to mean focusing on some threads and plots just because I, personally, want to. I really wish I could be the kind of person who can just be whatever my partner wants when they want it, but I can't keep that up very long. Again, it's the all or nothing pattern I need to break out of.
I feel really bad about this because in practice it's going to mean my attention will not be perfectly divided and "fair". And if you notice I'm paying attention to a handful of RPs in particular... you'll be right. Part of this has to do with the fact that there's a small group of people on this site I have known for over a decade, and I feel safer with them. They know who they are. For me feelings of safety correlate pretty strongly with how much energy I need to expend to keep a thread going.
What I desperately want to avoid is people feeling insulted that I don't feel as secure in playing with them, because I'm sure it's kind of galling when you're being the picture of tolerance and patience but I'm still kind of scared of you. That's just... my default state. In some ways it would feel "fairer" to just have that reaction to everyone all the time, but I don't, and it is hurting me to deny myself what few healthy interactions I can manage for fear of being "unfair".
By default people make me nervous. I'm medicated for it, I'm going to therapy for it, I'm doing my best to ameliorate it. It's not your fault I have the reactions I do, but brute-forcing myself into ignoring the anxiety does not work. You can be the sweetest, most patient person on earth, but I have had very bad past experiences that leave me paranoid and edgy, my brain just isn't used to being out of panic mode, and that is tiring.
So if you see me playing with other people, or just generally posting stuff rather than jumping into things with you... please don't take it personally. I just miss the days when I could come here and not feel like if I can't play with everyone I shouldn't play with anyone. I miss feeling like I can just randomly do dash commentary without it necessitating a bunch of other interaction. Limited spoons, and all that. I want to be sure to save a couple of those just for me.
If you feel neglected, talk to me about it? Because then we can have a little conversation about trying to fit you in, and I will feel safer for knowing you can just talk to me. That'll create positive associations that will make it easier to keep interacting.
So. I should stop rambling. Just wanted to get this all out. Not under the cut for maximum visibility.
Mkay, so.
I am tentatively saying I'm back. But I'm going to do a State of the Blog post later talking about how I'm going to go forward with activity here. Nothing big and scary, just looking at how I can avoid burnout again, because it genuinely lasted over a year. The little bits I posted in the interim I don't count because they didn't involve much interactivity. I am going to publish a few things in the meantime, but do wait until I've got the announcement out before asking me questions.
