Story of my life

You would think he’d be good,

Wouldn’t you?

No

He wasn’t

Maybe he wanted me dead

Maybe he wanted me stronger

Maybe he did not want me at all

All the time

I hear it all the time

He’s my bloodline

He didn’t do it to hurt me

But what if he did?

You wouldn’t last an hour

In the asylum where they raised me

They don’t understand

As if blood cannot break you

I kept my good name

They don’t get to tell me things

Is it a wonder I broke?

Let’s hear one more joke

Then we could all just laugh until I cry

I am what I am

Because he trained me

I was tame I was gentle

Until the circus lights made me mean

Now I am left with no teeth

I am left with no soul

But I’m done

I’m done

He does not get to rule my life

He does not get to live in my head forever

I’m strong as I am

I used to be cringe

In the city that I grew in

Just to fit in

Just to be accepted

I used to be cringe

Whenever i had fun

Whenever i hang out with my friends

Whenever i loved too much

Now,

Cringe sounds like happiness

Work and life has consumed us

Until joy itself becomes embarrassing

Until we silence the parts of us

That once made us shine

That cringe somehow

Sounds nice

But to be cringe

Is to be whatever

To dance in the streets

To love too deeply

Even when they laugh

Even when they stare

To be cringe

Is to be free

Free from expectations

Free from judgmental eyes

Free from shrinking yourself

To fit into someone else’s world

I used to dream of buying mansions

In the city where they act

In the movies that i loved

Now,

Somehow

Who i want to be is

Cringe

I want to be cringe

I want to be free

Even when they stare

Maybe,

Cringe means happiness

So high it touches the sky

So fierce it never crumbles

So beautiful it shines

Dreams

These are dreams

Because

A skyscraper so fierce

Never falls

I had a reign

Castles

Looked invincible

Looked like greatness

It used to be great

Got too caught up

I fear

I have fallen from grace

And here I sit alone

Behind walls of regret

Castles are gone

I would like to stop dreaming

But what is it left from it?

There’s nothing

There’s emptiness

I’ll find the answer the day after

They find that sense of purpose in life

We so long try to fulfill

They give such a sense of realization

It makes me want to cry

In the good way,

I have this pearl

That blinds me with her shine

That carries the sea in her smile

That burns so bright

This pearl

Oh my pearl

She’s as beautiful as a shell

Left shining by the sea

Bright as sun

My pearl loves musicals

We watch them together

Rewatch every single one

This pearl

Is so precious because

It’s so rare

I grew up with this pearl

Cried with her

And shined with her

We both long that sense of purpose

So we watch every musical to exist

I was high

in the sky

With Lima under me

Are there still beautiful things?

There are

Of course there are

My Dorothea is one of them

And I’ve been meaning to tell you

I think your house is haunted

Your dad is always mad

And that must be why

I think you should come live with me

And we can be pirates

Then you won’t have to cry my Dorothea

You’re sweet as honey

And brave as ice

Come with me Dorothea

And we’ll escape these nightmares

We’ll fight monsters

We’ll tame dragons

Just to escape

That I’d be so bad I’d get diagnosed with a disorder

Turns out

I have a disorder

Mixed anxiety and depressive disorder

Turns out

The way I’d crawl into the floor wasn’t normal

Nor were the hits I’d deliver to my head

Thinking I had to punish myself

I thought

That if someone saw how grave is my state

They would understand

Or at least try to

Turns out

Mom just gets frustrated

Dad says I have to grow up

My brother says I know what to do and is the only support I really have at home

But what can I do when he isn’t home most of the time?

What can I do alone?

I’ve always done it alone

That’s why not a soul at home really knows me

That’s why you don’t know me dad

Because when I trusted you with this you’d just get mad

Now I can’t trust you with my soul

I hope you learn

I can’t keep waiting

It’s killing me

Time is killing me

I just wanted to disappear

To melt away

I just hope

God bless us everyone

We’re a broken people living under a loaded gun

And it can’t be outfought

It can’t be outdone

It can’t be outmatched

God save us everyone

Will we burn inside the fire of a thousand suns?

For the sins of our hand

For the sins of our tongue

For the sins of our father

The sins of our young

Will we burn inside the fire of a thousand suns?

Lift me up,

One valve

Pumping the blood

We were the flood

We were the body

Everything is temporary

Everything will slide

Love will never die

Seasons they will change

Life will make you grow

I know that

Birds fly in different directions

I hope to see you again

So fly high

Fly high

Fly high until I look up

And you’re right there

Like we were before

I’ll fly high,

We’re not different

We’re not

Just like you said, dear

The world is built

To make us believe

We are miles away

But we’re not.

We survive

Everywhere all around the globe

We fight

We fight the same

In France and in Japan

Same as here

We’re the same kind

Same species

And one day,

We’ll leave this land

And only memories will be left behind

So we cherish them

I thought my house was haunted

I used to live with ghosts

Until you came

Your music

It connects people

It serves the right purpose

The one you created it for

Never thought

A song would be a hymn

Much less one from evolve

But just like it says

I’ll rise up

I have never felt this much rage

Not ever

I’ve always been controlled

I always have it under control

That’s what my own parents taught me

Just how they don’t let go when they hurt me,

I don’t let go

I turn the sound off

I call it a mantra

“They don’t matter”

I look in their eyes

And say “yes, I’ll try”

That’s how I stay put

No rage, no sadness left for them

But

That one who claims to be your brother?

He infuriates me

So, so much

I have been hit, yes

Lifted up by my hair

But never had to take a punch in the head

“Calm down”?

Sorry makes it up?

No

It can’t be outdone

You can’t outrun it

And the day we break free

and maybe these words will never reach you.

But I still want to say thank you.

Thank you for your music,

for sharing that part of yourself with the world.

Sometimes it makes the silence feel less heavy,

and it makes people like me feel a little less alone.

There are nights when all I can do

is look up at the moon

and imagine an invisible hug somewhere in the distance.

And somehow, your voice feels like part of that comfort.

I know you struggle too.

I know you’re human,

just like the rest of us.

I won’t romanticize that pain.

But if there is someone

who can make people breathe a little easier

just by being who they are,

I think that might be you.

Your music, your sincerity,

the way you reach people you’ll never meet,

it gathers strangers

and turns them into something that feels like a family.

For whatever that is worth,

thank you.

For your music.

For your kindness.

For being you.

Oh theodosia

You’re delicate such flower

And strong as gold

This world is cruel

Oh so cruel

It has hurt me for so long

and you will suffer it too

My theodosia

Be careful of the people

Of the things they will say

We’re the same, dear

I know the words that float around

I know they’ll hurt

Like a dagger to the heart

But hear me well

Don’t be so afraid

I know the choices

That we make

Can feel so cemented

On the path we may take

But hear me well

This world Has taught us to move forward

To move on

But what happens when you can’t?

What happens when you can barely move?

When my back is against the wall?

You stay frozen

Conflicted