Maul Simp Extraordinaire

normally i enjoy creating and participating in pride content, but this year I really didn't feel it. partially because the state of the world, but also because of my personal situation. this is my first year after coming out as transmasc among my friends, and honestly? i'm struggling 😵 most of the time i feel like i'm faking it, and i'm not a guy and i never will be. i don't feel comfortable acting the way i want to, and i rarely refer to myself as a guy.

a lot of this is because i'm not in a situation where it's safe/comfortable for me to be fully out, and that makes me internalize a lot of those feelings, and often times i assume that no one else is taking me seriously, either.

there have been many times that i felt that it would be better for me to 'go back' to being a girl, even though I have honestly never felt like one. Even as a child i played pretend as a boy, dressed as one, and even cut my hair off to look like one when i was like seven LMFAO there was a period where I was VERY feminized, but i think that was to make everyone else happy. because it was what i was supposed to do.

so I guess I feel like i'm failing and faking it for attention, that i'm just some confused weird girl who's fetishizing gay and trans men. I don't want to feel that way, but it's really difficult for me to embrace myself and my identity.