Our love is god

There’s Owen “I killed 2,799 people who I personally knew since childhood and who personally and viciously wronged me and took away my reason for living, and I don’t feel bad about it at all, I would do it all over again, why would I ever feel bad about my sins, they all hurt me first, they all deserve it, why are you looking at me with pity and disappointment, there was nothing else I could have done, I refuse to let anyone get away with that level of cruelty, I’ll go to hell a thousand times if it means I can make them suffer a fraction or the pain that my loved one felt in his dying moments, I’ll never repent, I’ll never seek forgiveness or accept the very same light that would damn someone as kind as him, we’re all monsters in the end, and I’ll drag us all down together to suffer the same fate”

And Legundo “I killed over 6,000 people in the most slow and horrific way, people who I did not personally know or have reason to care about, under orders I could have disobeyed but chose not to because it was the only way to end the war, and that decision haunts me every moment of my life and I reformed my whole existence around trying to do more good than the harm I’ve caused, even though I know nothing I do will ever fix it but that’s no excuse to just lay down and die, I have a penance to pay and by god I will pay it before the end, it’s the only thing letting me keep a grip on my sanity, and I’m terrified of how close I keep getting pulled to that edge”

And Cleo “I have killed well over 80,000 people, under duress and magical compulsion that I literally could not resist, at an age when I was too young to have any power over my circumstances, and I wish for death every day, this world would be better without me, and part of me also lowkey wishes that I never escaped because it was easier to be helpless, even though all I wanted was the freedom to make my own choices and not hurt anyone ever again, and now that I have that freedom I’m so scared of losing it again, I’m scared that I’m broken and will become the thing I tried to leave behind, I need someone to guide me and keep me on the right path and at the same time I don’t want anyone to look at me with anything like kindness ever again”

And Pearl “I only kill people who kill people, I make no distinction between humans and monsters, I give no allowance for being weak or cursed or taking vengeance or preventing more death or being unable to control yourself in the moment, it’s entirely your fault for raising your hand to another living being, no I don’t care if that vampire killed your family, I said what I said and I expect you to do what I did and be the better person, what’s a moral quandary, why are you mad at me, why is it so hard for you to just stop, look it’s so easy to stop, why are you making this complicated, just be a good person, it’s literally not even hard, will you all just stop-”

And Avid “I killed exactly one person in my life, and it was entirely my fault and my choice and my circumstances that caused it, and I’m so desperate to shift the blame that I will attack everyone but myself because it’s killing me to know I could have maybe prevented it, but I didn’t, and I accept all of the blame but also none of the blame because really it was Them who caused her to attack me, it’s Their fault, she wasn’t herself, I wasn’t killing her, I was only killing a Monster, there’s nothing inherently wrong with that, shut up, it’s not my fault (or maybe it actually was, maybe I’m just a murderer, maybe it should have been me all along, I wish someone would blame me and call me the monster that I am)”

And Drift “it’s my job to help people and imprison criminals, but the second that my life was personally threatened, I ran away and I feel so guilty for it because now there’s no one to stop the killer I was hunting, now every death that happens at the killer’s hands is on my conscience, because I could have stopped it or at least tried, but I didn’t, I ran away and I’m paralyzed at the thought of going back, I can’t face the reality of my own death, there’s nothing in this world worth sacrificing my life for, and I hate that I learned this about myself, I wanted to think I was strong and I was putting my life on the line to help others, but I just found out I’m the kind of coward who would let other people die to protect myself, and I am not okay, I look at the people around me and see them making hard choices and wonder where they found the strength, and then I wonder when I started equating strength with killing people, what is wrong with me, I wish I could be more like them, they make killing look so easy”

And Pyro “I have killed one person in my life, in a moment of uncontrollable rage, after years of enduring physical and emotional and mental abuse, and being told to just swallow it and be civil to my tormentor, until it all finally coalesced and pushed me to fight back, and I don’t know to this day if I was aiming to kill him or not, if something in me just snapped or if it was purely an accident and now I’m trying to take control and rationalize after the fact, I’ve never had control in my life, everything’s always been decided for me, I’ve been told over and over that I’m weak and stupid and impulsive, too emotional, not intellectual, I don’t belong in high society despite being born there, despite not having a choice, is it so wrong that I want to claw out a place for myself, why is it only wrong when I do violence, yet everyone else around me can commit violence against me without any consequence at all, I’ll show them what consequences look like, I’ll show them the beast they all claim to despise”

And Shelby “I’ve been told all my life about these creatures that are not human, these bedtime stories about killers and monsters and demons that I’m supposed to fear, yet they were told to me by the gentle voice of my dad, so of course I find comfort in tales of the dark, of course I want to find these monsters that are pushed to the fringes of society and make them all my friends, what do you mean they’re evil, can you blame them, maybe they’re just lonely, did you even think of that, maybe they just need someone to hold their hand and give them a hug and tell them that they don’t have to be alone anymore, maybe they just need to know that someone believes in them and cares about them, why else would they keep trying to steal away humans in the night, I would go with them if they asked, of course I would, I would kill people too if I was left all alone like that, why not, why does that shock you so much, do I really look that innocent to you, I’ll do anything if it means having a family again, I will tear apart anyone who tries to take my family away”

And Apo “of course I have morals, of course I have standards, I’m a soldier (I never wanted to be one) and I’m a good person (I try so hard to be one) and I want to help these stupid people and do the job I’ve been given to the best of my ability, except that the minute I take any action at all, I get told that it was the wrong choice, the immoral choice, why would you ever do that, you monster, you’re so selfish, were you even thinking before you did that (I agonize over every choice I make) but can’t they see that my intentions were good even if I messed up, doesn’t that count for something, why is forgiveness allowed for literal murderers and not me, fuck it, I’m abandoning my morals, it’s not like they got me anywhere, I might as well serve myself like everyone else is doing, only one person has ever understood me and I fucking love her and I’ll do anything to get back to her, oh my god why are you yelling at me again, you’re making it so damn hard to be a good person right now, I’m so tempted to just-”

And Scott “oh yeah, I’ve massacred civilizations, it was all the rage back in the day, it’s all I’ve ever known, I was born to power and I spent my life and unlife reaching for more power because why would I ever do anything else, moral quandary what’s that, never heard of her, don’t know her, I make all of your kill counts combined look laughable, if I ever had feelings and emotions they were buried a long time ago, yeah I had friends, they were all just like me, I made them just like me, I’m not out to enslave or torment anyone, I’m literally just over here living my best life, you should try it sometime, you should try not giving a shit, it’s great, it’s amazing, I promise my mental state is perfectly stable and not at all on the verge of total collapse after the loss of one fledgling, I’m not at all being overprotective of my remaining fledglings and considering altering my entire way of life and flipping my moral compass just because my new friends asked me nicely if we could please not massacre anyone, I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m totally fine you guys, I’m not looking back at my kill count and seeing the tsunami of repressed emotion about to sneak up and riptide me, I’m fine-”

And Sausage “of course I think about killing people, I’m a writer, it’s my job to think about these things, I spend all my days and nights hunched over a desk doing research and using fiction as a medium to explore all kinds of taboo topics, isn’t it kind of interesting to see what the human mind can come up with, isn’t it fun to think about how the only thing stopping most of us from being killers is a silly little thing like laws and morals, what do you mean that’s just me, you’re lying, I know you’re lying, everyone fantasizes about what they would do if they had unlimited power and no one to stop them from killing everyone who mildly annoys them, it’s totally normal for me to run off into the wilderness and throw myself at a vampire and beg to be turned, we all secretly want it, I’m just the only one not pretending anymore, come on, come play with me, I know it’s getting a little real now and I’m actually kind of scared, but I don’t know how to turn back now, I don’t know if I can or if I want to, I can’t even do the cool metaphorical thing of looking in the mirror to see what I’m becoming, please someone tell me that it’s not too late to turn back”

And Martyn “you see the thing about morals is, you assume I have them, I don’t or I try not to, it gets in the way of getting what I want, which right now is a safe place to lay my head, I’ll stay here for awhile, why not, these people look nice and gullible, I can tell them any sob story I want and they’ll accept it, they’ve actually been more kind of me than I expected, they’ve gone out of their way to look out for me and keep me fed and safe, and I keep looking for the underlying motive in their actions and coming up with nothing, and it’s hitting me now after realizing the danger we’re all in that a lot of them are genuinely good people stuck in bad circumstances and I don’t want them to die just for that, I’ve been there, I always wished someone had been there to help me, so I’ll gear up and do whatever it takes to get us all to safety, I’ve never been the hero in any story before and I’m finding it’s actually nice to feel like I’m strong and I have someone to protect, I’ll make the decisions that they won’t, I’ll hold them up when they falter, I’ll be the light in the dark, and for just a brief moment I’ll get to see what it’s like to be on this side of things, the one that stays instead of the one that runs away”

And Abolish “you see the thing about morals is, not everyone can afford them, and I get that, I really do get it, this world is not a kind one, I’ve experienced that for myself and you do what you have to for the sake of survival, it becomes purely a numbers game, there are people with power and people without it and the scales won’t be balanced unless some of these people with power actually get up and start doing things for the benefit of the rest, I never expected to be one of those people with the power, it kind of snuck up on me, but I’m here now so I might as well do the job, there’s no point in making this world worse but there is a purpose in making it better, I don’t really know if I’m making it better or not, I’m definitely doing more killing than I care to, and I’m so damn tired all the time, honestly just point me at the monsters and hand me a crossbow, I’ll deal with it as fast as I can and try not to think too much about the moral implications of it all, I just hope that if my soul ever becomes corrupted or if I go off the proverbial deep end, there’ll be someone else ready to stand in my way and do what has to be done, please don’t make me explain my reasoning to you, it’s both simple and complicated, and please for the love of god, don’t make me kill you”