I cant say Im 100% happy seeing others around me being so happy in love. I cant. At least for this part of my life.
I have been giving lots of thought to figure out why others have it & I dont. And regardless how much I try to see things from many angles, I always end up giving the verdict to myself for not having anyone with me.
But what could possibly be the reason?
My brother said if u want it, you should pray & ask for it. I have been. But nothing happened. No one shows up.
So when others did the same thing & something happened & when I did it, it only got worse, then I guess it’s my problem isnt it?
It does sound like a pathetic woman complaing about not having anyone for herself & if you know me in real life, you would not imagine me doing it. I feel ashamed of myself writing these words too I have to admit.
I dont want random casual dates anymore.
I want someone that I can share vulnerable moments with. Someone to see through me, despite how fierce or strong I try to prove to the world. I want falling asleep & waking up together not worrying whether its the last time we see each other. I want those fights that we can be who we really are & we put our ego away at the end of the day to say how much we love each other still & let work it out.
Am I too greedy wanting so much? Is it why I cannot have anyone for myself?
Or I just dont deserve one?
