god i was so scared last night like it's seriously embarrassing. i joined call at 7:50 and was waiting so excited to talk to him and then there was nothing and i was just waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting and he didn't go online and didn't text me back and i was so scared i couldn't stop crying and losing my mind and then i was like ok let's act like this is no big deal now that he's back after i waited like 3 hours in call. oh my god i don't even think he would have been upset at me if i had said it upset me, cuz like it's not even really his fault? i mean im not mad at him for it it was just really frightening and not being able to get ahold of him is really a lot for my codependent dog idiot brain to comprehend. and the idea of him coming home from such a long day to me bitching was so humiliating i didn't wanna do it because i love him and i didn't wanna add to a bad day and i wanted to support him but then i got so fixated on that one comment about me saying im sorry that i literally couldn't stop thinking about it all night and had another panic attack about it this morning. there's something fucked with my head like seriously. how am i supposed to reconcile with it? like how do i fix it? because im starting to think im just an objectively bad person/bad partner. i feel like i lack the skills to make him ever feel better, and all my attempts fall flat because i suck and im just too stupid. like i think that's seriously the problem. genuinely im just not smart especially not emotionally or socially and congrats to me for managing to dupe him into thinking i was long enough to get this far but i feel like there's no way he's not gonna get sick of me soon. but im so excited to see him, i want to see him so bad, and thinking about all this while i literally should be packing is SO. DUMB. of me but i just can't calm down and im so worked up and low on energy and weak and sick and stupid. so yeah
theartofmadeline
origamiaround
kianamaiart
turnnoffyourmind
