I need to talk desperately about Hananoi because heās been on mind for almost a year this is insane
This kid really had parents that neglected him emotionally, sure he had the attention and love of his grandma and the rest of his family but he was so desperate for his parents love
He understood they were good people trying to help others but even then you can never really blame him for wanting them to chose him once, and this is where his problems and trauma with attachment begin
He always felt less than others, that if someone didnāt choose him that meant they didnāt love him and itās crazy how he knows this way of thinking is wrong because he knows people have families and friends and other stuff going on in their lives; he doesnāt have that so itās really easy for him to choose his special someone first and then expect them to do the same
And the fact that he was serial dater is so insane to me too, because he says he always liked the girls he was with, he was never with them just for the fun of it he truly liked them and wanted to be with them and he never thought he came off as needy or clingy because thatās just what makes sense for him, thatās his default behavior when his in love, he canāt help becoming infatuated or possessive because those are things that bring him comfort and that make sense for him; he knows his way of loving is different but heās not exactly sure how to love ānormallyā
When he and Hotaru begin to date he still shows this behavior, heās clingy, heās extreme, he always goes the extra mile and does things for Hotaru even if she didnāt ask him to do (cutting his hair, finding her hair clip in the snow) because for him being constantly helpful and being needed by the person he loves is his way of making sure heās not getting replaced or abandoned
Hotaru is confused because sheās never been in love before so sheās not sure what considered ānormalā or what is not so she trusts Hananoi on teaching her that stuff; they really are bpd x demiromantic fr š
Hananoi knows Hotaru is new to relationships and love and while he tells her all the things that are love to him he also doesnāt stop Hotaru from discovering what love means for herself; he even berates himself when he thinks Hotaru should love like he does, he knows itās not okay and he knows he doesnāt want to make her love him that way
A bit of manga spoilers!!
He gets better later on, he still has a lot of issues and problems he needs to deal with, but he manages to open up to others, he manages to have friends, to get along with Hotaruās friends, even her childhood friend because he knows Hotaru is surrounded by love and he is happy she is because he never got to feel like he was surrounded by love, not just romantic love but platonic and from a family
I wonāt get in too much detail because I wanna talk about this in another post but they are going through a rough patch, mostly because of a misunderstanding and miscommunication (typical shoujo moment) but also because Hananoi relapsed a bit on his process (as of now, chapter 61) and to be honest I really appreciate that because yeah, sometimes you relapse, you go back to your old ways of thinking because progress isnāt linear, also because Hananoi got horribly triggered
And ALSO I love how he doesnāt want Hotaru to have bad habits because of him, he loved that she wanted to be closer to him physically but not because he was feeling down, he wanted to feel close to her because she truly wanted it, not to make him feel better, he said ādonāt use your body to cheer me upā which just makes me think if he at some point did the same with his past relationships because he seems much more experienced in that matter; he knows some of his behaviors are not healthy and he doesnāt want Hotaru to have them because he cares about her and wants to have a healthy and happy relationship with her
I think I really appreciate how the whole series shows how Hananoi deals with his trauma and all the problematic thoughts he has, I like that they acknowledge how flawed this way of thinking is conflicting, specially to Hananoi because he wants to get better he just doesnāt really know how and also he wants someone to put him first because of the years of neglect he went through and those are two facts that can coexist
Hananoi is not inherently bad for wanting to feel wanted and loved as a result of his trauma but they still show how much responsibility and agency he has by showing the decisions he makes based on his trauma, some of them donāt make sense to other but they do to him and itās even better when he tries to change for the better
I could talk for hours about this series but I think Iāll just make separate posts about specific stuff cause this show makes me insane
