Mused: Forced Reflection

The Walkmen "While I Shovel The Snow"

Una persona muy sabia me dijo que nadie ni nada me puede quitar mi dominicanidad. Que yo soy más dominicana que aquel que la quiere arrebatar de mi corazón. Que soy más dominicana que aquella que m...

Some things take me by surprise- like the overwhelming sadness I'm feeling right now after unexpectedly losing our family cat a few hours ago- her trouble breathing, her last meow, a last yelp and suddenly the last 13 plus years with her keep flashing before my eyes. I had gotten her specifically so my young family could share more of our love. She was a 'saved' cat-- a cat small for her age due to neglect and abuse that was taken in by my sister-in-law in her shelter in Pennsylvania. We went for an overnight visit there at some time and I, always toying with the idea of getting a pet, fell in love with this little shy grey cat. She kept herself away from the other cats. She was fearful of crumpling noises, strangers and any attention. For some reason I felt drawn to her. I told my sister-in-law that I wanted her and within a few weeks, my brother-in-law did a loving act of kindness and drove her all the way to Rhode Island.  Bebe, her name that we decided to keep, ran out of the carrier as soon as she could and hid behind the clothes dryer. No amount of coaxing could get her to come out.  I called my sister-in-law in a panic. She calmed me and told me not to worry--"At some point she'll get hungry and come out."  So we left food out for her and we all tried to keep a lid on the excitement of having a new family member. She took her time to come out.  In fact so long, that we all went to bed without seeing her come out from behind the dryer.  We had to explain to the girls that it would take time for Bebe to adjust to her new home and that everything would be ok.  We settled into our beds hoping that the next day we'd get to actually play with her.  It wasn't long though before I felt a gentle thud near my feet on the bed.  At first I was startled. It was dark after all and I was in my first sleep.  I woke up to see Bebe on the bed crawling towards us, exploring with her nose close to the sheets.  That night she slept near our feet on the bed something I never imagined I would let an animal do.  And now, that is what I will miss the most. And her welcome pose at the top of the stairs. And her royal pose near the window sill.  And the way she stuck with us through all the ups and downs showing us that love is a dynamic force.  Good to know that she is now resting in peace.

Wildfire (Interlude) (feat. Frank Ocean) John Mayer, Paradise Valley Only a nascent trying to harness huge fire Out on the beach in the darkness starting bonfire So gorgeous, a man might cry Burning trees in the basement, start a cool fire Feel my heartbeat racing, baby you're on fire So gorgeous, a man might cry Back in Paris you told me you were suicidal It's not a vacation if I lose you to the Eiffel You're gorgeous but you can't fly A hidden admirer sent me roses white as fire We took our handfuls it was war, flower fighter Wildfire Wildfire Wildfire Wildfire

I've had this homemade sign up in my different classrooms for the past so many years.  Every so often I re-read it, each time happily surprised by its potent message.

A friend re-posted this from Just Mike the Poet today on Instagram. It grabbed my heart right away.  This is one for me to meditate on not because I struggle to forgive but because the pain of the damage is sometimes unbearable. I so desperately want to let go of it.

http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Oprah-Talks-to-Thich-Nhat-Hanh/7 

August 21, 2013

Heartbreak Warfare, JM song