Yamii Lyfe

But is starting from Zero as bad as it seems? Learning to do things differently in order to have a different out come. I mean to all honesty I feel personally that sometimes it’s not as bad as it seems, maybe starting all over is not as bad as you think and it may be the best choice you can make. When it comes down to it in reality life is hard and no matter what you do somethings are meant to be and something are just learning lessons. 

Though the whole peer pressure kicks in where society is telling you unconsciously hey don’t forget that your getting older by the minute and tomorrow is never promised. So in regards to life you only have one job “Do Whatever the Fuck you want” because in all honesty the majority people don’t give a dam about you and the ones who do only want the best for you. So fuck it be happy for you, go get fucked up if that’s what you like to do, go have a baby if you want, go out, have an adventure, take the trip of a life time, or just be at home and become a couch potato. Because In Regards to life nothing is permanent and in occasions not even memories.

Who am I to you? I've asked you a millions times before, the answers you give don't add up. So Who Am I Really To You? I've found myself time and time again asking this question trying to understand. I'm confused and a little disappointed because by now you should have a clear picture on who I am, what am I in your life. The sad truth is that I shouldn't feel that I should question what I am worth it your world, but here I am. Even sadder News is that you seem to hesitate to reassure me that everything is okay. So many things I'm upset about and yet I shit my mouth, am I afraid? It may be, it can be but why? Words can't always mean something if the actions to those words are two separate meanings. You can not expect for someone to believe you on a word while you perceive it in a different movement. And I might be crazy or a little insane to say I'm still waiting to know "Who am I to you?

I've Spent Months Now Trying To Figure You Out. Trying To Make Sense Of Your Actions, Though I End Up Even More Confuse Than How I Began. I Don't Like To Be The Person Who Always Assumes Things And Situations That Don't Come Close To The Truth. To Be Realistic It Seems You Can Careless As Time Goes By, but honestly it seems I've come to feel the same way to.

Wouldn't it be nice if you can just grab your keys and just drive? Drive where you ask? Well, anywhere I mean anywhere seems like a better place than here right? Especially if you feel trapped and frustrated where nothing seems to get better or the "okay" feeling is temporary. It's easy to mask something that you don't feel but we can not fool everyone.

I've Become So Blinded Of My Perception Of Happiness. I Became Overwhelmed With Deception, Rejection, Stress, Fantasies, Lies, Bitterness, Anger. I've Been Thrown To The Bottomless Pit And Left There To Die. Sad Right? But You See I Realized That Even After Feeling At My Worst Feeling Like I Hated Who I Became I Took A Stand And Pushed Through, And Inside That Bottomless Pit I Was Able To Grab On To Something Called Faith In God. You Could Say Part Of Me Did Indeed Died There, My Doubt Died That Moment. Because We Come To This World Be Someone Great To be More Loving And Be More Joyful Half Of Time We Are Not Happy Is Because We Doubt The Moments And Instants That We Are. We Hot To A Step Back And View This Life In The Beauty That It Is. We Are Stronger Than What We Realize But We Have To Really Believe It. Otherwise You Will Be Forever Stuck In The Abyss Of Misery.

I’m fighting the feeling, I even tried ignoring you. And best believe it worked but unfortunately not long enough, for you seem to crawl back in again. Here I go comparing every single string from your end to mines. Just when I feel like I’m winning I’m only losing myself. I try to fight the feeling, that feeling that I start to hate you because I’m feeling so envious of everything you have. And when I do I ask myself why? What do I gain from this? Depriving myself from true self. Always trying to be better than you. I get so worked up and angry because it seems even when I work twice as hard you seem to already went beyond what it took me so long to get. I’m tired of fighting the feeling because I’m tired of competing against you.

It came to me like a drop of rain on a sunny day, as if it waited for me to feel a little happiness in order to feel dragged down hell again. I felt it as it portray to be something else wearing a mask full of show, distracting me from its reality. At first I will not lie it tore me into pieces, torture me deeply it became agony, anger, disappointment and disgrace. My eyes would always end up puffed up and my throat would be taken over by a frog. Eventually the feeling was disappearing and it didn't hit as hard as it used to. Sadly I became to expect less and less as time went by. I sometimes would say it's not fair and why would it always end up this way. But it's a little different this time around, you see I'm pretty sure I shouldn't be feeling this way at all and yet I'm here. I came up into a conclusion to this delusion and that is to being afraid of being empty again.

Christmas time and counting down 7days left and it's still feels like I'm way behind on Christmas shopping... 😔🤔🙄😳

I have not been on here in a long time, just so much have happened but I'm back! 👍🏼😊