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Then that is a separate problem from the apology. Apologize to the person you owe and apology to, and then find someone else to talk to about the self-loathing. It’s not fair to ask someone to juggle both things.

“But I want them to know how bad I feel!”

Then you can say, “I feel really awful about it.” You don’t have to go into any more detail than that.

“But what if they won’t accept my apology unless I really grovel for it?”

acknowledge specifically how your actions harmed someone

clarify that this was not your intention (this is where you can briefly convey that you regret your actions)

state what you intend do in the future so that you don’t do it again

optional sign off: request feedback from the injured party as to whether you’re correct in your understanding of the situation and if your intended course correction will be effective.

DO NOT: offer your pain and suffering as repayment. this is not a currency decent people use. it doesn’t buy anything good.

DO NOT: pre-emptively sacrifice your health, wealth, or safety. it can feel safer and more virtuous to try and set terms before anyone else can, but if you’ve been trained to hurt and degrade yourself to avert worse punishments, then you will be automatically giving away things no one deserves to demand from you.

DO NOT: perform for an audience. apologies are between you and a specific party. if you grovel in front of a crowd, the odds are really good someone will come running over to get their boot on your neck. even a public apology is not an open forum, or an invitation to mob rule.

Asa and her two boyfriends

WE GOT A NEW GAME FROM THE STYLE SAVVY DEVS FINALLY!!