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#y010 generated - things i made

#y010's manufacture - my ocs

#y010 pop-up - talk/ramble

#earth to y010 - answered asks

#beepbloop - reblogs

#wheemper - vent (lighthearted)

#y010's complaining again - vent (serious)

please note that i prefer this↑ sona for general fanart!

it was so viscerally uncomfortable but also just what i wanted to see from jax this entire time in the context of ribbun - how she chooses to perceive gangle.

also i do not associate myself with anyone who had ‘OMG YES THAT'S SO SPICY RIBBUN IS CANON’ as their knee jerk reaction. the first thing i felt about that scene was dread, i still feel dread thinking about that scene, and rewatching it made me cringe into a ball of discomfort. of course it still made me really happy and further cemented me as a ribbun shipper, but that's because it reaffirmed the depth and complexity of ribbun's dynamic, not because jax said ‘let's fuck on your lover's grave’ and that's spicy fanfic material somehow. i think saying that scene implies jax and/or gangle like each other That way is just way too shallow of a reading.

anyway, i guess i'll start by saying that jax's doors, as stated in the finale, are exaggerated, trope-y versions of what she thinks would happen if each member of the circus abstracted. they're obviously not reality, and they're all based on objectified perceptions of each circus member: pomni being an ‘i can fix you’ girl, zooble being angry all the time, gangle secretly being a pervert who likes being bullied. which we know are not true. i can also further say that it's shallow to slap the ‘lovers’ label on zooble and gangle because it discounts what they already have/had even as friends, but then i'd be here all day.

it's an interesting choice to have gangle be in the normal/manic mask again for that sequence. i wonder if it's because jax sees it as a coping mechanism gangle will inevitably fall back on to feel stronger and more in control of situations, which in this case is losing zooble, the one person she feels she can consistently rely on to make her feel truly empowered. and jax fetishizes the idea of making her lose that feigned composure after she's lost her biggest support, kinda like how gangle did to jax back in ep 4 (experiencing that torture sequence with the tv after getting plunged back into the setting of reality). so this entire thing is almost like a revenge fantasy.

there's also jax wearing the maid outfit, which she herself claims is done ironically, which makes me wonder if that entire sequence is also meant to be ironic. i don't have the words to explain how it'd be ironic though.

i think the realest part of that sequence was gangle's strongly emphasized ‘I hate you’, but even that isn't fully accurate. even with everything jax has done to her and her fear and apathy towards her, she still cares about her as a human being, as shown in the finale. but some part of jax believes that's what some part of gangle thinks about her. it's kinda funny how that's also what jax says to pomni when she has to finally open up to her, and i think that's related.

thinking about this in the bigger picture, i'd say this is the final and biggest confirmation that jax has been projecting her insecurities onto gangle this entire time. she's scared of being unraveled (e.g. by ribbit, by pomni), so she fantasizes of unraveling someone else, someone more outwardly fragile like gangle, to feel more in control while she continues masking her own vulnerabilities.

but gangle is already unraveled. she's never hid away from or denied her emotions or weaknesses despite her insecurities. so while jax's abuse does get to her, she never has any sort of reveal of deeper feelings, because she's already honest since the start, unlike jax. it's just that jax keeps thinking gangle has something she needs to hide.

jax cares more about gangle than gangle will ever care about jax, and i think that's beautiful.